Confused and hurt!!

LegacyUser

I have been through a lot in the last year and it's only recently i've been beginning to be able to let the past go. In saying that i was going out with a great guy for the past few months and i was totally in love with him. I know it may not seem like a very long time but it was to me.

Anyway he broke up with me today and i'm in shock, there was never any indication coming up to today that it was going to happen and i just can't believe it. I went through a messy break up last year and i came to believe that there was light at the end of the tunnel but in my case this guy was mine. And now it's gone i really don't know what to do.

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated! Thanks

LifeISforLivin

Aw <<hugs>>

Did he give you an explanation, it might help because that way you could make some sense of it and move on.....

LegacyUser

Ya well it was a sort of reason, not anything great, it was nothing i did. I mean we had a great relationship, possibly had 2or 3 arguments which were never big. Got on so well, i always thought it would go somewhere in that sense, so i just don't see where it all went wrong.

I duno what to do with this situation, duno whether to talk to him or whether to just leave it be. Im just so shocked.

inloveandf*cked

This is the original op, was just easier to register. Ya he gave ma a reason but its nothing i did, im just at a total loss here. I don't understand it, especially when there was no signs.

LifeISforLivin

Hmmm that sounds a bit fishy to me.....what was the reason do you mind me asking, no sweat if you prefer not to say...

More importantly.....do you believe him.....the suddenness of it with no warning seems a little fishy....

flyingdagger

I'm sorry to hear that,there's nowt quite like a broken heart.If he's sat down with you and offered an explanation(like you mentioned it had nothing to do with you) there's not really much you can do.It's a crap cliche but it's true-only time will work on this one.Accept that theres no point in fighting to keep something going if both parties aren't fully up for it.Be kind to yourself.Hugs.

Rob_l

brokenhearted wrote: »

I went through a messy break up last year and i came to believe that there was light at the end of the tunnel but in my case this guy was mine. And now it's gone i really don't know what to do.

OP this bit is core to me why it went wrong and will go wrong again, you cant live your life for other people or make other people the centre of your life(your light at the end of a tunnel) if you do that then you will be disappointed many times in life.
You have to do things for you, sure its tough when break ups happen but it doesn't affect anything else in your life or shouldn't anyway.

Magicmatilda

Hiya,

I was going out with a guy for two months. Was a bit of a shaky start but then we really gelled. Told me he loved me everything. ANyway we were planning on doing some travelling round South America last sunday night after just coming back from a weekend down the country. Next morning he woke up and dumped me, just like that but I wasn't given a reason. He said he felt i had lied about somethings but wouldn't say what.

Anyway I have spent the last week reassessing things. I have decided to still go travelling next year and I have just joined a gym and started going. This has helped me to feel positive about myself and life. Also lean on your friends. that helps.

inloveandf*cked

emmm well no he said it by txt. That wasnt his fault really, he did wana meet up tonight but i kinda felt it coming from the texts and went on at him to just tell me.. I'd rather not say the reason but i'll just say that to me it made no sense and was completely unexpected.

I'm still like WTF!!

inloveandf*cked

Rob_l wrote: »

OP this bit is core to me why it went wrong and will go wrong again, you cant live your life for other people or make other people the centre of your life(your light at the end of a tunnel) if you do that then you will be disappointed many times in life.
You have to do things for you, sure its tough when break ups happen but it doesn't affect anything else in your life or shouldn't anyway.

When your in a relationship that happens. My life never revolved around him, but he helped me is what i meant.

LifeISforLivin

No worries at all.... do you think it would be worthwhile meeting up with him in person anyway? ......that way you could look into his eyes and see if he is just giving you an "excuse" (reason) or his reason is real....

I think you deserve more than just to be dropped by text after all you were seeing him more than a few weeks, I know you forced him to tell you but still its reasonable to want to know where it went wrong and to make sense of it....

Like its either of 2 scenarios:

1. His reason is real, for example he felt the relationship was less serious than you and you just didnt see it, in which case you can look back at the whole thing with more objective eyes, learn from it and not make the mistake in a future one.....

2. His reason is bull$hit, for example -its not you its me, you're too good for me and all that nonsense, in which case good riddance to bad rubbish, see ya later, he is not the man you thought he was......statements like that are habitually used by cowards who are too chicken to admit that they are bored by the relationship or had mentally moved on some time ago but continued "putting on an act" that he was still into you, which there is no excuse for. If it is that, really after this hurt you will start to realise you are better off....

Anyway, I will stop speculating, you need answers I think and only he can give them.....

inloveandf*cked

I know, i know i should talk to him but would facing him now when its really fresh be a bad idea for me. I just don't want this all to blow up in my face

LifeISforLivin

Hmmm, I dunno, how are you feeling.....do you feel you would rather just put it all to one side for today?

...if you feel you cant take any more today then dont, its been a shock I'd say, listen to your instincts .....sometimes its all too much to take in...

Is there anyone in RL you can speak to who understands......

inloveandf*cked

It is a bit, i spose it wouldn't be too bad if i was expecting it but... i wasn't so it makes it 10 times worse.

inloveandf*cked

Maybe it was my fault.. sure i'll just go ahead and presume it was anyway.. Can't be completely faultless

Fromamaleview

<snip>. Hardly helpful and basically I don't like where this is going. Low post count guff always smells funny. If you want to post helpful stuff, fine. If you want to post ostensibly "honest" stuff that is clearly meant to rile, don't come back. One more along those lines and it's ban time. Read the charter

inloveandf*cked

Fromamaleview wrote: »

<snip> Refers to edited post

First of all how dare you presume to know me. I actually have quite a few friends and i think the reason people come on here is to get non-biased advice. If you only joined boards to insult people then politely f*uck off.

LifeISforLivin

Fromamaleview wrote: »

<snip> Refers to edited post

TROLL !:rolleyes: and a pretty amateur one at that, jog on Roger irrelevant!

Wibbs

OK fun's over. Lets get back on topic with helpful stuff.

inloveandf*cked

Thanks Wibbs

It's just a hard feeling to describe. Because it was a shock i'm at a loss as to what to do. So if anyone does have any advice it is greatly appreciated.

Creachadóir

I think it's hardest when it comes out of the blue like that. But the thing is, if he says that you did nothing wrong, you have to accept that. I've gone through it all lately, and if he doesn't appreciate you he's not worth it *hugs*

Get out there and do some sport, get the happy hormones racing!!

Meet up with your friends for coffee. Go out clubbing and do loads of dancing.

Get your hair done and look and feel your best.

lorna100

I posted this on another thread a while back, it might help you OP. was with a guy for 3 years and we broke up out of the blue.. there was a few fights leading up to it and both he and i were under huge pressures. still though, it hurts. hope this helps, vene a little:

Give yourself time to grieve. you need this, dont try to pick yourself up too soon. you need time to rest, its a big shock to the entire body. cry it out - clichéd, but true. At you own pace, start piecing your new life together. its not easy, but you will get through it. things will come together.

IMO, the pain doesnt weaken, you just learn to deal and cope with it. Im getting on with my life, and trying to get out there and return to the charismatic, bubby person that I was. (before meeting my ex)

Give yourself plenty of time, dont rush things. I know that at the moment, if he rang me and asked to get back together, i would say yes in an instant. but i know this will pass - better and brighter things are ahead.

a few quotes that really helped me: I dont know where they came from or who wrote them though.

"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change." - get back to basics. learn to appreciate the simple things in life, and in time you'l be ok.

Lorna x

LifeISforLivin

Oh well done Lorna, good advice

RedXIV

Been there too OP, went out with a girl for months, was coming up to her b-day, i was in the middle of organising what i wanted to get her and i get a text that sounded a bit odd, about her wanting to meet up and talk, i pushed it and same thing, got told i was gonna have to be single again.

Went to the pub that night and two of my mates found me about 3 hours later and took my on a lads night in and thank god they did. Got a phone call that night and spent about 45 mins on the phone to her, completely wasted so don't remember any of the reasons she gave for breaking up with me but i kept saying "no, it's grand, if your happy, go with it".

Thought to myself, i was tough enough, i'll manage this, but the next time i heard her voice in college i went all cold and had to bail. Took her cornering me in a night club to get me to talk to her (good trick when i'm twice her size too ) and she said she totally understood if i wanted to hate her. Now i couldn't hate anything if i tried, takes too much effort but this really REALLY sucked. And i felt as bad as you.

2 weeks later and i was grand. don't ask me how, might have just been the constant thoughts of "I can do better" or "Who is she? she's looks like a nice girl". distract yourself lass, and know after reading the above that everyone goes through something like this, but there's always light at the end of the tunnel

LegacyUser

sorry for the breakup... its the rejection that hurts the most because it was a suprise but it really is his loss.. people get scared for many reasons and just find walking away the easiest thing,it has nothing to do with you... its really hard to look at it like this but there is someone perfect for you around the corner...

he just made it easier on you to move on from him-well to me i feel you should let him go and enjoy the single life again...try and be with the hurt of it and allow it to pass... we really can do nothing else but ride it out sometimes-and if you can suround yourself will all the things in your life that you love you will get through it and it will make you stronger-more insightful next time...

i had my heart broken years ago and i was absolutly devestated-i couldnt understand this feeling of rejection -i couldnt accept it because it hurt so much... but someone pointed out all the good things about me and said you will have another boyfriend in a couple of months-at the time i was like yeah right! and didnt really want to hear it... but low and behold a couple of months later the love of my life showed up....

Clare Bear

Aww you poor thing I know the feeling all too well OP. Keep telling yourself you will be ok because you WILL. And in time you'll meet someone who will love you so much more and make you smile again. Take care x

DD

Sorry, try everything you can to get over it, especially since you said he doesn't have a serious reason. Something you think the person besides you shares the same feelings like you and one day you realize that all was just a big lie.