Have I lost my gal

LegacyUser

Hi There Folks,

Going un-Reg for this, just wanted to get your opinions on my current situation.

I have been going out with a girl for over 5 years, over the last month, something didnt feel right between us and we both weren't sure what was going on, we decided to take time away and see what way both feel.

After a short period of time i realiesed that this is not what i want and i want my girl back.

I have spoken to her and she said that she now wants time to think about us, and about how she feels about us, because she is not sure.

I no longer want time away from her and have realised that we were in a a bit of a rut and that i love her so much and want to make her happy.

She has said that she wants me to give her time to think about what she wants and she doesn't know how she feels etc... I tried the buying her flowers writing her a letter but she still wants her time.

We have been talking on and off over the weekend and i have decided to give her the space she wants and not call or text, am i making the right decision, i dont want to push her away and i want to give her the space she needs, but i dont want to lose her.

Im feeling really crap and not eating or sleeping right, just dont know what im doing im all so confused at the situation, are these feelings normal ???

Any advice please?

Also whats the best way to stop myself from calling or texting as i am finding it very hard?

Should i just try to get on with my life?

RedXIV

She may well just want that genuine amount of time to think about things. Staying out of contact is your best bet because as you realised yourself when you cut contact, she meant more than you realised.

Go get involved in something, anything, plan a weekend away with the lads, do something other tha sitting at home dreading something you can do nothing about.

Best of luck OP

Red

togster

Re-read the last sentance of your post. The answer to the question is yes.

You have to give her space. There is nothing more you can do. Don't try and woo her back, because that will not work and will make the process harder for her and for you.

Get on with your life. It's difficult but it's very do-able.

Good luck

LegacyUser

Cheers folks, appreciate the replys...

Anybody got any advice for how to take your mind of the type of thing, i.e. day to day when your in work etc...

Cheers

Aurora Borealis

If you've made it clear how you feel and what you want then it's a question of space, space, space!

She needs time and you have to give it to her.

jellie

let her have her space & give her a chance to miss you

togster

Get an ipod and download some of your favourite podcasts and up-beat songs. Plan your days the day before. ALWAYS stay active. You can still process what is happening but it won't consume you. Go to the gym, go for a jog. Meet your friends. Be pro-active.

I found the only way to deal is to PLAN ahead, it's too easy to just go to work and then sit at home and wallow. It's different in your circumstances man because you are in limbo but you should start to prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome, then if it does go tits up you will have given yourself a headstart. Anything else is then a bonus and you will have become stronger in the mean time.

Please allow her space. Anything else is selfish on your behalf and you obviously care about her very much and she knows that.

fuzzywiggle

Yeah definitely give her the space and time she needs, she knows how you feel and not texting/phoning her wont make you lose her. She'll appreciate you letting her get her head straight.
As for advice on how to take your mind off it, if I were you i'd make nice plans for the weekend with some friends, have some thing to look forward to and to be thinking about you know?
Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replys folks, really appreciate it.

Any more advice please dont hesitate to let me know!!!

Moojuice

Join a gym if you have not already. Go regularly, work out, weights, running, cycling. It really helps. It makes you feel good and tires you out so you don't have the energy to think about things.

John Mason

if you was your "gal" you would have lost me.

How many times did she ask you for some space before it actual sank in?

leave the girl alone, god sake and let her think. she might come back but if you keep harnging her, she will run far far way

LegacyUser

Hey Irishbird,

Thanks for the comments, but i was just wanted her back and i am mad about her still, it just took me a few days to realise i was being an ass.

Hopefully i haven't ****$d up the best thing to ever happen to me?

Im not the first guy to do stupid things when he was in love and i wont be the last, but i am definitely giving her the space she wants now... just going to wait and see how things work out.

If its meant to be, its meant to be!!!!

Thanks to everyone for the comments please keep them coming..., really appreciate it!

RuailleBuaille

irishbird wrote: »

if you was your "gal" you would have lost me. ????
How many times did she ask you for some space before it actual sank in?

leave the girl alone, god sake and let her think. she might come back but if you keep harnging her, she will run far far way

First of all, I don't think it's fair to question how many times she asked for space, things like that are hard to hear and harder to process. WHen you're in a serious relationship you don't follow rules and regulations, you react with your heart and that can be messy.
I think your response comes across as very curt and bitter and I think you should bear in mind that it's easy to point out a person's mistakes from the outside, much harder to gain perspective when you're in the thick of it, hence the OP's request for advice. Maybe that's the way you normally post, quick and to the point, but here in PI I don't think judgement is necessary.
Just my 2c.

OP, I agree with other posters about preparing yoursef for the worst case scenario, just so you can start to envision a life without her and start to move on. Best of luck, it's not easy.

sunnyside

Wantmygalback wrote: »

Anybody got any advice for how to take your mind of the type of thing, i.e. day to day when your in work etc...

Cheers

Relationships can be headwrecking when they go wrong. If there really was a way to keep the mind off it, it'd be a bestseller.

togster wrote: »

Get an ipod and download some of your favourite podcasts and up-beat songs. Plan your days the day before. ALWAYS stay active. You can still process what is happening but it won't consume you. Go to the gym, go for a jog. Meet your friends. Be pro-active.

I found the only way to deal is to PLAN ahead, it's too easy to just go to work and then sit at home and wallow. It's different in your circumstances man because you are in limbo but you should start to prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome, then if it does go tits up you will have given yourself a headstart. Anything else is then a bonus and you will have become stronger in the mean time.

Please allow her space. Anything else is selfish on your behalf and you obviously care about her very much and she knows that.

Good advice.

As another female I agree with Irishbird (sorry if that's not what you want to hear). Your post is reminding me of the theory that women can be much happier single than men can.

Hope it works out for you. 5 years is a long time and I'm sure your girlfriend won't give up on that too easily.

MagicMarker

You have been going out with this girl for 5 years, and after only a month of 'something not being right' she needs to think about things?

Hate to even suggest this, but if i were you i'd be asking myself why this has come on so suddenly.

BraziliaNZ

just get on with your life and live single again. Seriously, being single is AWESOME. No women nagging you, free to do whatever you want whenever you want, random nights of casual sex once in a while, able to get as f*cked up as you like every weekend without worrying about where you're supposed to be, going away on party weekends to foreign cities and sleeping with local girls, planning travelling for extended periods, the list is endless. Just enjoy it while you can, because she might come back to you and it'll be back to boring couple life again.

MJOR

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

just get on with your life and live single again. Seriously, being single is AWESOME. No women nagging you, free to do whatever you want whenever you want, random nights of casual sex once in a while, able to get as f*cked up as you like every weekend without worrying about where you're supposed to be, going away on party weekends to foreign cities and sleeping with local girls, planning travelling for extended periods, the list is endless. Just enjoy it while you can, because she might come back to you and it'll be back to boring couple life again.

totally disagree... she wants space you have given it to her... giving her this will give her time to reflect and i bet she will miss you lots.... keep us updated

Big_Mac

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

just get on with your life and live single again. Seriously, being single is AWESOME. No women nagging you, free to do whatever you want whenever you want, random nights of casual sex once in a while, able to get as f*cked up as you like every weekend without worrying about where you're supposed to be, going away on party weekends to foreign cities and sleeping with local girls, planning travelling for extended periods, the list is endless. Just enjoy it while you can, because she might come back to you and it'll be back to boring couple life again.

WTF? This is not helpful to the OP. he clearly wants her back and is looking for advice on how to do it, not how to spend his youthful promiscous years. The above sort of post is no help whatsoever.

OP. I agree that you should give her some space and not bother her cos it'll only wreck her head. One of my sayings is, whats for you won't pass you, whatever that may be.

Wibbs

Big_Mac wrote: »

WTF? This is not helpful to the OP. he clearly wants her back and is looking for advice on how to do it, not how to spend his youthful promiscous years. The above sort of post is no help whatsoever.

While see your point I also think a little of the attitude of that post is more conducive to getting his girlfriend back. If he does accept what they had is over and moves forward, that's far more attractive that what most will do, mope around, overdo the romantic lark too little too late, etc.

OP. I agree that you should give her some space and not bother her cos it'll only wreck her head.

Agreed. Add to that he should move on. That's attractive.

One of my sayings is, whats for you won't pass you, whatever that may be.

Very true.