Kissed someone my friend likes

sunnyd

So i kissed a guy that my best friend really likes, i was drunk but thats no excuse. she found out and wont talk to me, in fact she is totally avoiding me and ignoring me. i no i shouldnt of done it but i didnt think it was such a major deal that she now wont talk to me. even some of my other friends wont talk to me either. was i wrong to think they wud or wat??? are they overreacting?? I just dont know... im confused. any advice is more than welcome

Overheal

Ah, sacred rules of Turf.

'fraid you may be in the doghouse for a little bit.

Try talking to the lad about your one?

Doctor DooM

sunnyd wrote: »

So i kissed a guy that my best friend really likes, i was drunk but thats no excuse. she found out and wont talk to me, in fact she is totally avoiding me and ignoring me. i no i shouldnt of done it but i didnt think it was such a major deal that she now wont talk to me. even some of my other friends wont talk to me either. was i wrong to think they wud or wat??? are they overreacting?? I just dont know... im confused. any advice is more than welcome

She's acting like a child. She doesn't own the guy.

give her a few weeks to realise how she's acting. If she doesn't get over it, she isn't worth it.

Wurly

Overheal wrote: »

Try talking to the lad about your one?

I personally wouldn't do that. Cos then it may look like your bad mouthing your friend and talking about her behind her back. Sure to add fuel to the fire.

It will blow over. Apologise and wait for her to get over it. That's all you can do. No-one died, poo happens.

She'l fancy someone else soon enough. And as a previous poster said, she doesn't own him.

As for your other friends not talking to you.... would they ever get a hobby. Obviously they love the drama of all this and have nothing better to do with their time.

T'will be grand.;)

sunnyd

Thanks, yep i no i broke the rules but it was just a kiss. a long one but still a kiss. Forgot to say that she was with him before though not so long ago and has been talking bout him ever since. I cant even apologise she wont answer my calls and keeps avoiding me........

BraziliaNZ

How old are you two like 12?

sunnyd

Ha.. thanks!! Im 23, she's 25...

MagicMarker

You were in the wrong, you shouldn't have done it.. Your friend will be pissed for a while but it will blow over eventually.

Overheal

Bros before Ho's, as the saying goes. MagicMarker is right; it'll pass.

nkay1985

sunnyd wrote: »

Ha.. thanks!! Im 23, she's 25...

Jesus, that has actually shocked me! I honestly believed the two of you were about 16 (and only even that old because you mentioned being drunk). This sounds like really childish behaviour, the kinda stuff I listened to my female friends go on about when were about 13!

She should grow up and get over it, and you should grow up and know better tbh.

iPoker

sunnyd wrote: »

So i kissed a guy that my best friend really likes, i was drunk but thats no excuse. she found out and wont talk to me, in fact she is totally avoiding me and ignoring me. i no i shouldnt of done it but i didnt think it was such a major deal that she now wont talk to me. even some of my other friends wont talk to me either. was i wrong to think they wud or wat??? are they overreacting?? I just dont know... im confused. any advice is more than welcome

...Paris changes everything

Reku

SDooM wrote: »

She's acting like a child. She doesn't own the guy.

give her a few weeks to realise how she's acting. If she doesn't get over it, she isn't worth it.

Agreed, I've always found this whole: "well I don't like him well enough to go after him but everyone else had better leave him alone, he's mine" thing that seems to exist with some girls a bit baffling. There's already less males than females anyway, what hope are folks to have of dating if half the lads have apparently been earmarked for specific ladies without their consent or knowledge?
Your friend should either pluck up the courage to tell him she still likes him or stop complaining that someone else got there first. If he turns her down he's fair game, regardless of her sour grapes (though do give it a bit of time just to appear not completely unsympathetic to her feelings).
Yes, you should have told your friend first that you were interested in him and planned to make a move, give her a last notice to voice her feelings to him or forget about him, but getting your friends to ignore you over this is a little OTT as a reaction from her.

Deedsie

Id have nothing to do with you. Surprised everyone is sympathizing with you. If you were really her friend you wouldnt carry on with someone your friend is interested in. If i was her id cut you out of my life, wouldnt be fair to try influence ye're mutual friends against you though.

TPD

Deedsie wrote: »

Id have nothing to do with you. Surprised everyone is sympathizing with you. If you were really her friend you wouldnt carry on with someone your friend is interested in. If i was her id cut you out of my life, wouldnt be fair to try influence ye're mutual friends against you though.

Thats a bit harsh, it was just a kiss. I could understand cutting the OP out of the 'friends' life if she'd kissed the 'friends' boyfriend, but it was just some guy she liked.

RedXIV

Deedsie wrote: »

Id have nothing to do with you. Surprised everyone is sympathizing with you. If you were really her friend you wouldnt carry on with someone your friend is interested in. If i was her id cut you out of my life, wouldnt be fair to try influence ye're mutual friends against you though.

Ok, lets be honest here, the guy is not property, he's not owned by anyone and people that believe that just because you like someone, they are offlimits to everyone else is just plain ridiculous. And if the guy you were after heard something like the above, i GUARANTEE, he'd lose interest in a heartbeat.

OP, ok, we all know about the idea of "I like him, so please don't take him from me" which GENERALLY leaves when you leave teens. As said above, if you're friend doesn't cop on soon, you haven't lost much of a friend

aye

sunnyd wrote: »

Thanks, yep i no i broke the rules but it was just a kiss. a long one but still a kiss. Forgot to say that she was with him before though not so long ago and has been talking bout him ever since. I cant even apologise she wont answer my calls and keeps avoiding me........

the fact that she was with him before and has been talking about him ever since means you knew she really liked him but still went off and kissed him.
it will blow over, but i understand where your friend is coming from.

minidazzler

This is just funny, (made funnier but your Ages)

In fairness ye can't lay sole dibs on a Guy. Whatever about saying "I get first craic at him if I dont get anywhere then go ahead!" But saying "Mine!!!" Is Very Childish of her. She should really learn to share.

Max_Damage

Sharing is caring.

Deedsie

No to me its nothing to do with the lad involved. She wronged her "friend". I just gave my honest opinion. OP is 23. Time to grow up and realise this kinda thing upsets some people.

If you confided your interest in someone you had already kissed. And the person you confided in swooped in and just stole the person i wouldn't even give you the pleasure of being thck with you. Id cut you from my thoughts and forget you forever and the next five.

You cheated on your friend in my opinion.

Wibbs

While technically people are not off limits I do agree with this....

aye wrote: »

the fact that she was with him before and has been talking about him ever since means you knew she really liked him but still went off and kissed him.
it will blow over, but i understand where your friend is coming from.

If a mate of mine did this after knowing I was into a woman and knowing I had gotten somewhere with her before, I wouldn't be the happiest camper in the tent. Not over the woman per se, but over the lack of respect a mate would have had for me. It would depend on a lot of things. How much he knew, how much of an effort I had put in etc, but still. All's fair in love and war, but with mates involved it's a differnt thing IMHO.

jellie

sunnyd wrote: »

Thanks, yep i no i broke the rules but it was just a kiss. a long one but still a kiss. Forgot to say that she was with him before though not so long ago and has been talking bout him ever since. I cant even apologise she wont answer my calls and keeps avoiding me........

To be honest if i was into a guy, & my friend knew it i wouldnt think of her as much of a friend if she went after him.

though it depends on the situation. if you genuinely like him it does make a bit of a difference, but if it was just a score then whats the point in hurting your friend?

Nevyn

We don't expect those we think have our back to stab us in the back but
the course of love ner did run smooth and s/he who hesitates is lost.

If you friend was actively perusing this guy then I think you were wrong to get in the way,
if she had just called dibs and was day dreaming and waiting around for him to notice her again then tough. She could have been the one talking with him and she could have kissed him again.

If he was interested enough he would have pursued her and would not have snogged you
unless he was trying to give her some sort of indirect message of tying to make her jealous to get her to strike him of her list ( which is stupid head games ).

As for how your friend is treating you well clearly she is feeling hurt and upset by this and nothing you are going to say will change how she is feeling and chances are she is not currently able to see your side of it, so give her time and space.

July

sunnyd wrote: »

Forgot to say that she was with him before though not so long ago and has been talking bout him ever since.

Ha! You forgot to say? You forgot about that fact too when you kissed a guy your friend had kissed and was interested in.

You should not have done it. You're not her friend. She will be better off without you. Leave the poor girl alone.

RedXIV

Thaedydal wrote: »

If you friend was actively perusing this guy then I think you were wrong to get in the way,
if she had just called dibs and was day dreaming and waiting around for him to notice her again then tough. She could have been the one talking with him and she could have kissed him again.

^ Best argument here. OP if your friend was actively trying to get with this guy, then your in the wrong. If she was waiting for him to realise how amazing she was and come to her, she's in the wrong

cowzerp

no big deal, she's over reacting-if she wanted to go out with him why did she not ask him out?? was he meant to stay single forever untill she decided to do something about it, this is 13 year old stuff!

melekalikimaka

not a wise move, you'd hung dried and quartered if you were my friend

Deedsie

How anyone can defend the OP is beyond me. She blatantly stabbed her friend in the back. Perhaps a bit strong, but she certainly didnt consider her friends feelings or what effect her actions would have on there group of friends. For what? a kiss. Shocking lack of consideration. Showed very little remorse and is now on here looking for vindication.

cowzerp

It was not her friends boyfriend! and as i said before, the friend could have pursued him if she chose, she did'nt-why? her loss, this is how we all behaved at 12!

Grow up people

RedXIV

Deedsie wrote: »

How anyone can defend the OP is beyond me. She blatantly stabbed her friend in the back. Perhaps a bit strong, but she certainly didnt consider her friends feelings or what effect her actions would have on there group of friends. For what? a kiss. Shocking lack of consideration. Showed very little remorse and is now on here looking for vindication.

Floating through replies, i can see the distinction. Guys really do believe that its not a big deal where as the majority of the girls class this as the same as treason.

Let us examine an extreme example. how many girls do we know all love, for the sake of argument, brad pitt. If any girl in ireland scored him, would all her friends who fancied brad pitt ditch her? would they accuse the girl of stabbing them in the back? Girls who would throw a friend away, one who may have proven themselves in many situations as a good friend, because of a potential bf that could very easily mess the original girl around do not strike me as good friends in the first place

jellie

RedXIV wrote: »

Let us examine an extreme example. how many girls do we know all love, for the sake of argument, brad pitt. If any girl in ireland scored him, would all her friends who fancied brad pitt ditch her? would they accuse the girl of stabbing them in the back? Girls who would throw a friend away, one who may have proven themselves in many situations as a good friend, because of a potential bf that could very easily mess the original girl around do not strike me as good friends in the first place

But what if the girl who was with Brad Pitt didnt actually LIKE him but just did it cause she could?

sorry weird logic.

i just think if something means nothing to you but a lot to your friend you dont do anything to hurt the friend.

Although the OP hasnt said whether or not she did like the guy.

(i really need to get off boards & do some work..)

only_me

You betrayed your friend's trust, showed total disregard for her feelings, and on top of that, you probably humiliated her as well. I don't think she's over-reacting in not talking to you. You even said at one point they had been with each other, so it wasn't just a passing fancy!
If it were me, I would cut you out of my life as soon as I found out, no-one needs a 'friend' like that. On top of that, what's stopping you doing it again, when you don't even seem to understand why she's upset?!!

aye

RedXIV wrote: »

Let us examine an extreme example. how many girls do we know all love, for the sake of argument, brad pitt. If any girl in ireland scored him, would all her friends who fancied brad pitt ditch her? would they accuse the girl of stabbing them in the back? Girls who would throw a friend away, one who may have proven themselves in many situations as a good friend, because of a potential bf that could very easily mess the original girl around do not strike me as good friends in the first place

not really similar as the main difference here, and the important difference is that the OP's friend had already kissed this guy, and had expressed an interest in following it up.
The OP should have let it be really.
The OP was wrong to kiss the guy behind her friends back, and if she did have major interest in him she could have let her friend know.

havgin said that, her friend does not have a hold on this guy, so while i can understand why the friend is annoyed, i still think it will blow over in the end.

As a bloke I would be annoyed by a mate that did this but i dont think i'd go so far as to dis-own them as a friend or anything of the sort.

aye

only_me wrote: »

You betrayed your friend's trust, showed total disregard for her feelings, and on top of that, you probably humiliated her as well.

agreed

only_me wrote: »

If it were me, I would cut you out of my life as soon as I found out, no-one needs a 'friend' like that. On top of that, what's stopping you doing it again, when you don't even seem to understand why she's upset?!!

however i think this reaction would be extreme to say the least. i'd jsut have a word with my mate, and leave it at that. i'd trust them enough to know they wont do it again.

RedXIV

aye wrote: »

however i think this reaction would be extreme to say the least. i'd jsut have a word with my mate, and leave it at that. i'd trust them enough to know they wont do it again.

+1

cookie81

Why did you kiss him? Did you like him too? Or was there an attraction to him because your friend had him on a pedestal?

sunnyd

Thanks everybody. Yes, i knew shw liked him and she was with him before but it was just a one off thing he told me he didnt like her like that, however she was still totally into him. I knew nothing else was going to happen between them and i also really like him so thats why i did it. And its not like i humiliated her because no one knows apart from our friends that it hapened. I think totally cutting me out of her life like deedsie said is a bit extreme. and i agree with red xiv that the general feeling is that girls think it was very wrong where as guys dont really think its such a big deal. What can i say to her to get her to talk to me again???

RedXIV

sunnyd wrote: »

Thanks everybody. Yes, i knew shw liked him and she was with him before but it was just a one off thing he told me he didnt like her like that, however she was still totally into him. I knew nothing else was going to happen between them and i also really like him so thats why i did it. And its not like i humiliated her because no one knows apart from our friends that it hapened. I think totally cutting me out of her life like deedsie said is a bit extreme. and i agree with red xiv that the general feeling is that girls think it was very wrong where as guys dont really think its such a big deal. What can i say to her to get her to talk to me again???

honestly? nothing. You're gonna have to leave it a while. especially if this guy isn't into her and she's into him, thats double the blow. She's not gonna be happy so trust me, leave it be for a while

cookie81

I was on the receiving end of this before - my friend kissed a guy knowing I liked him and so this will be biased but based on experience - sorry but what you did was bang out of order - I wouldnt be your friend either. You wouldnt have wanted him only for your friend likes him - I mean were you bothered when your friend kissed him originally? Nope but I get the impression you lap up male attention and get flattered very easily and melt at a guys attention - not for 1 second did you friend come before him...and another thing this time next year chances are he'll be going out with someone else but where will you and your friend stand? She may forgive you but she sure wont forget it!

tweety1

why would want to kiss a guy your friend was already with? And you knew she liked him.
if your not that mad about him why kiss him, if not to piss off your friend whom you know does like him and would obviously annoy by kissing him!
Your friend is dead right not to talk to you, as you obviously don't care how she feels by kissing him.
Jealous that she was with him already maybe or did you do it just to annoy your "friend"?

Doctor DooM

RedXIV wrote: »

honestly? nothing. You're gonna have to leave it a while. especially if this guy isn't into her and she's into him, thats double the blow. She's not gonna be happy so trust me, leave it be for a while

Yup. you did wrong in her eyes. Leave it a while and if your friend can't forgive this (which is such a tiny thing in the scale of things) it's better you learn that now than later.

sunnyd

cookie81 wrote: »

You wouldnt have wanted him only for your friend likes him - I mean were you bothered when your friend kissed him originally? Nope but I get the impression you lap up male attention and get flattered very easily and melt at a guys attention

How do you get that impression?? It couldn't be further from the truth! And yes i did like him originally but i had a boyfriend so obviously did nothing about it.

aye

sunnyd wrote: »

Thanks everybody. Yes, i knew shw liked him and she was with him before but it was just a one off thing he told me he didnt like her like that, however she was still totally into him. I knew nothing else was going to happen between them and i also really like him so thats why i did it.

did your friend know nothing was going to happen?
how long ago was it that your friend kissed him?

sunnyd wrote: »

How do you get that impression?? It couldn't be further from the truth! And yes i did like him originally but i had a boyfriend so obviously did nothing about it.

has this all happened in the last few weeks? this is better than corrie

sunnyd

aye wrote: »

has this all happened in the last few weeks? this is better than corrie

thanks very much

Wibbs

In fairness ease up on the soap opera type comments. Not really helpful.

aye

sunnyd wrote: »

thanks very much

LOL, come on OP. if it has all happened recently its a lot of drama.

when did your friend kiss him? and did your friend know he wasnt interested?

you keep adding little snippets of infos during the post.
the original post really should have explained how your friend was really into him, but he wasnt into her, and how you liked him as well at the same time, instead of adding all that information thoughout as you get responses.

Wibbs

I agree the full backstory would be helpful.

Nevyn

Aye Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

aye

Wibbs wrote: »

In fairness ease up on the soap opera type comments. Not really helpful.

fair enough

sunnyd

Its been over a week now and shes still not talking to me. Should i give up or keep apologising?????

Nevyn

Leave her alone and wait for her to come to you.

sunnyd

thanks but i dont think thats going to happen anytime soon:(:(:(:(:(:(:(