Tricky situation.

darsar

OK guys il try keep this short and sweet for the eyes!

So here is my problem, Im going out with my gf almost two years. In Jan i moved up north for work for three years. Everything has been great, couldn't be going any better in the circumstances of a long distance relationship. We bought a house the week before i found out i would be coming up here so at the moment im paying rent up here and my half of the mortgage back home.

GF is in a job (montessori teacher) that she went to college for and has been promoted twice and is going for the assistant manager interview soon, but the pay in absolutley shocking aswell as only getting 16 hol days per year, 2 sick days and no maternity leave paid.

So cut to the chase, last week we find out she is pregnant, im locked into a contract for three years, i dont want to leave my job anyway though but i cant be living three and half hours away from pregnant gf and when the baby arrives i only see it at weekends.

We have looked at the possibility of gf moving up to me but there is zero, zilch jobs in her sector here, not even close. Also to add to the situation, we are first time buyers so cant rent out the house because we didnt pay stamp duty but sure she will never be able to pay her half of the mortgage on the state maternity grant. Im getting very worried about the months coming up and i really dont want gf having any more pressure on top of being pregnant.

I guess im just telling my concerns more than asking a question but can people see ways around this??

Thanks for your time.

biko

Have you discussed abortion?

Little-Devil

biko wrote: »

Have you discussed abortion?

Thats not very helpful post. OP i think you need to speak to your boss or even consult your family members for advice, you need to discuss all angles possbile. Has your girlfriend even tried looking for another job up in dublin?

biko

Sorry OP if that seems blunt but it is an option, do with it what you want.
Best of luck and hope it doesn't have to come to that.

darsar

Little-Devil wrote: »

Thats not very helpful post. OP i think you need to speak to your boss or even consult your family members for advice, you need to discuss all angles possbile. Has your girlfriend even tried looking for another job up in dublin?

She already works in Dublin, its up the north that montessori schools dont seem to exsist.

Abortion is defo not an option, both strongly disagree and are coping well with the fact we will be parents. Both mature enough etc...

As for working in other jobs, would employers really be wiling to take on somone who is going to be off on maternity leave not so long away?

My own situation is awfully difficult to get out off, my company paid my previous company a compensation package to get my out of that contract so these wil defo not let me just up and leave.

jcoote

would you leaving your job (hopefully not on bad terms) and finding another job in dublin be possible???

That seems to be the most apt solution,because your gf can't move and the baby is staying (the right choice imho).

So it seems if you are to support your new family, as much as you quite clearly want to, working closer to them is the best solution.

It's a severly undesirable situation and hope nothing but the best for all of you

LegacyUser

Move to Dundalk only an hour away from Dublin and Belfast.

darsar

jcoote wrote: »

It's a severly undesirable situation and hope nothing but the best for all of you

Cheers, well the thing is that my job took me here, if i could have worked in Dublin i would have. My job pays well and i have outgoings from the bank that i couldnt afford if i was just to pack up my job and start a new job closer, doing something fresh, that im not qualified in.

Sorry, i should have said all this in the origional post but opted keep it short

gerrowadat

jamegg wrote: »

GF is in a job (montessori teacher) that she went to college for and has been promoted twice and is going for the assistant manager interview soon, but the pay in absolutley shocking aswell as only getting 16 hol days per year, 2 sick days and no maternity leave paid.

16 holiday days per year is illegal. The working time act of 1997 provides for a minimum of 4 weeks, so unless she's only working 4 days a week...

Also, there's a maternity benefit available from the state if your employer doesn't pay during maternity leave.

In your situation, I'd personally start looking for a job down south again. It might not be as good, but it's your child's life you're talking about. Either you're settling down and having kids or you're not, tbh...

jcoote

is consolidating your debts to lower your payments possible to allow u to take a drop in wages (don't worry i don't work for lomard direct ).

darsar

gerrowadat wrote: »

16 holiday days per year is illegal. The working time act of 1997 provides for a minimum of 4 weeks, so unless she's only working 4 days a week...QUOTE]

Its 16 because it is compulsory to take the christmas week off, so 16 of her own choice. I agree with the rest of your post of course, it is a childs life and I am the father I have to make sure i am around 100%. I just wish it was as easy as applying for jobs closer but all places in my sector are full down Dublin/Wicklow area.

I have just consolidated my loans this week to the best i can do but still not going to be able to survive on starting salary somewhere and all of this is a big IF i could wiggle a way out of my contract up here!

My loan is big because buying a car through private seller backfired so effectively i had to buy two cars in the space of two months last year. I have my car up on carzone.ie at the moment so a bit of luck...
Also i will have to look into the do's and dont's of taking cash rent for the house back home.

Thanks guys for your posts thus far

jcoote

Well the good thing is you want to fix the problem and are taking steps towards doing so.

So as far as i can see that half the battle.

Hang in there!

echosound

First off - congrats on the pregnancy!

Right, what sprung to mind reading your post - your GF is in a job with low pay, and will be taking maternity leave in 8 months times, and cannot afford her share of the mortgage on the state maternity benefit. Would there be a possibility of her moving up to live with you while she is on maternity leave and possibly see if you can rent the house out to family/friends which would hopefully cover the mortgage? or at least cover the heft of it with you supplementing it a little?

Then, once maternity leave is up, would it make more financial sense for her to remain living with you if you are earning enough to support three, and continuing to rent the house until you are out of your contract in the north, and can move back to your own house and take your mortgage back on again. She can then take up her career where she left off. If she has childcare quals, she could look into childminding while in the North with you to supplement your joint income perhaps if montessori is not an option. Could be a total non-runner, but it's the first thing that came to mind. Best of luck!

darsar

echosound wrote: »

First off - congrats on the pregnancy!

Right, what sprung to mind reading your post - your GF is in a job with low pay, and will be taking maternity leave in 8 months times, and cannot afford her share of the mortgage on the state maternity benefit. Would there be a possibility of her moving up to live with you while she is on maternity leave and possibly see if you can rent the house out to family/friends which would hopefully cover the mortgage? or at least cover the heft of it with you supplementing it a little?

Then, once maternity leave is up, would it make more financial sense for her to remain living with you if you are earning enough to support three, and continuing to rent the house until you are out of your contract in the north, and can move back to your own house and take your mortgage back on again. She can then take up her career where she left off. If she has childcare quals, she could look into childminding while in the North with you to supplement your joint income perhaps if montessori is not an option. Could be a total non-runner, but it's the first thing that came to mind. Best of luck!

Hi echo,

I think your post is right down my street. This is the route it is looking like we will have to take. Just the problem as i have mentioned befoe that Northern Ireland or UK just doesnt seem to have pre school/ crech sort of things. From thorough searches of all the different recruitment sites, there seems to be zilch.

However, i suppose it could be worse in alot of different ways, sure im well enough to be having a laptop to be in touch with all the boardies

Little-Devil

jamegg wrote: »

As for working in other jobs, would employers really be wiling to take on somone who is going to be off on maternity leave not so long away?

They don't have to know straight away but unless she started looking for a new job tomorrow then i think she has less chance as it could be weeks or months. The other option is if you can manage financially with just you working then you need to speak to your boss, if he understands then it shouldn't be a problem.

BJC

Congrats on the bun in the oven OP.

If I were you I wouldn't even think of leaving your job, you are obviously good at what you do if the company paid to get you and you have already stated that you get paid well. Loans and cars for sale will sort themselves out with determination and time. Would your girlfriend maybe consider taking a few months or years off work to look after the baby..a mother is better than a creche! If she really wants to work then it would seem best if she can find some work, ANY work down your way until something in her field opens up (I would never suggest she forsake the degree she worked hard for). The bottom line is that either you or your missus have to temporarily sacrifice your careers for the baby. If you're earnng more than don't quit your job!

Hope thathelps at all, good luck!

darsar

BJC wrote: »

Congrats on the bun in the oven OP.

If I were you I wouldn't even think of leaving your job, you are obviously good at what you do if the company paid to get you and you have already stated that you get paid well. Loans and cars for sale will sort themselves out with determination and time. Would your girlfriend maybe consider taking a few months or years off work to look after the baby..a mother is better than a creche! If she really wants to work then it would seem best if she can find some work, ANY work down your way until something in her field opens up (I would never suggest she forsake the degree she worked hard for). The bottom line is that either you or your missus have to temporarily sacrifice your careers for the baby. If you're earnng more than don't quit your job!

Hope thathelps at all, good luck!

Thanks BJC, greatly appreciated advice.

Ideally I would love for my gf to take time out of working and move up to me and get somebody to rent our hous. Even if i got enough to cover her half of mortgage id be delighted. Its just that she is very career driven and as i have said has a interview coming up so it really is going to have to come down to one of us taking a career break. Just all about weighing up the options and making the right choice that is best close to suiting all three of us!

I guess i just need to talk to her and we can come to what we think will be best, i have taking some really good advice from you guys.

A bit of bad timing for a nice surprise but at least whatever we do do, it will be for te most important thing that could happen to us.

echosound

OK so there's no actual advertised jobs working in offical pre-school settings like creches or montessoris, but what I meant was once your baby (!!) gets a little hardier and your GF is able for it, she could look into straightforward childminding - ie minding a kid or two in their own home while the parents are out working etc.

Lots of women do this to supplement their income while at home with their own children, just something to consider - also perhaps doing pre/after school minding if she's not up to a full day's childminding on top of looking after your own baby - minding children when school finishes but the parents are still out working til 5 or 6 or whatever.

Lots of supermarket noticeboards/local ads have notices up from parents looking for reliable childminders and with your GF's qualifications she would certainly be in demand. Don't rule out your GF picking up some work in the North because there's no adverts on recruitment sites for the formal childcare settings, childminding tends to be a less formal arrangement with the families finding someone locally themselves - I know these sites are only relevant to ROI but here's two to have a look at to get an idea of some alternatives for working with children outside of a formal setting http://www.childminding.ie/ or even http://www.babysitters.ie/.You never know, a regular babysitting job - although it sounds like a teenager's job, could bring in decent spare money for a few hour's work.

Great to see you have a positive outlook on the whole situation though, that's half the battle! You'll work something out soon that will work for both of you (and then for the three of you!).

edit - just saw your post above - I know your GF might be career driven, but in the short term it might work better if she took a year or two out seeing as you are the higher earner, and she won't be at any great loss when she goes back in real terms - she will still have her quals and experience and can hopefully get back in where she left off, especially if she gets this promotion - she can step back in on a more senoir level. One or two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things really!

darsar

echosound wrote: »

OK so there's no actual advertised jobs working in offical pre-school settings like creches or montessoris, but what I meant was once your baby (!!) gets a little hardier and your GF is able for it, she could look into straightforward childminding - ie minding a kid or two in their own home while the parents are out working etc.

Lots of women do this to supplement their income while at home with their own children, just something to consider - also perhaps doing pre/after school minding if she's not up to a full day's childminding on top of looking after your own baby - minding children when school finishes but the parents are still out working til 5 or 6 or whatever.

Lots of supermarket noticeboards/local ads have notices up from parents looking for reliable childminders and with your GF's qualifications she would certainly be in demand. Don't rule out your GF picking up some work in the North because there's no adverts on recruitment sites for the formal childcare settings, childminding tends to be a less formal arrangement with the families finding someone locally themselves - I know these sites are only relevant to ROI but here's two to have a look at to get an idea of some alternatives for working with children outside of a formal setting http://www.childminding.ie/ or even http://www.babysitters.ie/.You never know, a regular babysitting job - although it sounds like a teenager's job, could bring in decent spare money for a few hour's work.

Great to see you have a positive outlook on the whole situation though, that's half the battle! You'll work something out soon that will work for both of you (and then for the three of you!).

edit - just saw your post above - I know your GF might be career driven, but in the short term it might work better if she took a year or two out seeing as you are the higher earner, and she won't be at any great loss when she goes back in real terms - she will still have her quals and experience and can hopefully get back in where she left off, especially if she gets this promotion - she can step back in on a more senoir level. One or two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things really!

** sings a re-arranged version of Will Smiths song, Just the three of us **

It all seems a little less complicated now that the options are being suggested, so its great to know that there is ways to get by. Sacrafices too.

echosound

ok sorry for blathering on here, but one more quick thought - see if there's any summer camps/groups organised for young children - I'm thinking along the lines of playgroups, I know there's a few groups in the ROI that do music sessions with young children, art sessions a kind of "learn and play" group situation. With the montessori quals your GF would certainly be in a good position to go for any of these types of roles.

Or if you're feeling adventurous, why not look into renting space in a community centre and your GF starting her own montessori group - I know a few women who did this - you rent a space for say, 9am - 12 noon, even 3 days a week, if 5 is too much, and provide a playgroup for the 3-5 age group. Of course your GF would need to have at least one other person working alongside her too for staff:children ratios etc, and look into insurance etc, but if she's career minded, this could the opportunity for her to flourish - get out of working FOR other people, and start her own montessori group.

Many parents like to be able to have their children interact with others their own age while not going down the fulltime creche route, and if there's a dearth of these groups in the North she could hit on a right earner! Find a like-minded person with similar quals to start up the business together, rent a community space a few mornings a week (shouldn't be too expensive) and parents will most likely queue up to book places - ensure she books children in by the term though - guaranteed income. From what I hear from various groups in ROI using community centres, they charge very little for renting space, especially if it's a community focused service.

Of course this is something to look at not right this second, you've enough decisions on your plate right now!! Just a thought that could work well in the longer term...Right, I'll shut up now!:o

RedXIV

echosound wrote: »

ok sorry for blathering on here, but one more quick thought - see if there's any summer camps/groups organised for young children - I'm thinking along the lines of playgroups, I know there's a few groups in the ROI that do music sessions with young children, art sessions a kind of "learn and play" group situation. With the montessori quals your GF would certainly be in a good position to go for any of these types of roles.

Or if you're feeling adventurous, why not look into renting space in a community centre and your GF starting her own montessori group - I know a few women who did this - you rent a space for say, 9am - 12 noon, even 3 days a week, if 5 is too much, and provide a playgroup for the 3-5 age group. Of course your GF would need to have at least one other person working alongside her too for staff:children ratios etc, and look into insurance etc, but if she's career minded, this could the opportunity for her to flourish - get out of working FOR other people, and start her own montessori group.

Many parents like to be able to have their children interact with others their own age while not going down the fulltime creche route, and if there's a dearth of these groups in the North she could hit on a right earner! Find a like-minded person with similar quals to start up the business together, rent a community space a few mornings a week (shouldn't be too expensive) and parents will most likely queue up to book places - ensure she books children in by the term though - guaranteed income. From what I hear from various groups in ROI using community centres, they charge very little for renting space, especially if it's a community focused service.

Of course this is something to look at not right this second, you've enough decisions on your plate right now!! Just a thought that could work well in the longer term...Right, I'll shut up now!:o

As i was reading this i was going to come up with a response like this.

If you can't find any jobs at all for your gf in the childcare sector, there may be a niche for her to set up her own?

Congrats on your pregnecy by the way (Red is a good name )

marti101

I know your gf is very driven bout her career but if your job pays better then it makes more sence in the ling run for her to be the 1 not working or taking a break.As babies are expensive you will need the extra money from your job to keep going.Rent out the house and get her to move up with you it will be only fora little while and she has the option like the other posters said to mind children in her own home.Bottom line with kids compromises will have to be made so let her do it now and maybe in a few years you take time out and mind the child while she goes back to work

Beruthiel

biko wrote: »

Have you discussed abortion?

Have you considered engaging your brain before posting?
Please think before you post in this forum.
B

paperclip2

Hi Jamegg,

I've PMed you with a couple of organisations in Northern Ireland that could be useful. PM me back if you need follow-up.