Why am i still so bloody annoyed ??

LegacyUser

A few weeks ago my partner was over in the uk with a bunch of lads for the weekend .
When he got back we all met in the pub and one of the first things he said to me was i got chatted up by this movie star like girl that wanted to kiss him ! and he said oh you would be so proud of me cause i told her i was in love with you and i turned her down.
At first i was cool and said hey your a good looking guy i would expect you to get chatted up but over the weekendi asked him how long were they talking and he said about 10-15 minutes and now i cant seem to get it out of my head that why the F*&K would he entertain a girl that wants to kiss him for any longer than a minute let alone 10-15 of them ? Im in my late 20's and been with my partner for 3 years we've been through a lot together and i wouldnt normally let something like this get to me at all so why am i still so annoyed ? Even last night in bed i couldnt sleep thinking about it and it happened weeks ago ......
Any interpretation of what he was thinking or what im thinking gladly welcomed .

Nevyn

Because he was flattered and was not worried about being talked into anything as he felt secure in his relationship with you.

Do you expect him not to talk to any women at all ?

No one can interpretate what he was thinking or tell you ,
sorry not even my crystal ball can do that much.

You either need to get over it or talk to him about it.

Susannahmia

why007 wrote: »

.
one of the first things he said to me was i got chatted up by this movie star like girl that wanted to kiss him ! and he said oh you would be so proud of me cause i told her i was in love with you and i turned her down.

My boyfriend would get a slap if he said that to me! Well out of line imo. Not what he did really (though If he had been flirting back for the 15 minutes that would annoy me), just the way he told you. Kind of sounds like he is saying hey look at me I can get someone else if I so choose. Sounds like he is trying to make you jealous or something. He may just be feeling a little insecure. Maybe its just his incredibly idiotic way of saying Hey! Appreciate me!

Kelly O'Malley

It's great that he told you,how would you like to have heard about it from one of his mates?

You've got a keeper there m'dear.

LegacyUser

What if he was telling me to get in there first ?? cause im pretty sure one of the lads would have gladly told me anyway ?

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Because he was flattered and was not worried about being talked into anything as he felt secure in his relationship with you.

Do you expect him not to talk to any women at all ?

No one can interpretate what he was thinking or tell you ,
sorry not even my crystal ball can do that much.

You either need to get over it or talk to him about it.

Unfortunately i do not have a magic handbook on how to be the perfect girlfriend . Must have missed that one when it was being given out

Susannahmia

why007 wrote: »

What if he was telling me to get in there first ?? cause im pretty sure one of the lads would have gladly told me anyway ?

That is another possibility, although not the only one , only you can know him enough to decide whether he would do something like that.

kmick

10-15 minutes is not a long time. He did nothing wrong but probably should just not have mentioned it to you. Did you never get chatted up for 10 minutes by a guy who you had no intention of entertaining. She was probably a call girl.

c - 13

So, he's wrong for telling you and he'd also be wrong if one of his friends told you ?

If it were me I would have mentioned it but no dwelt on it.

Especially seeing as there seems to be no ulterior motives. He was probably just proud of himself for being chatted up by a stunner and then having the good sense to turn her down because he is with you.

Nothing to worry about and i'm sure if it happens again he wont be telling you if you go raging at him because of this.

St Bill

He was a bit of a plank in the way he told you about her, but I think he was trying to show you (in his own, unique way) that he wants nobody but you

Zulu

Susannahmia wrote: »

My boyfriend would get a slap if he said that to me!

Willingness to resort to physical violence is as equally disgusting a trait in women as it is in men. Take a moment to think about it. :rolleyes:

OP - have you considered that it took her 15 mins to proposition him for a kiss r to make her intentions clear, at which point he dismissed her? It's very unlikely she came over, asked him for a kiss, he refused her, and they continued to chat for 15mins.

Kelly O'Malley

why007 wrote: »

Unfortunately i do not have a magic handbook on how to be the perfect girlfriend . Must have missed that one when it was being given out

Just as well you came on here then!:D

This is SO not a big deal.I think you're cross about something else and are using this to vent another more deep seated grievance.

Time YOU had a whoopee weekend away with the girls.

Susannahmia

Zulu wrote: »

Willingness to resort to physical violence is as equally disgusting a trait in women as it is in men. Take a moment to think about it. :rolleyes:

.

Calm down there it was a joke, used to emphasise how annoyed I would be. Don't worry I don't beat my boyfriend.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

Zulu

Sorry, I must have missed the punchline.

Irishcrx

To be honest don't be highly strung about it, so he talked to her for 20 minutes big deal, he didn't do anything wrong and he didn't cheat on you. Put yourself in his position if you were out having a few drinks and a stunning guy came up and just started making conversation with you, would you immediatly run away from him?...The fact that he told you shows he respects you.

LegacyUser

kmick wrote: »

10-15 minutes is not a long time. He did nothing wrong but probably should just not have mentioned it to you. Did you never get chatted up for 10 minutes by a guy who you had no intention of entertaining. She was probably a call girl.

Of course i get chatted up but i dont go spouting off about it looking for a medal every time i turn someone down .....

On another note , maybe i am mad about something else and am venting.. a lot has gone on of late..

I no i should appreciate him telling me about it , it was the manner in which he did it that made me question , like he rushed to tell me in case someone else told me .

seamus

Zulu wrote: »

OP - have you considered that it took her 15 mins to proposition him for a kiss r to make her intentions clear, at which point he dismissed her? It's very unlikely she came over, asked him for a kiss, he refused her, and they continued to chat for 15mins.

Spot on. It's very unlikely that she came over and said, "I want to kiss you". It's more likely that she sidled up and started chatting to him, then 10 or 15 minutes later she made her advances and he declined. Then they probably went their separate ways.

While many Irish women have this tendancy to immediately say, "Stop talking to me, I have a boyfriend", even when guys are just chatting in a friendly way, Irish men don't. This isn't because we enjoy flirting, it's because we assume that women are chatting with us just for the sake of it. Irish men are not really used to being "chatted up" at all, so it's assumed that a woman chatting to us, is just being friendly. In fact, while my whole family gets slated for this, I suspect that many Irish women have similar stories - that Irish men haven't got a frickin' clue when they're being chatted up, until the woman says, "So are you gonna kiss me or what?".

Generalisations, etc and YMMV, but in general this is how it works. In the UK and London especially, the whole socialising thing works very differently. British men are much more forward (and less drunk) when chatting women up, and in response British women are much more open to approach and more eager to make the first move.

I no i should appreciate him telling me about it , it was the manner in which he did it that made me question , like he rushed to tell me in case someone else told me

Maybe he did. Chances are when it came out of his mate's mouth, it would have sounded more like an "almost kiss" instead of a woman being turned down. In fact, they'd probably been slagging him all weekend about how they were gonna get him in so much trouble with his missus, so he got there first with the truth to stop his mates from embellishing a little.

I don't see why you're making such a big deal of this. As you say, you get chatted up all the time. The difference is that he probably doesn't. For guys, it's always great in a "wahey, I'm still attractive" kind of way. There is absolutely nothing sinister or underhanded about him telling you. It's not a big deal at all.

Nevyn

why007 wrote: »

Unfortunately i do not have a magic handbook on how to be the perfect girlfriend . Must have missed that one when it was being given out

Well either did any of us and really thinking that there is such a thing is daft.
You may as well try and live your life according to cosmo.

LegacyUser

c - 13 wrote: »

So, he's wrong for telling you and he'd also be wrong if one of his friends told you ?

If it were me I would have mentioned it but no dwelt on it.

Especially seeing as there seems to be no ulterior motives. He was probably just proud of himself for being chatted up by a stunner and then having the good sense to turn her down because he is with you.

Nothing to worry about and i'm sure if it happens again he wont be telling you if you go raging at him because of this.

Who said im raging at him ?

And i didnt say he was wrong for telling me it was just the manner in which he said it to me that made me question him .

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Well either did any of us and really thinking that there is such a thing is daft.
You may as well try and live your life according to cosmo.

Thanks for that post , your advice is amazing .

How Strange

IMO, you're making a drama out of nothing.

He got chatted up by a beautiful woman, couldn't believe his luck and flirted with her. End of story. He didn't snog her and told her he had a gf. No crime was committed.

Why don't you trust your bf? Why can't you let this go?

You are obsessing about this and it's not clear from your post why.

If my bf got chatted up by a good looking woman I'd be flattered because he's attractive and he's mine. It keeps us on our toes to know that other people find our bfs/gfs attractive.

LegacyUser

Seamus , just wanted to say thanks for the post , it was very insightful .
and thanks to everyone else for their posts too.
Glad i posted here first before saying anything to OH . I realise i am over reacting , sometimes its a little too easy to do unfortunately bu tin my defense ! Sometimes you need clarification that you are over reacting so thank god for boards.ie

c - 13

c - 13 wrote: »

So, he's wrong for telling you and he'd also be wrong if one of his friends told you ?

If it were me I would have mentioned it but no dwelt on it.

Especially seeing as there seems to be no ulterior motives. He was probably just proud of himself for being chatted up by a stunner and then having the good sense to turn her down because he is with you.

Nothing to worry about and i'm sure if it happens again he wont be telling you if you go raging at him because of this.

why007 wrote: »

Who said im raging at him ?

Read the post again, I underlined the important part

why007 wrote: »

And i didnt say he was wrong for telling me it was just the manner in which he said it to me that made me question him .

He was happy about being chatted up by a good looking woman. Ill agree it wasnt exactly very tactful the way he seemed to raise the point but I think your reading far too much into it.

nkay1985

Wow, I'll never stop being amazed at the things that irritate some people. Surprisingly enough, more than half the world's population is female, making the likelihood of your boyfriend talking to males only hen he's out extremely slim. People can talk and have fun and nothing more has to happen.

In fairness OP it does sound like your boyfriend told you in a bit of a stupid way. He should've probably said "I was talking to this girl for like 15 minutes and then she tried to kiss me, but I told her I had someone at home who I loved and that was that." Something along those lines. Not say he was "being chatted up" because that implies he was leading her on which I doubt is the case.

The fact that he didn't kiss her is good, that he told you is a plus! He's a good guy.

MrVestek

Susannahmia wrote: »

My boyfriend would get a slap if he said that to me! Well out of line imo. Not what he did really (though If he had been flirting back for the 15 minutes that would annoy me), just the way he told you. Kind of sounds like he is saying hey look at me I can get someone else if I so choose. Sounds like he is trying to make you jealous or something. He may just be feeling a little insecure. Maybe its just his incredibly idiotic way of saying Hey! Appreciate me!

You know this kind of line of thinking never ceases to amaze me. It's always the man's fault no matter what. Look the guy did nothing wrong and was professing to his partner how he doesn't have eyes for anyone else, only her.

What's the problem exactly?

Kelly O'Malley

There isn't one - now.OP has figured it out.

That's what this forum is for isn't it?

LegacyUser

Kelly O'Malley wrote: »

There isn't one - now.OP has figured it out.

That's what this forum is for isn't it?

Thank you .

wylo

seamus wrote: »

While many Irish women have this tendancy to immediately say, "Stop talking to me, I have a boyfriend", even when guys are just chatting in a friendly way, Irish men don't. This isn't because we enjoy flirting, it's because we assume that women are chatting with us just for the sake of it.

this is so so true!!

OP, It was a bit sad of him saying it, almost like he was showing off but still sometimes people say the wrong things in a wrong way, ive done it many times myself and felt embarrassed about doing it, thinking in my head "why did I say that". While he mightnt be exactly thinking like that he probably would be if he had realised what a reaction it would have caused.

You mention there has been other stuff going on of late. It seems to me you might have more problems than just this issue however but your using this issue as a means to give out and rant about him. Ive seen it time and time again with friends, ive done it myself. If this is true sort out them problems first.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Susannahmia wrote: »

My boyfriend would get a slap if he said that to me! Well out of line imo. Not what he did really (though If he had been flirting back for the 15 minutes that would annoy me), just the way he told you. Kind of sounds like he is saying hey look at me I can get someone else if I so choose. Sounds like he is trying to make you jealous or something. He may just be feeling a little insecure. Maybe its just his incredibly idiotic way of saying Hey! Appreciate me!

Although its not out of line, I'd say he is looking for some attention. Girls underestimate the amount of attention a guy needs, IMO. Like, society focuses on guys laying on everything for a girl (flowers, nice meals out, surprise trips away, etc) but guys like to be appreciated just as much. Jusr my 2c there!

Oryx

Hi op, seems youve got your head around this, but Ill comment regardless.:)

It does sound like your oh was dead chuffed at being chatted up by a 'film star like girl' and the fact that he boasted must mean it doesnt happen every day. Plus he acted like a gentleman and again, feels chuffed with himself and wants you to appreciate what a nice man he is. Boosting his male ego and all that. All good so far.

The only problem is your unfathomable anger at it, even weeks later. I get that too, and I dont understand it either, sorry! But in my experience its usually from not getting to say my piece on something, so it simmers and builds. I know its a daft way to behave too, but it still happens. Do you think that maybe didnt get to express how you felt about this chat up thing at the time, or that you resented his going away and having a good time, and this is how it came out? Sometimes realising the way your mind is working and where things have built from is enough to make the anger simply evaporate.

EamonnKeane

kmick wrote: »

She was probably a call girl.

Yes, a pox-ridden slatternly whore from the depths of depravity, brazenly speaking to a gentleman.

I doubt she was a prostitute, and if she's looking for clients in a pub, that precludes her being a call girl - the clue is in the name.

Carrigart Exile

Susannahmia wrote: »

My boyfriend would get a slap if he said that to me! Well out of line imo. Not what he did really (though If he had been flirting back for the 15 minutes that would annoy me), just the way he told you. Kind of sounds like he is saying hey look at me I can get someone else if I so choose. Sounds like he is trying to make you jealous or something. He may just be feeling a little insecure. Maybe its just his incredibly idiotic way of saying Hey! Appreciate me!

that's domestic violence by the way

vodkasoda

why007 wrote: »

Who said im raging at him ?

Original post ... "so why am i still so annoyed ?" ... :rolleyes:

Seems to me that you are using this as an excuse because you've got another problem ... maybe you don't even know what that problem is, but talk about making a mountain out of a molehill !!!

Duckjob

I don't get it. Couples teasing each other about getting outside attention is commonplace in most longterm relationship, I would have thought.

Mrs Duckjob has a customer facing job and gleefully tells me on the frequent occasions when she gets chatted up and asked out. I'd gloat too, except I rarely have anything to gloat about.

I think your problems with your bf must run deeper, because I'm struggling to see the problem here.

LoanShark

If he told you very early on in your conversation with him, I think he had a secret that he is trying to hide...
To what I would make from this, He did kiss this Girl and he got caught by one of his friends,Who was annoyed and Vowed to tell you when they all got back...When your boyfriend got home he made up his mind he was going to tell you first...NOT the truth But, A story (a defussion if you will!) that his friend wouldnt dare try to overrule,in front of the rest of their gang..and so your BFs story is the one that came back..

Just out of interest How many of the others who have Girlfriends got chatted up? that You heard about?

Now I could be wrong and will gladly admit it if I am,But I think there may have been a nervous laugh in his story when he told you..

JavaBear

LoanShark wrote: »

If he told you very early on in your conversation with him, I think he had a secret that he is trying to hide...
To what I would make from this, He did kiss this Girl and he got caught by one of his friends,Who was annoyed and Vowed to tell you when they all got back...When your boyfriend got home he made up his mind he was going to tell you first...NOT the truth But, A story (a defussion if you will!) that his friend wouldnt dare try to overrule,in front of the rest of their gang..and so your BFs story is the one that came back..

Just out of interest How many of the others who have Girlfriends got chatted up? that You heard about?

Now I could be wrong and will gladly admit it if I am,But I think there may have been a nervous laugh in his story when he told you..

Has to be a troll

seamus

LoanShark wrote: »

If he told you very early on in your conversation with him, I think he had a secret that he is trying to hide...
To what I would make from this, He did kiss this Girl and he got caught by one of his friends,Who was annoyed and Vowed to tell you when they all got back...

Absolutely would not happen, ever, unless this other friend also happened to be the OP's brother or father. Even then, I doubt they would be eager to rush to tell her.

Why are some people so eager to point out, far-out negative scenarios which serve no purpose except to make a person doubt themselves?

Davei141

seamus wrote: »

Why are some people so eager to point out, far-out negative scenarios which serve no purpose except to make a person doubt themselves?

Because thats how they think, scary isnt it how ****ed up in the head some people are.

LoanShark

seamus wrote: »

Absolutely would not happen, ever, unless this other friend also happened to be the OP's brother or father. Even then, I doubt they would be eager to rush to tell her.

Why are some people so eager to point out, far-out negative scenarios which serve no purpose except to make a person doubt themselves?

Absolutely Would Not Happen,Ever??
You are seriously living in dreamland!, I know a guy who caught his sisters fella kissing some other girl..He walked up behind him tapped the fella on the shoulder and said "Do you want to tell her or will I?" Boyfriend Told the Girl..
There is one thing about a group of friends,There is always groups within groups not everyone see eye-to-eye and there will always be the odd one who has dirt on someone else..And I doubt there is not a brother or father who would not be looking out for there sister/daughter and would not tell Or give a fella a chance to talk to her first..

Why are people so egar to point out far-out negative scenarios etc etc..????
I have a different opinion to everyone else..Read the original posting!! It was one of the first things he said to her!!!

Now,
He may have said it to make her feel good about herself and reasure her that he is in love with her,,, That Back-Fired!!
OR
(I'll stick with my original posting)
He did something wrong!

I'm Sorry if I anger some of you But, I'm reading the whole story in a different way..

LoanShark

Davei141 wrote: »

Because thats how they think, scary isnt it how ****ed up in the head some people are.

Are You For Real?

I have a different view on this whole thing and I am accused of Scaremongering..or as you so put it I'm " ****ed up in the head.."

LegacyUser

LoanShark wrote: »

Absolutely Would Not Happen,Ever??
You are seriously living in dreamland!, I know a guy who caught his sisters fella kissing some other girl..He walked up behind him tapped the fella on the shoulder and said "Do you want to tell her or will I?" Boyfriend Told the Girl..
There is one thing about a group of friends,There is always groups within groups not everyone see eye-to-eye and there will always be the odd one who has dirt on someone else..And I doubt there is not a brother or father who would not be looking out for there sister/daughter and would not tell Or give a fella a chance to talk to her first..

Why are people so egar to point out far-out negative scenarios etc etc..????
I have a different opinion to everyone else..Read the original posting!! It was one of the first things he said to her!!!

Now,
He may have said it to make her feel good about herself and reasure her that he is in love with her,,, That Back-Fired!!
OR
(I'll stick with my original posting)
He did something wrong!

I'm Sorry if I anger some of you But, I'm reading the whole story in a different way..

He said brother or father. Your story is a Brother. Proves his point does it not?

seamus

^^
What he/she said.

Although the whole "bros before hoes" thing isn't entirely true, it's very unlikely that a man's friend(s) will rush to tell his girlfriend of infidelities, unless they have some ulterior motive. They're absolutely not going to blab it out in front of everyone to the girlfriend. A man's friends will put pressure on him to tell her, possibly, but they won't just run off straight away and tell her unless;

1. They're good friends of the girlfriend and hate the boyfriend.
2. They fancy the girlfriend and want them to split up.

In both cases, the boyfriend would have no idea of the other man's plans, so would have no need to "get in there" before him and tell her.

Basically, you assert that the boyfriend told her about it, because for some reason somebody else was going to rush in there and tell the girlfriend of an infidelity. That assertion is completely without merit. It just wouldn't happen that the boyfriend knew that someone else was rushing to tell her anything. Therefore, the least likely scenario out of all of them is that of infidelity.

Also men tend to have less "in-groups" within groups of friends than women do (personal observation). Men simply don't hang around with other men that they don't like, so cliques within groups of friends are rare (although of course you get some people who are just closer to eachother than the rest).

heavyheart

I think ye have totally gone off topic !! The op has learned the error of her ways from her last post from what i can gather , doubt there is much point going further off the topic ...

LoanShark

wweffewfwe wrote: »

He said brother or father. Your story is a Brother. Proves his point does it not?

WTF?
I have a story about one and not the other..

Davei141

LoanShark wrote: »

Are You For Real?

I have a different view on this whole thing and I am accused of Scaremongering..or as you so put it I'm " ****ed up in the head.."

I call you ****ed up in the head because the OP's problem wasn't that something happened, it was that he told her the way he did. I stand by that.

BubbleWrap85

It's at times like this when I understand why men find us women so hard to understand. Jeezus he wasn't with her, and 15 minutes isn't a long time if they're out in a pub. Her friends may have been chatting to us. They could have been sitting together or standing together at the bar! GOD FORBID!!!!! Everyone likes to feel desired. He's been so long with you he may think he's lost "it". Doesn't mean he's going to act upon it. Relax. And take the advice given up already - have a weekend with the girls. Make sure you don't spend 10 minutes talking to any guy though!!