coming out to my family

LegacyUser

hi, i need some advice on how to come out to my parents and family. im a 21yr old woman and as im the eldest and only girl in the family i think it will be harder on them. im afraid of losing the close relationships i have with not just my parents and brothers but also with my grandmother to whom i am very close. at the moment im in a good position to come out as im not financially dependent on my parents and im not living at home at the moment.... im living down the country for work purposes.... i think it would be easier on me if i told them now so when everyone else finds out i wont necessarily have to see any of them for a while... ive told my friends and they were all very supportive. i feel that by not telling my parents in stalling our relationship as at the moment i can barely talk to them.
i would appreciate any advice you have for me.... thanks in advance...

Elessar

Is it really necessary to come out? Can you not just live your life as you see fit and if a girlfriend comes into play, just mention it in passing/let your parents find out and take it from there?

Good luck either way, your grandmother may not understand or like it and that may be difficult to take but after a while, at least from what I have read, family usually come around to the idea....maybe some posters on here could confirm/deny this.

dory

The easiest I think is just to let parents guess. I've neer told mine but I think at this stage they know. Just because I never have boyfriends and stuff. It's not like I shaved my head and ate hummus in front of them or anything.
But every family is different so it's impossible to know. Some people like the blurting it out and letting things cool for a while strategy. I've heard of others writing letters. There's some good books out there on coming out stories. I've never read one but I hear they're good.
Also, how are your parents towards gay people in general? My dad said some things before about them, but since they've had their little 'inclination' about me he's been good.
And, a friend of mine told his family and they were cool but said their gran can never find out. Gran found out and was very happy for him.

LegacyUser

hi, thanks for the advice guys.... well i told my brothers last night, they were fine with it one of them said he was 50/50 on weather i was straight or gay.... he dosnt want me to tell my parents yet, he thinks our dad will take it hard... I feel like i do have to tell them, for my own sanity , if that makes sense. im sick of hiding...

LegacyUser

hey, thanks for the advice......
i came out to my brothers at the weekend and they were both fine with it one of them said he thought it was "50/50" weather i was or not lol ..
so the parents are next. Im probably being a coward but I wrote a short letter and im going to give it to them tomorrow evening ... fingers crossed they dont go mad...

guy2454

I think for your own peace of mind you need to do it when youre ready which it sounds like you are,yes its difficult but the relief good or bad reaction in my opinion is worth it.it is one of the most difficult things one can do but also one of the most liberating.chances are like your brother your parents may already know,they are often a lot more clued in than we give them credit for,i know mine were.one thing wont change they love you,ever heard of unconditional love??it may take time,a lot of chats over cups of tea but its worth it so you can go on and live your life.if you have started telling people the last thing you want is for your mum or dad to find out from someone else through idle gossip in the pub/on the street/at the hairdressers.best of luck with it all and keep us posted!x

secman

My only daughter is gay and she must have absolutely dreaded telling me. But this is one leopard who most definitely changed his spots. I was so anti gay, but as soon as I suspected my daughter was gay, well, I definitely analysed the whole situation and realised how wrong I had been for years. I then made it easier for her and held her hand coming out of the closet. She is extremely happy, living with her partner in their newly puchased house. She's only turned 22 and we are very proud of her.

So best of luck with your parents, they should be fine, if I'm anything to go by.


Secman

LegacyUser

Well i did it, i told my dad first he started crying and gave me a big hug. he said he was sorry for anything he had said in the past that may have offended me etc. and offered to tell my mother, he was really great he told me not to worry about what anyone will say etc. and that hes proud to have me as his daughter and nothing will ever change that. this gave me a real confidence boost and after my mother whos reaction was the same as his.... i told my grandmother and all my aunts and uncles.... they were all brilliant. im really lucky.... my family and friends are all being very supportive. i had really underestimated them. i dont care who knows now because i know my family are behind me

secman

Well done, all that sounds very familiar to me as a Dad. Glad it all worked out for you too. I find it hard to believe that a parent would turn his/her back on their own flesh and blood, but apparently it does happen, unfortunately.


Secman