my life is a mess - advice

LegacyUser

I work full time during the week with very long hours. I've got a neighbour who takes advantage of me in that she has me booked permantly for babysitting for saturday nights to go to the pub. Its been going on for months now. Every time i try to talk to her about not being available permantly she worms her way around it, and sends me on a guilt trip, and i end up babysitting every saturday night.

I really cant do it anymore or i'm going to fall over from exhaustion. i'm suffering migraines now on sundays brought on by tiredness so my weekend is not my weekend. My full time job is very demanding so i hardly ever get time to myself.

Although we are neighbours, and we live beside each other, and our families know each other, should i come down heavy on her since she won't listen to me. I've told her that i'm not available this sat night, and i'm going to change my number, and i don't want any more contact with her. Would this be a suitable way to go about it. I don't want to fall out with the rap because we're neighbours but i can't babysit for her again or I'd be back to square one.

impr0v

If this is the worst 'mess' you ever have to deal with you'll live a sheltered life.

Stand up for yourself! Don't even tell her you've unavailable, tell her that you've decided that you've done enough babysitting now and have decided to give it up permanently. Why would you put her happiness ahead of your own when she's shown herself to be ungrateful, unreasonable and mainipulative?

If do you need to sugarcoat it then white lie and tell her that you don't need the money, or you've joined a book club that meets every saturday night, or you've got a boyfriend.

MagicMarker

mary.popins wrote: »

I work full time during the week with very long hours. I've got a neighbour who takes advantage of me in that she has me booked permantly for babysitting for saturday nights to go to the pub. Its been going on for months now. Every time i try to talk to her about not being available permantly she worms her way around it, and sends me on a guilt trip, and i end up babysitting every saturday night.

I really cant do it anymore or i'm going to fall over from exhaustion. i'm suffering migraines now on sundays brought on by tiredness so my weekend is not my weekend. My full time job is very demanding so i hardly ever get time to myself.

Although we are neighbours, and we live beside each other, and our families know each other, should i come down heavy on her since she won't listen to me. I've told her that i'm not available this sat night, and i'm going to change my number, and i don't want any more contact with her. Would this be a suitable way to go about it. I don't want to fall out with the rap because we're neighbours but i can't babysit for her again or I'd be back to square one.

You're neighbour only takes advantage of you because you allow it....

Like improv said, if this is all you have to complain about then you're quite lucky tbh.

davyjose

Grow a pair and just say no. Have you any concept of how ridiculous it is to be sacrificing your health because you're afraid to stand up for yourself?

You really need to change your outlook, if you can't tell someone no, and stick to it.

Pride Fighter

Move.

cHaTbOx

This thread does not warrant

"my life is a mess - advice "

Anyway,Just say no ,you cant go through life pleasing everybody and what do you have to be guilty for ,if you get guilt tripped that easily there must be something wrong.

challengemaster

Wait, you're being whipped by a neighbour? I could understand for someone you're related to, but a neighbour? Cop on, and tell her to fúck off.

barkingmadlolly

OP I think you just need to say no, as someone on here said, you need to just say that you are not going to do it any more. If she sends you on a guilt trip, then you need to stand strong. If this is having such a negative effect on your life then its time to stop. Change your number and dont answer the door to her. First couple of times will be hard, after that she should take the hint. And Make plans for yourself for Saturday night! Even if its a pampering night for yourself, make plans, dont allow yourself to sit in feeling guilty over this!

herya

You fall on your face babysitting for your neighbour to go to the pub? Wow!

Write it down and read out loud to her: "I can't do it anymore for you, XY, I'm too tired after work. You need to find someone else".

And stick with it. No need to change your number or locks but just stick with it.

End of story!

Sephiroth_dude

seriously you have to tell this woman to **** off,next time she asks you,tell her to politely **** off in a stern but polite voice and then smile ,just to patronise her ,does she even pay you for it?

jenga-jen

Just an idea but say no, let her send you on the guilt trip. She'll think you'll still turn up.

Then don't turn up. Under any circumstances.

Loud and clear message that you're done with it.

As other posters said, you need to learn to say no and stick to it. You've caved before to her bully tactics so she thinks you'll cave again.

G'luck!

DenMan

Hi OP

That is very unfortunate I must say. Your neighbor knows that both your families have known each other for quite some time. She is using this against you. That is pretty low of her. You have to put a stop to this immediately or she will take advantage of you for many years to come. Don't let it develop into a long term thing. Act now. You work hard during the week and like everybody you are entitled to the weekend off. Don't allow yourself to be bullied. Stand up to her and say you have made arrangements to do something else and your weekends are now full. Be firm and polite. If she pushes it with another guilt trip tell her to get stuffed!! You earn your time off. Hope it works out for you.

jesus_thats_gre

mary.popins wrote: »

I work full time during the week with very long hours. I've got a neighbour who takes advantage of me in that she has me booked permantly for babysitting for saturday nights to go to the pub. Its been going on for months now. Every time i try to talk to her about not being available permantly she worms her way around it, and sends me on a guilt trip, and i end up babysitting every saturday night.

I really cant do it anymore or i'm going to fall over from exhaustion. i'm suffering migraines now on sundays brought on by tiredness so my weekend is not my weekend. My full time job is very demanding so i hardly ever get time to myself.

Although we are neighbours, and we live beside each other, and our families know each other, should i come down heavy on her since she won't listen to me. I've told her that i'm not available this sat night, and i'm going to change my number, and i don't want any more contact with her. Would this be a suitable way to go about it. I don't want to fall out with the rap because we're neighbours but i can't babysit for her again or I'd be back to square one.

For your own benefit, get some balls and tell her to **** off.

AnonoBoy

OP - did you not post the same problem a few weeks or months back? Apologies if this wasn't you but an extremely similar thread was posted here (can't seem to search the PI forum to find it). If you didn't heed the advice given then, which was pretty much the same advice as is being given now, why come back for more of the same?

Anyway - as people have been saying, just say No to the woman. Tell her you have a date or will be out of town or are sick or something. Make her understand that you are not her employee to be called upon every week. You have a life and you should live it.

Telling her you're not available is the way to do it. Not sure if changing your number is necessary but if you find it hard to say no then maybe it is. Just don't give in.

RuailleBuaille

NO.
It is a sentence all of its own.
Not 'no but...' 'no because..' 'no I'm sorry...'
Just 'No'.
She's taking advantage.
You are allowing her.
NO.

Gumbyman

This neighbour is a parasite. If you feel you can't say no in case you are seen to be doing nothing on the night in question then start taking weekend breaks away. See your friends. I understand that it is hard sometimes to say no full stop. Maybe you could tell her that your Dr strongly advised you to take weekends off to relax due to migraines.

Good luck with it! Remember nobody will think badly of you for standing up for yourself.

biko

Wow, I got deja vu from this thread. OP have you posted about this before?
Afaik my response then was to make yourself unavailable, go out with friends, take a class, lie about taking a class, ...

geminilady

really she is taking advantage of you. you seem really nice but seriously no one will look after you if you dont look after your self. Well she goes on about babysitting you say you have already made plans. dont falll for the guilt trip. Just be strong and assertive she will soon realise your serious.
Some people, the more you give to them the more they take. Honestly dont feel one bit guilty. cause you said it u do it most saturday nights.
Look after yourself and dont let her walk over you, you'll feel much better when you say no
Good Luck

Boggles

When she is out in the pub, sign her mobile up for e-bay alerts, put her kid up for sale on said site.

Bang, the stains are gone!

LegacyUser

yeah you have to start listening to your own needs,if you find confrontation hard you have to find a way that you can over come the fear of it... you can withstand your discomfort in the moment for the sake of becoming your own person..... be ok with the consequences it will have -worst case senario she never talks to you again-great says you!!! its only fear thats holding you back-dont allow her to manipulate you anymore-its you or her make the right choice...