an answer?

LegacyUser

Hi

I don't know where to start or how this will help but at this stage im all out of ideas. I was friends with this girl for awhile and then we hooked up.And well it was all good. We even moved in together but maybe a bit too fast then broke up and had time apart but i think we just needed time to figure everything out. we got back together and like all couples had our ups and downs..but we seemed to have reached the light at the end of the tunnel when all this started. we even started thinking sbout living together again. Basically i was asked to go work away from her and i thought it was temp so didnt think anything of it and it was a good career move. but kinda out of the blue i was asked to stay there down there and well was offered a huge pay increase and well it was the job i always wanted. so without thinking it through i took it and i know now i should of thought it through but i didnt. Anyways as the months went by we found it so hard and a strain on our relationship. So i started looking for a new job but 5 months later im still looking. been to a few interviews and each one go you did a great interview but not what we are looking for type of thing. I just feel now im at the end. Im caught in a situation where i dont want to be in but dont see a way out. the way it goes now is.. im trying to stay postive as much as possible but my life is in the drain..i get up and go to work..come back to appt and sleep and get up and go to work and do same day in and day out. I have no friends where i am now. im trying to stay postive for my girlfriend im trying to get her to see light at end of tunnel but in last few weeks she has lost hope. ive made her so unhappy by moving away i know it was a mistake because im away from my house my girlfriend and my friends. I distract myself by working long hours because if im not owrking im sat thinking about how i messed my life up. i feel on verge of breaking down,im trying to keep it together for work, and trying to keep positve for my girlfriend but she has gotten so down lately and i cant seem to get her back up. im trying so hard to get a job back up with her but its so hard . at this stage i dont care about money im willing to take a huge pay cut to get back up. friends n family say o something will come up but thats easier said then done. my head is about to explode because i really dont know how much longer i can keep this up. my girlfriend now wont talk to me because she is so fed up, we are both young and this is not what life is about... i cant just walk out of the job i have a mortgage to pay and well i cant be out of a job.. i dont even know why im writing this i just feel im out of options..

Wibbs

OP Can you please edit your post into clear paragraphs as it's very difficult to read and therefor give you advice worth giving.

mru

Sorry mate - a little hard to understand. But IMO, there's always a way out. If you have a mortgage, and want to move back home - just sell the house. If your friends and family mean so much to you, then you'll always find a way of getting back close to them. Likewise, with the gf - if she means so much to you - then you'll find a way to get back to her. In my experience, there's always options. Just take stock of you situation - it's always easier to achieve something when you've set yourself goals.

Marz66

When you say you were asked to move 'down there', is that somewhere else in Ireland? Because if it is, you can't be that far away from each other, can't you meet your gf every weekend, and if you're near enough one night midweek? Can your gf move closer to you? Even if you're abroad, you could spend at least every second weekend with each other.

There's nothing wrong with staying where you are because you've found the perfect job, and your gf should see that. If living closer to your gf is more important than this job then you could take a less well paying job near her until you find a similar one again. But really, I think your gf should be willing to make a proper effort at making a long distance relationship work, especially since your job is perfect for you, unless she has an equally perfect job/college tying her to where she is, can she not make the move? You could give your job a year, while looking out for other job opportunities and then see whether its possible for you and your gf to live closer to each other. I can see how it would have been better to have stability as you had both just got over your ups and downs and that this was bad timing (not your fault) but if the relationship is going to work, a year isn't that long.

But if you are really unhappy where you are, then move back, bearing in mind that as the two of you had previous problems and that she seems to be the one causing problems this time (I just got that impression from your post, I could be wrong), you need to consider whether moving back near her will solve them.

RedXIV

Very hard to read OP, but from what i gathered, your problem has a simple enough solution. find a job where your gf is. You say you're willing to take a massive pay cut, you're guaranteed to find a job SOMEWHERE near her, there are always jobs going for something. personally, i'd prefer to do a crappy job and live near family and friends than have the perfect job and be alone.

Best of luck OP

Red

karen3212

I have to say OP I would think twice, three times, four times - before giving up what seems to be at the moment a dream job for you.

How long have you been down there, I'm asking because sometimes it takes time to make friends in a new place.
Also can you give us a idea of your age? If you and your girlfriend are only going out for a while, then I feel you should both be able to adjust to each other's new positions for a time. If you had been together for 25 years and had never spent a day apart, then I would imagine adjusting to living apart would be extremely difficult, but is there any way - with a little more effort from both of you - that you could see each other more often, until you are able to move and live together again?

Overheal

ered288 wrote: »

Hi

I don't know where to start or how this will help but at this stage im all out of ideas.

I was friends with this girl for awhile and then we hooked up.And well it was all good. We even moved in together but maybe a bit too fast then broke up and had time apart but i think we just needed time to figure everything out.

we got back together and like all couples had our ups and downs..but we seemed to have reached the light at the end of the tunnel when all this started. we even started thinking about living together again.

Basically i was asked to go work away from her and i thought it was temp so didnt think anything of it and it was a good career move. but kinda out of the blue i was asked to stay there down there and well was offered a huge pay increase and well it was the job i always wanted.

so without thinking it through i took it and i know now i should of thought it through but i didnt. Anyways as the months went by we found it so hard and a strain on our relationship. So i started looking for a new job but 5 months later im still looking. been to a few interviews and each one go you did a great interview but not what we are looking for type of thing. I just feel now im at the end.

Im caught in a situation where i dont want to be in but dont see a way out. the way it goes now is.. im trying to stay postive as much as possible but my life is in the drain..i get up and go to work..come back to appt and sleep and get up and go to work and do same day in and day out. I have no friends where i am now. im trying to stay postive for my girlfriend im trying to get her to see light at end of tunnel but in last few weeks she has lost hope.

ive made her so unhappy by moving away i know it was a mistake because im away from my house my girlfriend and my friends. I distract myself by working long hours because if im not owrking im sat thinking about how i messed my life up. i feel on verge of breaking down,im trying to keep it together for work, and trying to keep positve for my girlfriend but she has gotten so down lately and i cant seem to get her back up. im trying so hard to get a job back up with her but its so hard .

at this stage i dont care about money im willing to take a huge pay cut to get back up. friends n family say o something will come up but thats easier said then done. my head is about to explode because i really dont know how much longer i can keep this up. my girlfriend now wont talk to me because she is so fed up, we are both young and this is not what life is about... i cant just walk out of the job i have a mortgage to pay and well i cant be out of a job.. i dont even know why im writing this i just feel im out of options..

whew. fixed that a bit.

she cant move up to you?

partyguinness

I think you have to decide want you want..in a somewhat situation here..my g/friend is English and lives in England (am in Cork). We are very much in love and have planned a future and discussed it (she is 32..I am 30). I spent 7 years in formal 3rd and 4th level education building up my career (in work in law) and I have a good career, salary etc.

She cant move here as she has a house/mortgage and a commercial lease on a premises until 2010. So I have decided to relocate to England..

On a downside:

a. Will be taking a huge drop in wages as I cant work the same job over there or at least I would have to go back and re-train. I will be effectively giving up everything I worked for over the last 13-14 years and putting my career on hold.

b. Of course moving to new country

But...

I love here very much and I realise that having/being with her is more importane in the long term than salary/career etc..

I could end up 40 yrs old, six figure salary and thrawling single bars and wondering why was I so stupid as to put my career before love..

Bottom line...jobs and careers can be rebuilt over and over again..finding love is very rare and something to hold onto and fighting for...please dont choose your job over love..you will regret it forever.