I don't know what to do

LegacyUser

Hi all,
I don't really have a plan as to what I'm going to put down here so firstly, I am very sorry if it comes out as nonsense. As the title says, I really don't know what to do, I feel as if my life is the biggest waste of time. I've gotten myself into a rut and I can't get out of it.

Basically, I've probably been depressed for a very long time, I just didn't want to admit it. This denial led to a serious breakdown in March, I ended up being taken from work to hospital. So since then I've been seeing a great psychiatrist who go to once a week. She was always reluctant to put me on any medication as she thinks that too may doctors jump to that solution too easily.

So we've been trying to get through my issues since then. The main ones being that I have very low self-esteem. People think I'm a very confident person but they couldn't be further from the truth. I have a lot of issues with my appearance, even though everyone i meet says I'm stunning and beautiful. But I just get really uncomfortable when they say these things. I find this is the worst when I'm on a night out. Which thus makes nights out rather rare. I also dont have much friends, i actually only have 2. One who is married and lives ages away and the other who is emigrating to Oz for a great job. I feel all alone.

Anyways, after trying to help for months, last week, she gave me sleeping tablets, as I've been getting no sleep really. She also said that if my mood hadn't changed by next week, she would be putting me on anti-depressants. I am very angry and upset with myself that I amn't strong enough to get through this on my own. I dont want pills, I feel as if my doctor is really disappointed in me because she needs to prescribe me these. I feel a failure.

Skinfull

I've been there. Why cant I get through this without medication? That makes me seem so weak. I feel weak. I feel tired and angry all the time...that was me about 2 years ago.

I was in a dead end relationship, depressed with a very small circle of friends whom I didn't let in far enough to see how scared i really was. I never went out, I never called round I spoke infrequently with them and didn't share. I was seeing a counselor and she and my GP put me on anti depressants. I was on them for 6mths...then went back to the GP and got another 6mths...and after 3 of those months I was finished! I did the whole come down lower dosages for the next three months and as of last November I was finished completely.

Taking the anti depressants was a major step for me as i don't even like to take disprin for a headache but it was amazing. It works. It truely does. Dont be discouraged if you need to take a few different types before they find the one that suits you. You will find help and there will be an end to all this.

Keep talking with your psychiatrist. Get out of your head. I cant give you advice on making new friends as I suck at that but I know there are plenty of people on here who do know that stuff

Main thing is just because you need help doesn't make you a failure. Your GP wont be disappointed in you. If you are close like that to your GP then I suspect he/she will be happy that you are taking an interest in getting youself back on your feet. And if you're not close with him then feck it, who cares what they think!

You can do this. Everyone needs a hand now and then. Dont be afraid to reach out for one!

Wibbs

You shouldn't feel guilty. After all would you feel guilty for wearing a cast on a broken leg for six weeks? Same diff really. They're both supports while you heal yourself.

While I personally would have the opinion that anti depressants are over prescribed by some I would certainly not undervalue them. I would think the same of antibiotics. They were handed out like smarties for years(and even now). It doesn't mean that they're not one of the most important medical advances ever.

LolaLuv

hardtimes wrote: »

. I have a lot of issues with my appearance, even though everyone i meet says I'm stunning and beautiful. But I just get really uncomfortable when they say these things. I find this is the worst when I'm on a night out. Which thus makes nights out rather rare. I also dont have much friends, i actually only have 2. One who is married and lives ages away and the other who is emigrating to Oz for a great job. I feel all alone.

I've found that when people comment positively on my appearance, it sometimes makes me feel worse about myself. One of my friends put it best: She used to be overweight, but she never thought about that as a negative thing. Instead, she would think "I might have a few extra pounds, but I'm still intelligent, kind, etc." Then she lost weight and it suddenly became her focus, and others began commenting on how great she looked, which only made her feel that she was suddenly in a race she didn't sign up for. She felt there was more pressure put on her to be attractive than there was before she lost weight. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but sometimes if people comment on someone's appearance, it feels like they're just being kind or you don't have anything else positive going for you.

As far as feeling like a failure. Everyone has problems sometimes. I think one of the greatest difficulties about being depressed or going through a rough patch is allowing yourself to feel what you need to feel without giving yourself guilt trips over it. There are good times and bad times, and you musn't feel like a failure in the bad times. You've got enough to worry about as it is without beating yourself up.

Strokesfan

Just take the medication to get you over the bad patch you're going through. You shouldn't feel inadequate just because you could do with some help. Hopefully after a while you could reassess everything and come off when you feel stronger.

Best of luck

DenMan

Hey OP

Don't be putting yourself down. First of all it's great that you have decided to get this down instead of keeping it inside. It is great that you are discussing things with your doctor and you are on medication. In here it is great because you can get feedback from people who have been and/or are currently in your situation. I, myself am also one of these people who can relate to your situation. Get yourself registered here on boards.ie and then you will really see the benefits of talking about your problems and getting them out of the way. There are many social avenues you can explore through here. Good luck.

geminilady

Please dont feel like a failure, you are nothing but. I see a courageous person trying to find solutions.

This negativity will bring you down, ignore these negative thoughts. Please dont let them get to you.

And you might find friends on here and they are usually meet ups too

Good Luck : )

LegacyUser

I suppose I feel so angry with myself for needing meds because I know a lot of people who've never been able to properly come off them, I don't want to be taking them for years. I dont even like taking Panadols. I am glad though that my doctor has held off giving me them so far, so I know she isn't the type to prescribe as a quick fix.

I'm supposed to be going back to college in September and I just thought I'd be fine by now and all ready and looking forward to it. I'm worried about not making friends cause I'm a little bit older than most starting the course. I hate worrying about everything, I just wonder why I'm not strong enough to deal with my problems like normal people.

geminilady

I think you should explain to your doctor your apprehensions about taking them and perhaps she may be able to be give you a better understanding about them.
Its normal to be nervous starting anything new but like you said your doctor is best at knowing the best treatment for you.

About the college, thats really great, there are a load of mature students in the college and other people like (25 etc) i go too and they even have there own private lounge!! they all seem to hang around like a big family. Just keep focusing on going to college, it took me a while to settle in but i like it and met some really nice people. My advice would be to you is to join a few clubs and societies.

Its not like your not strong enough to deal with your problems like you said, its just sometimes we need some outside help to bring our difficulties into light, and what is 'normal' today? Lots of people are in the same boat as you, so don't feel alone.

DenMan

Hey OP

Brilliant news that your are going back to college. Just like what geminilady said do your best and really enjoy what you are doing. That's they key, people will take notice of you by the way you carry yourself, especially at college. I am going back to college myself, starting in Sept 08 and I will be going back as MS as well. So have fun when you start and good luck with your studies.

LegacyUser

you thinking that you are a failure is a negative thought that is part of depression. depending on the circunstances it is VERY difficult to beat depression without medication. the thing is, it would be better to look at this as a chemical imbalance, a phisical thing. would you consider yourself a failure if you discoverd you had diabetes or sometnhig? of course you´d feel bad, but why feel like a failure over something you have not much control over?
i´ve been there and understand how you feel. but give yourself a chance to see how you will think and feel when you´re in the RIGHT medication for a certain period of time.