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Am I a bout of bad luck?
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19-05-2008 10:51pm#1
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Try not to treat women as a different species that you need to prepare conversation topics for!! I don't mean that in a sarcastic way, just try to stop looking at every girl you talk to as a potential "date", and the conversation should flow a bit easier.
What interests do you have? when the girl asks you "what are you up to" don't tell them "I flunked a year and am repeating it, end of conversation" - tell them you are in college, but go on to add something like you would in a "normal" conversation like "I was at the cinema last week and saw x, did you see it/what films are you into? I was at y gig last week, what kind of music you into yourself?" OK that's a bit cliched but you get where I'm going with this - seague into general conversation, when a girl asks you what you are up to it's not like a CV, you're not listing out your occupation as briefly as possible - even expand a bit on what course you are doing if you can't come up with anything else when put on the spot, or mention what you're planning on doing for the summer, etc.
As for your appearance, I would think jeans and a tee are fine, I'd be a bit creeped out by a 20 yr old going out in a shirt and tie!
If you want to find someone with similar interests, join a group you are interested in. Like films? join the film soc at college. Like the outdoors? join a hillwalking club. Like a certain type of music? go hang out at gigs etc. Like warhammer? join a group, although I would reckon the ratio of male:female is not in your favour there
Seriously though, I know it seems like everyone else is dating and has a BF/GF, but at 20 it's not the be-all and end-all. I know some people who didn't have a serious GF or BF until they were in their late 20s. Get out and enjoy yourself, chat to girls first and foremost as "friends" rather than as "potential GF material" and you may find that trying to chat women up is not the way to go, chatting to women is. Relax a bit and chat naturally and you'll find you get on great with the ladies you want to impress! Women always love a confident man, so don't try to be all polite and make smalltalk like you would at an interview or with your great-aunt matilda, just chat.
Also - if most of your mates have GFs, get to know their friends as chances are there'll be a girl in there you'll get on great with (the theory being that you get on well with your male friend, he gets on well with his GF, and she gets on well with her friends, thus chances are you will get on well also with the GF's friends).
Don't be so hard on yourself, you've got a lot going for you (dedicated to passing your course and getting a degree, working and earning while studying, good family, clean & well dressed, lots of friends so you must be well-liked and easy to get on with, good at keeping in contact with people, etc) and above all else, just get out and enjoy yourself - and it will happen naturally then, just by chatting to a girl. 0 -
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Try not to treat women as a different species that you need to prepare conversation topics for!! I don't mean that in a sarcastic way, just try to stop looking at every girl you talk to as a potential "date", and the conversation should flow a bit easier.
What interests do you have? when the girl asks you "what are you up to" don't tell them "I flunked a year and am repeating it, end of conversation" - tell them you are in college, but go on to add something like you would in a "normal" conversation like "I was at the cinema last week and saw x, did you see it/what films are you into? I was at y gig last week, what kind of music you into yourself?" OK that's a bit cliched but you get where I'm going with this - seague into general conversation, when a girl asks you what you are up to it's not like a CV, you're not listing out your occupation as briefly as possible - even expand a bit on what course you are doing if you can't come up with anything else when put on the spot, or mention what you're planning on doing for the summer, etc.
As for your appearance, I would think jeans and a tee are fine, I'd be a bit creeped out by a 20 yr old going out in a shirt and tie!
If you want to find someone with similar interests, join a group you are interested in. Like films? join the film soc at college. Like the outdoors? join a hillwalking club. Like a certain type of music? go hang out at gigs etc. Like warhammer? join a group, although I would reckon the ratio of male:female is not in your favour there
Seriously though, I know it seems like everyone else is dating and has a BF/GF, but at 20 it's not the be-all and end-all. I know some people who didn't have a serious GF or BF until they were in their late 20s. Get out and enjoy yourself, chat to girls first and foremost as "friends" rather than as "potential GF material" and you may find that trying to chat women up is not the way to go, chatting to women is. Relax a bit and chat naturally and you'll find you get on great with the ladies you want to impress! Women always love a confident man, so don't try to be all polite and make smalltalk like you would at an interview or with your great-aunt matilda, just chat.
Also - if most of your mates have GFs, get to know their friends as chances are there'll be a girl in there you'll get on great with (the theory being that you get on well with your male friend, he gets on well with his GF, and she gets on well with her friends, thus chances are you will get on well also with the GF's friends).
Don't be so hard on yourself, you've got a lot going for you (dedicated to passing your course and getting a degree, working and earning while studying, good family, clean & well dressed, lots of friends so you must be well-liked and easy to get on with, good at keeping in contact with people, etc) and above all else, just get out and enjoy yourself - and it will happen naturally then, just by chatting to a girl.
This man knows his stuff. Listen to his advice.
Having a few prearranged topics of chat may sound a bit mad but it's not, its a good idea so you can constantly flow from one subject to another. Start using msn or something online as it will boost your conversation skills and it will also help you get used to talking to women without the nerves thing coming into play.
Also the advice about getting to know your mates girlfriends is a gem of information. girls don't like seeing a single unattached man, they have an overwhelming desire to meddle in their lives and nail them down to someone. Use this to your advantage and you should get more interest.
The last thing i'm going to say to you, i've told everyone with this kind of issue, the key is confidence. If you can go out confident in yourself, and i mean really believing that you are the cats pajamas, that is very easy for other people to see and its devastatingly attractive for women. Go out KNOWING that you are an extremely interesting guy, with lots to offer and hundreds of girls would be lucky to go home with and there will be a visiable effect. To quote a friend of mine (he was talking about me
) "Dave taught me that if you go around thinking your a god for long enough, people will eventually begin to agree" so i know what i'm talking about!!!
Best of luck OP0 -
^^ well I'm actually a female, so that advice is coming from "the other side of the fence" so to speak
OP, the advice given here by RedXIV is also spot on, get to know your mates GF's friends and you'll find it easier to talk to women over time, with the added bonus that you may click with someone with similar interests. Best of luck!0 -
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you MARRIED him already!?!?!
And that OP, is how you keep a conversation flowing, feel free to talk about anything and everything and 9 times out of 10, they'll keep talking to you. Look at echosound there who has no idea who we are, what we're like or what we do but she's still talking to us because we're interesting 
Women aren't that hard to talk to really 
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you MARRIED him already!?!?!
And that OP, is how you keep a conversation flowing, feel free to talk about anything and everything and 9 times out of 10, they'll keep talking to you. Look at echosound there who has no idea who we are, what we're like or what we do but she's still talking to us because we're interesting Women aren't that hard to talk to really
and that, OP, is how to be confident also! TELL yourself you are interesting and you will end up being interesting as you won't be second guessing yourself with your conversational habits (although don't say it out loud repetitively like you're talking to yourself or you may scare some of them off)
Seriously though, we're not a different species, 9 times out of 10 we'll laugh at the same jokes as t'fellas and be interested in some of the general things you are too (most people tend to like films, music, holidays, going out, gigs, hobbies, etc).0 -
I keep questioning myself when it comes to being on a night out. "Will I finally talk to someone or will someone talk to me?" I don't find it hard to talk to women, but keeping the conversation flowing is troublesome. Usually they can see me straining to come up with topics to discuss no matter how well I hide it.
Just talk any old crap, it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you keep talking lol. Its not really what you're saying anyway, its the way you say it. If you keep thinking "what am I gonna say next" you're straining yourself way too much, best not to think about it at all imo and just relax and go with the flow. If you are talking about some random girl you meet in a nightclub or something, as opposed to a friend/acquaintence, give her a bit of chat and if she seems disinterested, ditch her and move on fairly quickly - when you find someone who is interested you will have no problem chatting as they will be more than happy to keep the conversation going.
RedXIV is spot-on when he talks about having a high opinion of yourself, it really does rub off on other people, I've heard the "I dont usually do this line" a few times in the last two months and I always think "well yeah thats cos your not normally getting seduced by Pub07".The worst part when talking to women for me is when they ask me about myself. The most I can say is, "Ah I'm just working, I flunked a year of college so I'm just repeating it." and thats it. Thats really the achilles heel...
Eh, that is not the kind of vibe you want to be putting out there if you wanna score. You are giving off the vibe of a loser with that line and women dont like losers lol. Don't be putting yourself down for god sake, no girl on a night out wants to listen to someone feeling miserable about themselves - focus on the positives.
If I was in your shoes I would be saying "Yeah, in college atm, working for the summer, having a good laugh" - and then maybe expand on what you think of the course/college itself and what kind of stuff you get up to in it...clubs/societies/nights out. There lots to talk about there and if someone likes you they'll be interested in what you've to say about it.
You need to take women down off the pedastal you're placing them on in your head. Eventually you will I guarantee it, but the sooner you do it the better, as you're only 20 and should try and make the most of your twenties as I think they're the best years of your life. I'm 28 now and if I was one to dwell on the past, which Im not lol, I'd regret not getting my act together with the women sooner, it took me til 24 before I got my game in order.The most horrid part of it is, is when I get close to a girl. I don't mean intimately at all, but I mean just physical closeness. For example, like when on packed train, a crowded pub, or at a gig or something, my nerves end up getting the better of me.0 -
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Hi OP!!
Just want to add my tuppence to the great advice given on this thread....The most important thing as has been mentioned is to relax and have fun, I'll admit I'm a fan of a bit of flirting and one thing I love is when a guy tells me something just off the wall like.....
'i'm just back from outer Mongolias where I fought off bears and ninja monkeys'............if she's any fun at all (and I'm guessing a guy wants a girls with a bit of humour...) she'll respond to which you can say....'ah only messing it was aligators in Egypt'...etc and off the wall:D, finally it'll come round to names, what you do (besides fighting off wildlife..) and sur if it leads to a kiss grand, if not it was an enjoyable bit of flirting..........:p
May the flirt be with you!!!
and p.s. with regard to your friends being hooked up,I was single until the very end of college and it was the most fun, v happy now with bf but we both say that we're happy we didn't meet any sooner cos you learn more single, get more savvy and realise what sort of boy/girl you'd really get along with, but some people just had gf/bfs for the sake of it in college and missed out on an opportunity to bit a bit american 'find youself':). So OP, not being in realtionships at age 20 is not bad and again as the cliche goes, it'll happen when you least expect so just have fun til then....enjoy 0
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