Intimidated guys--does this happen?

jells bells

Since March I’ve gone fairly head-first into the dating scene. I was in a relationship for three years that ended about a year ago, so after a nice stretch of licking my wounds and taking it easy, I jumped back in. I don’t know many people here, so tried online dating for the first time. Met loads of guys, went on lots of dates, and had exactly zero second dates. Some guys kept in touch via text or email after the first date and then fell off, others I just never heard from again.

Now I get that online dating has its own downsides, but zero second dates? What’s the common denominator? Me!

I raised it with some friends and a few of the guys independently suggested the same reason: that I have my life together and it can be intimidating to guys. I have a top education, well paying job that I love, well rounded, easy going, think I’m attractive enough (no supermodel, but pretty and fit enough to gain attention)…all in all a great catch I think. Still, I don’t really picture guys being put off by ladies that have their stuff together. Guys: does this really happen??

Wurly

jells bells wrote: »

Since March I’ve gone fairly head-first into the dating scene. I was in a relationship for three years that ended about a year ago, so after a nice stretch of licking my wounds and taking it easy, I jumped back in.

Is there any chance at all that you may be coming across a bit too strong?

I have been told before that I come across as an intense person. I don't mean to be. I'm monitoring it now and trying to lighten up and act a bit more laid back.:)

I doubt its anything to do with you having your life together. And if certain guys do feel intimidated by that, then they are not the guys you wanna be dating anyway. Although it depends how you told these guys about your life if ya know what I mean. Some may have taken it as cocky or something. I'm not saying you are now by any means but sometimes, our intentions are misread by others.

Besides you, was there any other common denominator in all of the dates? Did you maybe reveal too much about yourself?

SarahSassy

A lot of guys dont want to be with women they perceive to be more successful than them in any regard... Sadly thats the bottom line... I have a number of nice, single female friends who have the same problem. The guys they meet find it hard to live up to them and the seem to eventually go for someone who is less educated, earning less money etc.. I dont understand why but its a common phenomenon. Were you doing most of the date organising etc????

You should also bear in mind that maybe there was just no chemistry between you...

LegacyUser

I love a woman who has their **** together - however, I think a little bit of vulnerability is very attractive.

Maybe it's possible that you're so intent on showing you have your **** together that you're not relaxing and being that much fun to be with (possibly a little arrogant...)

Or maybe, cliche I know, guys on dating websites are intimidated by strong woman

Hard to know really without knowing you.

So actually I've been no help at all.

Victor

jells bells wrote: »

Now I get that online dating has its own downsides, but zero second dates? What’s the common denominator? Me!

There is another common denominator - online dating.

Predhead

SarahSassy wrote: »

A lot of guys dont want to be with women they perceive to be more successful than them in any regard... Sadly thats the bottom line... I have a number of nice, single female friends who have the same problem. The guys they meet find it hard to live up to them and the seem to eventually go for someone who is less educated, earning less money etc.. I dont understand why but its a common phenomenon. Were you doing most of the date organising etc????

You should also bear in mind that maybe there was just no chemistry between you...

Just because they're less educated or earn less doesn't make them less interesting, in fact of all the girls I know, the 'less educated' etc that are far more outgoing and down to earth.
I'm not saying that's always the case. My girlfriend is competing in the the Olympics in China and studying physics, I'm nowhere near that kinda CV, but it doesn't bother me in the slightest because of the type of person she is.

Wurly

Victor wrote: »

There is another common denominator - online dating.

Oh yeah. D'oh.:o

I tried it OP and sure I went on dates. But the arse fell out of all of them (not literally - that would have been well scary).

I think its better to meet someone where you both have a common interest - sport, music etc.

The pressure of a date when you don't know each other at all is immense. Much better imo to get to know someone well over a period of time and let love blossom, so to speak.

easyontheeye

jells bells wrote: »

Since March I’ve gone fairly head-first into the dating scene. I was in a relationship for three years that ended about a year ago, so after a nice stretch of licking my wounds and taking it easy, I jumped back in. I don’t know many people here, so tried online dating for the first time. Met loads of guys, went on lots of dates, and had exactly zero second dates. Some guys kept in touch via text or email after the first date and then fell off, others I just never heard from again.

Now I get that online dating has its own downsides, but zero second dates? What’s the common denominator? Me!

I raised it with some friends and a few of the guys independently suggested the same reason: that I have my life together and it can be intimidating to guys. I have a top education, well paying job that I love, well rounded, easy going, think I’m attractive enough (no supermodel, but pretty and fit enough to gain attention)…all in all a great catch I think. Still, I don’t really picture guys being put off by ladies that have their stuff together. Guys: does this really happen??

*cough* asl *cough**cough*:D

mumhaabu

As a guy here I feel sorry for you, unfortuntaly alot of Irish men have an attitude built into us that we must somehow be the breadwinner and be the provider for the home etc. Caveman mentality

It is a really outdated idea and one many grew up with as their fathers went to work and the mother stayed at home and reared the kids and was a homemaker! As the saying goes "He was a good catch" or so I've heard women say.

Today is different and usualy both the man and woman is working to eek a living, however there is a nosey neighbour type of mentality that if the man isn't working then he is a lazy bum! and there seems to be no tolerance for example "a stay at home dad".

This is part of "old Ireland" if you ask me and gladly times are changing, I'd say you should have no trouble finding finding a date;). The way you describe yourself says that you are an independent & mature person, personally I love these attributes in a woman and I reckon you'll have more luck yet:) alot of Irish guys are very shy with women and some can't cope with that.

Best of luck

SarahSassy

Predhead wrote: »

Just because they're less educated or earn less doesn't make them less interesting

I would have assumed thats a given.... Its all down to first impressions (on a first date) and the chemistry (mental and physical) between the 2 people. Smart and strong women can come across as too smart and too strong and as another poster said way too intense... They should not have to change but they should note that it can eliminate quite a percentage of men who dont like 'strong' women...

I know a number of happy couples who met their (nice and normal) partners through online dating. It may not work from all but there is as much chance of meeting someone there as anywhere... As with all things 'let the buyer beware'...

AngryBadger

OP from your post you are an incredibly-together woman. You're fully in control of your own life, and you know what you want. Even how you describe dealing with your break-up demonstrates poise, and confidence. Fantastic.

Let's see now, some guys will just be looking for a casual thing. Depending on their tastes, they may or may not be "intimidated", but I would venture that you're the kind of woman who would require too much from them. By which I mean I imagine you want a guy to be a partner in the fullest sense of the word. You don't want someone to just booty call now and then and so that's not going to happen. Not to be offensive to anyone reading, but a less-secure woman might want the same thing, but a guy like this might feel she is a batter gamble for them, more pliable I guess.

To some extent the guys you meet on dating sites, and again I mean no offense here, but in some cases they will be there because they lack success, or maybe experience in dating. This may be a personal thing, it may be because they have a demanding job, or any number of factors, which don't necesarily mean they can't find someone. But they're probably not going to be comfortable enough with "the game" to "play" at your level. Again, you're approaching this situation very sure of what you want, to some extent they're probably viewing this as a good way to get better at meeting women. Essentially with you they may be swinging against their weight class.

Guys in general. I think a lot of guys are definitely intimidated by confident women. In some cases this IS sexist, in other cases it's simply that that they prefer to feel like they're in control, and they're not used to dealing with a situation involving a woman where they're not in control i.e. a situation with you. I don't consider that sexist as such, as a great many people have tonnes of subconscious dieas that they don't necessarily actively subscribe to, but have never actually challenged because they've never encountered a scenario that forces them to look at those ideas. A harmless example. It could be argued that a man holding a door for a woman is a sexist action, however most people would never think about this because it's something most of us do out of courtesy. (incidentally we've already had this argument in AH so please don't anyone start attacking).

In a nutshell, it's the type of guys you're meeting, and I reckon it's a normal enough situation. We're all going to meet a lot of people who are "wrong" before we find someone who is "right".

Certainly you'd probably have more success datign a different kind of man, one that's more interested in a strong woman, who's not afraid to go after what she wants.

Bottom line, it's not you, it's them. Fact. And unfortunately, c'est la vie. it might go easier if you were able to meet guys in a different social setting as both sides would immediately have an opportunity to experience each other face-to-face and very quickly decide how they feel without the (potentially) time-consuming mechanism of internet dating, and the inevitable dissappointment of no second date.

Victor

easyontheeye wrote: »

*cough* asl *cough**cough*:D

Behave.

MagicMarker

jells bells wrote: »

I raised it with some friends and a few of the guys independently suggested the same reason: that I have my life together and it can be intimidating to guys. I have a top education, well paying job that I love, well rounded, easy going, think I’m attractive enough (no supermodel, but pretty and fit enough to gain attention)…all in all a great catch I think. Still, I don’t really picture guys being put off by ladies that have their stuff together. Guys: does this really happen??

Maybe, and i mean this in the nicest way possible, maybe they felt you had your head firmly stuck up your ass?

I've done the online dating thing, the majority of women i came across, were either desperate, crazy, emotionally needy, insecure or a combination of the above.

If i came across a woman who was attractive, well rounded, easy going with a good job then i sure as hell would keep in touch. So, either you A) Come across as being rather stuck up (doesn't matter what you look like, this is a big turn off) Not as attractive as you may think or C) ****e personallity.

Nevyn

jells bells wrote: »

Now I get that online dating has its own downsides, but zero second dates? What’s the common denominator? Me!

I raised it with some friends and a few of the guys independently suggested the same reason: that I have my life together and it can be intimidating to guys. I have a top education, well paying job that I love, well rounded, easy going, think I’m attractive enough (no supermodel, but pretty and fit enough to gain attention)…all in all a great catch I think. Still, I don’t really picture guys being put off by ladies that have their stuff together. Guys: does this really happen??

It happens they get intimidated or they put you on a pedestal out of reach.

Morgans

I think the guys are intimidated line is somewhat arrogant attitude. "I'm know I'm perfect and I know there is nothing that I can change to make me better, so it must be the guys fault".

OP, at least you have done some reflection into why no second date came from the online dating thing, and I'm sure given your description its only a matter of waiting for someone. My guess is that none of those online were right for you.

Can I ask if you was someone that made you want enough for you to email/text and go ask for a second date? Maybe make the first move regarding the second date.

Carrigart Exile

jells bells wrote: »

Since March I’ve gone fairly head-first into the dating scene. I was in a relationship for three years that ended about a year ago, so after a nice stretch of licking my wounds and taking it easy, I jumped back in. I don’t know many people here, so tried online dating for the first time. Met loads of guys, went on lots of dates, and had exactly zero second dates. Some guys kept in touch via text or email after the first date and then fell off, others I just never heard from again.

Now I get that online dating has its own downsides, but zero second dates? What’s the common denominator? Me!

I raised it with some friends and a few of the guys independently suggested the same reason: that I have my life together and it can be intimidating to guys. I have a top education, well paying job that I love, well rounded, easy going, think I’m attractive enough (no supermodel, but pretty and fit enough to gain attention)…all in all a great catch I think. Still, I don’t really picture guys being put off by ladies that have their stuff together. Guys: does this really happen??

Can I share a male secret with you and I do apologise if this comes across as crude. Attractive women fall immediately into two categories, those you wish to have sex with and those you wish to marry. Meeting the latter when you are young and wanting to sow wild oats can be helluva scary, meeting Miss Right too early can make you feel you have missed out. You sound the kinda girl men want to fall in love with and marry. The men you have met sound the sowing wild oats kinda guys.

John Mason

hey OP, i was in exactly the same place as you a few years ago/

I actually kept in touch with one date for a while and asked him why, he wasnt interested in a second date. He told me the fact that i had my house, car, career, was very intimidating for him. Also that i had more power tools and could do loads of DIY (my house is/was a doer-upper) made him feel that i didnt need a man in my life.

take from that what you will but online dating is like going fishing at a trout farm, you absolutely Guaranteed to catch a hundred fish but you will throw most of them back. You cant expect everyone to stick around.

Its a numbers game, the more dates you have the closer you will get to the fish you want to keep

Reku

Victor wrote: »

There is another common denominator - online dating.

Indeed, it is possible that unfortunately the OP has just happened across a string of lads who were hoping for a lady who'd put out on the first date as that was all they were actually after.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Maybe, and i mean this in the nicest way possible, maybe they felt you had your head firmly stuck up your ass?

Do have to wonder if perhaps this is something to do with it, having your sh*t together is great and I certainly wouldn't find it offputing in the least, however OP, your discription of yourself and how you're a "great catch" does leave me thinking if you give off a vibe of overindulged ego to the lads which would be a turn off for most.

jells bells

Thanks for all the replies everyone. A few suggested arrogance, and I can see that as a logical assumption, but I'm honestly one of the most self-deprecating people that I know (haha--one of my favourite words...it sounds so dirty).

Like irishbird, in the past few weeks I asked my ex if he thought I was arrogant or high maintenance and was told I'm one of the most easy going girlfriends he's ever had.

Bottom line is the only environment I can change or behavior I can fully understand is my own. I may have had a string of bad luck, but it's been an experience all the same. Onwards and upwards!

Thanks again for all the advice

SarahSassy

All I can suggest to you on a first date is to chat and focus on stuff other than what you own, do etc etc.. I dont want a guy's full cv in front of me when I meet him and would rather see if we have general interests / ability to chat before I need to know about his possessions and how great he is at his job...

Obviously his ambition, life experience, education etc is important in the longer term but on date 1 keep it light and retain a bit of mystery about yourself... Its all fine and well that he meets your education standards etc but if you cant cat to him and have a laugh then there is no real future in it.

Its all about having fun and should not be an interview. ''He'' is out there but you may have to kiss a few frogs til you find him....

jells bells

farohar wrote: »

Do have to wonder if perhaps this is something to do with it, having your sh*t together is great and I certainly wouldn't find it offputing in the least, however OP, your discription of yourself and how you're a "great catch" does leave me thinking if you give off a vibe of overindulged ego to the lads which would be a turn off for most.

I can see your (and other's) point, and recognise that it's tough to properly read someone who's posting online.

In my defence, my intention in providing the laundry list of qualities is this: so many times on online forums when someone posts about dating woes the common responses include variations around: you're fat; you're ugly; you're stupid; you're boring; you're high maintenance.

Not to say that I've seen much of that on this board, but just wanted to address any assumptions from the start.

But what's wrong with claiming to be a great catch? I'm imperfect in uncountable ways, but still how sad would it be if I didn't think I was a great catch for someone?

MJOR

Hey Op,
Online dating is DEFINATELY hit or miss... some of the people you meet have issues and some of then lack confidence themselves. Seeing a woman that is so together may make them feel inadaquate. I met my future husband online and I told him from the get go I though I was great girlfriend material.

If someone is intimidated by your confidence.... that is totally thier problem not yours....

SarahSassy

jells bells wrote: »

But what's wrong with claiming to be a great catch? I'm imperfect in uncountable ways, but still how sad would it be if I didn't think I was a great catch for someone?

There is nothing wrong with claiming you are a good catch, cos you are but dont go on about yourself in this manner on a 1st date... Its very difficult for us to evaluate what you could be doing wrong when we dont know you or see you on a date....

At the end of the day, keep putting yourself out there - online and at any chance you have and when you meet the right person all of this wont really matter cos it will just fall into place....

jells bells

SarahSassy wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with claiming you are a good catch, cos you are but dont go on about yourself in this manner on a 1st date... Its very difficult for us to evaluate what you could be doing wrong when we dont know you or see you on a date....

At the end of the day, keep putting yourself out there - online and at any chance you have and when you meet the right person all of this wont really matter cos it will just fall into place....

Hi SarahSassy...thanks for the advice and boost. I would be bored myself rattling off my CV on a first date, and surely wouldn't be impressed by a guy if he did either!

Always room for self-reflection and growth though, so thanks

Dragan

jells bells wrote: »

I raised it with some friends and a few of the guys independently suggested the same reason: that I have my life together and it can be intimidating to guys. I have a top education, well paying job that I love, well rounded, easy going, think I’m attractive enough (no supermodel, but pretty and fit enough to gain attention)…all in all a great catch I think. Still, I don’t really picture guys being put off by ladies that have their stuff together. Guys: does this really happen??

I hate when people tell other people this type of thing.

I'm going to be flat out honest with you, if you are as you describe yourself and we met then it would be second date city based on the description......however, maybe we just don't click, maybe there is something tiny that would make me not go back for more.

The whole "men are afraid of successful women" is bull****, give me a successful woman and i would be a happy chap, practically every guy that i know would be.

The simple fact of the matter is that they may have felt like they did not click. Over the last 6 months or so i have met about 8 different girls for dates. 2 of them made it past the first date. 1 of them made it to a third. Why? We just didn't click and i had no real desire to meet them again....which is kind of a marker for how interested you are in someone.

Not everyone is going to be that attracted to us, not everyone will find us desirable or see in us what we see in ourselves. The very same way for us with other people. There is no reason to question yourself or men in general.

It can just take time to find the right person is all.:)

Vegeta

Dragan wrote: »

The whole "men are afraid of successful women" is bull****, give me a successful woman and i would be a happy chap, practically every guy that i know would be.

Yup, totally agree.

estar

perhaps you as has been said you come across as arrogant

we are a nation of self depreciaters.

hold out for the person that gets you arrogance and all

rather than seek to change who you are.

you have plenty of friends, by the sounds of things.

if you were an egomanical monster then you wouldnt have.

your friends know you, ask their advice, as they can
tailor it to what they know of you.

imo online dating guys fall into two categories well actually three

1. those looking for a good time not a long termer no matter what they say
2. those that are intimidated by the regular dating game as they
havent been successful there and are looking to get better at dating
3. those that due to location, job or being divorced are finding it
hard to meet women.

some of my single friends that are lovely well rounded successful
and very eligible are finding it difficult to meet people and also
to form long term bonds with people in dublin at the moment.

dont take it personally. there is a lot of chance involved and thats
the name of the game.

why dont you have a house party and get everyone you know
to bring everyone and see what turns up

tag rugby is also a great way to meet guys that are relatively normal.

i used to try and be less bossy and say, mammyish for want of a better
word and more laid back on the dating scene and for one guy in
particular. however i couldnt sustain it, went sod it im being myself,
and am much better off for it. i yam what i yam. i want what i want.
i dont need to change. and probably neither do you.

somewhere out there is a guy who is thinking i wish i could meet
a really confident outgoing successful girl.

just keep looking.

stovelid

jells bells wrote: »

I raised it with some friends and a few of the guys independently suggested the same reason: that I have my life together and it can be intimidating to guys. I have a top education, well paying job that I love, well rounded, easy going, think I’m attractive enough (no supermodel, but pretty and fit enough to gain attention)…all in all a great catch I think. Still, I don’t really picture guys being put off by ladies that have their stuff together. Guys: does this really happen??

I'm not sure most guys would really be put off by a good job, education and looks to be honest. What they may be put off by is someone who sounds as they consider themselves to be entitled to a lot of dates. You may be expecting things to happen too quickly.

Ease off a little and keep trying.

jells bells

stovelid wrote: »

I'm not sure most guys would really be put off by a good job, education and looks to be honest. What they may be put off by is someone who sounds as they consider themselves to be entitled to a lot of dates. You may be expecting things to happen too quickly.

Ease off a little and keep trying.

I feel hopeful for second dates...not entitled. Only feel entitled to happiness, and thankfully have that already. Thanks for the outside perspective

MJOR

I think that you seem well rounded anyway... I went on a few dates from the net and I think really as long as you have little or no expectation its a great way of meeting people and gaining friends..

Sleepy

OP - am I right in thinking your American?

"Dating" is a fairly new concept in Ireland. For centuries we've just been the types to hook up on a Friday night in the local, at a wedding etc.

A friend of mine from Boston followed the notion that you didn't kiss someone you liked until the third date and then wondered why the guys didn't call for a second date. being Irish, they probably just assumed she wasn't interested.

If you're not North American, maybe you're just paying too much attention to their TV shows/movies etc?

BTW - Dragan is entirely right, there's nothing intimidating about successful women. Far more attractive than the alternative. The reason the notion's got so popular in women's magazines etc. is that a large proportion of women believe they have to be a bitch in order to get ahead in their career... and when they act that way who can blame a guy for not being interested? I've dated women who earned nearly four times my salary without it becoming an issue and encountered the type of woman woman who reads the 'act as if you're already minted and you'll get that way if you just believe hard enough in it' type self help books who, while skint at the time were entirely unattractive - not for their ambition but for the manner in which they persued it.

Wibbs

Dragan wrote: »

I'm going to be flat out honest with you, if you are as you describe yourself and we met then it would be second date city based on the description......however, maybe we just don't click, maybe there is something tiny that would make me not go back for more.

Agreed. I've met successful attractive women that seemed nice, but I quite simply didn't fancy them. That's it in a nutshell. Nothing wrong with them, nothing wrong with me. They just weren't my "type", even if they looked like that on paper. For me at least it's kinda like I have three triggers; the head, the heart and the pants. I've met women where my head was well engaged, but nothing else. I've also met those were my pants were, but nothing else. Even those were my heart was but nothing else. The one's where it clicked, the head and the pants kicked in on the spot, followed thereafter by the heart.

The whole "men are afraid of successful women" is bull****, give me a successful woman and i would be a happy chap, practically every guy that i know would be.

Yep I second that. It's too often used as an excuse by some women, either to ignore their own arrogance or simply to explain why a guy wasn't taking the bait. TBH I don't get that impression from you so just keep looking.

Not everyone is going to be that attracted to us, not everyone will find us desirable or see in us what we see in ourselves. The very same way for us with other people. There is no reason to question yourself or men in general.

Bingo.

newestUser

To be fair, as you tell it, it's not you who is saying that you're great because of your job, education etc., your friends are suggesting these as reasons for men not being interested in you.

Job, education, etc. wouldn't put me off, but it would for some insecure men. SarahSassy is right when she says that we can't offer advice here, because we don't know you, and we've never seen you on a date.

It's a numbers game, you'll just have to keep trying.

What might be helpful is if you post up the part of your online dating profile where you describe yourself, what you want from a man, etc., because that'll give people more of a clue about you.

Wibbs

Sleepy wrote: »

The reason the notion's got so popular in women's magazines etc. is that a large proportion of women believe they have to be a bitch in order to get ahead in their career... and when they act that way who can blame a guy for not being interested? I've dated women who earned nearly four times my salary without it becoming an issue and encountered the type of woman woman who reads the 'act as if you're already minted and you'll get that way if you just believe hard enough in it' type self help books who, while skint at the time were entirely unattractive - not for their ambition but for the manner in which they persued it.

Been there.

jells bells

Sleepy wrote: »

OP - am I right in thinking your American?

Yikes--it's that transparent? Wouldn't say that I follow rules like your friend's third date one, but also wouldn't likely make the first move physically. I've nothing at all against kissing on a first date though.

And I suppose that leads to another point: sure, some of the guys I clearly didn't have chemistry with and it was expected that there wouldn't be a second date. But there were two or three in particular that I felt there was something there...lots of eye contact, flirting, hand on my lower back while walking me home, etc. and then nothing. No attempt at a kiss on their part (or mine) and no call for a second date.

Sigh...as I mentioned earlier, there's no way I'll ever know for sure what happened. So it's just chalked up to experience.

RealEstateKing

I have a top education, well paying job that I love, well rounded, easy going, think I’m attractive enough

Guys do not think about stuff like that until way after a first date. The first date is largely: "Is she good-looking enough, and does she seem like somebody I could hang out with?" Most guys dont think that far ahead.

I cant imagine any but the most neanderthal bloke being intimidated by a women being educated and having a top job.

I can however, imagaine a man (or any other person) being put off by a woman who lives for her job.

Personally , if I met a woman who was obessessed with climbing the corporate ladder and talked about little else, and gave every impression of being a "company person", It would turn me off: I generally go for arty-types. But that's just me.

MagicMarker

jells bells wrote: »

YNo attempt at a kiss on their part (or mine) and no call for a second date.

Why leave it for the guy to go in for the kiss?

FYI: Us men love a woman who takes charge in these kind of situations..

Oh, and many of these men may be put off by the fact that you're American. Sad but true.

kowloon

I often find people (to clarify before I get attacked: not just women) who talk about being "successful" to be vaccuous career obsessed types. People who talk about success often define it in terms of wealth, importance and being generally better than the plebs. I instantly take a dislike to these people and it takes a lot of work to reverse a bad first impression.

I doubt the OP falls into this category, maybe you need to just go out and have some fun instead of persuing a relationship like something on a shopping list of essential items.

jells bells

MagicMarker wrote: »

Oh, and many of these men may be put off by the fact that you're American. Sad but true.

Saddest part if that's the case is it shows zero reading comprehension skills on the guys' parts as it was clearly included in the "where you're from" section! But there's not much I can do about where I was raised, so there ya go

Fair point re: making the first move if I'm feeling it. Thanks!

Overheal

MagicMarker wrote: »

Oh, and many of these men may be put off by the fact that you're American. Sad but true.

*smack*

MagicMarker

jells bells wrote: »

Saddest part if that's the case is it shows zero reading comprehension skills on the guys' parts as it was clearly included in the "where you're from" section! But there's not much I can do about where I was raised, so there ya go

True, but they probably wouldn't think much of it when read on a page, if they read it at all.

I guess it depends on what part of America you're from. Obviously a lot of Americans are perfectly ok. But some are really fcuking annoying, it's just how they are, how they talk, their mannerisms.

Not saying this is the case here, but it's a distinct possibility.

kowloon

You're always going to come across eejits who judge you for accents and the like. I would give the internet dating thing a miss to be honest.

SarahSassy

MagicMarker wrote: »

True, but they probably wouldn't think much of it when read on a page, if they read it at all.

I guess it depends on what part of America you're from. Obviously a lot of Americans are perfectly ok. But some are really fcuking annoying, it's just how they are, how they talk, their mannerisms.

Not saying this is the case here, but it's a distinct possibility.

You sound like a total bigot.... Its appalling and your infantile generalisations are pathetic.

:mad::mad::mad:

SarahSassy

kowloon wrote: »

I would give the internet dating thing a miss to be honest.

I dont agree, I think there are decent people internet dating and there is as much chance of meeting a muppet on a night out as there is online. Just just have more of a chance to scan them before you meet them online...

mollmo

MagicMarker wrote: »

Obviously a lot of Americans are perfectly ok. But some are really fcuking annoying, it's just how they are, how they talk, their mannerisms.

and the same could be said for people from spain, italy, germany, japan, australia, ..., and even ireland!!

grow up and offer constructive advice or nothing at all.

Wibbs

MagicMarker, wtf? Ease up on the non constructive posting. You should know better at this stage.

Overheal

The point, Marker, was that concepts of Dating in Ireland != Dating in the United States. The Mannerisms are all different to some degree. I don't pretend to understand them well enough to compare and contrast: I just know the two don't always match very well in all circumstances. Leave the notion that her dates are racially profiling her, at the door. Thanks.

Nevyn

Overheal Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

edit:Sneaky edits won't save you Overheal.

Wibbs

Overheal wrote: »

The point, Marker, was that concepts of Dating in Ireland != Dating in the United States.

There's an element of that I would reckon alright.

Leave the notion that her dates are racially profiling her, at the door. Thanks.

OK MagicMarker was a tad heavy handed I agree, but he may have a point with some of the guys. A minority perhaps, but some. There exists an anti American bias with quite a few out there. The perception of "American women" based on their media and ours maybe loads the dice. We may object but like it or not, different cultures have different perceptions attached to them. If she was Brazilian as an example, this would not be even close to an issue by comparison.

That said, if someone writes you off because of some dodgy perception, then you're well rid of them OP.

jells bells

Wibbs wrote: »

That said, if someone writes you off because of some dodgy perception, then you're well rid of them OP.

Absolutely

I picked up and moved here alone six years ago knowing absolutely zero people and with no job, and have made a nice life for myself. I don't shout when I speak, I don't push my agenda on others, I don't carry a gun (though I have come in contact with loads of non-Americans and Americans alike that do all three).

If a guy, or anyone for that matter, is going to overlook the type of person that I am in favor of relying on the easy out of pegging me for my nationality, then they're unimaginative and lazy and I've no time for either types of people in my life.

Differences in approaches to dating across cultures? Absolutely! But that's half the fun

SarahSassy

jells bells wrote: »

If a guy, or anyone for that matter, is going to overlook the type of person that I am in favor of relying on the easy out of pegging me for my nationality, then they're unimaginative and lazy and I've no time for either types of people in my life.

Well done to you

Something just occured to me. Given that you are originally from the US, some guys may be concerned that you will ultimately want to move back there and raise a family there and that this could mean they could have to move there too.. I am not insinuating that all guys think that far ahead i.e. marriage and kids, but its possible that some of them who go to the effort of signing up for internet dating are thinking of a long term partner and it may be putting them off. I know you mention you grew up in America on your profile but the net is a number game and it may have slipped their attention.
Have you considered this???

I know if I met an American / Australian / non-Irish guy it would be a big consideration for me before entering into a relationship with them (and I am speaking from experience). I think at this stage, unless he was 150% sure that he never wanted to live there again it would put me off starting a relationship with him. I could foresee plently of benefits but plenty of life changing decisions which i just would not welcome right now.