Rules of the Road

patmac

This is compulsory knowledge but for some typing error was ommitted from the Rules of the Road handbook.

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1.Indicators will give away your next move. A confident Irish driver avoidsusing them.
2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distancebetween you and the car in front of you, because somebody else will fillin the space, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.
3. Thefaster you drive through a red light, the less chance you have of gettinghit.
4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensivebodywork,especially with WW, MO or MH plates. With no insurance, theother operator probably has nothing to lose.
5. Braking is to be doneas hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently pulsates. For those ofyou without ABS it's a chance to strengthen your leg muscles.
6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's a good way toprepare other drivers entering the motorway.
7. Speed limits arearbitrary figures, given only as a suggestion and are not enforceable in Ireland during rush hour.
8. Always brake and rub neck when you see an accident or evensomeone changing a tyre. This is seen as a sign of respect for thevictim.
9. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ireland is thehome of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Department of PublicWorks, which puts potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them alert!
10. It is tradition in Ireland to honk your horn at cars in front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the light turns green.
11. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover,it is important to exit your vehicle through the windscreen rightaway.
Wearing your seat belt will only impede your hi-velocity escapefrom danger.
12. Remember that the goal of every Irish driver is to get ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.
13. WARNING! Nevercome to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one
expects it and it will resultin you being rear-ended

el_barty

Nice one - me like!:D

How about:

14. The purpose of the horn is to attract the attention of your friends and frighten small children.
15. If it was green when you first saw it, you're entitled to go through it.

rocky25

He He
Nice one Pat and good follow up by El_Barty

brayblue24

...and don't forget:

16. Indicate to the right when entering a roundabout in the left lane, then proceed to drive right the way around in this lane (taking the shortest route possible) before exiting at the last exit by slicing up the nearest car to you
17. Remain contentedly in the inside lane of an empty motorway until you notice in your rear view mirror a car behind about to overtake. At this point move into the overtaking lane in front of them and remain there at 5kmh below the speed limit thereby meaning the garda traffic corp do not have anything to do
18. before you take your test get as much practise as possible driving on the motorways so you will be ready when you get your full licence.

Malice

It's a cliché but a lot of these are funny because many drivers out there seem to obey them .

tomred1

malice_ wrote: »

It's a cliché but a lot of these are funny because many drivers out there seem to obey them .

You should say things in your head before posting them.

rocky25

malice_ wrote: »

It's a cliché but a lot of these are funny because many drivers out there seem to obey them .

Who are you calling a cliché...I'm frum Duble

Capt'n Midnight

19. You must never drive in the left lane if there is space in the lane on your right.

20. You may use bus lanes if turning left within the next 10Km

21. In Ireland we use the freeway system where you are free to travel at any speed in any lane.

22. You must never undertake, unless the vehicle in the lane to the right is travelling slower than you.

23. It is mandatory to travel at 60Kmph in 50Kmph zones when there are no obstructions.

24. Double parking is illegal, unless you use Hazard warning lights. They provide immunity from parking fines for up to 20 minutes depending on local bylaws.

25. Hazard warning lights must be used whenever possible by taxis to obscure turning signals. They also give right of way over oncoming traffic when doing a U-turn.

26. If you don't have exact change use the Eazy Pass lanes.

el_barty

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

24. Double parking is illegal, unless you use Hazard warning lights. They provide immunity from parking fines for up to 20 minutes depending on local bylaws.

I never heard of 'Hazard Warning Lights'. Surely you mean the 'Park Anywhere Lights'?

Gary ITR

el_barty wrote: »

I never heard of 'Hazard Warning Lights'. Surely you mean the 'Park Anywhere Lights'?

Aren't they the 'I'm just collecting my take-away' lights?

Malice

tomred1 wrote: »

You should say things in your head before posting them.

Thanks, I think. I'm not sure what I did to offend you so I'm just going to back out of this thread quietly .

rocky25 wrote: »

Who are you calling a cliché...I'm frum Duble

brayblue24

Just looked up a couple of other ones :

27. When visiting friends for the evening always make sure to let the whole neighbourhood know you are safely on your way at midnight by sounding your car horn loudly and continuously as you leave the estate.

28. The cycle track doubles as a car parking space if you need bread or cigarettes.

Capt'n Midnight

brayblue wrote:

28. The cycle track doubles as a car parking space if you need bread or cigarettes.

29. If you don't look like a biker you can use Cycle tracks for mopeds and small motorbikes.

29. If you are a learner you then your mates don't need a helmet if you carry them as a passenger on your motorbike.

30. You can drive home after failing your test.

brayblue24

31. Turn your fog lights on when fog descends. Never, under any circumstances, turn them off again despite the orange warning light on the dashboard you never look at.

32. Always drive around with your windscreen wipers on even in the height of a heatwave.

33. Meander around the place at 30kmh delaying all around you but put the boot down when the traffic lights turn red so you break them but the poor unfortunate behind you obeying the rules has to wait while foaming at the mouth

This is the post I've been waiting for...

AngryHippie

34. If you drive a Lorry, you are not allowed possess or use a hands free kit

_feedback_

35. Of course, If you're following these rules. You'll moe than likely make no mistakes. If you do, however, never acknowledge them. Avoid eye contact with the other driver(s) and never apologise.

Capt'n Midnight

Could someone please post the section covering the driving of light goods vans of a white colour.

Capt'n Midnight

http://incredimazing.com/page/Signs_Signs_Everywhere_theyre_Signs

jenna558

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

20. You may use bus lanes if turning left within the next 10Km

In fairness to this one, though, whoever is responsible in the roads division for painting the left turning lane usually (very unimaginatively) leaves this until two-three car lengths from the traffic light. You'd never get into the left turning lane safely if there are three cars already in the left turning lane. You'd have to wait at the straight ahead lane for ages until the left turning one was either empty, or you would have to rudely cut across one of the left turning cars to get in. While having a brigade of people behind beep (understandably) because they want to go straight and you are in the way!