What should i do?

LegacyUser

ok the usual type of story here, boy meets girl, boy kisses girl, boy realises he has ****ed up!!

background, i had been seeing this woman for around 2 years, there were always some trust issues with us because of the way we started dating, i.e. she was already involved with someone, which i wasnt aware of at first.....i fell for her, and i was wiling to look past her faults in terms of commitment for hope of being happy and thinking maybe it would be different with me, maybe she could love me too!

everything was alright for a long time, but i started to have nagging doubts and worrys, i thought it was paranoia at first but these feeling wouldnt go away lately....over the last 4 months or so, maybe a little more i have constantly felt she has been hiding some stuff from me, i just coulndt shake the feeling no matter how hard i tried, i confronted her about my suspicions(that she was seeing someone else) and she denied it proclaiming her love for me and only me.

then one night the green eyed monster got to me, and while she slept i checked her phone, i know its wrong and all that and its not something i would do lightly, but i did it. the first folder i was going to was sent items, i scanned through, some messages to me, some to friends, then one that stuck out. and the message basically was asking this person to ring her and that she loved him, there was another message saying, i miss you and stuff.....

now i lost the head a little and we had a fight there and then. she told me she has a way to prove what i think is wrong and that there is some reason for these messages that isnt her being a cheating bitch related......i wasnt having any of it and thew her out, havent seen her since, she has asked me for a chance to show me its not true, i havent responded to any of her texts. not planning on doing so either......i feel so hurt and betrayed right now but i cant show it to anyone around me as they will all have the i told you so sirens out!!

am i doing the right thing in just ignoring her and should i keep doing it until she goes away? or should i give her the chance to talk?? i know if i talk to her she might fill me up with lies and the truth is i do love her still so i may want to believe those lies and im worried that could happen if i listened to her......

its been fine for almost a week now but tonight i got the pangs to get in touch with her, im basically posting here to stop myself ringing her actually, so not eally looking for advice i guess, just maybe validation or something? am i doing the right thing in blanking her or should i hear her out???

Scootay

Do you know the person the message was to? It could be innocent, an old friend that is away travelling for example. Or it might not. You'll never know unless you talk to her and the longer you leave it the harder it will be.

Femelade

It could be to a family member she had a falling out with?

rohe

why not meet in town somewhere and give her a chance to explain, after all your were together for 2 years and the whole text message could be a genuine misunderstanding

You have nothing to loose, if you still feel you cant trust her after hearing her out then walk away

Best of luck

AngryBadger

I'd meet her and give her a chance to explain this, btu her explanation would want to be air-tight.

I can understand how someone would cheat once, but generally I write-off any woman I encounter who makes a play for me while she's still involved with someone else. it jsut shows a basic lack of respect for other people, and I don't see how anyone could expect that person to have enough respect for them to facilitate a proper relationship, (this applies to men as well btw).

NOGMaxpower

Hmmm tough one, i've been there done that with a past ex.

The way i see it is you don't trust her regardless if she has been cheating on you or not. Thats the core problem here so you have to do something to put your mind at ease.

Having said that (and i speak from personal experience) there's no smoke without fire. In life there is only one person you can ever trust and thats you and what your gut tells you.

Life is too short to spend it worrying over someone you don't/can't trust. Move on find a relationship thats built on trust. You'll be much happier and your relationship will last a life time.

Otherwise talk to her and remember listen to your gut!!

L8rs
M

RedXIV

I can see where your suspicions are arising from but be warned, a text saying i miss/love ya aren't exactly hard to come by. After a quick scan through my inbox on my phone, i've got pretty much those sentiments from about 7 girls. I'm sure if my OH was paranoid i'd be shot but truth is that i know alot of people who'll use those terms with great ease.

Spud83

There text message could be a mistake but that doesn't really matter now. There is no trust in your relationship, you cant trust her not to cheat, she cant trust you to respect her privacy. Relationship doomed I feel. Walk away but maybe meet up with her, not for a fight but for some closure.

Maggie Simpson

I have to say, if my bf went through my phone, found an innocent text message, freaked & threw me out, I don't think I'd be 'asking for a chance to prove it's not true'. Honestly, I'd wonder if she was up to something given that she's begging you to see her - in the face of what would be totally unreasonable behaviour had she not been up to anything.

Puffin

You were completly correct to end this- and not because of one saved message, but because fo the trust issues in the relationship. And given that she was seeing someone when she met you, and wasn't upfront about it, who can blame you for having trust issues.

Move on before you become mistrustful of ALL women (how do you think people become mistrustful? Generally it is LEARNT behaviour). There are lots of people out there with the integrity/courage to become single (single? shocking!) before chosing to become involved with someone new.

K-9

Maggie Simpson wrote: »

I have to say, if my bf went through my phone, found an innocent text message, freaked & threw me out, I don't think I'd be 'asking for a chance to prove it's not true'. Honestly, I'd wonder if she was up to something given that she's begging you to see her - in the face of what would be totally unreasonable behaviour had she not been up to anything.

That's a good point!

LegacyUser

thanks for the replies, as i said i think i was really only looking for validation in what i am doing, i feel ok again today, no urge to ring her or anything, we have been through this kind of stuff before and i have always given her the benefit of the doubt, i think im just spent at this stage and as one or two of you said,there is no trust so there is no point.....special thanks to Maggie Simpson, i think your dead right, if it was innocent she would be outraged at me breaking her privacy rather then trying to get me to listen to her...

the general consensus seems to be that i should meet her one last time regardless? even for closure....i dunno if i can to be honest. thanks again guys