Stupid question - How to make friends?

LegacyUser

I feel like a bit of a loser posting this but here goes...

A while back I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. And since then I've come to realise that I've never really had any friends of my own. When I was younger I always had people to hang out with but no-one close, it didn't really bother me at the time. But now that I'm single again, and on my own, I've realised that I have no-one to go out and do stuff with. I feel like a real saddo.

I'd really like to make a few friends but I haven't a clue how to. I've never learned how to make friends, I suppose. And I don't want to sit around griping about it, I want to change it. I want to be more comfortable around new people and in social situations. I guess the obvious advice would be to join in an activity, like a dance class or something, but would it be okay to do this on your own?

Can anyone give me any clues on how I could be more comfortable with meeting new people? I guess practise but how? Males and females. I'm not looking for a relationship, just friendship. And I'm not looking to find an immediate BFF, just someone to hang out with, go shopping or to the movies or share a bottle of wine and a chat on a Friday night.

Would the fact that I, at the moment, have no friends put other people off being friends with me? The last thing I want is to meet someone and scare them off by being desperate! Should I go for counselling to find out if there's a reason for having no friends? Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

cowzerp

just be friendly and honest to the people your around and you'll develop relationships-some will become friends and others wont..

RedXIV

Making friends is suprisingly easy when you know the secret, and the secret is to try.

Talking to people on a regular basis until they become familiar with you is making friends.

Joining a class or activity (which you shouldn't worry about doing on your own, it makes you look independant, a good quality for attracting friends) is really good because you have something in common to share.

People you work with are easy to make friends with once you put in a little effort. ask them about their lives etc and watch them open up to you.

If you're in dublin and you're worried about these options, hell, I'LL be your friend

come to the boards beers on friday and meet boardsies!

or if ya want to do something one on one, let me know, i may have contacts near ya and they are all as ridiculously fun and friendly as me!

Hope this helps

Red

Erica-smiley

Is there any way you could meet new friends at work/school/college?

When I started my job last yr I made loads of new friends... Its a good way to meet people!!:D

Would you consider joining a club (sports or something like that)??

I dont know if you need counselling only you can decide that!!
Hope that helps a lil xx

DenMan

Hi OP

I wouldn't think you would need to see a counselor. Then again only you know that? First thing you could do is register here on boards.ie. It's amazing, on some of the other forums they have a beers night etc during the week. Suppose it's a great way to put a face to the names that post. Never an excuse for a drink and a chat. Then again those forums are solely dedicated to alcohol.

Even now you are doing something creative. Why not expand and explore that. Join a creative writing group, put together a piece of work and have it looked at by like minded individuals. Happens here all the time, lol. Join a theater group, do some productions, whatever interests you. Go for it. You won't be disappointed.

DenMan

Looks like Red beat me to it, lol. By the way Red do you have any beer contacts in Sligo. I am from Dublin but living here now and will be starting in Sligo IT in Sept as a MS.

zAbbo

Finding a common interest helps.

I found myself up in Dublin alone about 6 months ago, but I created a Movie Club (see sig), have met a running partner, and joined a book club.

All using tools at your fingertips, websites like boards.ie help - if you look closer to some of the more niche forums.

The Non Drinkers Club are meeting up tonight, most of whom won't know each other (see my sig for details)

Gumtree is a life saver for both responding and putting up ads, check out their Sports Partners, Activities and Events sections.

Dublin Free Events is another which can help.

Obviously it depends where your based, but in Dublin - there are a number of groups on Facebook, like New Pub Friday.

The most important thing, as mentioned, is to try.

RedXIV

DenMan wrote: »

Looks like Red beat me to it, lol. By the way Red do you have any beer contacts in Sligo. I am from Dublin but living here now and will be starting in Sligo IT in Sept as a MS.

i think i know two guys up there, i'll PM ya details when i confirm it. these guys would be serious drinkers though

EDIT: OP, now ya can see the massive options open to you, just try em and you may suprise yourself

srdb20

+1 for the boards beers, the lads n' lassies had a ball there recently

Wish i could have made it, will definitely be trying for this Friday.:D

Hopefully just as good!!!

edit - Hey OP ill even buy you your first drink!

kittensoft1984

Hi OP,

I recently moved from Dublin to Galway and I had very little friends when i first moved down....i had 1!!

I have been here for 6 months and I now have more friends than i did when i was in dublin.

The key to this is just to be yourself. As someone else said people you work with are a brilliant way of making friends, I have made some great friends in work.

Also join some clubs etc...I actually do some volunteer work which again has made me some great friends.

As someone said go out to the boards beers! They are also a great way of making friends.

Hope this helps a little

LegacyUser

Hi, it's me again, I wasn't sure of how to respond as I'm unregistered.

Thank you to everyone for your advice. I guess there is no trick or secret that I don't know about. It just takes putting yourself out there. I will definately try. At the moment the thought of going out with a group of people I don't know is a bit scary but it'll probably get easier the more I do it.

I would be afraid to try to do someone with the people at work because if something happened that we didn't get on it would mean an uncomfortable working situation. It's a really small business and they're all quite a bit older than me. But I don't know, maybe that's just me making excuses.

I've always been shy. More now than ever before though because I care a bit more about what people think of me. Unfortunately I know I've come across as being sly or sneaky in the past, people thinking I'm up to something when it's just that I don't know what to say and am afraid I'll say something offensive or stupid. People have also thought in the past that I think I'm better than them, or too good to talk to them when it's the exact opposite! I feel inadequate and like I have nothing interesting to say! The reason I know this is through my (now ex) boyfriend. People were kind of forced to interact with me through him and they said later that it's what they first thought of me.

Okay, so I will work on getting up the courage to come to the Boards Beers, that's my new project. So hopefully I will see you soon. Thanks again.

Cazlou

zAbbo wrote: »

Finding a common interest helps.

I found myself up in Dublin alone about 6 months ago, but I created a Movie Club (see sig), have met a running partner, and joined a book club.

All using tools at your fingertips, websites like boards.ie help - if you look closer to some of the more niche forums.

The Non Drinkers Club are meeting up tonight, most of whom won't know each other (see my sig for details)

Gumtree is a life saver for both responding and putting up ads, check out their Sports Partners, Activities and Events sections.

Dublin Free Events is another which can help.

Obviously it depends where your based, but in Dublin - there are a number of groups on Facebook, like New Pub Friday.

The most important thing, as mentioned, is to try.

I was going to say the same thing as zAbbo about the cinema tonight - that's if you're in Dublin, you should definitely come along!
Another option is to check out the Ladies Lounge, I was in a place at the start of the year that all my friends were moving away, getting married, having children and all loved up. Since I came across the LL I've met some FAB girlies/ladies and we try and arrange fairly regular meetups as well as joining in on the different beers that take place
have a read of
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055211364
for an idea of the kinda stuff we've gotten up to over the last 6 months!:)

G86

Hey Chick

I came out of a 5 year relationship at the end of last year, and I found it hard that alot of my friends were all loved up - I needed some new girlies to have the craic with!! So I made myself chat more to people and go out more - and now I've a great group of friends that I consider just as fab as the mates I've had for years.

I'm heading to this boards thing on fri, so if you want to pm me you could meet us before heading in if you like

RedXIV

LonelyGirlAgain wrote: »

At the moment the thought of going out with a group of people I don't know is a bit scary but it'll probably get easier the more I do it.

Trust me, i can vouch for this, going out with randomers is nothing but fun when you don't hold any judgement. If it's conversation skills you need, let me know, i once had a fiery debate with a brick wall, i can hold a convo with ANYONE

LonelyGirlAgain wrote: »

Okay, so I will work on getting up the courage to come to the Boards Beers, that's my new project. So hopefully I will see you soon. Thanks again.

You should def do it, meet up with one of the girls from the ladies lounge first, i haven't met one yet i don't like (yet) and they are all very open and friendly and probably well used to escorting shy folk to these. And go up and give me a poke at it and i'll chat away until your sick of me

lolly22

Hey op,

Im in a similiar situation as you and is why i joined boards last week and its the best thing iv done in a while .
I live to work and like yourself im pretty shy when it comes to meeting poeple or making friends so I hide myself in my work. I do the same thing practically every day go to work come home eat and sleep...thats it!

Im desperate to change it now as i know i cant live my life like this so I joined here and its not that scary
Everyones soooo lurvley:p

It can be hard and I know i have to make an effort and im willing to because I want to make a friend of everyone I meet now:D

So if you ever want to talk or make a friend PM me im in the same boat so so what have you got to loose

Best of luck with your future and all your new friends:p

Lolly

LegacyUser

I've been living in Dublin for almost 12 months now. When I arrived with my boyfriend from overseas we didn't know a single person and this was incredibly daunting at the time. Neither of us is very outgoing but the best thing we did was to join an indoor sports league. The people we've met through this have become really good friends. Most weeks we go for a drink or two after the game and we meet up at the weekends for dinner, etc... Work is another great way to meet people. If there's no one in your current job that you click with and would see out of work you could always look at a part time evening or weekend job in a pub or retail working with other young people.

If you're in Dublin here's the link to the website, www.netballdublin.com. No doubt you'll find similar organisations elsewhere.

anonon

srdb20 wrote: »

+1 for the boards beers, the lads n' lassies had a ball there recently

Wish i could have made it, will definitely be trying for this Friday.:D

Hopefully just as good!!!

edit - Hey OP ill even buy you your first drink!

Hi, i'm just curious about these gatherings. In which forum are they detailed/organised etc?

Clare Bear

anonon wrote: »

Hi, i'm just curious about these gatherings. In which forum are they detailed/organised etc?

The BGRH drinks is this Friday in D2. Go to Rec at the top of the page and click on Beer Guts & Receeding Hairlines, there's details of this Friday's Beers in there.

anonon

great thanks

DenMan

It should be a blast. Sorry I will miss this one, can't be helped. Deadlines!!! Enjoy all.

anonon

How frequent are these piss ups?? Are they weekly things or what?

RedXIV

anonon wrote: »

How frequent are these piss ups?? Are they weekly things or what?

there was one last friday organised on a whim, someone asked if anyone was up for beers, 15+ people showed up.

most are organised well in advance. usually every few weeks but if your bored, organise one!

gillian147

I moved to Dublin last August and to cut a long story short I was supposed to be getting married but it all finished at Christmas time (I am very happy about this, it was my choice).

Im a very social friendly person, I have a professional job and great work collegues. I train twice a day, I do classes in the evening.

Despite all of this, I find myself incredibly lonely.........
Im not a big drinker because I train a lot. My work collegues all have their own lives and partners so I find saturday evenings very hard sometimes.

If anyone ever fancies a coffee or a chat, please pm me. I assure you Im completely normal

DenMan

Well OP as you can see you have got a lot of terrific responses to your thread. A lot of people in your situation. That's why it's great here on the boards as it helps people to feel better about themselves...it's working...:)

Go and enjoy the Beers coming up tomorrow if you can make it down. Then try and make it a regular thing. You will have a great time. Enjoy.

JuliusCaesar

http://www.meetup.com/cities/ie/dublin/

has a lot of meet ups with different interests.