Feeling a bit s*it

OSI

OK lately I haven;t been feeling too great about myself and my life..
I'll start from the beginning...

About 4 years ago I was starting 6th Year in School and preparing for the old LC.. About 4 weeks into the school year, my Nan died. Now its kind of hard to explain my life when I was younger, but when I was in primary school in London my parents worked a lot, so I spent a lot of time with my Nan and two Great-Nans. To me they weren't just grandparents they were a part of my growing up and close family, almost like extra parents. About 6 years ago we moved to Ireland and left them behind, and I'll admit that it was very hard for me to lose what were 3 very important people in my life. So when 2 years later my Nan died I felt terrible. However seeing as my LC was just round the corner I didn;t have much time to grieve and the only time I really thought about it was while I was in London for the funeral.. I never really got to grieve properly.

After coming back I got back into school but never felt right. I noticed myself becoming very closed, cold and reserved. Where I used to be very outgoing and attentive, I found myself becoming reclusive and unable to pay attention to anything properly, to the detriment of my LC. Still somehow I managed to make it to college. I've now been in college three years, during which time I've now lost both Great-Nans in London and my Granny on my mothers side who lived here in Ireland. In the space of 4 years I've lost 4 of the most important people in my life, and I've never felt like I've actually properly grieved for them and I feel this is destroying me as a person.

As I said earlier my personality has completely changed and find I don't recognise myself as a person. I find that I have no drive anymore and no idea where I'm going in life. I feel like I'm lost in a dark room with no torch. I really dont know what to do as I find its affecting my personal life even more. College is a constant struggle and I find myself finding it very hard to attach to anyone. I've even drifted away from friends I;ve had for years. I remember when I knew everything I wanted in life and how was I was going to get it. Now I feel like I'm just drifting alone barely doing what I have to.

I really need to figure out how to turn this around before I don;t recognise myself at all....

Esel

Sorry for brief reply. College counselling service possibly? For starters anyway.

cHaTbOx

betafrog wrote: »

OK lately I haven;t been feeling too great about myself and my life..
I'll start from the beginning...

About 4 years ago I was starting 6th Year in School and preparing for the old LC.. About 4 weeks into the school year, my Nan died. Now its kind of hard to explain my life when I was younger, but when I was in primary school in London my parents worked a lot, so I spent a lot of time with my Nan and two Great-Nans. To me they weren't just grandparents they were a part of my growing up and close family, almost like extra parents. About 6 years ago we moved to Ireland and left them behind, and I'll admit that it was very hard for me to lose what were 3 very important people in my life. So when 2 years later my Nan died I felt terrible. However seeing as my LC was just round the corner I didn;t have much time to grieve and the only time I really thought about it was while I was in London for the funeral.. I never really got to grieve properly.

After coming back I got back into school but never felt right. I noticed myself becoming very closed, cold and reserved. Where I used to be very outgoing and attentive, I found myself becoming reclusive and unable to pay attention to anything properly, to the detriment of my LC. Still somehow I managed to make it to college. I've now been in college three years, during which time I've now lost both Great-Nans in London and my Granny on my mothers side who lived here in Ireland. In the space of 4 years I've lost 4 of the most important people in my life, and I've never felt like I've actually properly grieved for them and I feel this is destroying me as a person.

As I said earlier my personality has completely changed and find I don't recognise myself as a person. I find that I have no drive anymore and no idea where I'm going in life. I feel like I'm lost in a dark room with no torch. I really dont know what to do as I find its affecting my personal life even more. College is a constant struggle and I find myself finding it very hard to attach to anyone. I've even drifted away from friends I;ve had for years. I remember when I knew everything I wanted in life and how was I was going to get it. Now I feel like I'm just drifting alone barely doing what I have to.

I really need to figure out how to turn this around before I don;t recognise myself at all....

hi,
I felt exactly the same way.Im doing the LC this year and my nan died two months ago . I knew she was going to die from the start of january not great time considering my mocks were at start of february.I found my self in your position. I couldnt grieve but i had no drive to do anything.I pressed the self destruct button.
Didn't do well in mocks,failed alot of exams when i had a's and b's before.But then it hit me when she was gone ,she raised me and i felt like this for a reason ,she was an amazing person and if i wanted to show how much she meant to me i should live life the way she has influenced me to do so. I hope its helps.Your torch is the compassion they have gave you to carry on and to live life to its fullest and be a person they would be proud of.good luck.

RedXIV

random chatbox wrote: »

hi,
I felt exactly the same way.Im doing the LC this year and my nan died two months ago . I knew she was going to die from the start of january not great time considering my mocks were at start of february.I found my self in your position. I couldnt grieve but i had no drive to do anything.I pressed the self destruct button.
Didn't do well in mocks,failed alot of exams when i had a's and b's before.But then it hit me when she was gone ,she raised me and i felt like this for a reason ,she was an amazing person and if i wanted to show how much she meant to me i should live life the way she has influenced me to do so. I hope its helps.Your torch is the compassion they have gave you to carry on and to live life to its fullest and be a person they would be proud of.good luck.

+1

My grandad on my dad's side died when i was 13 at a stage where emotions were put on a backburner in an attempt to keep looking "coooool". I never really dealt with the grief either but then again i never get that emotional either so i presume its not going to haunt me. However, since he died, i hear so many stories about what he was like and i wish i had known him better. so instead i've been pushing myself to excell in all aspects in life. the plan is get exceedingly wealthy and then do something ridiculous like release a book or something dedicated to him.
I'd suggest instead of letting the memory of your loved ones drag you down, use the support they gave you in life to make something of yourself. Afterall, i'm pretty sure they wouldn't like to see you suffer on their behalf

Overheal

My stepmom died in my first year of college. I never really had a good proper mourn, but by that point I was set to barely see her for the next 4 years and after that I would very likely end up abroad again.

What hung me up for a while is that I felt I still should have been mourning. But really I wasn't. But her death created a lot of Personal Issues for me and I was forced to rethink my plans. College here suddenly became a Giant obstacle.

In the end though I realized this person was so integral to where I was today and I just never saw it while she was alive - if anything i resented her for it, for many reasons. By then though I realized how fortunate it all was.

But you also have to realize just because they give you the opportunity doesn't mean you have to use it. You have to want to take it, for yourself. Not for them. Ultimately that person is gone and what happens next is only of consequence to you. Your loved ones can give you all the chances in the world but they want you to take the chances that will matter most to you, and damn the ones that dont.

You may have to accept that with those people gone, you are a changed person. Without those people to help you and guide you and love you.

Now, you have to look at your new self deeply and ask, what does IT want? How can this new being reach its full potential?