Ex's Hatred Against Me!

lifelonglufc

A great 8 month relationship, love, good times but it all turned sour in the end...

But why does an ex girlfriend have to hold such hatred and resentment against me?!

Now I know after breaking up I made a few mistakes...texting her...asking questions...basically not moving on with my life. To be honest I could even say what I said in any of those messages, its a blur to me now...i was just heartbroken! But how can someone suddenly hold that against you with such a passion especially after being so close to that person?

I mean I've moved on now but it kinda annoys me that she can keep such resentment and it annoys me to think that someone has such a problem with me! Im not one to leave things hanging around, I like to try sort things out, but this is hopeless as there is no possibilty of any communication between the two of us.

Another thing is that were both part of a large circle of friends and it often leads to them being caught in between or just feeling uncomfortable.

This sucks, do all relationships end with someone being hurt or angry? Ugh

Is there anything I can do?

Sephiroth_dude

theres not a lot you can do here,if she wont talk to you,then just leave it,why should waste your time and energy running after a girl trying to apoligse when she wont listen?just leave it and get on with your life.

lifelonglufc

Thats what i had done, its been a good three to four months since that relationship ended. I have moved on.

But last weekend it was one of our friends birthday and she sat there silent with a face on her because i was there!
She even told the friend who's birthday it was that he shouldnt get up and come over to talk me (and i quote "you better not think about going over talking to that d*ck")

It's ridiculous that everyone else has to be put out because she has such a problem with me!

Wurly

Nothing you can do OP, sorry.

You cant 'make' someone feel or do anything.

It's her prob tbh and if she wants to hold onto her resentment, then what can you do?

Sorry that it worked out this way but you can hold your head up high and that counts for a lot.

Good friends understand these awkward situations. So long as you don't involve them in the break up, all should be good.

LadyE

AZgee that there is nothing you can do..If she wants to be childish then let her.
Just hold your head up high knowing that your acted like an adult.

estar

who do you think looks like a childish d*ck for not being civil at a get together - her or you?

be polite and let her hang herself by being a child. dont give her any more ammunition by one on one communication with her.

we have all over communicated after a break up when heart broken, you were in love with her. now that period of madness is over, you jsut wnat everything to be civil. if she cannot try and appreciate that, then ignore her
and in time this will fade.

spinandscribble

you remind me of a friends ex i know. basically, you didn't give her the space she needed and by making it all about you and sending her endless messages and calls going nowhere it just showed her you didn't give a crap about her as a person when all she wanted was space. i'm basing that on the fact she probably begged you to leave her alone to heal. if that is not the case then i'm sorry. but theres only so much that can be said after a breakup before its just putting salt in wounds.
until you've been harassed by an ex you really won't understand where she's coming from. i wouldn't wanna be friends with a ex that wouldn't leave me alone either and if you can't remember what you said to her i'd wonder if drink was involved when you sent her those messages.
this friend of mine would receive the most horrible messages from her drunk ex for months and to this day he tells everyone you'd listen that shes a bitch for not wanting to be friends without giving them the full details.
please try to examine the situation unbiased. try to remember what she said and what you said.

Wagon

spinandscribble wrote: »

you remind me of a friends ex i know. basically, you didn't give her the space she needed and by making it all about you and sending her endless messages and calls going nowhere it just showed her you didn't give a crap about her as a person when all she wanted was space.

Quite valid but I don't agree.
If the OP didn't give a crap about her as a person, he would have dumped her.
She hates the OP because it hurt him badly and he didn't go quietly into the night. How dare he be human.

OP there is nothing you can do. I can see both sides of the argument, but I think she's being way out of line telling people not to talk to you. All I can say is ignore her. I made the same mistake as you before after being dumped (calling, clinging on etc...), she told me to piss off but I eventually hated her and then that grew to casual dislike I only talk to her because we hang out with the same people. The point I'm making is, don't force her into friendship. If she wants to be like that, let her. She could just be trying to provoke a reaction. eithr way, carry on with your life. She doesn't have to be part of it.

Overheal

lifelonglufc wrote: »

I mean I've moved on now but it kinda annoys me that she can keep such resentment and it annoys me to think that someone has such a problem with me! Im not one to leave things hanging around, I like to try sort things out, but this is hopeless as there is no possibilty of any communication between the two of us.

Well, this is where you have to work on just dropping it. Yes of course its hard to drop what is otherwise an unresolved issue but I think you know how fruitless it would be to try and "solve" this. Sometimes its just so much easier to forget about it. For example I could keep myself up all night trying to figure out what happens to me when I die, but eventually you just have to say ****it and move on.

MJOR

I think in this case cut your losses and move on. She has no interest in being friends and is hurt.

lifelonglufc

spinandscribble wrote: »

basically, you didn't give her the space she needed and by making it all about you and sending her endless messages and calls going nowhere it just showed her you didn't give a crap about her as a person when all she wanted was space. i'm basing that on the fact she probably begged you to leave her alone to heal.
i wouldn't wanna be friends with a ex that wouldn't leave me alone either and if you can't remember what you said to her i'd wonder if drink was involved when you sent her those messages.
please try to examine the situation unbiased. try to remember what she said and what you said.

ok I take your points, but I can tell you I really did care about her...i loved her. At this point might I add her method of breaking up with me was to treat me like crap for 3 weeks to try find a way out and when she couldnt she just broke up with me by text!

But ya you have fair points, and I always look at this situation unbiased...I really didnt realise I wasnt giving her the space she needed but that doesn't mean I didnt care about her, I never wanted to hurt her or make her angry. I know I made mistakes and am truly sorry for them.

Alcohol was only ever involved on probably one occasion, any other message i sent was more than likely when I was in bed at night feeling quite emotional!

At this stage now though I guess its just the person I am that makes me wanna resolve issues, but I'll probably just leave this one go now.

Even one of her closest friends admitted to me the other night that I'm being a bigger person by not reacting to it and that she's just being childish and stubborn...actually this little speech from one of her closest friends
really surprised me but made me realise I'm better off just saying f*ck it, cut my losses and leaving it as it is because theres nothing else I can do! (I mean that in the nicest way possible )

Im holding my head high and on the lookout for a nice new girly

But if anybody has anymore to add please do!

And thank you all for replying!

Terra

Wouldn't it be sweet justice if you actually got with her friend...

Ah just a silly thought though sorry its not a helpfull one.

Although saying that. Sometimes to resolve bad situations is too make them a little bit worse just to bring them to a head.

Get one of your friends to either say too your ex too cop on and get over herself and stop acting like a child.

Don't talk to her or try and resolve this on your own.

A lot of people will say let it go, but if its something that kinda eats away at you, you don't like the idea of someone hating you like that. Then work out a plan of action too fix things.

Its funny sometimes how physcology works.

For instance a girl hated me years ago. I simply got one of my friends to call her a bitch. thats all. She then came back and apologised.

Why, simply because just like you girls can't stand when other people think badly of them. Its ok for her to hurt you but not if others in her social network too show that they are on your side not hers!

lifelonglufc

Terra wrote: »

Wouldn't it be sweet justice if you actually got with her friend...

Ah just a silly thought though sorry its not a helpfull one.

Hehe you really have no idea how ironic that statment is!

Ahem, all I'll say is...;)

(This thread is sooo gonna change now after revealing that, I'm preparing myself for a slating! haha)

RedXIV

some people, before they can get over someone, need to redirect their initial passion and hate is such an easy direction to go to. both Love and hate require serious dedication of thought and emotion and to me, this suggests that she's simply not ready to move on.

Good on ya for being the bigger man, keep it up.

careful with the friend though.....

Terrlock

lifelonglufc wrote: »

Hehe you really have no idea how ironic that statment is!

Ahem, all I'll say is...;)

(This thread is sooo gonna change now after revealing that, I'm preparing myself for a slating! haha)

You didn't!!!, God I hope you did though...

Aurora Borealis

People can make some awful mistakes, particularly when hurt which you clearly seem to have been. You've acknowledged them and apologised and it’s up to her if she wants to accept your apology and put things in the past. It is difficult for everyone when there are mutual friends etc involved but you have no control over whether she holds a grudge or not and there’s nothing more you can do. Stop beating yourself up and analysing it. I’m of the same school of thought and prefer not to have resentments in life but not everyone is the same and it’s easier to just try and accept that. Trust me you’ll drive yourself batty if you don’t.


A.B.

P.S. Think carefully before launching into anything with this friend. Not easiest road to take and could stir up all sorts of crap that you don’t want.

luckat

Let it go, Louis, let it go.

jacool

If you do get with her friend, then better make sure that if that one doesn't last, that at least the break up goes better than this one !
here I am, breaking you up before you even got together, but hey, if you're a life long Leeds United fan then you will have to get used to crashing dreams and false dawns
If it does go well with the friend then everyone will work out who is having real issues with the original breakup, i.e. not you !
{hope this makes sense, i'm running on 17% brain power today}

Aurora Borealis

luckat wrote: »

Let it go, Louis, let it go.

Summed up rather succinctly there Luckat.
Gotta love those Budweiser Lizards!

lifelonglufc

Terrlock wrote: »

You didn't!!!, God I hope you did though...

Been there, done that, had the hickey to show it :cool:
Once off thing that just happened!

Must say it put things into perspective haha

Eek my dirty little secret is out...

(hides and seeks boards anonymity!)

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Thanks again for everybodies replies and opinions! Seeing what the general views of others is a great help!