Girlfriend's vagina - complete turn off

LegacyUser

Hey folks,

Im seeing this girl now for about 3 months or so and we have recently slept together. I do really like her and could possibly see this going somewhere. She is beautiful and smart too.

However, I was disgusted when I saw her vagina. Her inner 'lips' aren't the same size. One is much much bigger than the other. The sight of it makes me feel physically sick. I feel really bad for even thinking this way and I probably sound like a complete arse. But I really am repulsed by it. She got it waxed as a treat for me a week or so ago but that made it look even worse. You can see the long lip stick out. Its vile.

What the hell am I gonna do? I dont want to lose her but how can I not be repulsed by this?? Even touching her down there grosses me out.

Thanks.

Victor

Everyone is different.

You don't have to have sex.

annemarie13

loads of girls can hve that its not unusual
dont base ur relationship on a vagina!

Karen_*

It's not going to go anywhere if she makes you physically sick. Finish it with her and don't tell her the real reason.

seahorse

Jaysus, I don’t think I've read a post like this here before. Look, if her vagina turns you completely off to the point that it disgusts you, then there's really not much point trying to have an intimate relationship, is there? I think you should finish it, but just mind you don’t tell her why, for Gods sake, you'd give the girl an awful complex.

The relationship sounds like it will not be any great loss to either of you anyway, because I don’t think you could possibly love her. Loving somebody is about loving their idiosyncrasies also, and you certainly don’t feel like that.

spurious

Doesn't sound like you've been with many girls OP - there are all sorts of varieties out there, just as there are in penises.
If it really is that big an issue for you, move on, but I can guarantee unless you avoid women altogether you will encounter someone like this again.

TerrorFirmer

Trust me when I say that, unless the difference in size is something very noticeable, as in inches, it's perfectly normal and typical of a lot of vagina's - if this woman 'repulses' you then most others probably would too.

At the end of the day you can't help how you feel but this is one of those situations that no-one can tell you what to do. There aren't much options, there is nothing this woman can do to change this.....would you really end a relationship over something so trivial? Because your only options, if this is such an epic deal to you, are continue the relationship or end it. There is no in between here.

LegacyUser

I know, i know. I feel like such a *****.

I don't want to end it with her. I really like her and as I say, I could definitely see this going somewhere.

But I cant help the fact that this repulses me. I dont know what the hell to do.

Is there a way of re-training my brain to accept it or something?

I'd die if she knew I felt this way. I certainly don't want to hurt her.

akamossy

If it disgusts you, finish with her!! you say you can see it going somewhere but how can it if you're repulsed by her most intimate parts. But please do not tell her!!

seahorse

Well OP, you've said that one of her inner vaginal lips is "much much bigger" than the other. I don’t know by how much you mean, but I got the sense that you meant around 1.5 inches or more in the difference? Also I have no clue how much sexual experience you have so I dont know whether you'll already know this, but I would have to say that, if the difference is as large as I've assumed, you would not come across this very regularly with different partners; it is actually unusual to have a difference in the labia of that magnitude.

In my personal experience, if something disgusts you, it disgusts you, and there’s no point trying to pretend otherwise. It’s a pity, since, as you say, she’s beautiful and smart, but lets be blunt here: if you feel repulsed every time you put your hand down her knickers she’ll not be long copping on something is wrong, and then were does that leave you?

I don’t think you should be feeling bad about yourself over this by the way; we can’t help what turns us off any more than we can help what turns us on.

Sherifu

put off wrote: »

However, I was disgusted when I saw her vagina. Her inner 'lips' aren't the same size. One is much much bigger than the other. The sight of it makes me feel physically sick. I feel really bad for even thinking this way and I probably sound like a complete arse. But I really am repulsed by it. She got it waxed as a treat for me a week or so ago but that made it look even worse. You can see the long lip stick out. Its vile.

Are you sure your sight is 20:20?

LegacyUser

Its about 2 or 3 inches longer id say.

I have a fair bit of sexual experience and I have never encountered this before. All the other girls were 'tidy'

LegacyUser

Sherifu wrote: »

Are you sure your sight is 20:20?

Yes, quite sure. Im not sure how you being a smart arse helps me in the slightest.

Gordon

Would you want her to tell you if your penis disgusted her physically?

LegacyUser

No, of course not. Telling her is out of the question.

I've already said I don't want to hurt her.

Is there a way of re-training my brain so that the area is appealing to me?

greatgoal

trim it,or stretch the other one.

Caoimhín

Hey, if a gash (regardless of its lobsideness) disgusts you, maybe you are playing for the wrong side?

Gordon

greatgoal wrote: »

trim it,or stretch the other one.

I know you're just being facetious but I'll pretend you're being serious as this is a serious forum.

If that's what you think greatgoal - then how should he approach this subject with her? Should he tell her straight out or should he tread softly?

LegacyUser

Eh hello?

Where are the mods for the past 2 idiotic posts.

No I am not gay. Bloody hell!!

Toots

Look, everybody's different. It's not your fault and it sure as hell isn't hers. It's certainly not unusual for a woman not to be totally symmetrical down there. You may well have strong feelings for her, but as Seahorse said, if you're getting to the point where you're sick touching her down there, there's not much point continuing the relationship. If you thought 'hey this is different, it'll take a bit of getting used to' then, yeah it's something you could work on, but the fact that you say it repulses you makes me think this is not something you will be able to get over.

If this is the case, then do the decent thing and finish with her. The longer you leave it, the stronger her feelings for you are likely to get and the more the break up will hurt her. For the love of God though, don't mention anything about this to her!!! I can tell you you will end up making her feel horribly self conscious and in all likelihood give her some sort of complex about it. I know if someone said that to me I'd be devastated, and if it came to getting intimate with another man in the future, I'd be terrified he'd think I was some sort of freak.

LegacyUser

Toots85 wrote: »

Look, everybody's different. It's not your fault and it sure as hell isn't hers. It's certainly not unusual for a woman not to be totally symmetrical down there. You may well have strong feelings for her, but as Seahorse said, if you're getting to the point where you're sick touching her down there, there's not much point continuing the relationship. If you thought 'hey this is different, it'll take a bit of getting used to' then, yeah it's something you could work on, but the fact that you say it repulses you makes me think this is not something you will be able to get over.

If this is the case, then do the decent thing and finish with her. The longer you leave it, the stronger her feelings for you are likely to get and the more the break up will hurt her. For the love of God though, don't mention anything about this to her!!! I can tell you you will end up making her feel horribly self conscious and in all likelihood give her some sort of complex about it. I know if someone said that to me I'd be devastated. It's not your fault that you feel like this, you like what you like, and that's that.

Thanks Toots. I am not going to tell her.

I really really don't want to finish with her though. How can I make my brain approach this in a different way?

I feel heartbroken at the thought of us not being together.

microgirl

put off wrote: »

However, I was disgusted when I saw her vagina. Her inner 'lips' aren't the same size. One is much much bigger than the other.

Congratulations, you appear to be dating a normal human woman. Well done

I'm going to assume you're pretty young, and have not been with many women, but trust me sunshine, that's completely normal. The fannies you see in those glossy, top-shelf mags and other such places have more often than not been altered, either surgically or via image manipulation.

Your options here are only stick with porn stars from now on, never have sex, or learn that it's normal and get used to it, sorry

LegacyUser

It doesn't sound like you have much experience if you've only seen 'tidy' girls. From what I've seen/read/heard, it's just as normal for the inner labia to hang past the outer ones than to be tucked in. Until I was 17 or 18, I assumed all girls labia got longer during puberty, as mine had. I thought only little girls had the 'slit'. When I saw a lot of adults do as well, I got really self conscious and obsessed about getting plastic surgery to correct my 'problem' until I met my boyfriend. He said my vagina was totally normal and even told me that all his exes also had the bigger lips. So don't count on this being the only 'untidy' vagina you'll ever see.

And OP, I hope you have a porn worthy penis and perfect body to be criticising your gf like that.

LegacyUser

microgirl wrote: »

Congratulations, you appear to be dating a normal human woman. Well done

I'm going to assume you're pretty young, and have not been with many women, but trust me sunshine, that's completely normal. The fannies you see in those glossy, top-shelf mags and other such places have more often than not been altered, either surgically or via image manipulation.

Your options here are only stick with porn stars from now on, never have sex, or learn that it's normal and get used to it, sorry

Em, excuse me. You are a little presumptious, aren't you. No, I am not a pre-pubescent porn junkie.

I am 28, am sexually experienced but have just NEVER encountered this before. If you had bothered to read my previous posts, then you would know this.

jeepers101

Seriously mate, it really doesn't sound like you'll be able to get over this and there's no kind of therapy that'll help you. Its not your fault it repulses you. End it sooner rather than later...make it easier on both of you.

Toots

microgirl wrote: »

Congratulations, you appear to be dating a normal human woman. Well done

I'm going to assume you're pretty young, and have not been with many women, but trust me sunshine, that's completely normal. The fannies you see in those glossy, top-shelf mags and other such places have more often than not been altered, either surgically or via image manipulation.

Put off wrote: »

Its about 2 or 3 inches longer id say.

I have a fair bit of sexual experience and I have never encountered this before. All the other girls were 'tidy'

Well the OP has said he has a fair bit of experience, although he's never mentioned porn stars

Your options here are only stick with porn stars from now on, never have sex, or learn that it's normal and get used to it, sorry

While I do agree with the fact that any porn I've ever seen has featured nothing but 'perfect' girls, and yes, perhaps young men's perception of how women should look down there is somewhat altered as a result, but I dont' really see how this piece of advice is helpful to the OP. He stated that all the other girls he was with are 'tidy', which is obviously what he likes and what he is used to. I'm not denying all women are different, much the same as all men are different. Some women would probably feel the same way about a man's penis. He can't control what turns him on and what turns him off, but there's no point in him being with a partner who he is simply not attracted to physically.

LegacyUser

selfconscious wrote: »

And OP, I hope you have a porn worthy penis and perfect body to be criticising your gf like that.

Oh ffs, im not being critical of the girl. I'm saying that something about her repulses me. that is not my fault.

I have come on here looking for help so that it doesnt affect me anymore.

Also how is the fact that ive only come across tidy girls before my fault? Why am I subject to criticism over this?

I NEVER ONCE said I was perfect. How dare you.

I gave her loads of compliments in my first post - all true.

I am not proud of this and it is not a choice. So I am asking how can I get this out of my head? Nothing more or less.

P.s. - sorry, 'cut off' was also me. Just a typo.

Wurly

Maybe you should finish it OP. Sorry, I know you don't want to.

Its a real shame alright but you can't help how you feel.

I'm not sure how you'd train your mind to think differently on this one.

Don't feel bad for any of this. It's not your fault.

Best of luck.x

Toots

Put off wrote: »

Thanks Toots. I am not going to tell her.

I really really don't want to finish with her though. How can I make my brain approach this in a different way?

I feel heartbroken at the thought of us not being together.

OK, it's going to be difficult to break up with her, obviously. The issue really is if you can get over your repulsion though. I would imagine that when the two of you are getting intimate, your mind probably goes into overdrive and you probably start obsessing over it, worrying about having to touch her etc? If this is the case, perhaps try focusing your mind on something else, like her lips or breasts etc. Think about how much you love her, how great she is, all the nice things about her. You might find that with all these things running through your mind, the other 'problem' will fade into insignificance over time. It might not, but it's up to you to see if you're willing to accept a 'compromise' to have a relationship with someone you really care about.

doctor evil

Not every penis or vagina is the same.

Variety is the spice of life!

Fair play in your want to get it sorted, perhaps look at technical pictures in bio books?

Finish with the GF if there is any danger of giving her an unnecessary hangup.

Sherifu

Put off wrote: »

Yes, quite sure. Im not sure how you being a smart arse helps me in the slightest.

Smart arse? No sir. I thought it could be your problem and not hers.

akamossy

Put off wrote: »

Thanks Toots. I am not going to tell her.

I really really don't want to finish with her though. How can I make my brain approach this in a different way?

I feel heartbroken at the thought of us not being together.

You can't approach this in a different way. You think what you think, if you were able to put it out of your head that easily then you wouldn't have posted here! I understand you have strong feelings for her and you don't wana finish with her but i don't see what other option you have here. As you said your disgusted by it.

LegacyUser

selfconscious wrote: »

And OP, I hope you have a porn worthy penis and perfect body to be criticising your gf like that.

Oh ffs, im not being critical of the girl. I'm saying that something about her repulses me. that is not my fault.

I have come on here looking for help so that it doesnt affect me anymore.

Also how is the fact that ive only come across tidy girls before my fault? Why am I subject to criticism over this?

I NEVER ONCE said I was perfect. How dare you.

I gave her loads of compliments in my first post - all true.

I am not proud of this and it is not a choice. So I am asking how can I get this out of my head? Nothing more or less.

P.s. - sorry, 'cut off' was also me. Just a typo.

Sherifu - I rest my case. You are what I called you, irrespective of a space between the words. :roll eyes:

Tragedy

Why are you spending so much time looking at it? It isnt a piece of fine art to be considered, get on with it for gods sake! Much more interesting things to be doing than eyeing it.

LegacyUser

Tragedy wrote: »

Why are you spending so much time looking at it? It isnt a piece of fine art to be considered, get on with it for gods sake! Much more interesting things to be doing than eyeing it.

Its the feel of it aswell that's off putting. Id be looking at it when going down on her, entering her etc.

Im not sitting there staring at it if that is what you're implying.

herya

Put off wrote: »

Its about 2 or 3 inches longer id say.

Are you sure? That sounds a lot. She wouldn't be able to go out on the beach with her undies filled like that! She would hardly be able to have sex at all?

LegacyUser

herya wrote: »

Are you sure? That sounds a lot. She wouldn't be able to go out on the beach with her undies filled like that! She would hardly be able to have sex at all?

She would. Sure the lip doesn't cover the hole.

Seriously, one is marginally bigger than the other. And yes, its about 2-3 inches for definite.

seahorse

It seems some of the posters are not reading the OP's posts thoroughly. When he mentions his previous partners having been "tidy" he means that their labia were evenly shaped; not that they resembled the surgically achieved sliced-off labia of porn stars. His problem here isn’t that her inner labia are longer than her outer ones; it's that ONE of her two inner lips is two to three inches longer than the other.

As for the charge of his "criticising" her; I really don’t think so. He has said she's beautiful and intelligent and he'd be heartbroken at the thought of being without her; that doesn’t resemble criticism as I understand it.

He obviously thinks a lot of her if he's willing to try to get over something that physically repulses him; I'm sorry to say I don’t see that working out though OP. I mean, sooner or later she'll be wondering why she never gets any oral, and what do you say when that conversation comes up?!

kittex

Put off wrote: »

I feel heartbroken at the thought of us not being together.

Yet she makes you feel sick?

Regardless of whether you are right or wrong for your views on her body, why would you want to stay with someone who makes you feel sick?
This is a complete contradiction. I know very few people who would even think these same thoughts together - especially if it's started from such an early stage in the relationship.
Presuming you are not joking about this, perhaps you should be examining your reasons for staying with someone despite the thought of touching them making you feel ill.

For whatever reason, she deserves better than going out with someone who feels repulsed by her.
Maybe you'd be doing her a favour if you let her find someone who truly appreciates her.

LegacyUser

How is this my fault?

Kittex, you are making me out to be a ***** when I am not one.

It is possible to appreciate her even though a certain part of her is very unappealing to me. It is because I am in this position.

I am trying to get past this. I was only asking how?

Seahorse, thanks for your post. You are on the money.

I cant help how I feel but I am looking for advice to change. This is not my fault.

microgirl

Cut off wrote: »

Em, excuse me. You are a little presumptious, aren't you. No, I am not a pre-pubescent porn junkie.

I am 28, am sexually experienced but have just NEVER encountered this before. If you had bothered to read my previous posts, then you would know this.

Yeah, I hadn't got that far down in the thread when I posted that. I still maintain it's normal though (although perhaps not 2-3 inches. That does seem extreme. Surgery might be a good idea in that case, but I'd have no idea how to broach it sensitively I've had to do it regarding an ex's phimosis, but at least that can be a health issue)

I must point out though that you really need not to be so touchy and over-sensitive and defensive. I meant no insult by what I said and was offering a viewpoint with a light heart. I never once suggested you were a pre-pubescent porn junkie. I merely thought you could be in your early 20's, have been with one or two girls previously, and have looked at porn to a level that, y'know, most normal people do. You do not need to be a 16-year-old jacking off 8 times a day and spending several hours each day looking at porn to not be aware of what's normal and what's not. For f**k's sake, a friend of mine didn't even know what a labia *was* until he was 23 and asked me! (he knew what vaginas and vaginal lips were, he'd just never heard the term labia)

However, seeing as how the physical anomaly is as significant as you say and you are familiar with the natural state of the female genitals then I have to say I must regrettably agree with what many other posters have said and you'll most likely need to finish with the girl. If she disgusts you physically there's nothing I know of that can overcome that. I'm sorry

LegacyUser

Sherifu - I apologise.

When I read your post for the first time - it just said smartarse. So I thought you were referring to the space between the words. And I was like - ffs. (:

Now I see it in full, it makes sense.

I do apologise.

wylo

op, have you considered hypnosis or something, sounds extreme but you talk about wanting to train your brain to approach it a different way . Maybe a psychotherapist or something might be able to help you get used to enjoying what you see as opposed to being repulsed by it. I dont know how you'd approach someone with this problem but ya never know there could be someone to accommodate your situation.

Sherifu

put off wrote: »

Sherifu - I rest my case. You are what I called you, irrespective of a space between the words. :roll eyes:

I'm happy you put the space.

Do you feel that is your problem? Or do you feel she should change? (surgery)

LegacyUser

microgirl wrote: »

Yeah, I hadn't got that far down in the thread when I posted that. I still maintain it's normal though (although perhaps not 2-3 inches. That does seem extreme. Surgery might be a good idea in that case, but I'd have no idea how to broach it sensitively I've had to do it regarding an ex's phimosis, but at least that can be a health issue)

I must point out though that you really need not to be so touchy and over-sensitive and defensive. I meant no insult by what I said and was offering a viewpoint with a light heart. I never once suggested you were a pre-pubescent porn junkie. I merely thought you could be in your early 20's, have been with one or two girls previously, and have looked at porn to a level that, y'know, most normal people do. You do not need to be a 16-year-old jacking off 8 times a day and spending several hours each day looking at porn to not be aware of what's normal and what's not. For f**k's sake, a friend of mine didn't even know what a labia *was* until he was 23 and asked me! (he knew what vaginas and vaginal lips were, he'd just never heard the term labia)

However, seeing as how the physical anomaly is as significant as you say and you are familiar with the natural state of the female genitals then I have to say I must regrettably agree with what many other posters have said and you'll most likely need to finish with the girl. If she disgusts you physically there's nothing I know of that can overcome that. I'm sorry

Ok, thanks for taking the time to reply. I take on board what you say about my defensiveness. It is due to some of the posts on here stating I may be gay, am a pr1ck etc etc. its very annoying and the mods seem to be very selective on which threads they intervene on. Anyway, rant over.

Thanks again for your advice.

Teddi

ok...I'll take a shot at this...why not


OP..you have to consider a few things when your dealing with this...

Yea...no ones perfect.....theres things I dont like about myself...Im sure you have some things that you wish you could change about you also...

Dont think for a second that she hasnt noticed this...this would be something that a girl would be very sensitive about...which I can understand you coming to boards to try and vent it out...

In the long of it all.....you need to ask yourself ....Do you like her enough...to accept it ?....Do you want to break it off with her?...knowing that the reason you did it was that one labia was longer than the other?...read that back through you mind and see how silly it sounds......

To be honest mate..your not going to get your solution on these boards as its not a pair of undies that can be changed for a nicer pair...its permanent and its something that you'll have to decide on your own...

you could be discreet about it and suggest...(not all the time..as then she'd get suspicious)...keeping on some sexy undies whilst you do it, or try some nice fruit smelling genital lotions?.....you know how perfume can make a girl seem so sexy?..apply that Idea down below..( you can get these in ann summers...not too expensive)It might then make it seem more appealing to you....then the sight of her labia might not be so off putting?..be creative.....that is the only change that you can make and not be directly offensive to your girl.

On the otherside...If you dont think that your brain can handle the thought..well..then you shouldnt be in the relationship as those thoughts will eventually be destructive to you and your girlfriend...as...although its not the be'all'n'end'all of a relationship..its pretty important and she will....without a doubt cop onto it eventually....

so its either..spice things up to make the aesthetics more appealing?..or pull the plug?.....I'd go with the former myself

Wibbs

I dunno this is a hard one OP. Vulvas like people come in all shapes and sizes. Cliche but true. Vulvas vary a lot. That's part of the attraction in a way. At least for me. Then again people vary a lot and personal preference comes into that too so....

In this case she's a great woman by your account with this hidden to the world part of her being the fly in the ointment. I think if I was in your position I would probably feel that this was part of her uniqueness. Everyone you're goin to meet will have some "flaw" that freaks you out. This is yours.

In the scheme of things it's not a biggy if you think about it. Why miss out on all she has to offer as a person, lover and friend because of this. She probably has some issue with you, like some weird way you eat or something.:) I use that example as one of the women I loved in the past ate like a lion at a wildebeest. It used to kinda freak me, but you know after a while I got to like it. Funny thing love.

She may even feel self conscious about it herself. Wouldn't be surprised. Women have enough on their plate in the looks dept. as it is, so as I say I wouldn't be surprised if she feels a bit wierd "down there".

I know all that shíte sounds a bit too pat and obvious and it probably doesn't help you much, but don't miss out on a great soul because of it. Maybe try to think of it as that unique thing that is just for you. You may be surprised to find that you may even miss it if she's not around anymore. I know I did with the crazy eating ex at the time.

LegacyUser

wylo wrote: »

op, have you considered hypnosis or something, sounds extreme but you talk about wanting to train your brain to approach it a different way . Maybe a psychotherapist or something might be able to help you get used to enjoying what you see as opposed to being repulsed by it. I dont know how you'd approach someone with this problem but ya never know there could be someone to accommodate your situation.

The thought had crossed my mind, yeah. I just thought it sounded silly. Maybe it might take some research on the net perhaps.

I really really want to get past this. She deserves me to love every bit of her.

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

I dunno this is a hard one OP. Vulvas like people come in all shapes and sizes. Cliche but true. Vulvas vary a lot. That's part of the attraction in a way. At least for me. Then again people vary a lot and personal preference comes into that too so....

In this case she's a great woman by your account with this hidden to the world part of her being the fly in the ointment. I think if I was in your position I would probably feel that this was part of her uniqueness. Everyone you're goin to meet will have some "flaw" that freaks you out. This is yours.

In the scheme of things it's not a biggy if you think about it. Why miss out on all she has to offer as a person, lover and friend because of this. She probably has some issue with you, like some weird way you eat or something.:) I use that example as one of the women I loved in the past ate like a lion at a wildebeest. It used to kinda freak me, but you know after a while I got to like it. Funny thing love.

She may even feel self conscious about it herself. Wouldn't be surprised. Women have enough on their plate in the looks dept. as it is, so as I say I wouldn't be surprised if she feels a bit wierd "down there".

I know all that shíte sounds a bit to pat and it probably doesn't help you much, but don't miss out on a great soul because of it. Maybe try to think of it as that unique thing that is just for you. You may be surprised to find that you may even miss it if she's not around anymore. I know I did with the crazy eating ex at the time.

That's lovely advice and very welcome, thanks Wibbs.

wylo

also, you say you are going out 3 months, how long have you been having sex, straight away? You'll probably get used to it.

A bit of a crazy analogy here but, its like you walk into a room and theres a smell,the more you go in there and the longer your there the less you smell it until it reaches a stage that your eventually walking in there and you dont even smell it.

LegacyUser

wylo wrote: »

also, you say you are going out 3 months, how long have you been having sex, straight away? You'll probably get used to it.

A bit of a crazy analogy here but, its like you walk into a room and theres a smell,the more you go in there and the longer your there the less you smell it until it reaches a stage that your eventually walking in there and you dont even smell it.

We are sleeping together about a month. I pray to god I get used to it.

Maybe im just in shock as ive never seen one like her's before.