Boyfriend and STI check

LegacyUser

Going anon for this as its quite personal........

I'm with my BF for 18 months now, we normally have protected sex but we have started off unprotected 2 or 3 times. I had one partner before him and was checked out afterwards (all clear), he's had 2 partners (3 if oral counts) before me and has never been checked out, other than giving blood and being checked for HIV, Hepatitis etc. He had unprotected sex with his last girlfriend, who was apparently a virgin before him. I have a lot of problems 'down there' with infections and strange discharge, I've been tested for loads of things and its all negative, but my Dr suggested my BF gets tested just in case he's passing on thrush or something like that. My BF REALLY doesn't want to go and keeps saying there's no need and I'm just paranoid because none of his other GFs had him get tested. I AM quite paranoid but I really believe in this case, that I'm definitely not being unreasonable. I just want to find out once and for all that he doesn't have anything.

Has anyone else been in this position? Nagging isn't going to work because he just gets annoyed and stubborn but I really want him to go!

Nevyn

IF having sex with him is putting your health and well being at risk then tell him you are not havign sex with him until he has been checked out and cleared.

RedXIV

Thaedydal wrote: »

IF having sex with him is putting your health and well being at risk then tell him you are not havign sex with him until he has been checked out and cleared.

That would work on me

LegacyUser

I'm not having sex with him, and he seems to prefer this to going to get tested. He has a phobia of doctors, even for normal stuff and he definitely doesn't want to get things poked 'down there'. I just don't know what to do!

AARRRGH

Thaedydal wrote: »

IF having sex with him is putting your health and well being at risk then tell him you are not havign sex with him until he has been checked out and cleared.

I think that's totally reasonable too.

Question: have the problems only started since you stopped having protected sex?

kmick

Just a thought but as well as having the STi check which i think you should insist on; making sure he has a thorough wash down there before you begin. Sometimes that can be the cause of things like thrush.

Karen_*

frustrated23 wrote: »

Going anon for this as its quite personal........

I'm with my BF for 18 months now, we normally have protected sex but we have started off unprotected 2 or 3 times. I had one partner before him and was checked out afterwards (all clear), he's had 2 partners (3 if oral counts) before me and has never been checked out, other than giving blood and being checked for HIV, Hepatitis etc. He had unprotected sex with his last girlfriend, who was apparently a virgin before him. I have a lot of problems 'down there' with infections and strange discharge, I've been tested for loads of things and its all negative, but my Dr suggested my BF gets tested just in case he's passing on thrush or something like that. My BF REALLY doesn't want to go and keeps saying there's no need and I'm just paranoid because none of his other GFs had him get tested. I AM quite paranoid but I really believe in this case, that I'm definitely not being unreasonable. I just want to find out once and for all that he doesn't have anything.

Has anyone else been in this position? Nagging isn't going to work because he just gets annoyed and stubborn but I really want him to go!

Yes he should go and get tested but there are a couple of infections which you could have that are not necessarily sexually transmitted. Thrush is one and bacterial vaginosis is another. If its the latter then its something you can get cleared up yourself with antibiotics and you won't catch a recurring bout from him. why not go to an STI clinic yourself or the well woman and find out exactly what the cause of the infections are and then you'll know for sure if he has to be treated.

bored and tired

OP When you said your gp tested for everything, did he draw viles of blood and do a smear and a swab down bellow??.

If everything came back ok, It could be that you developed thrush, passed it to your man, now he has it youve been treated and he gave it back to you, like a frisbee.

Thrush can be transmitted by sex but you can get it for having an unfriendly enviroment down there, that can be caused by cleaning too often with soap, wearing too tight underware, tights etc.

That aside, what did he know about his ex's, what do you really know about him before you met, did he say 2 because you said 1?, is the figure closer to 10 or 20. Can you really trust him?? do you know that he has been faithful to you,

If your bf doesnt take both of your sexual health seriously then what kind of respect is he showing for you.
Afraid of GPs and doctors looking down there, its a joke, at least he doesnt have to lie on his back with his legs bent, ankles together, knees apart.

Anti

An STI check for a man is unbelievably painfull, ive had it done a few times and the pain is like nothing on earth. For those that dont know they stick a ball down your um.. japseye it then opens up and they pull it back out. But it needs to be done. Have him get it done or get rid of him.

LegacyUser

They don't seem to know exactly whats wrong. I've been treated for bacterial vaginosis and thrush several times over the last year. Some doctors say it has nothing to do with sex and others say its possible to pass them back and forth.

OP When you said your gp tested for everything, did he draw viles of blood and do a smear and a swab down bellow??.

yes.....why?

That aside, what did he know about his ex's, what do you really know about him before you met, did he say 2 because you said 1?, is the figure closer to 10 or 20. Can you really trust him?? do you know that he has been faithful to you

I've asked him several times and he swears that's the truth, and it's not hard to believe. He's only 21, and has had two long term relationships and doesn't agree with casual sex. He has lied about a few things but I do do believe that and I don't think he's cheated on me. I myself have been tested for chlamydia and other STIs several times since we got together and its clear. It's not that I think he has anything, it's more just to be 100% sure.

I know he's being ridiculous about it and I think deep down he knows as well. I have a tendency to be paranoid and I think he's thinking its another one of my ridiculous worries rather than a real problem that needs to be addressed.

greengreengrass

Obviously don't know what he has or might have, or what exactly is going on, but it is quite common for fellas to be the ones passing thrush on to their partners! Could well be what is happening. Tell him it could be that, and that its just a bacterial imbalance if it is, and that you dont want to keep getting it off him so just get it sorted! Don't know how they treat it for guys, but its not that bad for girls. Definately a step up from an sti though!

AARRRGH

Anti wrote: »

An STI check for a man is unbelievably painfull, ive had it done a few times and the pain is like nothing on earth. For those that dont know they stick a ball down your um.. japseye it then opens up and they pull it back out. But it needs to be done. Have him get it done or get rid of him.

What?!

That's never happened to me.

Where have you been getting your STI screening?

Tails142

my friend got this done too, little umbrella up the japs eye and pulled down, said it was excruciating.

I would be very reluctant to get it done myself unless there was something seriously wrong with me.

AARRRGH

That's nuts.

St. James's Hospital in Dublin does nothing anywhere close to that.

DD

frustrated23 wrote: »

I'm not having sex with him, and he seems to prefer this to going to get tested.

:pac: he prefers it instead of not going to the dr lol
Try more to convince the guy to see a doctor if you love him, otherwise don't waste your time with him. It is so normal to go for a check. You said he's 21, maybe he is a shy kid, but he has to do it if the doctor advised you to. Try to convince him and go together.
Good luck with it!

Ciaran500

Two of my friends got it done and they both described it the same, they said they pushed a small cotton bud down their japseye then pulled it back out. They described it as uncomfortable but not that painful.

Damomayo

Tails142 wrote: »

my friend got this done too, little umbrella up the japs eye and pulled down, said it was excruciating.

I would be very reluctant to get it done myself unless there was something seriously wrong with me.

OMG!!!!! No thanks

RedXIV

Not sure about this, but it appears there are two methods for this because i've had an STD test that while being mildy embarrassing, i certainly wouldn't call painful? With dublindude having the same sentiments, i wonder if there is too options?

MCMLXXXIII

As for the two different kinds of tests, they test for different things. AFAIK, the test "Anti" speaks of is the only way to test for a certain infection. Everything else checks for other infections. Oh, and yeah, it stings like woah.

OP-
See if you can find a clinic that will give your boyfriend the antibiotic anyway. I have never done that in Ireland, but where I live now (US), they have places you can get shots, pills, etc. for curable STIs without even getting tested.

One other thing...I don't know what you get into, but if you take it <<back there>> and then up front again, you can get some serious infections.

I say go back to using protection (for a while, not like once or twice) and see if it goes away. If it does, then your boyfriend needs to go get checked out.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Anti wrote: »

An STI check for a man is unbelievably painfull, ive had it done a few times and the pain is like nothing on earth. For those that dont know they stick a ball down your um.. japseye it then opens up and they pull it back out. But it needs to be done. Have him get it done or get rid of him.

Bollocks/ It's a little bit uncomfortable for 2-3 seconds. Where'd you have it done?

MrVestek

dublindude wrote: »

That's nuts.

St. James's Hospital in Dublin does nothing anywhere close to that.

Yes it does, was done for me the last time I got myself checked at the GUIDE clinic.

LegacyUser

My BF lied about how many people he was with too. He said 9 only cos I said 5, and that he didn't like one night stands. This became less believable with comments like "I hate it when girls get all lovey duvey after sex...**** off I hardly know you" and "don't you hate it when you're trying to sneaking out of a girls place and she's locked the doors". The truth is he doesn't even know how many girls he's been with and so took the test for me. I know he got the test cos he bitched and moaned bout how painful it was. Thankfully he was all clear. I love my man-whore for doing it for me and putting my mind at ease

board om

Tails142 wrote: »

my friend got this done too, little umbrella up the japs eye and pulled down, said it was excruciating.

I would be very reluctant to get it done myself unless there was something seriously wrong with me.

i think your friend is winding you up. there is no umbrella thing or anything like that. as dunlindude and bottle_of_smoke said it is a little 2-3 second test that you barely notice. the anticipation is the worst part.

BS information like that from mis-informed people is why there are so many young people out there walking around with God knows what diseases. everyone, male and female, should get themselves tested every few years, if not more often than that. obviously if you are in a long term relationship and you are both faithful then it wouldnt be as necessary, but if you are sleeping with different partners then you should be getting tested whether you wear protection or not. it is just common sense. after having a child at a very young age i make it my duty to always have protected sex, but i would still get tested. i would rather 2-3 seconds of pain than than the alternative.

GrumPy

Thaedydal wrote: »

IF having sex with him is putting your health and well being at risk then tell him you are not havign sex with him until he has been checked out and cleared.

Exactly. +1

AARRRGH

Achilles wrote: »

Yes it does, was done for me the last time I got myself checked at the GUIDE clinic.

How long ago was that?

I've been tested roughly once a year for the past four years.

There has been a little cotton swab thing (a lot smaller than a q-tip!) which is slightly uncomfortable, but there has never been any kind of umbrella contraption...

[WoW]

lemme know how you made him go to the doc if you do, fustrated23, my bf's just as stubborn and hates doctors!:mad:

Bottle_of_Smoke

Something just occured to me for the girls with boyfriends weird about getting the check. How about you just tell them you tested positive for chlamydia? then they'll *have* to go. Won't cause much stress either as they'll know its easily treated. I know it means lying & you really shouldn't have to but a lot of men are very strange about these kind of things.

LegacyUser

Im goin unreged 4 this.this is what happened to me.i met my ex 7 years ago.the first month we were together we decided to both have an sti screening.they both came back clear-even though i never actually seen his results.anyway fast forward 5 years and he gets really sick and ends up in hospital.he was a really heavy drinker at this time so i thought it was something to do with that.went up to visit him one day and his doctor pulled me aside and tells me he has hepatitis c.i was absolutley shattered.when i confronted my ex he admitted to me that hed had it since before we were together.we are no longer together.just to say please please dont trust anybody when it comes to your health.

Carrigart Exile

Do the easy thing first, you can get over the counter medicines (Canestan) that will treat thrush. Treat both of you at the same time and complete the course and see if the infections stop. If they don't then he needs to face up to reality.

MrVestek

dublindude wrote: »

How long ago was that?

I've been tested roughly once a year for the past four years.

There has been a little cotton swab thing (a lot smaller than a q-tip!) which is slightly uncomfortable, but there has never been any kind of umbrella contraption...

Sorry slight misconception on my part, you're right it was just a cotton swab or something like that. It was around September or October of last year, don't remember the exact date. Something definately went into my urethra though.

LegacyUser

dublindude wrote: »

That's nuts.

St. James's Hospital in Dublin does nothing anywhere close to that.

There are several way of testing i.e. Blood and the first pee of the day will catch most of the common diseases. (Which is what I got) I think the Umbrella trick is more for Gonorrhea where the sample has to be under the microscope almost immediately, they probably didn't test you for Gonorrhea because you weren't exhibiting any symptoms which is apparently always seen with the Gonorrhea virus. Well that's what I was told by a doctor anyway.

I got the umbrella trick done in Canada a few years back when I was on a working visa and it was more like a cotton swab (I think the guy there did it wrong to be honest, as all other accounts of that seem to be that it was horrific)

Anti

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Bollocks/ It's a little bit uncomfortable for 2-3 seconds. Where'd you have it done?

Im not very good with pain, ive a real low threshold. Had it done in a gum clinic in swansea (Wales) about 18 months ago . If there is ever a need for another one they can chop the auld lad off. I dont fancy going through it again

bored and tired

when my fella had it done (7years ago), he was petrified, but he came out and said it was fine, just a bit uncomfortable, he had a bottle to provide urine sample, when into toilet, came out about 5 mins later white. i asked what was wrong and he said it stung, but that worse was he was like a child and couldnt aim correctly so he had to clean up the floor after himself and thought they were after breaking it, im still LOL,

Sorry lads, but we ladies should have smear swab every 1-2 years, although in this country its more like 5-6 years, so if I want you to get a cotton bud test down the old japseye, its not going to break my heart if you refuse, its my health in question, and i dont care if you say you slept with only 2 people before and 1 was a virgin, i dont know who or what they slept with, what kind of drugs they may or may have not been doing or what there partners were into before you.

OP you may be in the throws of young love, but take it from a lot of older and hopefully wiser people here, Men and Women lie at the start of relationships all the time, they lie about how many people they have slept with, they lie about cheating, they lie about using condoms. Untill your bf comits to protecting both your healths by getting tested or any future partner for that matter, untill you are in a long term commited faithfull relationship and you can trust him with your life, dont sleep with him unprotected. Because in the end of the day, it only takes one time to get a disease that can cost you your health, your fertility and ultimately your life.

LegacyUser

In James' Hospital Gum Clinic, it's not that bad. They use small thingies and while it stings a bit, it's not that bad.

In the UK though when I got tested, it was horrible. Very painful.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Guesty_2008 wrote: »

There are several way of testing i.e. Blood and the first pee of the day will catch most of the common diseases. (Which is what I got) I think the Umbrella trick is more for Gonorrhea where the sample has to be under the microscope almost immediately, they probably didn't test you for Gonorrhea because you weren't exhibiting any symptoms which is apparently always seen with the Gonorrhea virus. Well that's what I was told by a doctor anyway.

It won't necessarily have have symtoms. My doc sent a swab to a lab so I don't think it needs to be under a microscope immediately either.

It's not a virus

i-digress

frustrated23 wrote: »

I'm not having sex with him, and he seems to prefer this to going to get tested. He has a phobia of doctors, even for normal stuff and he definitely doesn't want to get things poked 'down there'. I just don't know what to do!

I think that is totally unreasonable. While I'm not saying that the procedure is pleasant for men, it's not as bad for men as it is for women. If he is the cause by not getting tested he is putting you through unnecessary discomfort. My boyfriend had a test at my request early in our relationship, I just felt more comfortable knowing we both don't have anything. I think he's being unreasonable.