He's confusing me.

LegacyUser

I broke up with my partner of one year last night. At first he told me I was too young for him (Im 20, hes 31), but he knew the age gap from the start. Next excuse was that he didnt have time for a relationship. Then he stopped contacting me for the whole day. He texted me last night and to make a long story short, he has changed, the way he thinks and feels about everything has changed, and that he is nothing like the guy that fell in love with me. When we started seeing each other, his confidence was low. He felt worthless. He didnt tell me thats how he felt until about a month ago, when we had a good talk and he just let it all out. Since that discussion, he says he has felt more confident in himself, and that I showed him he could be loved for who he was. Since that I really felt that it had made our relationship better. I'm not sure why, I think it was because he was so happy with himself for the first time in years.

Personally apart from the confidence thing, I can't see how he has changed. He's still the same person I fell in love with, just happier. He's made new friends, changed his image, his outlook in life. But apparently I dont come in to it any more. He says for the past few months he has not felt for me like he should any more. I didnt know that, he didnt talk to me and tell me. The problem is that through our relationship, we never really did the couply bonding things (romantic dinners, spotaneous gifts etc). I feel that stuff is important. He agrees. But now he wont even try and see what happens if we did try to do that sort of stuff. He says he cares about me a lot, likes me as more than a friend, but just doesnt love me like he should. I just dont get how his changing can affect our relationship. We had a great relationship. I don't feel he is being honest with me. He didn't even give the relationship a chance after his 'changing'. I didnt know he felt differently, so how where we supposed to try and sort things? He says he will talk more to be about it later, but I dont know what hes thinking. I dont get a straight answer to any of the questions I ask. I dont see how him getting more confident should mean we cant work any more. Advice appreciated

Nevyn

It happens, it's shítty when it does, you were there for him and he got himself sorted and now he wants his freedom.

Tis could be for a range of reasons, being with you could remind him of how he was before and he could want a clean break from that stage in his life and that means a clean break from you.

You can't make him or force him to try, if he has made up his mind you have to try accept it and let him go.
If you love him let him go and if he loves you he will miss you and come back.

littlefriend

Do you really need to hear him explain to you why he doesn't want to be with you anymore - NO you don't. I know now you feel like you need answers but for your own sake don't bother hanging around to listen to him let you down gently.
Tell him you wish him the best and let him walk. In a couple of months you will be so glad that you didn't plead with him, I promise you. It is better for him to be curious as to how you feel, where you are etc than for him to know you are sitting at home beside your phone waiting for him to come back.

RedXIV

Not going to lie lass and you probably don't want to hear this but the age thing probably did make a differnce. At 31 now, especially with a new found confidence you gave him, he's probably thinking about finding a girl to settle down with. It sucks but thats what i'd guess. at 20, you're probably nowhere near ready for issues that he feels he needs to work on now

Best bet is to leave it be lass, sorry

MIN2511

We all say age aint nothing but a number, i would agree with RedXIV that it is an issue. Most men at 31 want to settle down e.t.c and he probably thinks you are too young to settle down.

I think you should take control of your emotions, i know it wont be easy but you have done your best and unfortunately it didn't work out. Find other things you like and always wanted to do and do them, time is on your hands...

I would tell you a brief story; my mate started seeing a girl 9yrs his junior... He liked her to bits and cared for her but one day after taunting from everyone they decided to call it quits...
And they did so because he's at an age where he wants to settle down, she just wants to have fun and do all the things he had done. So they broke up and he's currently seeing a girl his age and they are getting married next year while the young one is off to Oz for the year.
Am not saying your case is the same but i think you should stop dwelling on why he has changed and stop hoping he comes to his senses and realises you are the best thing that ever happened to him.
Move on girl the world is your oyster

LegacyUser

We had a talk again last night. Basically he only likes me as a friend now, nothing more. He says he tried for 4 months to see if his feelings would change, but they didnt. I dont know how he expected them to if he didnt talk to me or actively do anything to try and change it. He says he did, but I didnt see it. Its hard to deal with. He says he still wants us to be friends, but I dont know if I can be, at least not now. I was friends with him beforehand, but because now we have this history, I doubt I could manage it. Thats 3 guys in 3 years that only ever end up seeing me as a friend, what am I doing wrong?