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worried about bulimic "friend"

  • 17-05-2008 4:18pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    My ex girlfriend is bulimic, she was the whole way through our relationship although she only really came clean to me about it after we broke up. It seemed to explain a lot of the issues we shared that had never made sense before and I might have given her the idea that if she could sort herself out we would get back together, not intentionally, she just reads in to everything.

    I really do care a lot about this girl and it was great to see that she was pulling herself together, though frustrating she was doing it now and had never been able to do it before. She admitted a few months back that she wanted to get back together now that she was ok again but I just don't feel ready - maybe in the future, she's a great girl but I'm still in college and i do love her it's just too much for me right now. I think she needs the time too though to look after herself.

    We are quite good friends now and it came out the other day that ever since I said I didn't want to get back together with her she's lost control of her bulimia again.

    She's not the type to make a big deal out of things, she realises she needs to get better for her and not for me but i'm not sure she likes herself enough.

    We had a turbulent relationship and it was emotionally exhaausting, I do think that if she could overcome her insecurity and other issues we could give it another go, I am crazy about her but it's too much for someone my age to take on.

    We've tried no contact a few times but neither of us can stick to it - most of the time I feel like I'm over all of it but then something can happen and I love her all over again.

    Can anyone give me advice, I'm afraid if I hang around and help her get better again she'll fall down if I decide I don't want to be with her?

    Thanks


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was with a lady a many many years ago who had a shopping and stealing addiction. I know this is quite different but like that I never knew anything about it until she would get herself in to terrible trouble. She would experience theft cravings and when she was trying to get over them she was terribly moody, I bore the brunt of it and left her - unwares that she was trying to overcome an addiction.

    It came out in the following months all of her issues, I tried to help but always felt that she was doing it for me, and not for herself.

    Eventually, we parted company and lost touch

    I never quite got over her and I do wonder what has happened her. I am happily married now with beautiful children. I do wonder what if but have never had the courage to find her as I know I would betraying the woman I married.

    I love my wife, but I know that if I left her tomorrow I would look for this lady and might be happier than I am now.

    My advice for myself if I could go back in time but be to let her heal herself - but don't ever fully let go.

    Your situation might be different, I wish you the best of luck


  • #3
    Ciara2008
    Closed Accounts Posts: 42 ✭Ciara2008


    As a bulimia sufferer I think without meaning to you might be contributing to her problem... She will hurt if you leave and she will hurt if you stay so the best thing that both of you can do might be to concentrate on her recovery and NOTHING else.

    When she has recovered for an adequate period of time then other things will be clearer - for now though they just confuse things.


  • #4
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Until she decides it's time to sort out her problems, there's very little you can do.

    Would she consider therapy?


  • #5
    chuci
    Closed Accounts Posts: 938 ✭✭✭chuci


    let her sort her problems out like you said its too much for you. why put yourself under the pressure?life is stressful enough. offer that you will help her but only when she realises she has a problem that she needs to sort out herself, without thinking it will win you back. maybe suggest therapy to her see what she thinks. its obvious you care for this girl but maybe taking a step back would be good for both of you. there is another thread here about bulimia which has very useful advice. when she recovers give her some time and then maybe think about getting back together. good luck

    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055288547 thats the link to the other thread.


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