Council Complaints

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C ouncil complaints - These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
3. It's the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
4. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
5. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it had backfired and burnt my knob off.
6. And their 18 yr old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
9. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job to satisfy my wife.
10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
11.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
12. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have 2 children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink..
16. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6 a.m. His cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
18. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly, then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
19. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
21. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor 6 times but I still have no satisfaction.
23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get RTE1