Male attention

LegacyUser

I thrive on male attention. I'm 21 years old female from Galway, living in Dublin.

My Dad left home when I was 8. I was a real daddy's girl. He had very little contact with me as I was growing up and we continue to have more of an occasional meet up for a drink relationship rather than a father-daughter relationship. It's something that still hurts me, to this day. He has little or no interest in me or my life, when we meet he speaks about himself or sports and I try to impress with anything I can think of.

I think perhaps this is why I'm such a flirt. I can't stop myself. I flirt with anyone from the post man to my friends and friends boyfriends. It's caused a bit of trouble recently with one of their girlfriends. I can't stop myself though. I live to be chatted up and complimented.

When I come across other girls like me I can't stand them. I can't stand myself. But when someone takes an interest it's the ultimate compliment and my confidence soars. I wish I could just be happy enough in myself that I could stop acting like a whore.

seahorse

Flirtygirl wrote: »

I live to be chatted up and complimented.

You need to find a better reason to live. Sorry to be blunt, but it really is that simple.

I had a women hanging out of my bloke a couple of years back in the same way you describe and to be honest I just felt sorry for her. It was obvious that was the only way she could manage to feel good about herself and to be straight with you, observing that in a grown woman, well, it was a pretty pathetic spectacle.

Call Me Jimmy

I don't think it's necessarily anything to do with your "daddy issues". That seems like you trying to string some stuff together. I'm a guy and I understand your situation. I base everything on getting looks from girls, and I need a steady supply of interest from girls to get me through the day. But that's the problem, once it goes ( which it did for me a long time ago) you are left in an absolutely awful state because there's basically nothing left. You can't do anything else because it's like your not getting your confidence/happiness from other people anymore.

So I would say you should seek professional help about it.The thing is you mightn't see it as a serious problem now while things are going good and you seem to think you're getting the attention, but this is a really bad psychological problem you have imo and I can't stress how bad it will get if ye don't sort it out.

Lockstep

There's a difference between being a flirt and acting a whore to be fair.

But it doesn't appear to be as much about your dad as something else, sounds like you feel the need for acceptance and the best way you feel to do so is by flirting.
Is there anything else the matter that might cause it?

Bottle_of_Smoke

When your looks fade away what are you going to do?

Its a very pathetic trait & people around you will lose all respect for you.

Also think of the guys who might actually be genuinely interested in you, you're giving them false hope which is very hurtful & especially selfish.

Does it not annoy you that all the attention you get is solely to get between your legs? If you start going out with a guy he won't tolerate this. He may pretend he does at the start but once he's in any sort of comfort zone he'll start demanding to know why you behave that way & probably cheat on you in revenge/to address his feelings of doubt.

How about, for two weeks, only flirt with guys you're interested in. Other guys, be civil, be friendly, but drop the suggestion & fake smiles. See how you get on, its only two weeks. Worst thing that can happen is you end up back in the same position.

You have to understand this is not your personality, it's just a means of feeling good about yourself, which as i said, will fade when you lose your looks. Guys aren't interested in flirting, they just see it as a signpost for an easy ride.

If you do stop you'll get more respect from peers & you'll still be able to flirt with guys you like. This will easily compensate for the instant gratification flirts you get from guys who only talk to you to think about what you look like bent over.

Collie D

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Guys aren't interested in flirting, they just see it as a signpost for an easy ride.

Speak for yourself. I tend to do a lot of flirting, it's all harmless fun although I only do it with people who I know would see it as such and wouldn't think there was anything serious. Just a way of passing the day

Overheal

Sure I'll flirt if its for the asking but its not one of my life focuses. But in contrast my mom all but disowned me at 11 so .... yeah

Surely there is something more important in your life than male attention OP? Hobbies? Interests? Goals? Ambitions?

chuci

sounds like you should maybe lay off the social scene maybe and get your act together. you know that you are doing it and you know its not right then why continue? you will loose the respect of your friends and loose them especially if your coming onto their boyfriends. i know i wouldnt want a friend like you around the place. try to make a conscious decision to stop since you know its not the right thing to do. try to find something which makes you confident in yourself and happy. try an art class or a sport or something.

Miss Fluff

Flirtygirl wrote: »

It's caused a bit of trouble recently with one of their girlfriends. I can't stop myself though. I live to be chatted up and complimented.

That's bullsh1t, of course you can stop yourself and you can try and make as many excuses as you want but you obviously have deep-seated self-esteem issues and are very needy. If this is effecting your friendships then you have a problem. In my experience hot or pretty girls rarely give blokes the come on and flirt outrageously because they know that it's not seemly, smacks of desperation and they don't need to/would prefer not to. You are of the School of Any Attention if Good Attention, its really pathetic. Learn to love yourself girl and other people will love you back rather than prick-teasing your postman, have some respect for yourself.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Collie D wrote: »

Speak for yourself. I tend to do a lot of flirting, it's all harmless fun although I only do it with people who I know would see it as such and wouldn't think there was anything serious. Just a way of passing the day

Well, I think you know as well as I do that's not the type of flirting the OP is doing & not the type of flirting I was referring to.

allabouteve

Flirtygirl wrote: »

I thrive on male attention. I'm 21 years old female from Galway, living in Dublin.

My Dad left home when I was 8. I was a real daddy's girl. He had very little contact with me as I was growing up and we continue to have more of an occasional meet up for a drink relationship rather than a father-daughter relationship. It's something that still hurts me, to this day. He has little or no interest in me or my life, when we meet he speaks about himself or sports and I try to impress with anything I can think of.

I think perhaps this is why I'm such a flirt. I can't stop myself. I flirt with anyone from the post man to my friends and friends boyfriends. It's caused a bit of trouble recently with one of their girlfriends. I can't stop myself though. I live to be chatted up and complimented.

When I come across other girls like me I can't stand them. I can't stand myself. But when someone takes an interest it's the ultimate compliment and my confidence soars. I wish I could just be happy enough in myself that I could stop acting like a whore.

Since you realise that it's specifically male attention that you seek, it's not a big leap to imagine that male approval being missing from your early life is perhaps the cause, or part of it.

Your confidence seems dependant on the male attention which leads me to speculate that perhaps praise offered to you as a child was in the 'aren't you a pretty girl', 'don't you look lovely in that', mould instead of your abilities, or intellect recieving attention. Consequently your self-esteem is based solely on affirmations of your physical appeal. Perhaps.

When you are young and beautiful men will want to look at you. If you have personality and brains, they'll want to listen to you too. When you're older, they'll look less, but they'll still listen. But not if you only have looks alone to offer.

Find other ways to build your self esteem or you'll alienate all your female friends and come across as increasingly desperate.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I've been in similar position in the past. The biggest thing I found that helped me was allowing myself to be with someone who I could trust and took my attention away from wanting to flirt with other men. Again I have a similiar relationship with my Dad. While he never left us, its hard to speak with me. I know he loves us but its hard to communicate with me and I've spent alot of time trying to discover the mystery answer to it but sometimes little steps are huge in situations like that.

Anyways, I came out of the relationship upset and hurt but still determined to keep my self respect. People giving you advice is all well and good but until you decide you want to change for yourself that's the only time things will be different. if you want some help I would recommend an assertiveness course or confidence building course. Ironic as it sounds you need to learn how to find your own confidence and also be more aware of how to divert unwanted attention. You say you love all attention but as one poster put it, doesnt it bother you that it is attention to get between your legs (I wouldnt put it that way).

I'm much more reserved and its better now. I'm meeting nicer men and having more fun in the longer term getting to know people. The inital reaction is fun and all but the actual becoming friends (or more) with someone and building up trust and knowing someone actually likes you back for your personality is so much better. I'm not saying find a relationship to fix your problems, I'm saying treat people as if you are going to know them a long time when you meet them as friends or otherwise