Upset and depressed

LegacyUser

I am writing this more for me I think than looking for answers as I think I know what I have to do but as they say “a problem shared ……..”

I am in my late thirties and married with two kids about 3 years ago I got sick with depression which I have to say destroyed our life’s, I had my own business which failed because of it and it put a lot of pressure on our marriage. My wife was very supportive and caring but there is only so much you can do for someone who can’t help themselves especially when she had to be the bread winner and look after our two kids.

I went to different doctors and was put on different tablets a long with going to counselling I eventually got my life back to some sort of normality. I wasn’t working when all this was going on so my wife had to carry the can so to speak which she did without complaining but I could see that the whole situation took so much out of her and she deserves so much more than that.

I finally got a new job about two months ago and needless to say my wife was over the moon both to see me out of the house and the extra money came in handy as well.

Here is where is where the problem lies, I can feel the depression coming back I can’t tell my wife as it would break her hearth, I know she couldn’t handle me going back into a deep depression again and she shouldn’t have to. I am trying to hide it from her but I am sure she has noticed as it’s written all over my face.

I myself can’t face going through it again both living with the day to day darkness and upset and also to see how it affects the ones I love.


Thanks for reading it does help to write theses things out knowing that others may have some input.

Wurly

Hi OP, my heart broke when i read your post. Can you continue going to counselling? When you went the last time, did your counsellor use congnitive behavioural therapy? This is great as it allows you to continue your good work outside of therapy by yourself.

If not, can I suggest that you get a counsellor who specialises in this? Just try google and make sure of course that they are properly accredited.

Is there anything else going on in your life at the moment that may be upsetting you short term? It might not be the depression returning. I felt like this a while back but turns out the feeling was only temporary due to circumstances going on at the time. You are right to keep in touch with your moods though, it can be a slippery slope and you don't want to end up at the bottom of the pit again.

If you're sure that the depression is coming back, best to get back into counselling immediately. It won't get as bad as it once was, you've laid the foundation now and you know you can get better. That's so important. I hope that i've helped somewhat.x

Dizzyblonde

I'm so sorry you're having a setback. Get help as soon as possible so you can nip it in the bud. And remember - you've beaten it before and you will again.
I don't think you'll be doing your wife any favours by keeping it from her. You both need to get through this together.
God luck.

econ08

OP, make an appointment with your doctor asap. He will recommend the most appropriate treatment to stop you sliding into depression.

Tri wrote:

Hi OP, my heart broke when i read your post. Can you continue going to counselling? When you went the last time, did your counsellor use congnitive behavioural therapy? This is great as it allows you to continue your good work outside of therapy by yourself.

If not, can I suggest that you get a counsellor who specialises in this? Just try google and make sure of course that they are properly accredited.

Is there anything else going on in your life at the moment that may be upsetting you short term? It might not be the depression returning. I felt like this a while back but turns out the feeling was only temporary due to circumstances going on at the time. You are right to keep in touch with your moods though, it can be a slippery slope and you don't want to end up at the bottom of the pit again.

If you're sure that the depression is coming back, best to get back into counselling immediately. It won't get as bad as it once was, you've laid the foundation now and you know you can get better. That's so important. I hope that i've helped somewhat.x

CBT may have a role to play or it may not. It could be used in combination with other treatments or not at all. Best to let his doctor decide.

Wurly

econ08 wrote: »

CBT may have a role to play or it may not. It could be used in combination with other treatments or not at all. Best to let his doctor decide.

Of course - what I am saying is though that CBT is good cos you re-train your brain to react differently and can then continue to practice it yourself after therapy.

If a person is relapsing back into depression then I would assume that CBT would be used as a mechanism to stop it happening again.

I mentioned CBT in case the OP hadn't heard of it. If he liked the sound of it, he could do his reasearch on it and then discuss the prospect with his therapist.

I'm not saying its the only way forward or a must - it just worked great for me and has a brilliant reputation in the area of depression.

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Thanks for the input, I went to my GP during lunch the other day and to be honest as he was speaking I felt very detached from the conversion he has me on Lexapro and was talking about increasing this and sending me back to counselling and I just felt I can’t do this anymore, the fight has left me I am just so tired.

TRI my counsellor did say something in the pass about CBT but we never followed it up maybe if I manage to go back it will be something we can explore.

I feel so unlucky that I got to be like this and that my family are unluckier that they have to put up with me they just deserve so much more.

I don’t know what the future wholes but then nobody does do they.

econ08

Upset, hang in there. It takes time for the medication to work and to get the right combination.
If you really feel you can't handle it or you might harm yourself, make an emergency appointment with your GP.

Wurly

UPSET wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Thanks for the input, I went to my GP during lunch the other day and to be honest as he was speaking I felt very detached from the conversion he has me on Lexapro and was talking about increasing this and sending me back to counselling and I just felt I can’t do this anymore, the fight has left me I am just so tired.

TRI my counsellor did say something in the pass about CBT but we never followed it up maybe if I manage to go back it will be something we can explore.

I feel so unlucky that I got to be like this and that my family are unluckier that they have to put up with me they just deserve so much more.

I don’t know what the future wholes but then nobody does do they.

Come on now OP, I know its tiring. Ive been there. I know. You just wanna be like everyone else and feel normal again. You're sick of being the burden and you don't feel like you have the energy to do it again. But what's the alternative really?

CBT puts YOU in the driving seat. I would strongly recommend you discuss this with your therapist. You owe it to yourself to be a happy man again.

And the only person putting pressure on you, is you. So be nice to yourself. None of this is your fault.

Please PM me if you need to talk. I promise that you can get through this. If I can, ANYONE can. I was in absolute tatters.

chopperbyrne

What is your diet and physical health like?

Depression is often brought on by chemical inbalances.

A good healthy lifestyle can do wonders for depression.

Cut out any junk food you eat and products high in caffeine and get regular exercise.

estar

do you have any theory as to why you are depressed.

was there are trigger events in your past.

there is no magic cure. but after the struggle you have been
through you deserve to fight for your future happiness.

it must be a lot of pressure to cope with your families expectations.

your post sounds like you are on the way to giving up for good,
and i hope im wrong in saying that.

give yourself a break. you have achieved a lot by getting that job.
dont be afraid to talk to your wife. just like she can say what she feels
to you just so you can say what you feel to her. so she might say
im sick of you being depressed. cop on! or whatever. maybe she will
get angry. but at least you two will be communicating. if you stop
telling the world how you feel when you feel really bad, thats when things
start getting dangerous.

its just a feeling - expressing it cant hurt anyone. tell her that
you are scared you are relapsing and can feel yourself detaching
again. and are just telling her so that she knows.

you would support her if she fell ill would you not?

you probably feel like you let everyone down by becoming depressed
and losing the business, but people get ill every day. you didnt choose this.

try and manage day to day, thats all any of us can do. and stay positive.

you have come this far.

WilmaRidesAgain

Im not sure if its ok to post links (if not apologies -could not see anything in the charter)Anyway, this organisation has group meetings going on everywhere:http://www.recovery-inc.com Its good becuase you see people there who have gone through the exact same and worse as yourself and you learn methodology which you can use to get through life when the despair feelings get really bad.I know what you mean about the fight going out of you, believe me, anyway its really worth a try.Best of luck

ifonly

hi op,
I myself suffer from depression and 1 thing i noticed was that the anti-depressant pills will actually keep you depressed, as soon as you stop taking them your ok for a while then the dark clouds come back.
Depression is a killer, its a difficult subject to address as every case is unique.
I went to hypnotherapy, took medication, attempted suicide, thought about death constantly, lost lots of friends to it.
What you need to do is self help, meditation, self hypnosis, you can beat it but you must want to, which is a thing that is lacking in depressed people.
Most "specialists" have never felt it so they dont know what they are talking about, who feels it knows it, simple as that.
These pharmacutical companies need ppl to be depressed and know that so they give you their pills knowing sooner or later you'll be back for more, its a scam, you can beat it, I know its hard, i have suffered with it since i was 14 i'm now 33, but i have learned to cope with it to a degree and dont take pills for it, I actually bring it on myself now from drinking and snorting, without these chemicals i dont think i'd be depressed anymore but i'm just an addictive personality.
Keep up the fight, i have half a business that i still have, nothing major but i make good money when i work, stick in there and say a prayer each night, you'll be fine.
Godbless

econ08

Tri wrote: »

Come on now OP, I know its tiring. Ive been there. I know. You just wanna be like everyone else and feel normal again. You're sick of being the burden and you don't feel like you have the energy to do it again. But what's the alternative really?

CBT puts YOU in the driving seat. I would strongly recommend you discuss this with your therapist. You owe it to yourself to be a happy man again.

And the only person putting pressure on you, is you. So be nice to yourself. None of this is your fault.

Please PM me if you need to talk. I promise that you can get through this. If I can, ANYONE can. I was in absolute tatters.

Tri I'm sure you mean well recommending CBT. CBT is an effective treatment for mild and moderate depression, almost always in combination with medication. However, if the patient is severely depressed or suicidal (not that the OP definitely is) then CBT is unlikely to be of benefit. CBT alone will almost definitely fail.

CBT is more efficacious in preventing relapse than in actually treating severe depression.

Sometimes it is better to wait until the antidepressant or mood stabiliser takes effect before beginning any kind of therapy. The OP's doctor will assess the OP's situation and decide the most appropriate treatment.

econ08

ifonly wrote: »

hi op,
I myself suffer from depression and 1 thing i noticed was that the anti-depressant pills will actually keep you depressed, as soon as you stop taking them your ok for a while then the dark clouds come back.
Depression is a killer, its a difficult subject to address as every case is unique.
I went to hypnotherapy, took medication, attempted suicide, thought about death constantly, lost lots of friends to it.
What you need to do is self help, meditation, self hypnosis, you can beat it but you must want to, which is a thing that is lacking in depressed people.
Most "specialists" have never felt it so they dont know what they are talking about, who feels it knows it, simple as that.
These pharmacutical companies need ppl to be depressed and know that so they give you their pills knowing sooner or later you'll be back for more, its a scam, you can beat it, I know its hard, i have suffered with it since i was 14 i'm now 33, but i have learned to cope with it to a degree and dont take pills for it, I actually bring it on myself now from drinking and snorting, without these chemicals i dont think i'd be depressed anymore but i'm just an addictive personality.
Keep up the fight, i have half a business that i still have, nothing major but i make good money when i work, stick in there and say a prayer each night, you'll be fine.
Godbless

Your not really selling your way of dealing with depression. Do you not think you would be better off getting proper professional help for depression and addiction?

Wurly

econ08 wrote: »

Tri I'm sure you mean well recommending CBT. CBT is an effective treatment for mild and moderate depression, almost always in combination with medication. However, if the patient is severely depressed or suicidal (not that the OP definitely is) then CBT is unlikely to be of benefit. CBT alone will almost definitely fail.

CBT is more efficacious in preventing relapse than in actually treating severe depression.

Sometimes it is better to wait until the antidepressant or mood stabiliser takes effect before beginning any kind of therapy. The OP's doctor will assess the OP's situation and decide the most appropriate treatment.

I take what you've said on board. However, I was suicidal and attempted suicide on a few occasions. CBT with regular therapy and meds saved my life.

I also mentioned in one of my posts that CBT is great if the person is likely to relapse which is what you've just said, so we are in agreement there.

The OP has already tried meds and therapy. The only thing I did different to him is the CBT, which is why I said he should discuss it with his therapist.

I am not trying to say that I know everything or my word is gospel. But I have a personal experience of this. You're right, I did mean well. It couldn't hurt for the OP to at least talk the option over with his therapist is all.

Call Me Jimmy

OP I know how feel. If you didn't have children or a wife I'de say it's up to you whether you want to really try or not, but seeing as you do, I think it is your duty to at least be pro-active in sorting yourself out. Imo the pills are bull****, I think they also reinforce the idea that you're sick when I don't think you necessarily are. You have gotten into a pattern of thought that is now comfortable for you, even though you have what most people dream of in their life.

I think exercise and doing physical activities outdoors are such a good thing to do, the lack of which is the cause of a lot of 'depression' imo. Ask yourself what is more important, yourself or your kids. If you think your kids are the most important thing then you have to be determined to be better. I dunno, I think it is something that you can just snap out of myself but I'm sure I'll get shouted down for that.

AngryBadger

Hey OP,

You've already come a long way in this. You're back working again, that to me sounds like a phenomenal stride forward.

MJOR

Just get to the doctor quickly. It's not only affecting you but your wife and kids. Anti Depressants are not alwasy the answer...

LegacyUser

Hi all,

Just to update you all,

The last few days since my last post have not be good to the point I broke down on Saturday night and confessed to my wife that the depression had returned in a bad way, to have her brake down and cry and admit she new from my behaviour over the last few weeks that I wasn’t good, she apologized for being upset and that she knows it’s not what I need to hear from her but she doesn’t think she can deal with it anymore and felt that our life was going to improve now that I was back to work.

Needless to say it was like a dagger in my hearth, I new all this was hard on her but to hear it from her and see the pain in her eyes was just too much and even though on Sunday she said she was sorry again and that she would be there for me I can’t let her do that for me to the detriment of her life and health.

So I have made the decision to stop all my tablets and counselling and let nature take its course. As I said in my last post I am tired and for anyone who has lived this will understand you have very few option and feel trapped with no where to go.
So this is my last stand this is what I want and let I will let faith chooses my path.


Thank you all.

econ08

You're making a decision when you are unwell. You're not in your right mind. By stopping treatment you are giving in to depression. Make an emergency appointment with your doctor. If you stick with treatment you could be better in a matter of weeks.

MJOR

We are all the masters of our own destiny OP and I really feel like you're throwing in the towel. You were once happy and have an obligation to you and your family to try and feel this way again.

Coming off the meds cold turkey is not the answer. Seek help from a professional....

Be a man and face your demons head on... I know you feel like there is no fight left but try and lean on your wife... You guys are a team

LegacyUser

hi op,i have experience of this myself and my parents and partner were very un sympathetic to my depression,there was a constant pressure to just snap out out of it,and the whole thing about- just get out there and work made me feel so pathetic because i couldnt.

after a stint in therapy i got some great enlightenment about my depression,where it came from and why i was negatively talking to myself.I had been with my boyfriend for years and we went to therapy together,we realised that my depression was a not onlyu my problem but a family problem and he learned why he was angry toward me for being depressed which had to do with his interpretation of depression and how he was repressing his emotions too.

we created a space at home where we learned to accept each other and i started to feel a lot more relaxed,my anxiety left from me and i really got back my confidence-at one point i was sucidal...i couldnt even leave my house, get on a bus,get out of bed but the therapy and new found acceptance from my boyfriend really helped me heal....my relationships with my family suffered because there lay the root cause to my depression-no one in my family allowed expression,there were rigid rolles and rules to conform to and it completly silenced me into a numb depression....

i sit here today fully recovered,completly changed from retraining my thoughts and releasing my past from me,there are answers there you just have to face trhe truth

i personally do not believe people inherit depression -they inherit the thought patterns and they can be changed... get yourself some books to get some answers and read all you can about depression,society has made it into a taboo,depression is just anger turned in,which has no space to be released ...

if you had a healthy enviorment around you,you would not feel so trapped,your wife needs to accept you for who you are and realize this is a family problem which she is part of that is why she has a responsibility to look at getting help with you.You will not be free until you truely listen to your needs.

econ08

femfatal wrote: »

i personally do not believe people inherit depression -they inherit the thought patterns and they can be changed... get yourself some books to get some answers and read all you can about depression,society has made it into a taboo,depression is just anger turned in,which has no space to be released ....

Studies of identical twins seperated at birth and raised apart have shown that if one twin experiences a mood swing there is a 70% likelihood the other twin will as well. Severe depression is a biological illness which can, in some instances, be triggered by environmental or psychological factors.

femfatal wrote: »

if you had a healthy enviorment around you,you would not feel so trapped,your wife needs to accept you for who you are and realize this is a family problem which she is part of that is why she has a responsibility to look at getting help with you.You will not be free until you truely listen to your needs.

Possibly. But maybe not. The OP could simply be experiencing a biological depression without any precipitating factor. Theres no point sending him off blaming his wife. His wife could love him to bits and he could still get depressed. Just like some people get elated for no reason at all except biochemistry.

What is most important here is that the OP contact his doctor asap.

LegacyUser

econ08 wrote: »

Studies of identical twins seperated at birth and raised apart have shown that if one twin experiences a mood swing there is a 70% likelihood the other twin will as well. Severe depression is a biological illness which can, in some instances, be triggered by environmental or psychological factors.



Possibly. But maybe not. The OP could simply be experiencing a biological depression without any precipitating factor. Theres no point sending him off blaming his wife. His wife could love him to bits and he could still get depressed. Just like some people get elated for no reason at all except biochemistry.

What is most important here is that the OP contact his doctor asap.

its a fair point,but a mind set which is too widely believed,there is absolutly no fact to say that depression cannot be overcome,anyone i know who is depressed has reason to be,and pulling a case study out of the air does nothing for me in believing depression is inherited or passed on,if you look at the behaviour in dysfunctional families it is exactly that which gets passed on-how is anyone supposed to know any better if they have never seen any better,i know from personal experience that we are not our minds,we are humans which exist to be not to think,depression is all the thinking side of being a human,the brain becomes a self imposed prison-
i am coming from the completly spiritual side of things because i dont believe in science and case studies as gospel,i believe we are capable of finding out how to heal within ourselves and so would the therapy world-people are just too terrified to face themselves,so take tablets to block out reality further

i didnt mean for him to go off and blame his wife but i felt that he was trapped in his depression because he has recreated an enviorment around him probably similar to his past relationships where he has no form of release-so he has attracted a partner and lives in a home where expression is not allowed either....

i grew up around a strict irish family and this became my reality-a strict conformed way of being,it drained the life out of me till i wanted to commit sucide,then i removed myself from the enviroment,retrained my belief system,faced the reality of my pain and learned how to accept myself,i am a totally free and a different person now-

there are many other people out there who think like this and have healed from depression and there are many resources out there to come back from depression,i feel our irish society is behind in understanding and treating depression...

this guy feels he has no where to turn,all of his feelings are so bent up inside him he wants to die,without help the depression gets worse,and then there is a need for anti depressants because the illness becomes so bad....

i dont think everyone has to agree with this opinion about depression,but speaking from experience as someone who has overcome this illness,in 50 years time depression will become more understood,and therapies will become the norm for healing depression not anti depressants.