John Terry jokes

Peyton Manning

Hear about the new John Terry vodka? Made in England, Bottled in Russia.

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Heinz Fritzell has today been given the death penalty by Austrian judges. He'll be fine though, John Terry is taking it.

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When asked what the Champions League trophy was like, Man Utd captain Rio Ferdinand compared it to a chocolate orange - "its not Terrys, its mine!".

A Duck

John Terrys favorite song....Born Slippy

Spud83

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055298658

pvt.joker

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"John Terry"

"fúck off you cúnt"

Peyton Manning

Ah my bad, I checked the other thread titles to see if there was one already, never occured to me that that title was a John Terry thread. Please lock accordingly

Spud83

Archimedes wrote: »

Ah my bad, I checked the other thread titles to see if there was one already, never occured to me that that title was a John Terry thread. Please lock accordingly

It was more a case of if you or anyone else were looking for more rather than moaning.

castie

Police this morning reported to Avram Grant that there had been a break in at the Bridge. Avran said "was there any cups stolen" "no Sir" the policeman replied "They didnt make it to the kitchen"

Its lashing it down with rain in Moscow, poor old Avram Grant is soaked... mainly from john terry's tears

Whats big and blue and goes beep, beep beep?
The Chelsea open top bus reversing back into the garage.

Did you hear about the new 'Chelsea Bra'? Lots of support but no cups.

Heard about the John Terry tyre? Excellent durability but not so good in the wet.

kmart6

Best one's so far castie!

Insect Overlord

Archimedes wrote:

When asked what the Champions League trophy was like, Man Utd captain Rio Ferdinand compared it to a chocolate orange - "its not Terrys, its mine!".

castie wrote: »

Police this morning reported to Avram Grant that there had been a break in at the Bridge. Avran said "was there any cups stolen" "no Sir" the policeman replied "They didnt make it to the kitchen"

Did you hear about the new 'Chelsea Bra'? Lots of support but no cups.

roflmao!

Mossin

Just when you thought it was over

Mossin

One more for good luck

Spud83

Mossin wrote: »

Just when you thought it was over

Indiana John. Classic.

Homer

Mossin wrote: »

Just when you thought it was over

Some brilliant ones in there...

But honestly some people have WAY too much time on their hands!!

As a proud manutd fan i never get tired of this:D

recyclebin

Robbed from soccer thread:

To the tune of "London Bridge"

"Mrs Bridge is going down, going down, going down
Mrs Bridge is going down
On John Terry"

recyclebin

While we're at it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGk-x4kt47w

recyclebin

Drogba's reaction:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VkhQZNHcxmE

Devastator

Fabio Cappelo just rang Wayne Bridge to say "John Terry has lost his captains armband - any chance of you looking under the bed for it ?"




The England staff and players have all voted for John Terry to keep his place in the England team and join them in South Africa. With Cappelo banning the WAGs from the 2010 WC finals, an un-named source said "Nobody wants that f*cker left behind!"



Chelsea, Chelsea wherever you may be
Don't leave your wife with John terry
His Dad deals coke
And his Mum steals tea
He cried when he missed a penalty.

Chelsea, Chelsea wherever you may be
Don't leave your wife with John Terry
He cannot shoot
And he can't f*cking pass
But he'll take your missus up the as$

kmart6

Brillaint!!!!

Julez

Ha, hilarious to see that this thread has been resurrected, good man John.

VolvicMinerial

* A Chelsea player is stopped for speeding at 130mph in a 30mph zone. When the police ask him to explain, he says: "I've just heard John Terry is parked outside my house."

* After Wayne Bridge refused to play for England while John Terry remains captain, fans are now urging JT to try it on with Emile Heskey's wife.

* Chant heard at Burnley v Wigan: "Same old Terry, always cheating."

* John Terry has been lined up to star in a new ITV drama. It's called Other Footballers' Wives.

* What do Wayne Bridge and the Titanic have in common? They both should've stayed at Southampton.

* John Terry is to release a charity single - it's a version of The Cars' My Best Friend's Girl.

* His follow-up will be Under The Bridge.

* What has Vanessa Perroncel got in common with a Champions League final goalpost? They've both been banged by John Terry...

* Chant heard at Hull v Chelsea: "Chelsea, Wherever you may be, Don't leave your wife with John Terry. Cos he likes a shag, he likes a bit of fluff, And he'll get your missus up the duff".

* We all knew John Terry liked scoring at The Bridge, but this is ridiculous.

* Poor Wayne Bridge - he's not even first choice with his his wife.

* Wayne Bridge bought Vanessa Perroncel a chocolate willy... but she says she prefers Terry's.

* John Terry has explained he didn't mean to have sex with Vanessa Perroncel - he just slipped while he was showing her how to take a penalty.

honeymonster

recyclebin wrote: »

While we're at it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGk-x4kt47w

Class

entropi

Just what i needed to cheer me up, good stuff:)

Tommy_NDX

Someone needs to warn Frank.

JP Liz V1

LOL

Pompey Magnus

I love it

recylingbin

What's black and kills babies?

JT's wallet.

recyclebin

Just to note recyclebin is not the same person as recylingbin. I put up the video's above but not the last joke which could be a bit controversial for this thread/forum

flanzer

Classic :D

dak

JOHN WAYNE QUOTES ( THE ORIGINAL COWBOY)

Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway.
Get off your butt and join the Marines!
Get off your horse and drink your milk.
If everything isn't black and white, I say, 'Why the hell not?'
If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.
Life is hard; it's harder if you're stupid.
Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid.
Talk low, talk slow and don't say too much.
Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday.
“I'm the stuff men are made of”

and Now !

WAYNE to JOHN

Get the hell of my wifes butt and join a proper football club!

AND A FEW Appropriate song titles

CHRISTY MOORE to JOHN

" Ride on " ....CU !


Sinead O Connor to JOHN

" I want Your " ( Hands on me) and U2
" 3 Babies"
" Am I not your girl"


Beatles to John

" Bad Boy"
"How do you do it " ... John Lennon.