Diet Questions Answered.

smashey

Diet Questions Answered

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A:Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A:You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A:Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q;Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A:YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q:Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A:Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q:Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy?HELLOCocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q:Is swimming good for your figure?

A:If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q:Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A:Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


And remember:'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO! What a Ride'

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you

dfx-

Endorsed:)

justsomebloke

smashey wrote: »

'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other

pffft ye big feckin metro smashey. For me it will be beer and a kebab

aoife2k

smashey wrote: »

Diet Questions Answered
Q:Is chocolate bad for me?[/B]
A: Are you crazy?HELLOCocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

HERE HERE!:)

trout

Deep fried onion rings in batter are still good then

Slow Motion

trout wrote: »

Deep fried onion rings in batter are still good then

Indeed! Add to that a couple of spice burgers, batter burgers and a few battered sausages for good measure!

Star Lord

I my new diet.

Maple

Chardonnay???? :eek: Smashey, i'm appalled.

@Damo, that looks like some sammidge. My tummy rumbled just looking at it.

trout

Nice sambo DamoElDiablo ... needs more bacon ... and cheese. :rolleyes:

Predhead

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

I my new diet.

DISGUSTING!!

Love the avatar though!

justsomebloke

eh it's badly stacked in my opinion. if the bacon was more criss crossed you could probably fit in more bacon without the spillage out of the sides

paperclip2

Just got caught by my bosses boss giggling at this thread! I was laughin so hard I never heard him come in!

Keep up the good work Smashey!:D

Star Lord

It needs more tomato ketchup too, but it was the best intarweb pic I could find at short notice!

Also: I want one...

Also also: Predhead... you called a rasher sammich disgusting? :eek: You sure you belong in BGRH??? :eek:

DetectivFoxtrot

smashey wrote: »

Diet Questions Answered

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A:Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A:You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: ]No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q:What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A:Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q;Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A:YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!.... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q:Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around themiddle?

A:Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q:Is chocolate bad for me?[/b]
A: Are you crazy?HELLOCocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q:Is swimming good for your figure?

A:If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


Q:Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A:Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


And remember:'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO! What a Ride'

AND......

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you

QFT, Darn tootin'!

Although I do do sit-ups.. do they really make your belly bigger??

smashey

jsb wrote: »

pffft ye big feckin metro smashey. For me it will be beer and a kebab

Who are you calling a metro scallion head?

Seth Brundle

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

It needs more tomato ketchup too, but it was the best intarweb pic I could find at short notice!

Its also missing some sausages and fried eggs! Still, nice enough as a snack!