Do all couples fight, and over what?

LegacyUser

OK random thread I know but I was just wondering whether all couples fight or does anyone really have relationship bliss?

Me and my boyfriend get on great but sometimes we have huge rows - they are only about him not seeing me enough at weekends, or not making plans to see me and I end up doing nothing because i was waiting to see if he'd want to do stuff.

I know this sounds trivial but sometimes It's gotten so bad we've almost broken up over it.

Is this normal?

Sophie

chuci

everyone fights. while on holiday me and himself fought over towels once sad but true. if its getting to be a major deal set aside one day at the weekend to see each other spend the day together. me and himself try to go on a date once a month or every month and a half for the day and go out together at night just the two of us.most of our fights are stupid.

tbh

yes. No fights = no passion.

yermandan

tbh wrote: »

yes. No fights = no passion.

on the money.

The key to a lasting relationship though is the method you both develop of resolving the more serious ones!Compromise and listen

-Dan:cool:

herya

We never fight this way, we do have different opinions quite often but they do not lead to quarrel, somehow we learnt how to meet each other half way or to let the other one have their way this time (I'll have mine next). We've been together 9 years, getting married next year. We are amazed it works so well ourselves... and there's no lack of passion at all!

Loopy

I think most couples do. Adds a bit of spark sometimes. We had a massive row last nite over nothing and this morning we were laughing together because we both admitted we just wanted a row, it could of been over a cup of tea or a biscuit but no matter what we were gonna have a row. (one was definitely overdue, we hadn't had one in over a week:D)

Besides making up is what its all about..

tbh

yermandan wrote: »

The key to a lasting relationship though is the method you both develop of resolving the more serious ones!Compromise and listen

-Dan

on the money.

we should start a gang or something dan

yermandan

tbh wrote: »

on the money.

we should start a gang or something dan

Sorry tbh i'm red devils till I die!!!

Op, arguing can be the healthiest thing for a relationship as long as both parties have their say and a healthy level of respect is kept at all times. In my experience, a couple who fights ALL of the time tend to get into a rut of not listening to eachother and all of the fights end in tit for tat, non-sensicle(sp?) arguments with no proper resolution that lends to moving forward and growing in the relationship.

And as the saying goes, anything that doesent grow, dies...

-Dan:cool:

The Mighty Ken

tbh wrote: »

yes. No fights = no passion.

I would be more of the 'fights = immaturity' train of thought. Regular quarreling goes on in teenage and early 20's relationships. If you're still having blazing rows in your 30's and beyond, then you're probably an idiot.

Collie D

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

I would be more of the 'fights = immaturity' train of thought. Regular quarreling goes on in teenage and early 20's relationships. If you're still having blazing rows in your 30's and beyond, then you're probably an idiot.

Do you honestly believe that? Everyone rows about something, it happens and it can be good to clear the air. Just as long as you can laugh at it the next day

The Mighty Ken

Collie D wrote: »

Do you honestly believe that? Everyone rows about something, it happens and it can be good to clear the air. Just as long as you can laugh at it the next day

I guess it depends on the nature of the row. Every couple has differences of opinion and the stresses of life can cause conflict. How you deal with this adversity really determines what kind of a couple you are. However, blazing screaming matches are, and can only ever be, as a result of one or both of the pair being an idiot. And yes, I honestly believe that.

tbh

I'd agree with you there, if they were happening on a regular basis. The odd blazer is to be expected.

Kintarō Hattori

I think most couples fight. When you spend that much time with someone and love someone too it's inevitable really. Arguing can be healthy, depending of course on what your arguing about and how you do it.

I don't argue with my missus often but when we do it's usually because of her jealousy or silly mood swings. Our arguements never last long though and things are usually patched up quickly enough.

If you love the chap and you know he loves you then the occasional heated arguement isn't too bad, just once you can discuss it calmly, rationally and move on.

deisemum

I'd be more worried about a couple who claim that they never argue/fight/row.

I'm with my husband 20+ years and we've had the occasional row. Some serious (in the past) but mainly minor disagreements and it's usually something small that could trigger it off.

I also think that it's healthy that children occasionally see their parents have the odd row over the trivial things (not humdingers) and more importantly see their parents make up afterwards and all is ok again.

I know someone who says she consciously has never seen or heard her parents have an arguement when she was young and she believes that when she got into her first few serious relationships that she had an unrealistic view of relationships and couldn't handle the slightest row and felt devastated afterwards.

Some of our rows have ended up with seeing who can come out with the smartest or ridiculous comments that the row just ends with us laughing at the comments.

Half the fun of the odd row is making up afterwards

sharkie2008

my boyfriend and i have arguements about the most stupid things at times. usually end up laughing at how stupid we are

Trinity

craprelations wrote: »

OK random thread I know but I was just wondering whether all couples fight or does anyone really have relationship bliss?

Me and my boyfriend get on great but sometimes we have huge rows - they are only about him not seeing me enough at weekends, or not making plans to see me and I end up doing nothing because i was waiting to see if he'd want to do stuff.

I know this sounds trivial but sometimes It's gotten so bad we've almost broken up over it.

Is this normal?

Sophie

Had same problem at beginning of my relationship. SO i started making my own plans at weekends. Its not his fault you are sitting around waiting. You have let him. Dont be clingy saying he doesnt see you enough, make it seem that you are not depending on him to be happy. Which you shouldnt be anyway by the way!!

Be independant, make plans, then when he says at the last minute do you want to do something say sorry you will have to give me more notice than that I have made plans already, and go out and do your own thing. You will find if he is serious about you he will be booking you for the weekend by Tuesday.

Depending on your age and how long you are together if you feel you are not getting enough of a commitment then say it. If you are young and only with him a wee while then just enjoy it and see where it takes you.

echosound

The Mighty Ken wrote: »

I guess it depends on the nature of the row. Every couple has differences of opinion and the stresses of life can cause conflict. How you deal with this adversity really determines what kind of a couple you are. However, blazing screaming matches are, and can only ever be, as a result of one or both of the pair being an idiot. And yes, I honestly believe that.

Agreed. Difference of opinion is fine, so long as both of you can handle it without resorting to screaming matches and insult-hurling, and resolve the differences in a way that is good for you both, and with respect shown by both parties.

I've had the relationship in the past that was a series of blazing rows, and blazing rows do not = passion, more like blazing rows = something wrong with the relationship that needs to be addressed, or that blazing rows = incompatibility and you both need to move on.

I've been married a few years now, and hand on heart have never had a blazing screaming row in all our years together. We've had our disagreements but usually work things out calmly, and will compromise for the best outcome for both of us.

Aurora Borealis

Fights are normal and part of getting to know someone and establishing boundaries. The important thing is how they are resolved. If there aren't they escalate and resentments resurface then the next time there is a misunderstanding. If you love the person and they you you both should want to find a way to resolve things that is acceptable to you both. I genuinely think if love, commitment and respect are there most couples can move past this pattern though in some cases counseling may be required. The question is how much does it mean to you both and if it's worth fighting to save what you have rather than each other.

dav nagle

I just split with my girlfriend and had I would say one fight in total maybe 2. Fighting is immature in my opinion and it brings out the worst on both sides. What is the point in fighting? Can you not communicate by talking in a respectful manner? What does shouting and screaming achieve? Seriously I would love to know what fighting does? There are so many words in the english vocabulary that you can get your point across without having to raise your voice more than a semi-tone.I know a couple and they fight all the time and even if they are still together and I am not with my girlfriend they look and sound like idiots who cant control their emotions. I have another pair of friends and they would never fight in public but behind closed doors they do have serious problems. Most girls I know would dump me in a second if I was continually fighting. It shows weakness.

RedXIV

I'm not normal!!! I haven't had a fight in a relationship before. And it sucks coz i've heard the making up afterwards is amazing.

I'm genuinely too lazy to fight with people, if i don't agree i'll take the piss, tell the person or just say "nah, i don't wanna do that" and who ever the OH has been at the prospective time has just given up trying to bait me..


maybe this is why i can't keep a gf......

Shinners23

It is very much down to the individuals. Im a pisces and true to my star sign I'm a little too laid back... He's a piscan also so there are no rows in the camp at all..... so far!

LegacyUser

Hey! Me an my OH both pisceans too but we are fighting at the moment like mad things! mostly about his controllingness and me about him being so lazy and leaving me to do everything at home! So much for the stars!

neuro-praxis

Me and my other half argue frequently; it's ultimately because we make assumptions about the other person or because one of us is being selfish. We are both strong-headed, passionate people so our rows can get quite heated! However we've learned how to fight well; there's no name-calling or "not talking to each other" and I think it's made for a seriously healthy relationship. Ten years together in December.

I maintain that the two most important words in any relationship are, "I'm sorry." Being quick to recognise our own sh|tty behaviour (even if there are good reasons for it) and make amends goes a long way.

However if you are fighting day in day out there are obviously lots of unresolved problems and that can become just exhausting and then the pleasure of being together may disappear. So some time, when you are not arguing, sit down and chat about the things that are upsetting you both, and do your best to find solutions and compromises that work for both of you. Good luck.

curehead

dav nagle wrote: »

I just split with my girlfriend and had I would say one fight in total maybe 2. Fighting is immature in my opinion and it brings out the worst on both sides. What is the point in fighting? Can you not communicate by talking in a respectful manner? What does shouting and screaming achieve? Seriously I would love to know what fighting does? There are so many words in the english vocabulary that you can get your point across without having to raise your voice more than a semi-tone.I know a couple and they fight all the time and even if they are still together and I am not with my girlfriend they look and sound like idiots who cant control their emotions. I have another pair of friends and they would never fight in public but behind closed doors they do have serious problems. Most girls I know would dump me in a second if I was continually fighting. It shows weakness.

so true the same thing happenened to me we get on great but a little argument has split us up i went off with a group of lads on the beer we had no plans to meet or anything she text me and asked me to meet but i was 20 miles away drinking so i didnt reply (i know that was wrong but i didnt want to have to go explaining myself in a drunken text) .
iv'e sworn off the drink now promised her it wont happen again but she's having none of it . i'm in bits but seems i cant change her mind ' mind you it was a one off thing and i would never do anything to upset her but she thinks i should have at least replied and wants a valid reason which i dont have i'm hoping she'll come around but she can be stubborn.
is there any hope anyone know what i should do to make her take me back

RedXIV

Think about it curehead, do you WANT to go back to someone who is this unforgiving? If she cannot be brought around by logical conversation, she's gonna be very tough to live with if you make any REAL mistakes in the relationship

GrumPy

tbh wrote: »

on the money.

we should start a gang or something dan

I can haz membership? :pac:

curehead

yeah i think she want's me to go grovelling to atone for my mistake but come on ive said i was sorry were not kids ffs

RedXIV

Exactly. Tell her you apologised and the ball is in her court, if she doesn't want to accept it, fine, but don't expect to hear from you. Fair play to ya!

curehead

you know what women are like she wants a valid reason ' i dont have one
stilll i do feel bad about it but there is nothing i can say or do now so
that is that i guess back to the drawing board at 36

babyboom

I have friends who seem to be endlessly fighting with their partners, in front of the kids a lot of the time, and it makes me wonder why the hell they are together. One couple in particular, I couldn't tell you the number of times we've met up with them and they've been not speaking to each other. I've been with my husband for 16 years, married for 14 with 3 kids, and we very rarely fight. We have the odd disagreement over trivial things but neither of us have ever raised our voices to each other. I don't think its a sign of passion, its a sign your not compatable if your constantly bickering.

RedXIV

curehead wrote: »

you know what women are like she wants a valid reason ' i dont have one
stilll i do feel bad about it but there is nothing i can say or do now so
that is that i guess back to the drawing board at 36

Try this for a valid reason:
"I didn't reply because i felt you deserved better than dealing with me after taking a few drinks. When you texted me i realised i wanted to sort things out but i thought it'd show more respect to you if i waited until i was sober to do that."

send her that and if that doesn't work, get back to me

curehead

yeah itk kind of strange that we never fight but when we have one little
argument its seems to be blown out of all proportion ?
probably were just not used to it and need to grow up

curehead

too late i think .
basically i said that it was'st in my nature to behave like that and that it wouldn't happen again and if she didn't want to be with me i would understand she replied
"maybe its for the best"
i never replied :-(

chuci

if you want to be with her then reply no?seems like the logical thing to do.

tinkletoes

No don't be silly- you don't want her to think you're a doormat. Let her come back to you or she'll always have the upper hand in your relationship, dumping you over trivial things and expecting you to go running after her every time!!!!:eek:

curehead

i think i have grovelled enough today
seems nothing i say will get her round

tinkletoes

Why are you grovelling?!! Quit grovelling!!!! You've done nothing thats unforgivable- you said sorry once and that's enough!

SarahSassy

curehead wrote: »

i think i have grovelled enough today
seems nothing i say will get her round

From a girls point of view I think she is using it as an excuse to finish with you... I can understand she may have been concerned or even put out if you didnt respond when you normally do but she is acting like an eejit and if she is willing to let it all go so easily then.....

SS

PS doesnt exactly smack of maturity to be doing all of this 'talking' by text either....

Placebo

SarahSassy wrote: »

From a girls point of view I think she is using it as an excuse to finish with you... I can understand she may have been concerned or even put out if you didnt respond when you normally do but she is acting like an eejit and if she is willing to let it all go so easily then.....

SS

PS doesnt exactly smack of maturity to be doing all of this 'talking' by text either....

not exactly, she may have gotten furious over him for not writing back and felt un wanted. And right now could be in the wrong state of mind.
Perhaps some time to cool off then opt to meet up would be best.

curehead

Placebo wrote: »

not exactly, she may have gotten furious over him for not writing back and felt un wanted. And right now could be in the wrong state of mind.
Perhaps some time to cool off then opt to meet up would be best.

who knows what she is thinking she knows i love her and she says she loves me i honestly dont think she knows what she want she can blow hot and cold

Placebo

you need to let her cool, another tactic would be to let her miss you by not texting but thats a hit and miss, risky. You need to meet up. I'm sure shes not gonna break off all contact over text.

curehead

Placebo wrote: »

you need to let her cool, another tactic would be to let her miss you by not texting but thats a hit and miss, risky. You need to meet up. I'm sure shes not gonna break off all contact over text.

the problem is she wont contact me she's too stubborn
i have to do all the running
she has this thing in her brain about men should be men
but i have feelings and i like to express them
but i cant go bending over backward just to please somebody constantly
wheres the line show me the line people

RealistSpy

Like my mammy always say stand up and be a man. Too much apology leads to being pushed over. Send her flowers and after that its up to her don't text dont call.