The Ring

LegacyUser

Ok so not really a personal issue, but I wanted to go unreg because I know how much of a bitch this makes me sound.

Basicially I recently found out that my engagement ring was bought for less than €400. I found this out accidently and did not go snooping!

We're engaged 8 months and happy together, but this has begun to bother me. We both have good jobs and he would think nothing of dropping a few thousand on a new TV or a weekend away. I know this makes me sound terribly materialistic but if we had no money I'd be happy with anything but I always saw an engagement ring as a life long investment. Why so cheap? I don't understand how he can justify spending less on the most important and symbolic gift he will ever give me than he did on his own birthday which was a few weeks before he proposed.

Anyway, please don't be too insulting in answering this, I know I shouldn't feel like this. I can't help it. Rationally I keep saying that it doesn't matter. But for some reason it does. Perhaps says more about my view of the relationship than I care to admit.

Maggie Simpson

thering wrote: »

I know I shouldn't feel like this. I can't help it. Rationally I keep saying that it doesn't matter. But for some reason it does. Perhaps says more about my view of the relationship than I care to admit.

What means more - marrying him or your engagement ring?

Keano

OP I understand your annoyance at him only spending €400! Call me old fashioned but I thought it was a month's wage was the norm to spend!

Perhaps he is in financial trouble but doesn't want you to know?

Keano

Maggie Simpson wrote: »

What means more - marrying him or your engagement ring?

Well if he only spends €400 on the ring God help the bloke when he realises what an average size wedding costs!

miles teg

thering wrote: »

... I always saw an engagement ring as a life long investment...

Were you happy with the ring before you found out the price?
I wouldn't consider a ring as an investment as I would never get the money back, never mind a profit (monetarily speaking)

Ruu_Old

Maybe he thought it better to put some money away for when you two get a house, go on holidays or whatever. At least that was what I would have done. Who cares what "the norm" price for an engagement ring is! Just be happy with your man and forget this nonsense.

Aurora Borealis

What does it matter? It's what it represents that matters surely.
Do you like the ring?

Spud83

Keano A Legend wrote: »

OP I understand your annoyance at him only spending €400! Call me old fashioned but I thought it was a month's wage was the norm to spend!

Perhaps he is in financial trouble but doesn't want you to know?

I thought it was three months!!!!

Maybe he doesn't see it as investment. Maybe he believes the weekend away, and the television etc are worth the money as they provide a purpose and some use, while the ring is just symbol.

Some people show there love by buying expensive gifts and only by buying expensive gifts etc, does he show you in any other ways.

gaz wac

The old rule was three months salary, no? anyway nowadays its what ever you can afford, there is no way I would have given my g/f a ring worth that!! does he not relise that you have to show that ring to everyone you know!! of course people are going to know the difference!! I spent over 10k on the engagment ring, not because I could afford it but because you are going to have it forever. But would love to know if your going to say somthing or keep it bottled ?!?!

Beelzebub

Keano A Legend wrote: »

Well if he only spends €400 on the ring God help the bloke when he realises what an average size wedding costs!

Eh, the bride's parents usually pay for the wedding.

SuperGrover

Eh, maybe he liked the ring when he first saw it. Then turned out it was E400?
Maybe the price came second.
Or would you prefer that he buy something dearer but not as nice?

Jigsaw

Maybe he intending on getting you a really good wedding ring.

TBH there is so much complete and utter bullsh1t surrounding weddings these days that I'm not surprised he hasn't spent much. Wedding seem to cost tens of thousands these days. The ring is simply a symbol that shows you are pledged to be married to another person.

You do come across as a bit crass and materialistic but at least you acknowledge that. If that is the worst thing in your relationship you're doing well.

kelly1979

have to admit (shamelessly):p that i'd also would be a tad upset if i found out that the ring cost 400Euros, i know and understand what you're saying it's not about the money it's just he's so lavish with everything else.
do you know for absolute certainty that it was 400Euros?

Irishcrx

I'm sure the children in 3'rd world country's share your pain.

If you love him and you like the ring then it doesn't matter it's what it represents.

RealEstateKing

The ring is a symbol of his love for you. Did you think it was a nice ring before you found out how much it cost?

If so, end of story. You are being unconscionably shallow and materialistic.

However, it seems like you know this. Which is good.

You are going to have to use your mind to fight against the social conditioning that has taught you to think of things in this horrible limited way.

Think of it this way: The most important thing is how he feels about you, and you about him. If you really need an expensive ring from him to let you know he loves you, then there is a problem in your relationship that no amount of money will solve.

Abi

Keano A Legend wrote: »

Call me old fashioned but I thought it was a month's wage was the norm to spend!

You're old fashioned..


My ring was chosen by both of us, because he told me he didnt want to buy anything I didnt like. He had us looking at rings circa €1000, I downright refused. I eventually settled for something to the tune of €390. I love it.

We have a home to keep and a forth-coming wedding. I can think of a million other things the extra money could help out with.


We are also having a very budgety wedding, keeping it tasteful - but budgety. And that was down to me also.

There is plenty of room to be stupid with your money. I get this 'oh but it is your big day' mularky. I happen to agree, its our big day. I dont believe in having a 5-10 financial hangover after it.

The ring is a symbol of love and intention to get married, not a flamboyant gesture of how much money you want others to think you have.

Re-train you way of thinking imo...

Spud83

By the way how did you find out how much the ring was worth? Are you sure of its worth?

Predhead

Keano A Legend wrote: »

OP I understand your annoyance at him only spending €400! Call me old fashioned but I thought it was a month's wage was the norm to spend!

Perhaps he is in financial trouble but doesn't want you to know?

I think it's 3 months wages, which call me old fashioned, but if he can buy a tv etc at the drop of a hat then I think a few grand should be spent on an engagement ring, if one can afford it which in this case they obviously can. Just my opinion.

Velvet Vocals

You are so right to be annoyed about this. I feel the same as you do. I wouldn't mind if there was no money to spare or if he wasn't able to spend a lot more on TV's or things for himself. But seriously and engagement ring is supposed to (in my book anyway) cost at least 3 months salary.Obviously based on circumstances etc but from what you say he would have been able to afford that. If I were you I'd be raging! They are as you say supposed to be an investment, something you can pass down to your children.
The only problem is now, do you or even could you bring it up? I don't think I can help you there, I don't know how you'd approach that one without it causing a big row or a very least an issue between the two of you. It may be better to say nothing and then hope for a really nice eternity ring after a few years.
You're also right to go unregged coz I know I'm probably going to get berated for expressing this opinion. But it's better to be honest!

zAbbo

Maybe it's a trick to see if you value a ring more than your relationship.

Maybe he planned on taking you out and getting a more expensive ring, and used the 400 one to propose, who knows.

preilly79

thering wrote: »

... how he can justify spending less on the most important and symbolic gift he will ever give me ...

See, this is the angle you need to look at it from. It's a symbolic thing. The ring represents his love for you, it doesn't quantify it.

When I asked my wife to marry me I spent what I thought was a lot on an engagement ring, but comparing it to other couples it seems people are prepared to pay an awful lot more. however, in no way would I ever think that those who spend more on a ring love their partners more.

When my wife was buying my wedding ring I made sure she got a very simple and very cheap band. To me what it's made of means next to nothing. It's a representation of our commitment to each other, and I have more pride in being married to a wonderful woman than what's on my finger.

Oh and us guys, in general, tend not to agree with women on jewellery

gaz wac

Beelzebub wrote: »

Eh, the bride's parents usually pay for the wedding.

not all the time, im paying for my own, dont want to start cutting corners cos someone else is paying so rather do it myself.

The Bollox

maybe he thought the €400 ring looked a lot better than the 2k or 3k one.

Anti

First of all, who cares how much it costs. its a symbol of his affection and love. Secondly are you sure it was 400€ alot of jewlers cant price for crap. When checkinG ( and im guessing a jewler tested it, and nOt suzanne your bestest buddy since coLlege ) did they take the ring apart and see how heavy the banD is, then did they inspect each dIamond/cubic zarconia/piece of Glass for size and clarity ? Thirdly, if it was bought 8 months aGo it is more thEn likely double the price its worth now, as pRices of gold,silver and pLatinum have dropped dramatically, same goes for diamonds. And finially, why are yOu moaning here? why not confront your feLla?

RealEstateKing

You are so right to be annoyed about this. I feel the same as you do

You are everything that is wrong with modern Ireland. Talk about the price of everything and the value of nothing.

Besides which, isnt the Wedding Ring the one you actually wear for the rest of your life?

preilly79

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

You are so right to be annoyed about this. I feel the same as you do. I wouldn't mind if there was no money to spare or if he wasn't able to spend a lot more on TV's or things for himself. But seriously and engagement ring is supposed to (in my book anyway) cost at least 3 months salary.Obviously based on circumstances etc but from what you say he would have been able to afford that. If I were you I'd be raging! They are as you say supposed to be an investment, something you can pass down to your children.
The only problem is now, do you or even could you bring it up? I don't think I can help you there, I don't know how you'd approach that one without it causing a big row or a very least an issue between the two of you. It may be better to say nothing and then hope for a really nice eternity ring after a few years.
You're also right to go unregged coz I know I'm probably going to get berated for expressing this opinion. But it's better to be honest!

I love your refreshingly honest opinion, but there's two things you might consider:

1. The three months wages thing is a load of bollo* created by marketing departments trying to sell a ring. Nothing more.
2. There is a very good chance that the diamond on that ring cost a persons life, or caused somebody to live in suffering or oppression. the certs that 'prove' a diamond (or other rare stone) is not a blood diamond are pretty much useless IMO.

Keano

Abigayle wrote: »

You're old fashioned..


My ring was chosen by both of us, because he told me he didnt want to buy anything I didnt like. He had us looking at rings circa €1000, I downright refused. I eventually settled for something to the tune of €390. I love it.

We have a home to keep and a forth-coming wedding. I can think of a million other things the extra money could help out with.


We are also having a very budgety wedding, keeping it tasteful - but budgety. And that was down to me also.

There is plenty of room to be stupid with your money. I get this 'oh but it is your big day' mularky. I happen to agree, its our big day. I dont believe in having a 5-10 financial hangover after it.

The ring is a symbol of love and intention to get married, not a flamboyant gesture of how much money you want others to think you have.

Re-train you way of thinking imo...

So its ok for the bloke to drop more on a tv than the ring as the OP pointed out??

miles teg

Keano A Legend wrote: »

So its ok for the bloke to drop more on a tv than the ring as the OP pointed out??

the OP probably gets more use out of the tv in fairness

Raytown Rocks

I'm with Preilly.
Get over it, surely its about how much you love each other not how much the spangly bits cost......!

Predhead

Anti wrote: »

First of all, who cares how much it costs. its a symbol of his affection and love. Secondly are you sure it was 400€ alot of jewlers cant price for crap. When checkinG ( and im guessing a jewler tested it, and nOt suzanne your bestest buddy since coLlege ) did they take the ring apart and see how heavy the banD is, then did they inspect each dIamond/cubic zarconia/piece of Glass for size and clarity ? Thirdly, if it was bought 8 months aGo it is more thEn likely double the price its worth now, as pRices of gold,silver and pLatinum have dropped dramatically, same goes for diamonds. And finially, why are yOu moaning here? why not confront your feLla?

Maybe, but they're not gonna price a ring that's worth 2-3k for 400quid!

Ruu_Old

Do you reckon he went into the shop and asked for rings under 400 euro to which the clerk pointed him to a section and then he just pointed one out radomly? No, I'm sure he went in and picked out something he thought you would like without even thinking of the price. Give him a break.

Keano

miles teg wrote: »

the OP probably gets more use out of the tv in fairness

Seriously??

miles teg

Keano A Legend wrote: »

Seriously??

Yes. Yes I am. Plus it has more crystals in it :pac:

Keano

Ruu wrote: »

Do you reckon he went into the shop and asked for rings under 400 euro to which the clerk pointed him to a section and then he just pointed one out radomly? No, I'm sure he went in and picked out something he thought you would like without even thinking of the price. Give him a break.

Very valid point but would he admit it??

cch

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

You are so right to be annoyed about this. I feel the same as you do. I wouldn't mind if there was no money to spare or if he wasn't able to spend a lot more on TV's or things for himself. But seriously and engagement ring is supposed to (in my book anyway) cost at least 3 months salary.Obviously based on circumstances etc but from what you say he would have been able to afford that. If I were you I'd be raging! They are as you say supposed to be an investment, something you can pass down to your children.

Eh? You're giving us girls a bad name!! A guy on an average salary of 30K would take home approx 2K a month so they're supposed to buy a 6K ring?! :eek: WTF??

preilly79

Keano A Legend wrote: »

Seriously??

how much use would you expect a man to get out of a diamond engagement ring? the brownie points only last so long

Predhead

preilly79 wrote: »

I love your refreshingly honest opinion, but there's two things you might consider:

1. The three months wages thing is a load of bollo* created by marketing departments trying to sell a ring. Nothing more.
2. There is a very good chance that the diamond on that ring cost a persons life, or caused somebody to live in suffering or oppression. the certs that 'prove' a diamond (or other rare stone) is not a blood diamond are pretty much useless IMO.

hmmm..watch a certain Leo Di Caprio movie last night? You can't just 'say what you see', it's not bleedin' catchphrase here...and say 'it probably' cost someone they're life. You've no proof of this whatsoever. Stop trying to make her feel guilty. She's been honest enough to come on here and say how she feels.

And how do you know these certs are useless? You can just say that's your opinion and not back it without any evidence whatsoever, it's not a matter of opinion.

Raytown Rocks

Keano A Legend wrote: »

Very valid point but would he admit it??

And if he "admits" IT.....
Surely he would then have to put up with all this nonsense!

Abi

Keano A Legend wrote: »

So its ok for the bloke to drop more on a tv than the ring as the OP pointed out??

How on earth can you relate a television to a symbol of love?


She says she came across the cost of this ring by accident. I dont believe she was unhappy with the ring, prior to the event.

I only know the cost of mine because I was present.

What exactly is wrong with the ring itself now? What has changed?

RealEstateKing

her feel guilty. She already feels guilty thats why shes posting on here about it.

I think the OP is good to be honest. And I think people are right to bolster the sense she already has that it is not right to think this way.

It takes a lot of conditioning to make people think about things in this perverse way, and she has a lot of work to do to learn to think more deeply.

miles teg

Abigayle, you are a fine lady indeed. Bless your soul

preilly79

Predhead wrote: »

And how do you know these certs are useless? You can just say that's your opinion and not back it without any evidence whatsoever, it's not a matter of opinion.

if you think the kimberley process certification scheme is completely foolproof then you're very naive. just go onto youtube and look for diamond dealers doing transactions of conflict diamonds and laundering them to attain the certificate.

I'm not saying every diamond is one, but it happens.

Anyways, we're now officially off-topic.

LegacyUser

Ok I found out how much the ring cost because it came from a jewellers not too far from where I live. I didn't know this (unmarked box) and happened to be passing it one day. Voila, there's my ring looking at me from the window. And who could resist looking? I'm sorry now I did TBH.

As for price not being important, we had been looking at rings previously and I was keeping well below the thousand mark. But I just thought less than €400 was taking the piss. (when I say less it was closer the €300 mark).

And as for the question of whether my marrage is more important than a ring let me put it this way. When my fiancee sees fit to lavish expensive gifts on himself (I don't watch much tv at all btw) yet spends as little as possible on a gift for me what sort of marrage will that be?

I can honestly say I do feel a bit disgusted with myself for seeming so materialistic, I'm usually not. We're planning on having our reception in our back yard (we have a bit of land to the side and back of our house, the joys of living in the country) so I'm not looking for all the "biggest day possible" crap. But I feel it was a bit mean.

hunnymonster

preilly79 wrote: »

See, this is the angle you need to look at it from. It's a symbolic thing. The ring represents his love for you, it doesn't quantify it.

QFT,

To be honest I would be more worried that something like this came as a shock to you. Was it not discussed at the time?

Having said that, it is obvious that it does bother you so you need to decide where to go from here. Talk to him about it. Would you consider getting another ring if you no longer like the current one? You could always "upgrade" the stone in a few years when the wedding has been paid for, the mortgage reduced etc.


OT, Do the birde's parents really still pay these days. I thought that was way back when boys needed an education and girls needed a husband?

Spud83

hunnymonster wrote: »

OT, Do the birde's parents really still pay these days. I thought that was way back when boys needed an education and girls needed a husband?

Think it depends on the parents to be honest. I think it has changed from something that is expected to something that may be offered.

Cathy

Anti wrote: »

First of all, who cares how much it costs. its a symbol of his affection and love. Secondly are you sure it was 400€ alot of jewlers cant price for crap. When checkinG ( and im guessing a jewler tested it, and nOt suzanne your bestest buddy since coLlege ) did they take the ring apart and see how heavy the banD is, then did they inspect each dIamond/cubic zarconia/piece of Glass for size and clarity ? Thirdly, if it was bought 8 months aGo it is more thEn likely double the price its worth now, as pRices of gold,silver and pLatinum have dropped dramatically, same goes for diamonds. And finially, why are yOu moaning here? why not confront your feLla?

Nice...

heavyheart

hunnymonster wrote: »

QFT,

OT, Do the birde's parents really still pay these days. I thought that was way back when boys needed an education and girls needed a husband?

+1
Yes the brides parents still pay cause we are still living in the stone age arent we ??????????

Keano

Abigayle wrote: »

How on earth can you relate a television to a symbol of love?


She says she came across the cost of this ring by accident. I dont believe she was unhappy with the ring, prior to the event.

I only know the cost of mine because I was present.

What exactly is wrong with the ring itself now? What has changed?

I am not relating it!

Simply pointing out that the ring/OP obviously didn't mean a whole lot to him as he would rather spend more on gadgets etc!

Abi

miles teg wrote: »

the OP probably gets more use out of the tv in fairness

I'd be more inclined to spend more on a TV myself.


Real Estate King: I dont think everyone is gunning for the OP. Tbh, if I was in her shoes and came across a receipt, Im sure Id be a little thrown. But it wouldnt make a goddamn bit of difference about how I felt for him, or indeed how I think he feels about me..

Velvet Vocals

cch wrote: »

Eh? You're giving us girls a bad name!! A guy on an average salary of 30K would take home approx 2K a month so they're supposed to buy a 6K ring?! :eek: WTF??

I'm not trying to give girls a bad name but I do think that at least 6k should spent on an engagement ring.
Its something you want to be able to pass down to your children. And tbh I don't really see it as symbol of love or anything like that, I think it's an investment in the relationship. Its a statement of how serious he is. How upset would he be if she dumped him and he lost out on a €400 ring.......

slowharry

the 3 month wages tradition was based on if he did a runner that the girl wasn't left high and dry on the alter and had her compo already in the ring.
since both of you have good jobs this is not an issue and sure why cant you spend the 5-6-7-8 grand on a second ring yourself.