Am I over-reacting????

LegacyUser

Hi All

Have been going with my bf for 3 years, he was seperated from his wife for a few months before i met him, and gradually over time i met his family. i met one of his particular sisters (he has 7 of em) whilst myself and himself were on holiday in the same resort as his sister and hubby, i introduced myself to his sister and we got talking, after about an hour his sister says to me "look i am good friends with so and so (my bf's wife) and i have alot of time for her, always remember that", i was looking at her kinda gobsmacked, and didnt know what to say to her, i didnt mention his wife at all throughout our conversation.

Anyway when we got back to the hotel i said it my bf and he was bewildered and said that his sister was never "friends" with his wife, and she never had any time for her, and couldnt understand why she said that to me, but my boyfriend never said anything to his sister about this???? So a few months later we invited the sister and her hubby for dinner at our house, the dinner went ok enough, bar the fact that his sister spoke about ten words to me, when my bf and her hubby went into the sitting room to watch the footie, i tried and tried to make conversation with her, and just kept getting a basic yes no answers, so i gave up, and they went home, i said it to my bf again about this and asked why has she such a problem with me, he said i was mad and imaging it!!!!!

So there was a charity night out and myself and my bf went and this sister and her hubby was there, and another sister, whom i have never met before, and they hardly spoke to me for the night, when i spoke they kept pretending they couldnt hear me, and then to cut a long story short, his 2 sisters came into my place of work, threw me dirty looks, whispered something at each other, and left the shop laughing, ehhh why, i said it again to my bf, he just went quite,???found out then that his 2 sisters were going in for dinner regularly into his ex wifes house, something they never done when my bf and the wife weretogether, so there was a night out at the weekend just gone with one of his other sisters that i get along with, and we were getting ready to go out and his sister texts him saying that these other two sisters were going now, were we still going to go, i refused to go and pointed out to my bf that i have no intention of sitting in a pub and being belittled or spoken about by his sister, and i told him i wouldnt just sit there and take it either, i have stayed quite along for his sake, but i wont anymore, because i have done nothing to no one, he was in a huff over ths and i pointed out to him that he should have had a pair of b*lls at the start to have asked his sister what her problem is, and he should have put his sister in her place by reminding them that were together and thats that,
Anyway theres a big thing planned the whole family is going away nextmonth with their mother and all the partners have to go, and the thoughts of it are killing me, as my bf continues to lick the ar*e of his sister and wont say anything to her

What would anyone else do here?

Beruthiel

It's up to your b/f to sort this with his sisters.
When you suggested to him that he should have talked to his sisters, what did he say? Is he going to?

As for the sisters, it's childish in the extreem. If they are going to be pissed off at anyone, shouldn't it be him? You came along after he was finished with his wife, this is not your fault.

Velvet Vocals

why do you have to be friends with the sisters? It all sounds way to involved for my liking. You're with your bf not his family. I would put a huge bit of distance between you and his family. Keep it nice and civil but don't hang out with them or anything. You're just leaving your self open for trouble.
Either that or leave it up to your bf to talk to his sisters and sort it out? It really is up to him to try and resolve the issue.

all the stars

Hi,

I have to agree with velvet - They have made it clear they dont like you for whatever reason. So thats their choice. Dont be around them - you are with your BF, you love him, so forget about his sisters if they choose to act this way.

At the end of the day, he is not going to want a row with his family anymore than a row with you, so dont press it or you may end up single.. family dynamics can be strange - so forget them and focus on your relationship.

If his family care about him they will be glad to see him in a happy loving relationship - so be known for to them for bein the one who is there for that, not for arguing about things you cannot change.

hairymolly

jermeykyle, you are in a difficult position. As you said you did your best to get along with his sisters, and rightly so told your bf that you were not going to be belittled and stood your ground by refusing to sit there and take it. Sounds to me that your bf is close to his sisters, either that or afraid to stand up to them. Family members can make life very difficult, imho if your bf loves and RESPECTS you, he should take his family aside and explain how he feels for you and demand respect for you. I'm a bit worried by ''all the partners HAVE to go'' who said so, surely thats a decision for the couples!!! or is it indicative of how the family operate? Have a good look at the situation.

humanji

OP, do you get along with the others in the family? If so, then ignore the ones who are just being childish. If you go to the event, then have fun and enjoy yourself. It's the one thing that will drive those sisters mad, seeing you having a great time in their presence. It doesn't sound like your bf is going to do anything about it so just let it go. It would be the first time in history that family members needlessly dislike a siblings partner.

LegacyUser

i have to my bf that i am going out with him and not his family and his response to me was i would like you to be able to get along with all of my family, my response was i didnt cause the problem in the first place, i have made every effort with his sister, and now i give up, because i get nothing back in return, so i have to said to my bf that he has his family and i have mine and we leave it at that, that we dont need to live our lives in each others family, and i was met with a wall of silence, as i said i get along with someone of his sisters and would have alot of time for them, but not for the other two and i wont be a hypocrite about this

As for the family do i;ve told him i dont want to go as i wouldnt be comfortable in the situation and he said i couldnt do that to him that i would be making a "show " of him, and i responded that if the roles were reversed i would respect his decision and leave it at that, i might not be happy about it but i would not force the issue, and also he wouldnt do it for me family, as i am going with him for 3 years and he still hasnt met my dad and 2 of my brothers, out of his choice, and i have never forced the issue

tbh i am going to stand my ground with the issue regarding going on the weekend away, i wont be bullied or emotionally blackmailed into doing something i;m not comfortable with and i also i know if his sisters said to me, my bf would hide in the corner, as he has done in the past and if i responded i would be the worst in the world for it!!!!

I cant win really can I???

easyontheeye

to be honest, i have a few sisters and if my gf of 3 years was getting that crap off them that you seem to be getting, i'd be knocking heads. It will just cause tension in the family if it continues.
There is no excuse for him sitting back and allowing that to happen. At the very least he should confront them to get a reason, there may be no reason other than them being a pair of bitches. Stand your ground until he wakes up to the situation and supports you.

I know family comes first but there are lines that should not be crossed.



p.s. tad bit strange that your going out 3 years and he wont meet your family? is there an age gap or kids involved?

the GALL

Of course you can win
Go to the gig and enjoy yourself if the sisterrs are going on just ignore them your fella's (probably) right about makeing a show of him I would'nt worry about the sisters at all but i would try to getto know his folk's especially the mother they sound like one of those family's(matriarcal) get the motheer on board and it'll all sort itself out....
Then set the date for him yto meet your ol'man

chuci

stand your ground on the weekend away imo maybe it will be the kick up the arse your boyfriend needs to act say something to his sisters. they are just a pair and now they ar heading over to the ex wife for dinner though they never went there when their brother was married to her. strange if nothing else. just stand your ground he sounds like a bit of a coward really. still you have your own family and thats all you need to worry about. its a bit strange that he hasnt met your dad yet after 3 years.