Is it worth the risk..?

LegacyUser

I have been with my gf for over 3 years now, been together since our late teens and have only been sexually active with each other, no other partners etc...

The topic of thinking and exploring sex with other partners was raised previously, we discussed it and agreed between us that if the opportunity arised we had each others "permission" so to speak to commit the deed. I stated that i never wanted to know if she did or she didnt do anything unless i asked to know...but i know that she wants to be told if I ever do choose to try it with another partner...

I feel in a comprised position that if I do commit the deed i will be punished (by losing her). Women often say one thing and mean another, and if i know if i bring up the situation again i will be presumed guilty or of having guilty taughts and so will lead to inevitable arguments.

Know as of yesterday she has gone on a weeks holidays with her friends and tonight i was out and i found myself being totally attracted and thinking of trying it with another girl. I fought hard to resist temptation but she did give me her number.

My dilemma now is wether to leave things be or chase the other girl..?

Another question is if i start this idea of tryin it with other girls will i be able to stop at just doing it once..?

Kazobel

This is simple, look through a few other threads on here and you'll see how sh!t other people feel when they do the dirt and lose their partner because of it, you want the answer to all your questions? here it is, if she's fcuking someone else (you both agreed on that right?) how will you feel? shag that other girl all you want but the truth is you only want that validation and guys to say "Go for it", well go for it then but just remember your girlfriend will be shagging other people too so don't come back crying because the relationship changed and you lost out.

MagicMarker

this is just a recipe for disaster! with heartache and a break up for dessert!

Are you seriously ok with your girlfriend being with other guys? You're not ok with it, i know this because you've added the stipulation that you never be told if she were to do it, because you know it would kill you inside if you ever knew. Sorry man, but that is no way to be in a relationship, She may have already been with other guys on holiday! How long before this holiday did this ''arrangement'' happen?

When she gets back all you'll be thinking of is ''did she do it''! And you'll have no choice but to ask her! Sure enough you have this other girl to excite you while she's away, but when she's back that will quickly evaporate! No offence, but people in their first sexual relationship are imo, too emotionally immature to deal with this sort of thing.

Sounds to me that you're both bored of each other, getting to the stage where you're asking yourself if this is it? Is this the only girl/guy you're going to be with. Because you've only ever had each other. It's a very common thing my friend, happened to me as well, after a 4 year relationship starting in my teens i knew i couldn't be with just one woman, i had to end it and experience life and move on.

For the love of god, call your girlfriend right now! And tell her that this arrangement is off the table before anything happens! When she gets back you need to have a long hard discussion about why this surfaced in the first place and what to do about it.

DinoBot

really-confused wrote: »

I stated that i never wanted to know if she did or she didnt do anything unless i asked to know...but i know that she wants to be told if I ever do choose to try it with another partner...

I feel in a comprised position that if I do commit the deed i will be punished (by losing her). Women often say one thing and mean another, and if i know if i bring up the situation again i will be presumed guilty or of having guilty taughts and so will lead to inevitable arguments.

I think your not being honest with yourself. I think she is the one
in a comprised position if she goes off with another man.
Before you think of the benefits to you, take some time to think how you would feel with your girlfriend sleeping with other guys of even with one other guy on a regular basis. Are you okay with that ? Your not wanting to be told tells me your not.

Overheal

kazobel is right on the nose friend. people dont feel **** for cheating because theyre gonna get caught; they feel bad out of heartfelt guilt. a free pass wont remedy that. If youre both sexually bored theres a wide world of instructional and not-so-instructional pr0n out there: plenty of alternatives to swinging.

davyjose

Kazobel wrote: »

This is simple, look through a few other threads on here and you'll see how sh!t other people feel when they do the dirt and lose their partner because of it, you want the answer to all your questions? here it is, if she's fcuking someone else (you both agreed on that right?) how will you feel? shag that other girl all you want but the truth is you only want that validation and guys to say "Go for it", well go for it then but just remember your girlfriend will be shagging other people too so don't come back crying because the relationship changed and you lost out.

Great advice.

OP, you are in the lucky position of NOT having fùcked up YET. As Kazobel alluded to - there are hundreds of people on here wishing they could be back where you are right now. Be VEEERRRYYY careful.

Homer J Simpson

+1

Great advice.

You have happiness dont throw it all away for a stupid fantasy.

Big_Mac

Is it worth the risk?

If you love your girlfriend and want to be with her, then the notion of swinging should never be on the table, so in short, NO its not worth it.

If you have spoken about (and possibly done) it before now, I think it speaks volumes about you're relationship. Window shopping when your out is harmless I think, so long as thats all it is.

Are you a jealous peroson? If you are even in the slightest then the thought of your girl and someone else will drive you completely crazy.

My two cents would be to re-evaluate if you want your girlfriend or not. If you do, then swinging shouldn't be an option. You can't have your cake and eat it in my book.

Wagon

Nope not worth it. Kazobel is completely right. Have you ever tried picturing your girlfriend shagging some other guy? See how you feel with that mental image. Absolutely not worth it.

Ruby Soho

God don't do it!! I can tell you exactly what the possible scenarios could be if it happens!
1). You go off with someone else and your girlfriend is so hurt she dumps you. The other girl doesn't want to know either!
2) Your girlfriend goes off with someone else and lets slip how great the experience was, you get pissed off and jealous and dump her.
3). You sleep with someone else on a regular basis and find yourself falling for her. You let your girlfriend down gently and then feel really bad for breaking her heart.
4). Your girlfriend does the same, and dumps you for another guy she has fallen head over heels for.
5). Your girlfriend gets pregnant and nobody is really sure who's kid it is.
6). One or both of you catch a nasty STI.

I think if any of you are thinking of sleeping with other people, you should probably break up before you do it because it will all end up in tears.

aidan24326

really-confused wrote:

Is it worth the risk..?

No!

jellie

Wagon wrote: »

Nope not worth it. Kazobel is completely right. Have you ever tried picturing your girlfriend shagging some other guy? See how you feel with that mental image. Absolutely not worth it.

& thats only picturing that it might happen.. imagine knowing it HAS.

davyjose

Ruby Soho wrote: »

5). Your girlfriend gets pregnant and nobody is really sure who's kid it is.

I actually got a shiver of terror reading this one.

This might be funny on peep show, but in reality, it's about one of the life-ruiningest things imaginable.

GusherING

Yeah you're making a big mistake. I know how you both feel though. As another poster said, neither of you can face a lifetime of monogamy in your early 20's. Better to call a spade a spade and break up if that's how both of you feel. Chances are, neither of you will build a relationship with someone else to the same level you guys have after 4 years. Try a year apart and get it out of your system. You may well end up back together!

Clare_Guy

free pass... go for it!!!

akamossy

No, it is most definately not worth risking it. This could destroy your relationship regardless of whether you have permission or not. Your gf currently does not know what it feels like to know you've been with someone else.. if she did she would know it will hurt her more than anything. Do not do it, however tempting it may be.

Overheal

if shes already on holiday just text her and say you miss her

Big_Mac

Clare_Guy wrote: »

free pass... go for it!!!

Yeah, because that's the voice of reason:rolleyes:. And you honestly think it'll end well? I doubt it.

Talliesin

Not only would I say that you shouldn't have sex with someone outside of your relationship, but you also should probably call an end to this ill-defined agreement of openness, or else define it a lot better.

You don't sound at all sure where you stand.

Open relationships can and do work. But it's necessary that those involved know where they stand. Even given this there are still risks of things going disastrously wrong, but without it, it's pretty much going to be a premeditated resentment on at least one person's part.

If you find yourself absolutely sure that you know how she feels and that she'll genuinely be okay with things, then perhaps. But that doesn't read like where you're at, at all.

craichoe

Would you like her to do that to you ?

Imagine some massive guy horsing it into her and her loving it, thinking that this is the best shes had in so long ... Does that image in your mind feel good ?

Well thats how she'd feel if you went off with someone else and the Jealousy/Trust issues arising from that poison relationships.