How?

LegacyUser

Sorry I just need to get this off my chest as I would never have this discussion with anyone because I think it will make me look weak.

I am a tool!

At the start of the year I get talking to one of my friends mates, that night I end up walking her home but I dont do anything as I dont want to be rejected even though I know she is interested. I say to myself the next time I see her out I will ask for her number but what I do the next time I see her, I walk away from her for calling me the wrong name (I was only messing but I never turn back). I end up seeing her out a few more nights but I never go over to her but instead I end up talking to one or two of her mates. A few months pass and I lose interested due to never seeing her but then it sparks up again when I do get talking to her one night.

I look her up on bebo I find out that she is taking a year out of college to go over to America for college and she is going out one last night for the end of the exams. So I say to myself that I must get talking to her that night but what do I do? Nothing!

Now with college year finished I wont see her again for over a year.

I know I will just move on but the thing is that is pissing me off is that I always do this, even though I know what I must do and what to say I chose to do the opposite why do I keep on doing this to myself.

Like im very afraid that I will end up on my own at the end of my life but even though I dont what this why cant I over come the fear of rejection?

Wibbs

I would say like any fear it's based on the unknown as much as anything. Practice rejection. Sounds mad, but it could work for you. Exposing yourself to your fears time and time again reduces or removes them. AFAIR it's one method of overcoming phobias. You're afraid of snakes? If you walked around with one strapped to you, then yes you would have the screaming swivel eyed heebee jeebees for a few days, then your mind would get bored of the stimulous and presto, snakes wouldn't be that much of an issue to you. OK mad simplification but you get the gist.

When I say practice rejection I mean practice making a move. You will get rejected unless you're the luckiest bloke alive. So what? Acceptance and rejection are part of life in damn near every facet of life. Another thing is not to get too hung up on just one woman unless that one woman is equally hung up on you. It's pointless. It leaves you an emotional wreck and leaves her either with an ego boost at your expense or leaves her creeped out, or both. Not good.

Now this particular woman appears to have had equal designs on you, yet you decided to not proceed and actually drowned the chance at birth. It may not be just a fear of rejection, it could also be a fear of success. It could also be a fear of taking the step outside your comfort zone and indeed fantasy notion of what you want and actually have a relationship. It may appear easier to mull over what may have been, rather than go through the day to day ups and downs of life and a relationship.

Who knows but you what your own personal reasonings are. Maybe explore why you have this fear. You probably have a fairly good idea yourself.

RedXIV

Wibbs wrote: »

I would say like any fear it's based on the unknown as much as anything. Practice rejection. Sounds mad, but it could work for you. Exposing yourself to your fears time and time again reduces or removes them. AFAIR it's one method of overcoming phobias. You're afraid of snakes? If you walked around with one strapped to you, then yes you would have the screaming swivel eyed heebee jeebees for a few days, then your mind would get bored of the stimulous and presto, snakes wouldn't be that much of an issue to you. OK mad simplification but you get the gist.

When I say practice rejection I mean practice making a move. You will get rejected unless you're the luckiest bloke alive. So what? Acceptance and rejection are part of life in damn near every facet of life. Another thing is not to get too hung up on just one woman unless that one woman is equally hung up on you. It's pointless. It leaves you an emotional wreck and leaves her either with an ego boost at your expense or leaves her creeped out, or both. Not good.

Now this particular woman appears to have had equal designs on you, yet you decided to not proceed and actually drowned the chance at birth. It may not be just a fear of rejection, it could also be a fear of success. It could also be a fear of taking the step outside your comfort zone and indeed fantasy notion of what you want and actually have a relationship. It may appear easier to mull over what may have been, rather than go through the day to day ups and downs of life and a relationship.

Who knows but you what your own personal reasonings are. Maybe explore why you have this fear. You probably have a fairly good idea yourself.

+1

You'll find that any guy out there who you think is successful with women is more than likely after getting his fair share of rejection. It is important to lose this fear. Not easy, but definitely important. Try doing it to random girls in nightclubs, not to ask them out, but just to talk to them. Whats the worst they can do? tell you to leave? big deal. The best way i think of tackling this fear is pretend every single girl you approach is a practice run for the real thing which will probably arrive several years from now. So because it's only practice, you have nothing to lose

I understand the fear thing OP, believe me I do, but when you get down to it, it's not that hard to beat

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replys.

The sad thing is that it was keeping me going and how pathetic is that?

geminilady

i think anything that is worth having requires effort. See your above example with this girl as an experience gained, next time you see a girl you really like, chat to her and ask her out. I like a guy to have confidence but not too much that he is arrogant. like with anything the more you get used to chatting to people you like, asking out etc, the easier it gets. anytime you get rejected think it as one less person to worry about is "is she the girl for me".
And your not pathetic, start with a positive attitude for these positive changes in your life. Good luck! : )

MagicMarker

Tbh, it looks like you saved yourself some heartache if anything.. Had you got her number and started a relationship, then where would you be now when she's off in America?

LegacyUser

MagicMarker wrote: »

Tbh, it looks like you saved yourself some heartache if anything.. Had you got her number and started a relationship, then where would you be now when she's off in America?

True that.

You could say it worked out better. She will now be finished the same year as myself and next year I myself will only have one semester in college because I am on placement for the second which will hopefully be in America. But I very much doubt I will keep interested that long.

Thanks again for the replys, Hopefully I will learn from this.

LegacyUser

Bha, Still having a hard time getting this girl out of my head mainly because I know she is single and had a very decent chance of getting with her.

There is also a few other reasons like I dont have a job yet and I dont like heading out in my home town (I prefer the college crowd) so I have nothing to replace her with so im still focused on her.

I still on thinking on what might have been which is not a good way to be at all.