update and question

allthingsgreat

I posted here a while back about seeing someone of 6 months who never had time for me because of his 12 hour shifts and other commitments. Well things have not changed. He told me last week he did not want to see me for about 3 weeks,blaming work

Here is the story.

-Started this new job 3 months ago and got really friendly with one of my co-workers (he's in another dept. but we still pass each other on the way to the photocopier a lot).

-I feel guilty for being friendly with him because of my bf. The co-worker said "I love talking to you sweetheart, you're not like the rest of them", last Thursday: he walked off smiling at me.

This guy pays me a good lot of attention, like when he passes my desk he'll stop for a little chat..

-I don't know how to feel now. I like how the co-worker makes me feel noticed, but how my boyfriend doesn't even pick up the phone when i call him, or answer my text messages/doesn't return calls.

If anyone has advice please share.

Beruthiel

This was your previous thread.
You were given advice on it. Since then, I'm wondering what exactly you did with that advice?

I mean, from your comments in your first thread, I'm wondering why you are still with him.

RedXIV

Ok, lets be ruthless here, you want to be happy right?

Bf that decided he doesn't want to hear from you for 3 weeks? and he blamed work? BULL! i'm working two jobs, doing training and if anyone asked for time i'd make it for them. This guy doesn't sound like great BF material.

New guy, ok, he may seem nice and all but i recommend that you take this one nice and slow, if only for if he finds out you broke up with someone to get with him, might make him a bit nervous.

Go for what makes you happy lass. your currnet bf is putting work and other commitments before you, you shouldn't feel guilty putting your happiness before his.

allthingsgreat

I thought about all of the advice I was given (including the "walk away" types of advice).. I talked to my boyfriend about not spending time with me etc and he said he'd try to make space for me but that i'd "see him when I see him" because he is very busy.

I appreciate being told to take it nice and slow with the co-worker, thing is I don't know whether he is actually with someone, also I'm wondering about the gossip thing, in those kinds of places I'd say that people thrive on work place romances or whatever the case, something to be "talky" about during idle hours anyway.

Anyway I just don't know what to do now. I have brought it up again and again to BF about not seeing me. And I put it to him that telling me he doesn't want to see me for 3 weeks hurt me.

You're right in saying he isn't good boyfriend material.

Right then, I feel silly for posting here now I probably should've just put pen to paper and sorted out how I was feeling by myself. I'm going to take this week to arrange to have a chat with my boyfriend about everything. I may just forget about my co-worker and get over the fact that it may not happen anyway.

Thanks anyway for the posts, and thank you to those who replied to the first thread I began.

How Strange

First of all, in my experience of men (good, bad and terrible) if they are into you then they make the time to see you; if their not then they won't. Simple as.

Why the hell are you still with this guy? You've been seeing each other 6 months and you'er putting up with this rubbish.

Now a guy in work is paying you attention and you're trying to figure out if you're better off staying with the bf or if you and this guy could go somewhere.

OP, I apologise if this offends you but your self esteem must be rock bottom if you're willing to put up with your bf's crap after 6 months together and the only escape you can see is this chap in work who's paying you a bit of attention.

Believe me, life as a single person is quite good and you don't have to entertain people's crap. I was single for years and it always amazed me how girls (even seemingly strong confident ones) would let themselves be treated like sh1t by men. They'd b1tch and moan about it but never actually do anything.

Ditch the bf and enjoy the flirting with your colleague. It may or may not go anywhere but it's a bit of fun and a distraction.

LegacyUser

Op, dump this loser please.

He blatantly has no time for you. If he is like this after 6 months he will only get worse with time. And as for not answering calls or texts I just dont tolerate that kind of thing. Surely he has his phone with him at work and can at some point in those 12 hours make an effort to text you back?

What you have is not a relationship. Its a guy you see a max of twice a week who shows no interest in you. Im sorry that this sounds blunt its obvious you care about this guy but you have to respect yourself.

As for the co worker - enjoy the flirtaton and leave it at that. I have learned from experience 'dont screw the crew'. Please dont take this the wrong way but I think the appeal of the co worker is that he is showing you interest (which your BF doesnt) and flattering you (which your BF doesnt). Please dont jump for him as he is the next one that came along. It sounds as if you are afraid to be alone but maybe some csingle time is what you need to gain some self confidence and a guy you deserve who treats you right?

Linoge

Are you sure he actually hasn't already broken up with you and you have forgotten about it? 3 weeks is probably the usual time to go without seeing each other in a break up to give each other space and sort your heads out. He's not replying to your calls or texts because its all part of the no contact/break up.

If you have only been going out 6 months and he doesn't want to talk to you for 3 weeks you are dumped love. It's just a pity that he's such a chicken sht that he won't tell you straight and/or remind you that you are no longer going out.

allthingsgreat

Linoge wrote: »

Are you sure he actually hasn't already broken up with you and you have forgotten about it? 3 weeks is probably the usual time to go without seeing each other in a break up to give each other space and sort your heads out. He's not replying to your calls or texts because its all part of the no contact/break up.

If you have only been going out 6 months and he doesn't want to talk to you for 3 weeks you are dumped love. It's just a pity that he's such a chicken sht that he won't tell you straight and/or remind you that you are no longer going out.

Thanks to everyone who posted and I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time here.

I am just re-reading my post. He rang tonight, I happened to be out with two friends of mine and I went outside to a quiet place. I was on the phone to him for an hour almost. I realize now that it is a fear of being single that has kept me in this position. A fear of losing him, of giving him away even though he's not mine to keep. It is a fear of changing what I have been used to, and a fear of standing up for myself, a skill I once possessed but of which I now am in need of re-acquisition.

Thank you to the poster who said my self-esteem must be low, because it is and i was in denial of that fact. I've made contact with a counselor in order to start working on it. My appointment is next week.

Progress is what's needed now and I realize that. I'm going to talk to my boyfriend this week about everything, and I don't think I am dumped, tonight's phone call rather confirmed that fact. I asked again about the "three week period" of not seeing one another and he said he was "talking jibberish", which confused me in a big way but again, that will become clearer when we have a chat this week.

Also, regarding the co-worker nothing will materialise, I have decided not to embark upon any romantic pursuits.

Thank you again to anyone who posted