Fear of living

LegacyUser

I need some advice or encouragement.

The thing is that i am a seriously shy person to point of living like a recluse and avoiding social interaction at all costs. since finishing uni i've had to look for jobs but I find the whole process too much to take and maybe i'm not up to it. interviews scare me and i fear having a panic attack or becoming overwhelmed by people and social situations. i fear this will lead to me making a fool of myself due to social incompetence.

Does anybody have any idea what is wrong with me? it could be a confidence problem but is it worth going to a doctor for medication or referral to a psychiatrist?

thank you

mucker23

Mate, everyone is like that in their first interview. I finished up uni a year ago, felt the same, just get over it and do it, you have to do it sooner or later and the sooner the better. I was as nervous as anything but after the first interview it gets easier and you gain confidence. If you F**k up the first one coz of nerves dont worry bou it, prop will never see those people again and the next one will be easier.

manufan

It Sounds like you might Have Social Anxiety. There is more info on the following website .........

http://www.socialanxietyireland.com/


Have a browse around the website. There is Social Anxiety Group Therapy 14 week course you could attend. The info is on the website although you need to be screened.

There is also a Good Book called "Dying of Embarrasement". You can purchase from Amazon.co.uk. It deals with all aspects of Social Anxiety.

AARRRGH

phobe wrote: »

interviews scare me and i fear having a panic attack or becoming overwhelmed by people and social situations.

Most people don't have a ****ing clue what they're doing. They're just going through life, doing what everyone else does. No one actually knows what life is about.

Interviews are absurd. You're dressed up in weird clothes you'd normally never wear, and you pretend to be someone else for an hour. The people interviewing you are also putting on an act.

If aliens are watching us, no doubt they get a great laugh out of our interview process. The whole thing is ridiculous.

Yes, people are judging you in an interview. Yes, you might be rejected. But you know what? I know a huge amount of absolute 'tards who've been hired via an interview process, so I'll never take interview rejection personally.

Try to see the interview for what it is - a bizarre, nonsense ritual.

As someone who works somewhat in the recruitment industry, trust me, you should not be scared of HR people. They're total mongos. The manager sitting next to them wants to hire you, so remember that they're on your side.

m83

I have a mild dose of social anxiety. I'm after spending some time on youtube (surprisingly great at times like this) and I think I can learn a lot from other people who have this phobia. With a little help I can beat it too.

Good luck OP and pm if you want to talk.

SpiderWebtTears

Maybe try attending some evening classes, or joining a club where you'd have similar interests with the others there? Evening classes would give you a non-hostile way to interact with other people, and also to improve slightly your qualification, which could be a confidence boost in the interview.

Before you go into an interview, try this:
Breathe in deeply, count of 4. Hold for 4. Breathe out deeply for 8.
Repeat for total count of 10 complete sets.
If you have time beforehand, lie down on your floor, do beathework above, then spend 5 minutes or so visualizing how you'd like the interview to go, then repeat breathework while releasing the image and try to just accept that whatever happens, happens. Then repeat the breathework just before going into the interview.

Sounds New-Agey, but I always use it before high-stress situations(interviews, exams, large family celebration events). Maybe even wear the suit the day before so you'll feel comfortable in it.

sickmyduck

im usually a very confident person
i have lots of freinds and very sucessful
but id still get how you do around new people and at job interviews and have really bad panic attacks its been happening too me for years but by just doin some breathing techniques and tying not to think so much about the task ahead it really helps.... sure if all comes too all imagin everyone in the room naked!:D

Victor

Can you talk to your university and FÁS and ask them for some interview experience?

AARRRGH

Victor wrote: »

Can you talk to your university and FÁS and ask them for some interview experience?

That's a good idea Victor.

Like most things in life, the more you do it the less scary it gets.

I remember when I started a job in a call centre. I was terrified of taking my first call! I put it off for as long as possible.

As soon as I had a few calls under my belt, it was a piece of cake.

Getting as as many practice interviews as possible can only only help ease your worries.

Btw, are ghosts afraid of other ghosts?

karen3212

If you can do it op at some stage it is probably a good idea to discuss it with your doctor too, might be able to point you towards some extra help.

Oh dear lord, people take interviews so seriously, I have interviewed a few people in my time, and the guy attending the interview with me was so nervous doing the interviewing he couldn't take in anything the interviewees said.

So he basically made his decision about who to employ in the first few seconds. On the otherhand- I listened, and in cases where people were equally qualified, I decided on who had the most vowels in their names. (I hope our boss never finds out!)

Basically what I'm saying is, that if you do an ok interview, and can answer a technical question if anyone asks one, then you are fine. And the person that is employed in the end may be employed for the most stupid of reasons, even the toss of coin. So never take it personally. Practice is always good,

RedXIV

I've spoken to LOTS of people who reckon they are socially incompetent and 99% of them are the nicest people in the world. Because they are constantly thinking of other people, i'd PREFER friends like this.

OP, I'm not too familiar with the therapy side of things but i do know in college there were classes in the town to boost confidence which worked well. I can condense the entire cirriculum for you into:

It's your life, don't let anyone else stop you enjoying it.

Best of luck OP

RAIN

Im neurotic (an anxiety disorder) I was diagnosed almost six months ago.sounds like you have a general anxiety disorder. If you want help I would recommend cognitive behavioural therapy its non medicated and helps me everyday. Ask your doctor to refer you, it will help you change.

If you PM i can give you the number of who i went too. Its a little costly but i got results big time.

Seabreeze

"avoiding social interaction at all costs. since finishing uni i've had to look for jobs but I find the whole process too much to take and maybe i'm not up to it. interviews scare me and i fear having a panic attack or becoming overwhelmed by people and social situations. i fear this will lead to me making a fool of myself due to social incompetence"

OP: This certainly sounds like you may have some sort of Social Anxiety/Phobia.

I developed this in my teens and had difficulty in college. It got to the point where I was having difficulty getting public transport and a job. I went to GP who took it seriously and was then put through 6 months of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) like one of the other posters. it was brilliant and now I am socially alot better :-) I was also put on a course of Cipramil which was excellent.
Do go and see somebody and discuss it. They will be able to make a professional judgement. Normal shyness and nervousness before work interviews are completely different to SP/SA and people don't understand that. With SA/SP you are usually in constant dread of social situations if you have it. It usually will get worse if you don't seek intervention. Try and keep up with friends and going out socially! Good Luck:)

m83

Seabreeze wrote: »

"avoiding social interaction at all costs. since finishing uni i've had to look for jobs but I find the whole process too much to take and maybe i'm not up to it. interviews scare me and i fear having a panic attack or becoming overwhelmed by people and social situations. i fear this will lead to me making a fool of myself due to social incompetence"

OP: This certainly sounds like you may have some sort of Social Anxiety/Phobia.

I developed this in my teens and had difficulty in college. It got to the point where I was having difficulty getting public transport and a job. I went to GP who took it seriously and was then put through 6 months of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) like one of the other posters. it was brilliant and now I am socially alot better :-) I was also put on a course of Cipramil which was excellent.
Do go and see somebody and discuss it. They will be able to make a professional judgement. Normal shyness and nervousness before work interviews are completely different to SP/SA and people don't understand that. With SA/SP you are usually in constant dread of social situations if you have it. It usually will get worse if you don't seek intervention. Try and keep up with friends and going out socially! Good Luck:)

Great reply. I think a lot of posters missed the mark. By the sounds of it the OP has social anxiety/phobia which is completely different from interview nerves. It's not exactly about panic attacks either, just constant dread and the feeling of having to do everything perfect and "normal" so you don't publicly humiliate yourself and because everyone is judging every little thing you do.

For instance, when going to the cinema (I'll never ever go alone) I'll always arrive first, super punctual so I'm not holding anybody up. When getting the tickets I'll rehearse what I have to say in my head so I don't cock it up at the counter. I'll always always have my money ready for any this and any other retail purchase and I prefer to pay with a single note rather than in change because clearly paying in change is for loonys. It's the same with the food, I'll rehearse again and order promptly, making sure not to get anything too strange from the menu. As for my ticket I'll put it somewhere extra safe just in case someone is looking for it and I don't spend ages looking for it whilst getting more red the face and sweating with every passing second. I'll make damn sure I'm not the first one into the theatre to choose the seats as I find it painfully mortifying. It's as if everyone is looking at you and waiting for you to pick "bad" seats which would be a reflection on me, somehow. God forbid we'd have to sit close to the screen, how embarrassing. Also if I'm dying to go to the toilet during the movie I simply will not go for fear of not being able to find my seat when I get back or just because everyone would be looking at me. If I have a bag of sweets I'll make sure to open them queitly during a loud part of the ads so not to attract attention. If I have a drink I wouldn't dare slurp it towards the end, again for fear of people thinking I was a weirdo.

Gosh, I sound like Rainman or something but the thing is about this anxiety is that it's all in my head and my friends haven't the slightest clue. And this cinema example applies to every social situation in my life. It can be so difficult to cope sometimes, I need to get help and thats for damn sure. Thanks for listening, I'd love to hear what people think of my cinema episode just out of curiosity because you really don't know what's going on in peoples heads.

Red Hand

m83, as regards your cinema episode, I used to be somewhat like that when I was a teenager. Used to be sort of embarrassed and speaking in front of a bunch of people, in class in school for example, was an affair where I'd go red. I grew out of it after a bit.

But you've got to remember that people for the most part don't care what others do. You've to got to learn not to care either (without being rude, obviously). So what, if you forget at the counter what film you want to buy tickets to see? What's going to happen? It's not a crime.

Larianne

What m83 describes is pretty much exactly what I do from the cinema to paying in notes rather than having lots of change. I'm the same, it is to do with not wanting to look like a fool or a weirdo and trying not to go beetroot with embarrassment. Caused I imagine because I was bullied as a teenager coz I was shy/had a bit of brains/some other dumb reason and as a result I do worry about what people think of me.

As I've gotten older, I've forced myself into situations so to get out of that mindset. I went to the cinema twice on my own :eek: (didn't enjoy the films), taken up very public related jobs, gone travelling on my own in a foreign country. But I still have to think about what I say before say going up to a bank teller or the doctor. And would never complain in a shop (although that is my next mission...) It's silly really I know. After all, there's always someone weirder than you (been to boards beers twice! )... I'm not even weird, it's just in me head...

With interviews, I think if you prepare them well and believe you are right for the position, it puts the pressure off yourself. Also, getting someone to give you a mock interview should help you.

Seabreeze

God forbid we'd have to sit close to the screen, how embarrassing. Also if I'm dying to go to the toilet during the movie I simply will not go for fear of not being able to find my seat when I get back or just because everyone would be looking at me

Ha! Ha! I recognize this. Me I usually go to the cinema in the mornings when it's not crowded and no queues. If I go in the evenings then I sit always on the outside and like you M83 never ever leave my seat. I make sure to go well prepared with a rucksack of food

SA/SP causes different people to react differently.
Yes teenagers can be shy/awkward get embarrassed easily. Even some adults do but when simple everyday situations like buying a stamp,waiting in a queue, walking down a street, browsing in a shop, asking for information, buying a ticket etc, causes one to feel panicky, nervous, or perhaps causing them to avoid the whole situation then there is a problem and it is not just ordinary shyness causing this. One may not grow out of it and it may get worse so getting an opinion from a GP is paramount!

elekid

m83, your cinema story is so similar to how I think, not down to every detail but a lot of that is exactly what goes on in my head in siuations like that. I've never heard the term Social Anxiety before but I've always had a lot of difficulty talking to people to the point where I'm monosyllabic, struck dumb or start avoiding any situation which will result in me having to talk to people I don't know (like going out to eat alone every lunchtime instead of going into the canteen). I've always put it down to me being very shy but to think about how nervous I feel if I have to make a phonecall or how awkward simple social situations can be for me I definitely think it's something should look into. Thanks for posting about your experience of it