bfs exs

ashisback

im so mad i find out to day that my boyfriends exs is back in town shes been here for 6 weeks now. i never knew about it until i want to my bfs workplace and she had taking him out to lanch he now has asked her out for a drink to night now i feel that shes trying to get back into hes life again.

i dont know what to do i asked him not to get invloved but he told me hes not

Sherifu

Trust or bust.

ModeSkeletor

ashisback wrote: »

my boyfriends exs is back in town shes been ash for 6 weeks now.

She has been you for 6 weeks now?

ashisback

i mean shes been here for 6 weeks

cowzerp

What age are you, im guessing 14, if you are, then you'll grow out of it, if not then you have some serious trust issues..

Abi

ashisback wrote: »

im so mad i find out to day that my boyfriends exs is back in town shes been here for 6 weeks now. i never knew about it until i want to my bfs workplace and she had taking him out to lanch he now has asked her out for a drink to night now i feel that shes trying to get back into hes life again.

i dont know what to do i asked him not to get invloved but he told me hes not

Meet him, ask him what the story is - and tell him the whole setup is making you uncomfortable, and you would appreciate some honesty.

Calm down whatever you do, prior seeing him. Your post appears asdlkftypenowthinkglaeterr..

You are entitled to ask, but in a non-accusing fashion.

Zippitydoo

woah relax there, although the post could do with a little punctuation.

OP, it sounds as if she has gotten pretty close alright and the fact that she's been in town for 6 weeks, that he hasn't told you this, and that they're going to lunch together would send alarm bells ringing for me though. Was this the first time they had lunch together? Did you stumble upon it or did he tell you?

Looks like this really does just call for you to trust your boyfriend or if it really makes you uncomfrotable ask him not to see her anymore. It's a toughie.

Wibbs

Eh it's a tad suspicious alright, especially the drinkies at night and the fact he asked her. It may not be suspicious and he just may be a bit slow on the uptake kinda thing. Of course it may mean nothing at all, but the fact he didn't mention anything is a bit sus. Then again we may be back in the arena of him not being the sharpest axe in the toolshed.

I would say sit him down and ask him what's what. Do NOT freak at him or start accusing him or you'll play right into jealous girlfriend territory. Has he given you any reason for suspicion in the past? When he started with you was it right after he left her or even did he leave her for you?

In any case it's all conjecture until you ask him.

cowzerp

Or maybe he knows how she'll react and just wants an easy life, like most us lads, leave us alone and we'll be fine!!

Redpunto

Yeh, i think your age and how long you both have been together would have an impact on people's opinions. Personally i would be extremely p*ssed off if I was in your boat. You went to see him in work and he had gone out with the ex GF? Does she now work with him? How come they went out to lunch? WHy is he asking her out for a drink, did he ask you to go along as well?

Teddi

shes an ex for a reason yea?

if you trust him you wouldnt be acting this way....

this could get messy if you dont see this as pure jealousy...

Wibbs

Teddi wrote: »

shes an ex for a reason yea?

if you trust him you wouldnt be acting this way....

this could get messy if you dont see this as pure jealousy...

You see I don't agree. Exes get back together every day. It may or may not last but they do. I think pretty much everybody I know, men and women, have gotten back with some ex at some time in one way or the other, even just for ex sex. This is especially true if the new relationship isn't great or below expectations and the ex was a major thing. Memory is a funny thing. The grass is always greener and the bad memories of exes are often forgotten about over time.

OK if someone meets their ex for a coffee the odd time, or contacts them the odd time, then that's fine. If they want to remain friends and both have moved on. In that case there's not gonna be any subterfuge and the meetings would be more appropriate for want of a better word. He wouldn't be hiding the fact she's around for six weeks or him asking her out for a drink. That's the bit that concerns. Yes trust is a good thing, but there's a limit and cross that limit and we're in being a gobshíte territory.

axer

ashisback wrote: »

im so mad i find out to day that my boyfriends exs is back in town shes been here for 6 weeks now. i never knew about it until i want to my bfs workplace and she had taking him out to lanch he now has asked her out for a drink to night now i feel that shes trying to get back into hes life again.

i dont know what to do i asked him not to get invloved but he told me hes not

This is dishonesty there. We are all expected to trust our partners but are we are not expected to give blind trust. Why wouldn't he mention it to you? Its not like it is something that happens everyday so he consciously made the decision not to tell you - why would he do that?. I'd say bring it up casually but do not make a big deal out of it otherwise it becomes a big deal but its not on either.

St Bill

I can understand why he didn't tell you she was around, he mightn't have wanted to make a big deal out of the whole thing.
But asking her out for a drink is dodgy, do you really want to be with a man who asks his ex-girlfriend out for a drink? Although you're his girlfriend, he's not sending you a very nice message. I'd get out as quick as possible, no point in being with someone who wrecks your head.

axer

St Bill wrote: »

I can understand why he didn't tell you she was around, he mightn't have wanted to make a big deal out of the whole thing.

I always find it funny when people think of this excuse. By not telling the OP the bf made a big deal out of what shouldn't be a big deal - although meeting for lunch and also meeting for drinks at night without telling the gf is suspicious.

Dudess

I wouldn't be very happy about my boyfriend's ex taking him out for lunch, and I'd be even more unhappy about him taking her for a drink. That doesn't mean I wouldn't trust him - I don't think it means he's going to get back with her/have sex with her, but it's unfair and disrespectful to his current girlfriend.

People are speculating that he knew she was back for the entire six weeks. That may not necessarily be the case. She could have got in touch with him five weeks after she arrived.

OP, tell him you feel it's a bit unfair. But don't do so in an angry fashion.

Abi

If the ex invited him for lunch for a catch up, I would like to see what the OP's response would be if she asked to go along too, saying that she'd love to meet her.. That should tell you a lot.

She wouldnt be accusing him of anything, and if all is above board - all it would take is a phone call from him to his ex saying his gf would like to come along for lunch.

ashisback

i find out why shes back she wants my boyfriend back in her life again and go back to the why things where before they broke up. but now me and my boyfriend have a child and hes moved on with life he told her that and she told him to brake up with me so she can have him

Abi

ashisback wrote: »

and she told him to brake up with me so she can have him

Did your boyf tell you that??! If this is the case, there is no way in hell I would stand for this. Is your boyf still going to go ahead with this lunch?

How old are you both? I know this doesnt make any difference to the scenario, but for informations sake..

To come out with that, they've spent some time together since she came back. Because you dont just get off a plane, ask hows things and whats new, whats that- new gf? ah fuck that. break up with her and lets get it on. absolute utter shite.

some serious words have to be had

cowzerp

Then he's got to tell her that he cant have any relationship with her, otherwise he's keeping her in case you'd dont work out..what did he say about that to her??

Wibbs

IIRC the lunch already happened and presumably this all came out over the drinkies. At least he told you so you've some idea what's what. Also he's told her it's a non starter as he's moved on and you've a child together.

cowzerp wrote:

Then he's got to tell her that he cant have any relationship with her, otherwise he's keeping her in case you'd dont work out.

Pretty much, though with a child involved this is a hell of a lot more serious than your usual he said she said crapola.

TBH she sounds like a loop job. I mean he knows you have a child together and he's told her no way, yet apparently she then told him to dump you. Who would come out with it like that? Something doesn't make sense, unless as I said she's a complete idiot and swivel eyed loon.

He has to completely drop her from his life. I mean completely. NO "friends" or any of that nonsense. She's made it clear what she wants and he has met her for lunch and then invited her out for drinks without you and not telling you either. He needs to cop on and just stop basically.

ashisback

he told me that there 5 minutes before a made the past he told her that brakeing up with me is a problem she asked him why and he told her about our child and that he wouldnt go back out with her because she ruined hes life and he couldnt have that happening again

Abi

ashisback wrote: »

he told me that there 5 minutes before a made the past he told her that brakeing up with me is a problem she asked him why and he told her about our child and that he wouldnt go back out with her because she ruined hes life and he couldnt have that happening again

Im perfectly happy to have my other half have friends of either sex. But when you have an outside force like her trying to break the two of you up regardless of the fact that you have a child together - this spells big trouble for you as a couple.

In this instance, I wouldnt have any qualms in telling your boyf that you would rather he didnt see her again. Considering what she is trying to do - this is NOT an unreasonable request.

You should probably have a chat with your boyf. As him to list the reasons why he is with you, because staying for your child is not sufficient.

He needs to love both of you, and want to be with both of you unconditionally or this will not work. And above all, stay away from this home-wrecker. If my OH couldnt do that, then I would consider our future together doomed.