Unfaithful, is it time?

LegacyUser

I love my girlfriend. Im 30, shes 24, were going out 3 years. However for the last 6 months Ive really considered breaking her heart and ending things. We are the best of friends. Ive been going out with my mates instead of her consistently for the past 2 months every weekend, instead of doing things with her. Over the 3 years, I cheated on her around 12 times, having sex around 3 times, all as a result of being immature and drunk out of existence..no excuse. I never told her. As far as I know she never cheated on me. More and more recently aswell Ive been looking at other 'better looking' women and really really want to go out and get one of them. I realise how shallow this is and I cant stop. Last weekend I was chatting to a gorgeous woman and would have willingly cheated. I am a lying, cheating, horrible man. Why cant I be happy with my girlfriend and accept she is an amazing person whom I do not deserve to be with. Is it time to be honest and end things with her even though I know I will lose my best friend and also the best thing thats happened to me, probably ever? Any blokes here with experience of being a cheat but not taking it seriously?

Profiler

You have to break up with the GF.

You've been treating her terribly and as you have said yourself you don't deserve her.

I've been there myself as a guy, wanting the cake and wanting to eat it too, stop being so self centered and selfish.

Maybe like me you will learn the hard way and after you break up you realise how you ruined such a great thing and that pain will follow you around and keep you honest the next time you find someone special.

For the first time in the 3 years with her be 100% honest and end it.

Sorry if this comes across as harsh but from my experience I think it is the right thing to do.

axer

liarbrarian wrote: »

I love my girlfriend.

If you really love her then why are you trying to hurt her by cheating and being dishonest?

liarbrarian wrote: »

Over the 3 years, I cheated on her around 12 times, having sex around 3 times,

You should have being asking yourself why are you with this girl after cheating the first time.

liarbrarian wrote: »

More and more recently aswell Ive been looking at other 'better looking' women and really really want to go out and get one of them. I realise how shallow this is and I cant stop.

There is not harm in that if that is what you want but do not cheat with them - break up with your girlfriend first as it is not fair on her.

liarbrarian wrote: »

I am a lying, cheating, horrible man.

Unfortunately, yes you are but recognise that you have been bad to this girl and set her free. Make a promise to yourself to not do this again but if you do (which there is no excuse for) then tell the girl. If you cannot be in a monogamous relationship then dont be.

liarbrarian wrote: »

Why cant I be happy with my girlfriend and accept she is an amazing person whom I do not deserve to be with.

You are not in love with this girl - she is not enough for you. If she was enough for you then you would not need more.

liarbrarian wrote: »

Is it time to be honest and end things with her even though I know I will lose my best friend and also the best thing thats happened to me, probably ever?

It is time to be honest. If you at least respect her then you will be honest and let her dump you.

all the stars

Clearly your acting like your single. Go be single. You should have just stayed single to begin with. Shame on you for being such a sh*te to her.

You may tell her you slept around coz its quite possible you've contracted STD's and could be ruining her health as well as your own.

If you want to sleep around, be single.

Colonel_McCoy

You are being totally unfair to her, do you think she deserves to have a bf who cheats on her? the answer is no.............walk away.

Oryx

Yes it is time. In fact Im not sure why you even feel the need to be told, you already know. Perhaps its an effort to ease your concience. You are not with the right woman. You may have doubts about leaving and not want to cause her hurt, perhaps thats the reason for the sabotage.. to force the situation. But you cant go on like this. Accept hurting her, and accept you will be alone for a while, and leave. Its not easy. We usually crave the safest, easiest path in life. But you cant, you already know that.

I dont think youre a bad man or a monster for what youve done. We all fcuk up. But if you continue, knowing you should leave, that would make you the worst kind of coward.

Crannog

I am a lying, cheating, horrible man.

It sounds like you don't like your behaviour and if you were ok with what you were doing you wouldn't need to post.

What kind of man do you want to be?

Be him.

Good luck

Miss Fluff

I think you've answered your own question OP, do the decent thing and break up her. Be fair about it too, I have an inkling that when it's over you may regret it and miss her terribly, don't mess with her head by maintaining contact etc, make a clean break of it and go be single.

star-pants

OP I'm not sure why you're asking for an answer to a question that you know yourself.
You love her as a friend but yet you treat her disrespectfully, I feel so sorry for her, that you've gone off with so many other women.

You should finally do the right thing by her and be honest/break up - I hate the break up of couples but she doesn't deserve someone treating her the way you have.

Put yourself in her shoes -- how would you feel?
Maybe you need to be single for a while, reassess things by the sounds of it and sort yourself out.

good luck

allabouteve

Break up OP, she deseves better. You're the kind of boyfriend I have nighmares about having. Sort yourself out, get your priorities right, and I would think twice about telling her the whole truth, there's very little point in hurting her further.

RedXIV

The pain of the breakup is something i think you need. badly. You've obviously taken advantage of this girl in the relationship and to be quite honest, you really don't deserve her.

Be a man, break it off. Be single until you think you are ready to commit, because you're not there yet

MJOR

RedXIV wrote: »

The pain of the breakup is something i think you need. badly. You've obviously taken advantage of this girl in the relationship and to be quite honest, you really don't deserve her.

Be a man, break it off. Be single until you think you are ready to commit, because you're not there yet

totally agree with you ... end it and set her free to be with someone that deserves her because you certainly don't

misslt

I think for the first time in a long time in this relationship you need to put her first and break up with her.

You say you love her/care about her - if you do, do the decent thing and finish with her!

Doctor DooM

Grow up and treat her right or let her go and find someone who deserves her.

Anything else is just an excuse.

Wurly

liarbrarian wrote: »

I love my girlfriend.

No you don't. You don't treat people you love so appalingly. If that's what you think love is then I feel sorry for you.

Break up with her for god sake. No-one deserves this type of treatment.

Shame on you. Have you no self control?

If you cant be monogamous, then don't be in a relationship. Simple.

estar

you love yourself

and it would hurt you to break up with her

if you loved her the thought of hurting her
would cut you up

grow up and start facing the consequences of
your actions like a man

and that means living life in the open
and not having secrets.

somewhere along the way you have learned that
living a life where you seek self gratification
at the expense of honesty and realness
is perfectly ok.

we could all cheat. we could all find someone
hotter. thats not whats hard.
commitment is hard. it requires a real
solid relationship and a belief that a connection
with someone is not just physical but on every
level, so that for the sake of achieving this
we forego hooking up with strangers and
invest in some discipline to have that intimacy
with another person

perhaps you arent capable of this, if so
find someone to go out with that shares your
needs of needing to be with multiple partners
and be honest with your current partner.
theres nothing wrong with wanting multiple
partners there is something wrong with lying
and cheating to get it

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies. Im going to a play with her tonight, and then I want to try and ditch her to go drinking with my mates. How the hell do I break it to her. I'd love to part as friends because whatever anyone says I will always miss her. We text and talk twice a day and I know her family really well. This is gonna be pure pain. But yes, I am an asshole and I need like everything else in my life, to be put in the deep end and slapped in the face with reality. Profiler - did u ever find another woman or do you still miss her? Or is it a case of 'never look back'?

jptk

liarbrarian wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Im going to a play with her tonight, and then I want to try and ditch her to go drinking with my mates.

Unbelieveable.

Wurly

+1

I couldn't be arsed even commenting on this anymore.

Doctor DooM

liarbrarian wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Im going to a play with her tonight, and then I want to try and ditch her to go drinking with my mates. How the hell do I break it to her. I'd love to part as friends because whatever anyone says I will always miss her. We text and talk twice a day and I know her family really well. This is gonna be pure pain. But yes, I am an asshole and I need like everything else in my life, to be put in the deep end and slapped in the face with reality. Profiler - did u ever find another woman or do you still miss her? Or is it a case of 'never look back'?

Jeebus. I wish you were trolling because that would mean you don't actually think like that.

How about you break her heart at a time which is suitable for her, not you?

MissHoneyBun

liarbrarian wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Im going to a play with her tonight, and then I want to try and ditch her to go drinking with my mates............
I'd love to part as friends?

MissHoneyBun. I understand but less of that and read the charter. Wibbs

HouseHippo

Wow you are a horrible person. You could be contracting aids and giving it to her. Do you have any idea how you are making her feel.
BREAK UP WITH HER NOW!

.Cop on to yourself would ya.You are 30 for god sake you are acting like an adolescent boy. You are going to get some serious Karma right there!

dilallio

liarbrarian wrote: »

I'd love to part as friends because whatever anyone says I will always miss her.

Jeez Man - For once, do something really nice for this girl.
Get and STAY OUT of her life.
With your attitude, attempting to remain friends may satisfy some part of you, but you will just prolong the hurt for your girlfriend.

MIN2511

My 2c, you are not in a relationship... spare yourself and especially your GF the grief and break up with her(she deserves some respect-please don't tell her you cheated on her)

I don't think anyone should judge him for his indiscretions

MissHoneyBun

****So-weeeeeeee Wibbs****

Now how shall I put this politely?
Basically OP, I hope you cherish those drinkin' buddies because I severely doubt you'll be enjoying the company of women anymore.



awaits modly approval

Wagon

liarbrarian wrote: »

Im going to a play with her tonight, and then I want to try and ditch her to go drinking with my mates.

Break up with her tonight so. Stop it going on any longer. She deserves better. You owe it to her as well.

Big_Mac

I'm speechless.......... absolutely speechless...............

You've made your bed, go and lie in it!

MJOR

Eh OH MY GOD.... you are just awful. Set that saint that has put up with you for so long free. It beggars belief that you think you behaviour is so appropriate

dudara

Find your balls and grow up. Maybe if you learn to treat other people better, you might feel happier in yourself. Right now, you're a disgrace, and you appear unwilling to want to make yourself a better person.

m83

TBH OP you're just wasting everybodys time here. I don't know what this girl ever did to deserve such a pig for a boyfriend but do the right thing and end it.

Big_Mac

OP, do this poor girl a favour. Tell her you are a W*anker and she deserves better. For god's sake, don't inflict any needless pain on this girl by telling her the truth about what kind of a person you really are. You may be no better than a pig, but she definetely deserves better

Irishcrx

You don't love this girl, you have no respect for her or her feelings what so ever. Under it all I believe you are very self conscience, you like going out getting women cheating because it makes you feel big about yourself but at the same time you want your girlfriend to go back to if it goes pear shaped. You just use her when it suites you.

Break it with this girl and sort yourself out, this type of behavier is not normal and will damage you and toyr reputation in times to come. Mark my words.

Soss

You say that you want to part as friends, but a friend wouldn't do the things that you continue to do to her.

Do her a favour, tell her the truth, leave her in no doubt that she is better off with out you in her life, as a boyfriend or friend and then leave her alone to get over you and on with her life.

Aurora Borealis

liarbrarian wrote: »

I love my girlfriend. Im 30, shes 24, were going out 3 years. However for the last 6 months Ive really considered breaking her heart and ending things. We are the best of friends. Ive been going out with my mates instead of her consistently for the past 2 months every weekend, instead of doing things with her. Over the 3 years, I cheated on her around 12 times, having sex around 3 times, all as a result of being immature and drunk out of existence..no excuse. I never told her. As far as I know she never cheated on me. More and more recently aswell Ive been looking at other 'better looking' women and really really want to go out and get one of them. I realise how shallow this is and I cant stop. Last weekend I was chatting to a gorgeous woman and would have willingly cheated. I am a lying, cheating, horrible man. Why cant I be happy with my girlfriend and accept she is an amazing person whom I do not deserve to be with. Is it time to be honest and end things with her even though I know I will lose my best friend and also the best thing thats happened to me, probably ever? Any blokes here with experience of being a cheat but not taking it seriously?

Have only read the first post but am gobsmacked that you can even question whether you should stay in this relationship. You clearly do not love this girl and you should not waste her time for one second longer.