Cant do this anymore

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the long and complicated post!

Im 24 years old and I feel like giving up.

It all stems from 4 years ago when my boyfriend at the time died of cancer. That in itself has a story behind it. He was a lot older than me and seperated from his wife. He died of cancer and I was never allowed to grieve for him as my family and his family never approved of our relationship.

I have spent the last 4 years trying to come to terms with this and I cant do it. I have no strenght left in me at all.

I have tried counselling in the past but have felt that it didnt help.

This has effecting everything in my life since that point. It has effected my relationship with my family as I am angry at their repsonse to it - especially my mum. I tried to talk to my mum about it at the weekend and she really doesnt see it from my point of view at all.

I just dont think i have the energy to fight it anymore. I have come this far but I feel like i cant go on.

sorry for the long post but i think i just needed to get it off my chest.

any feedback welcome though

Beruthiel

Cantdothis wrote: »

I have tried counselling in the past but have felt that it didnt help.

Perhaps you are now at a stage where you are more open to it helping you this time?
Also, perhaps a different counsellor might help.
After four years, you need someone to help you move on or at the very least, learn to live with this terrible sadness.

RedXIV

Beruthiel wrote: »

Perhaps you are now at a stage where you are more open to it helping you this time?
Also, perhaps a different counsellor might help.
After four years, you need someone to help you move on or at the very least, learn to live with this terrible sadness.

+1

If councilling wasn't working for you before, maybe now it will?

There are far too many options for you to try before giving up and i seriously think that talking to a professional is the way to go.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys.

I just feel that no matter what i do i always end up back here. Im afraid that its going to ruin me and any relationships i might have in the future

as it is it is ruining any friendships i have at the moment. I had a row with 2 of my best friends last night about it and i feel terrible now

r3nu4l

Yup, try again.
Also, not being allowed to grieve or not being supported in grief makes it very tough to actually let go. It obviously affected you an awful lot and while your Mum may not approve her actions aren't helping you now.

Do you have any friends that you can talk to? Try talking to someone and just letting go for a while. Everyone needs some time out after a major event, just to let loose and vent their emotions. At 24 I can assure you that there is definitely still someone out there for you and I'm sure your bf wouldn't have wanted you to go through life feeling like you are now or being without someone else. Try the counselling again, make sure you find a counsellor you can establish a good relationship with.

muppetkiller

Would travel ease your pain ? Maybe go abroad for a year or two..
Maybe being surrounded by bad memories only drags you down...

Oryx

Your family and friends dont share your grief, and it seems like they dont understand the depth of it or sympathise. Which must make you feel very isolated and unable to express it all to those closest to you.

Unfortunately they may never understand, and I just wonder if it might make your battle to overcome this easier, if you could reconcile yourself to that. Draw a line under that aspect, and deal with your grief yourself, separate from any need for others to understand it.

You still need to be able to talk it out though, maybe through counselling, or with other bereaved people who have been through it and do understand. Im sorry I cannot recommend any organisation, but perhaps others can.

MJOR

Oryx wrote: »

Your family and friends dont share your grief, and it seems like they dont understand the depth of it or sympathise. Which must make you feel very isolated and unable to express it all to those closest to you.

Unfortunately they may never understand, and I just wonder if it might make your battle to overcome this easier, if you could reconcile yourself to that. Draw a line under that aspect, and deal with your grief yourself, separate from any need for others to understand it.

You still need to be able to talk it out though, maybe through counselling, or with other bereaved people who have been through it and do understand. Im sorry I cannot recommend any organisation, but perhaps others can.

plus one
I understand where you are coming from grief is a very personal thing and you need to work through it. Its awful that you feel so alone and from your friends perspective they might feel you are going over old ground.


A good counsellor would make all the difference I think. You sound very low and need to talk about this.

good luck xxxxxxxxxxxx