What to do

LegacyUser

I have been with my gf for 4 weeks. But we had been meeting up for a couple of months before that.

Last night she was on my pc and decided to read some chat logs of mine, in which one of them says I liked someone else, which i did, before i was meeting my current girlfriend.

She went off the handle and now she thinks she is second best and that she cant be with me when she feels like this.

i really like her, and we have booked to go to california in september. but she says its over and wants nothing to do with me/holiday.

What can i do? I really want her, and need her.

Wibbs

Is this someone she knows? That would make it more sticky, but still...

OK first thing I would do is calmly explain to her that this was before ye got together and the person in question doesn't hold a candle to her. Try to avoid specifically mentioning the other woman after that, even if she brings it up again. If she does, don't ignore it per se, but just repeat that she's the one you want to be with. Do not run comparisons between the other woman and her. She will have already done so in her head and possibly found herself wanting, so avoid that minefield.

Secondly, tell her you understand how this would make her feel and you feel bad she read this. Don't apologise BTW as she shouldn't have been reading your private stuff and also by apologising you may get her thinking you've something to apologise about. Which you haven't as this was before you were with her.

Don't bring up the whole "you shouldn't have read my stuff". This will put her even more in defensive mode as she will know(if not admit) that she was a tad out of order doing so.

Be calm and collected with her when saying this. If she goes batshít, let her get it out. Don't interrupt her.

When it looks like the conversation is ending, tell her that you do care for her and want to be with her. Tell her that you both had planned more of a future together, holiday etc and it would be a real shame it fell apart because of something that was said before you were together.

Then let her know that while you would really want what you thought you had to continue, you will understand if she doesn't. Tell her you both need space to see what you both want. Then back off. Leave the ball in her court.

I'm sure better counsel from others will follow but that's how I would play it anyhoo.

MJOR

Hiya, Firstly I'd like to know why you let her onto your laptop to look at these chats. It's an invasion of privacy on her part. I would NEVER read my guys texts or msn stuff.
Lets get some perspective here... You are with her four weeks maybe a little longer, i understand that length of time isn't necessarily indicative of strength of feeling however if she ends things over something so trivial is she worth having at all?

Maybe give her time to calm down and think things over then send her a text to ask her does she want to sort it out. (if she is worth being with she'll agree)

Then explain that all this was before you met and maybe offer to delete the logs off the computer.

BTW i understand totally where your head is at atm

RedXIV

agree with the above, not a nice situation to be in mate.

If she's emotional and upset, i'd go and try to fix it asap, if she's in a pure rage, i'd leave her be for a while. Let's look at it this way, if she mentions this to any of her friends, unless they are going to do the whole "i'm so loyal to you so i'm taking your side, coz all guys are pr1cks" someone else is going to say that it's a bit nuts.

Reinforce the point that you chose her over the other girl and make your girl feel superior. As Wibbs said, apologising isn't a good idea, you've done nothing wrong here and she will realise this when she calms down and thinks about it.

It may be a case of waiting for her to recollect her thoughts and approaching her when she's sane calm.

Not alot you can do here OP, if she's not going to be rational, then you can't expect to win by rational means

John Mason

You are only with the girl 4 weeks. I would run, if she is being this dramatic and over the top about something that happened before you got together can you imagine what she would be like after a year.

Dragan

I'd be inclined to agree with IB. This chick sounds a bit childish and drama queeny. "Oh my god, you liked someone before you ever even knew me! I hate you!".

That kind of thing should get short thrift mate.

pwd

You "need her" after being with her 4 weeks?
That's not good.

Here are some Jimi Hendrix lyrics:

Well I am what I am thank god
Some people just dont understand
Well help them god
Find yourself first
And then your tool
Find yourself first
Dont you be no fool

LadyE

TBH I dont think you need to do anything.

She was the one who read your private/personal chat logs. She is wrong here, not you!

And Im sure they would have had a date associated with them, she would of had had to see that on them, so she has no business what-so-ever being moody for this.

She will have to accept that there are other girls in the world and before her, you did fancy other girls.

I also agree with previous poster, 4 weeks is sooo soon for this drama, you are meant to be loved up (not snooping!!) - she is gonna have to get over herself tbh.

How Strange

It seems to be the day for bfs posting about irrational, insecure gfs.

I'd follow Wibbs advice but don't under any circumstances apologise to her. Quite honestly, she is acting like a spoiled brat. Tell her she's the one you want blah blah blah but really if she isn't mature enough to realise that you had a past before her which wasn't all that long ago (4 weeks ffs!) then that's her insecure problem and I think you should see it as a lucky escape.
If you work it out don't EVER take that crap off her again. In future if she's upset about something she has to discuss it like an adult.

I've got a friend who started seeing this girl and then went on a holiday with his mate. It was planned months before he even met her. She made his life a living hell on his hols so much so he came home early to placate her. I saw that as a bad omen for their future relationship and guess what he is completely whipped and has given up his life, friends, interests and hobbies for a manipulating, insecure little b1tch. I've no idea why he puts up with it but he does and it's 4 years later and he probably can't see his life without her now.

I'm not saying your gf is a b1tch but don't ignore big flashing red warning signs that say her behaviour is way out of context and even bang out of order. She has thrown everything including a holiday back in your face because she snooped and found something she didn't like.

What happens the next time something happens and she doesn't like it? And the time after that? And so on...