Very lonely and tired

LegacyUser

well i dont know why im writing this i have no one to talk to so il just write it. im 26 and moved down here more than a yr ago to do a course i like the course but i dont know if il get a job at it im not a genius at it and i have no contacts and in this country thats the way it is. im very lonely for a long time. i have a few friends here but they have their own lives i feel like i have no one. I find it very hard to get up in the mornings and be conscious i dont find much to be motivated about i know im healthly and not homeless im very lucky to have what i have and to have a family anyway. The person closest to me was my brother and he moved to australia 2 yrs ago i havnt seen him since then. i used to enjoy going to my home sometimes at some wkends now i dont much anymore because there is a big gap there since my dog died last yr we had her for 15 yrs and i dont know anyone there anyways. my family have their own problems im not noticed when im there. all my cousins and everyone from there just dont want me to be a part of anything, they are all clanish anyway just because i chose to be myself and think with my own mind, they dont accept me well i have always felt like im not needed or wanted by anyone anyways. life is very hard

Captain Ginger

Being lonely is a horrible horrible thing because you can be in the best party in the world, surrounded by thousands of people and still be alone. When I was a teenager I felt the same as you and it's how I started using the internet, I joine up forums similar to this and talked to people in the topics that interested me, but of course no amount of online friends can make up for a lack of real contact.

I don't really know what to reccomend to be honest, I started making more of an effort to go out and talk to people, I joined up a few things (like I took up fencing) which ment I met new people and made some friends.

lolly22

Hi OP

I totaly agree with Captain Ginger. I too have felt lonely all through my teens i was bullied in school and kept it too my self all those years which was extreamly hard and lonely but a decided when i left school to stop feeling sorry for myself and get up and do something about it. i took up a few hobbies I enjoyed and knew I would be good at which gave me more confidence to go out and meet new people.Im not saying by any means that its easy to do but if you try it does get easier. Hope this helps in any way.

Take care;)

SpitfireIV

No chance of you going to Australia for a while no? To see your bro? It'd give you something to concentrate on, ie getting everything ready etc as well as having something to look forward to. And you'd have a good time out there, bit of sun, bit of fun!

LegacyUser

hi,i have been in this situation and there was a deep hurt in my heart but now i am in a very positive place-i had no one at one point and i used to feel really ineadequate for this reason... but now i feel totally different.... what you need to see in yourself is that you did not comprimise yourself to fit into your family and cousins-it is a strength to be you and to be proud of being you-you do not have to judge yourself by their standards of life anymore you are different and there is a different life out there for you-how exciting!!!

if you can find a way of letting go of your old identity with your past you will realise that you will fit in other places perfect for you-you may be alone for a while but you will not be lonely-two different things,maybe there is a part of you that likes being on your own but cant accept it because you feel its wrong?....

i have learnt to accept myself and follow my dreams,even if they are little dreams i allow myself to watch t.v for instance even though i had a critical voice in my head saying you watch too much tv of you shouldnt do this or that-i wore myself out,ever notice the voice in your head that is critical???... try to accept you and your life the way it is and accept that it is lonely right now.... feel the lonelyness and be with the lonelyness and just realise that you are just lonely,thats all!.....

its only a thought and a thought can be changed....start to see all the great things that you are-and build up a positive self image-i guarentee you you will attract people toward you ...

sometimes i have a whole day where i have not seen anyone i know.... but i would have had a full day interacting with lots of different people... like today i met an elderly lady at the bus stop and we just chatted about life and she was full of wisdom and stories and i just sat and listened and realised i was having a great experience with a stranger... i felt really good after i got off the bus,and i didnt feel lonely at all....

a very inspirational book i have recently read is ' a new earth' by eckhart tolle,it blew me away-it shows a completly different way of existing and experiencing the world... like not taking life so seriously as if we are just another flower blowing in the wind we are just as signifigant really....

sorry if i sound a bit mad! but you dont have to let your mind control how you feel-just experience what its like to be you and feel how great you are....

RedXIV

Made a new years resolution two years ago and kept it going to this day. meet one new person and talk to them everyday. now sometimes its incredibly difficult to find someone new to talk to but it's a life choice that i'd recommend to anyone. even if you just try it for a fortnight to see if you can. you'd be suprised how many friends you could make doing this

Best of luck OP

Red

lolly22

Wow Redxiv thats definately an 'origional' new years resolution. sounds like that would be a bit hard to day every single day but the amount of friends would be great, might give it a try. Op, chin up things do get easier if you let them belive me. maybe it that ago see how you get on.

Smile

RedXIV

lolly22 wrote: »

Wow Redxiv thats definately an 'origional' new years resolution. sounds like that would be a bit hard to day every single day but the amount of friends would be great, might give it a try. Op, chin up things do get easier if you let them belive me. maybe it that ago see how you get on.

Smile

You should do. although sometimes i cheat and use emails to people on here for example as my "talking to someone new today" but in general it's great. I started work in a new company a month ago. I know the security guards, the cleaners, the receptionists, the HR people, most of the managers, Its great walking through a place and everyone saying hi to ya. Take an interest in people and it's dead easy.

ntlbell

RedXIV wrote: »

Y Its great walking through a place and everyone saying hi to ya. Take an interest in people and it's dead easy.

It's as close as the average joe gets to being famous.

lolly22

yeah you've hit the nail on the head Red! as i said to OP before i was bullied through all of my school years and my family had there own issues to deal with so kept it to myself i thought it would never end being lonely all the time till i left school was a nightmare. now i try to make the most of everything and everyone in life.
Yeah it can be hard when youve been made to feel like sh/t for so long
but i knew feeling sorry for myself was not the answer.
I try to be a positive and confident person and thats when i realised thats what others seek in you. take each day as it comes and smile:D it appeals to others and makes them want to be your friend

lol

Overheal

Damn Red I think my Head would explode trying to remember names of people .... how do you do that?!

ntlbell

Overheal wrote: »

Damn Red I think my Head would explode trying to remember names of people .... how do you do that?!

Practice usually.

I tend to attach something with a new person i meet's name

sort of like mind mapping.

It's always nice to be able to recall the name and you can usually see the surprise in the person's eye as most people don't make the effort.

DenMan

Hi OP

I agree with all of the responses to your thread. Being lonely is the worst feeling in the world. All of us experience, myself included. I think knowing that you feel lonely is a step in the right direction. Your acknowledging it. Now you need to move on to step 2. Finding a hobby or something you are good at will take the loneliness away slowly. I am sure you have something that you really enjoy. Even doing things like writing stories can be great for the mind, it gives it something to really concentrate on.

Even taking up an instrument is really terrific. Right now I am startting to learn the keyboard and when I am ready am going to set up a ban and do some covers. I agree with the other poster regarding taking up fencing. That sounds like a brilliant idea, something I am definitely going to look into. Go for it man. Another thing would be to go and visit your brother in Australia. A change of scenery will do you the world of good. Spend some time with your family as well. Being away from them is hard for them aswell. Write a short story and enter it into a festival. You may or may not win but you will feel proud of the effort you put into it. Your family will notice this in you and will encourage you and help you get back on track.

Do it one step at a time, no rushing. The gradually you do it the more confident you will get, and as a result you will feel much better about yourself. Time is on your side man.

RedXIV

ntlbell wrote: »

Practice usually.

I tend to attach something with a new person i meet's name

sort of like mind mapping.

It's always nice to be able to recall the name and you can usually see the surprise in the person's eye as most people don't make the effort.

Bingo. security guard in work's name is Kevin. My dad's name is Kevin. they both work in security. He has a wife and a kid (no names yet though ) and asking about his kid every now and again seems to make him chuffed.

Receptionist's name is Cathy. She's looking to find somewhere to teach ballet. Mentioned a few places to look up online and a friend of mine who wanted to learn. She's chuffed.

These are TINY things to do for people but they mean alot to them.

As for the names thing, if ya forget, do what i do. call em lass or mate

DenMan

Another thing to do is to register here with boards.ie. Getting things down is a great way to help you through your problems. We are all here on the same boat. Take the plunge. It will make you feel better.

LegacyUser

well, yea i know there is many ways out of loniness i might join something or learn something new i just have to face the fear and do it anyway. Going out socially never helped me it always made me feel worse and many people dont be themselves when they are in groups just because they fear not fitting in. i think joining something you are interested in is better because you have a better chance of relating with people you have things in common with.