Can't talk to anybody

LegacyUser · 05-05-2008 1:43pm #1

Hi all, apologies firstly for the long rant......

I really dont know where to start with this one!!!

Met a guy a few weeks ago and he came back to mine, was drunk on the first occasion and kind of lost my memory! I had painkillers before i went out and just presumed the few drinks had gone to my head. It was only when he had gone i realised I was wearing no bra and different underwear! Felt like something had gone on but had a total blank! Also had the hangover of a century, (now i should mention at this point have not suffered black out with drinks before) So because he was so gorgeous, and funny I just pushed this to the back of my head, said to myself i was crazy for thinking this because he's such a nice guy (should also mention i was attacked before so this may be why i was a little paranoid)

So texting away and meet up with him again and head back to his, we were fooling around in the morning but i slowly began to realise i had a blank again on how i got there and to bed! Another thing, my jewellery was off and it was arranged neatly on a locker the other side of the room, its not like me to do this and i obviously cant remember a thing!

He's an attractive and quite cocky guy and came across as a really nice, he couldnt have been any nicer or sweet the day after too. Theres a few other things that he did / said that are now niggling me and i really dont know what to do!

I feel stupid and cant say anything to my ladies because i was raving about how much i liked him and what a nice guy he was.... I hope im thinking the worst and maybe just got really drunk and cant remember but theres too many things going on in my head and i fear something worse happened! I wouldnt be taking any action anyway because i cant remember and it was my choice to have a few drinks and go back but my head is really all over the place!

Thanks to everyone for reading this long post and any advice from anyone v.much appreciated!

M

Miss Fluff · 05-05-2008 2:32pm

How much did you actually drink on both occassions? By that I don't mean "a good bit" or "a few", how much in actual unit terms did you consume?

Also what do you mean you were wearing different underwear?:eek:Was it your own???

AARRRGH · 05-05-2008 2:35pm

Do you ever notice girls who drink soft drinks never get their drinks spiked?

You're drinking too much alcohol. Stop drinking so much and this problem will go away.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2008 2:43pm

I cant say in unit form but i had 5 / 6 drinks on both occasions, a few glasses of wine and 2 vodkas.... the same as i would usually but ive never had as severe a reaction.

And yes it was my underwear.....even typing this is a little difficult to be honest, i cannot remember a thing so im not too sure how that happened!

This is really why i cant say anything to anybody, because it seems like i just got locked.

Overheal · 05-05-2008 2:52pm

Next time you meet up be careful to 1) stay sober and 2) watch what you drink and eat.

05-05-2008 2:56pm

Do you ever notice girls who drink soft drinks never get their drinks spiked?

Are you suggesting this doesn't happen?

board om · 05-05-2008 2:59pm

^^^^^^^^ what he said. plus if you really like this guy and want to take it further then maybe a few sober dates might be nice as it will let you see what he is really like instead of just having drunken fumbles and waking up embarrassed after every date.

and if you wake up with a black out after a date of non-alcoholic drinks then you know there is definielty something funny going on.

Fremen · 05-05-2008 3:01pm

You need to drink a bit more sensibly. If you decide to see him and it happens again, go to your doctor the next day and get a drug test.

AARRRGH · 05-05-2008 3:01pm

[quote=[Deleted User];55845854]Are you suggesting this doesn't happen?[/QUOTE]

I read an interview with a doctor who runs some sexual assault unit (or something like that) in Ireland. She said every single time someone has come in claiming they had their drink spiked, it has always turned out to be too much alcohol.

I'm sure it can happen, but you'll always notice the victim had a lot to drink that night. People forget alcohol is a drug which makes you go unconscious and forget things...

Alessandra · 05-05-2008 3:04pm

Do you realy think you should continue seeing a man you are that suspicious of?

So first date you had painkillers and alcohol-you already know bad idea.

Second time maybe too much to drink?

Who is to say whatever happened between you was consensual or not?

I know it's disconcerting that you cannot actually remember but try not to jump to conclusions about the man in question unless you can substantiate them. This is dangerous territory. Talk to someone and get it off your chest.

Limit your alcohol intake and try not to get yourself in situtuations where you are so vulnerable.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 3:21pm

OP I can't believe sone of the responses you're getting here tbh.

Jumping down ur throat and automatically assuming that it was just too much drink and that there was no way ur drink was spiked, and the worst advice to have a few sober drinks together. Even though you said that this didn't happen when you were with anyone else, and that you have a few other niggly things that are bugging you about it.

what alessandra said - DO NOT SEE HIM AGAIN. do not say ur gonna have a few sober dates together. it may be the case that ur drink wasn't spiked, and you had just had too much to drink. probably the case in fact. but then again it may not be the case that u just had too much to drink. you don't know. you have your doubts and suspcions. so why would you even think about meeting someone again who you have ur doubts and suspcions that they might have done something to you.

anyway that's just what i think.

AARRRGH · 05-05-2008 3:26pm

I really think it's a bit unfair to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing.

Why would he drug her twice in a row?

It makes no sense.

board om · 05-05-2008 3:35pm

dublindude wrote: »

I really think it's a bit unfair to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing.

Why would he drug her twice in a row?

It makes no sense.

yeah, sure by agreeing to go on the second date he can be pretty sure she likes him and i think spiking her would be a bit unneccessary. if it happened the first time and she never heard from him again i wold say run like hell. but keeping in touch with her and then going on a second date would kind of make you think that he doesnt have much to hide. unless he is planning to spike her on every date they go on.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 3:38pm

dublindude wrote: »

I really think it's a bit unfair to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing.

Why would he drug her twice in a row?

It makes no sense.

not much does make sense in this life unfortunately!

as for why he would drug her twice in a row, the most likely explanation was if he knew he'd gotten away with it the first time, then he may have said feck it sure if i got away with it once then why not do it again.

I'm not suggesting that the OP "to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing."

the point is that she can't conclude that - unless she gets her memories back, either way she'll never know one way or the other.

it likely did not happen, but if a woman thinks that a guy might have done this twice in a row to her, why would she even think about putting herself in a position where it may happen again.

Overheal · 05-05-2008 3:42pm

look look look... either he is a rapist or she is an alcoholic. Either way: situation comedy.

In all fairness though you said yourself he's a nice guy. If you wanna have a go again, do. Just without any drink involved, would be my advice. Foul play was my first instinct too; but keep in mind you mixed painkillers with alcohol: thats a big no and another step on the road to liver failure.

AARRRGH · 05-05-2008 3:43pm

Mortified! wrote: »

i was attacked before so this may be why i was a little paranoid

TBH it sounds like you're not ready to be having sexual relations with someone.

Chill out on the booze and maybe get some therapy. Making accusations that someone raped you is pretty ****ing serious.

This is a pet peeve of mine, so apologies if I am ranting a bit.

RedXIV · 05-05-2008 3:43pm

aoife000 wrote: »

not much does make sense in this life unfortunately!

as for why he would drug her twice in a row, the most likely explanation was if he knew he'd gotten away with it the first time, then he may have said feck it sure if i got away with it once then why not do it again.

I'm not suggesting that the OP "to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing."

the point is that she can't conclude that - unless she gets her memories back, either way she'll never know one way or the other.

it likely did not happen, but if a woman thinks that a guy might have done this twice in a row to her, why would she even think about putting herself in a position where it may happen again.

Then she shouldn't go on another alcohol fuelled date. I 100% agree with dublindude on this because i was in a similar situation as the guy in this case. A girl i knew from college took a shine to me, got twisted and assumed the worst. I didn't even get a KISS! :mad: But i had to try and kill rumours of me drugging women for ages when in fact she turned out to have a drinking problem. If you like the guy, go on a sober date. THEN if you black out, blame him.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 3:45pm

Overheal wrote: »

If you wanna have a go again, do. Just without any drink involved, would be my advice.

yes not even soft drinks, and if ur drinking soft drinks, then don't let him buy them or have an opportunity to be alone with ur drink and have an opportunity to put something in it (e.g. if you are going to the toilet finish your soft drink first) and if you can help it don't be alone with him

Overheal · 05-05-2008 3:47pm

dublindude wrote: »

TBH it sounds like you're not ready to be having sexual relations with someone.

Chill out on the booze and maybe get some therapy. Making accusations that someone raped you is pretty ****ing serious.

This is a pet peeve of mine, so apologies if I am ranting a bit.

The Dude lands on a good point.

RedXIV · 05-05-2008 3:49pm

aoife000 wrote: »

yes not even soft drinks, and if ur drinking soft drinks, then don't let him buy them or have an opportunity to be alone with ur drink and have an opportunity to put something in it (e.g. if you are going to the toilet finish your soft drink first) and if you can help it don't be alone with him

You're only gonna push the paranoia issue through the rough with advice like that. If the guy is willing to meet up again and is as nice as the OP says, he's gonna cop on very fast to the idea she doesn't trust him and he's gonna split. I'd be hugely offended if a girl, on the THIRD time we hung out together, wouldn't even trust me with a drink.

OP if your worried he's taking advantage, invite him for something with YOUR friends only. that way IF something happens, you have people looking out for ya.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 3:55pm

RedXIV wrote: »

You're only gonna push the paranoia issue through the rough with advice like that. If the guy is willing to meet up again and is as nice as the OP says, he's gonna cop on very fast to the idea she doesn't trust him and he's gonna split. I'd be hugely offended if a girl, on the THIRD time we hung out together, wouldn't even trust me with a drink.

OP if your worried he's taking advantage, invite him for something with YOUR friends only. that way IF something happens, you have people looking out for ya.

i understand to a certain degree where you are coming from, but on the other hand i think who gives a **** if he cops on that she doesn't trust him. her number one and only priority needs to be keeping herself safe.

yes the OP thought he was nice, but its not like all the people who are evil weirdos can be pinpointed as being such. they are among us and seem normal. just because he 'seemed' nice doesn't mean he actually was. chances are everything was genuine and nothing untoward happened but the OP can't take the chance until she trusts him

Edited to say I know it might seem that I'm trying to make the OP even more paranoid but I'm actually just being realistic here. she's gotta keep herself safe and that's all there is to it.

Balmed Out · 05-05-2008 4:00pm

OP has there been any other reason you might suddenly get a blackout from alcahol?, have you been ill, stressed, worried etc recently? Ive only ever not remembered stuff twice and both times were only a few weeks apart but at the time I was recovering from a serious illness with a lot of stress asssociated with it.
I dont think its something that happens often and i would imagine a rapist would probably prefer different victims and not actually date the person. Doesnt make sense.

pickarooney · 05-05-2008 4:00pm

Is it rape if you wanted to but don't think you said yes?

RedXIV · 05-05-2008 4:08pm

you've been texting, that means you have his number - not a good move for a rapist.
You've been to his house so you know where he lives - not a good move for a rapist.
You've met up on more than one occasion - not a good move for a rapist.

I'm gonna go with the facts here lass and assume that if he's put enough thought into drugging you, he would probably have thought of all of the above.
Just because you're not used to blacking out does not mean that it's definitly someone else's doing. You've made some stupid decisions but everyone does that. This situation does not have the feel of a guy trying to use and abuse, just try a sober date and see what happens

pickarooney · 05-05-2008 4:12pm

Maybe he's a closet transvestite and needs you to be fast asleep before he's comfortable trying on your clothes and jewellery? However daft a suggestion it's the only thing that would explain his suspected behaviour to me.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2008 4:15pm

Dont think my previous reply posted but i am a little taken aback by some of the replies! This has confirmed my title 'cant talk to anybody' because it is percieved that i am a woman crying wolf or an alcoholic!

To dublindude & overheal, i see where it may see like i am making false accusations but i am using this board to voice my concerns, i have never suffered memory loss through drink and i have never woken up with no memory with different underwear on, and a feeling that ive had sex when i dont remember doing so! For this to happen twice is a little disconcerting!

Thanks Alessandra and Aoife, i have no intentions of meeting this guy again and am really raging i went out the second time, note to self, must listen to instinct the next time!

Things are just rolling around in my head trying to make sense of it, my clothes, my jewellery, sweats the next day and worst hangover, could only take a few steps in the morning without falling over, he also had an uncanny interest when i told him i donate blood asking about when did i donate last and any plans..... (obviously this didnt seem strange to me until i realised the extent of the situation).

I am generally quite a logical person and i suppose what is really annoying me is that i cant find the conclusion and wont ever know for certain, i just seem to be replaying both events over in my head...and i feel a little sick.

Thanks for everyone who took the time to reply.

Overheal · 05-05-2008 4:19pm

Its also possible you suffered from epillepsy of some sort. I mean theres a hundred weird afflictions out there. In scrubs they highlighted one that makes you pass out when you take a poo - whats to say having an orgasm cant make you black out or something, in all seriousness?

I'd visit a GP.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 4:21pm

RedXIV wrote: »

you've been texting, that means you have his number - not a good move for a rapist.
You've been to his house so you know where he lives - not a good move for a rapist.
You've met up on more than one occasion - not a good move for a rapist.

REDXIV that is one of the most ignorant mis-informed statements i've ever heard.

it almost suggests that rapists are always someone who we dont' know, don't have their number, don't know where the live, and have never met for the first time.

in case you are not already aware, statistics say that 70% of rape victims actually know their rapists, and it is not a stranger.

here's one website that backs that up, we could find plenty more: http://www.mvwcs.com/typesrapist.html

OP i am not trying to freak you out. i'm not saying that something untoward happened. the simple fact is that you don't know wether it did or not. the fact that all the men here are dismissing the possibility with no chance that anything might have happened, and putting all the blame on you and your drinking is bloody head wrecking. you don't know, and that's all there is to it.

do you mind me asking OP what the other niggly things were that you weren't sure what to make of?

i hope to god for your sake that it didn't happen.

and its annoying me that if something did happen (which although it probably didn't is still a possibility - even if just a small possibility - until you get ur memories back) its annoying me that its being so ignorantly dismissed by the men here, and is likely to be leaving you even more confused about it all.

vincenzo1975 · 05-05-2008 4:22pm

get your blood tested by your GP and see if there are any traces of a drug in it. Then you will know.

Also, get a pregnancy test.

If you ever get a chance to have a look at this dudes phone, see if there are any hidden pictures on it he may have taken.

Be very wary of him.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 4:27pm

Overheal and vincenzo1975 thank you for having the decency and cop-on to provide some reasonable, sensible, practial advice for the OP. its good to see

RedXIV · 05-05-2008 4:43pm

aoife000 wrote: »

REDXIV that is one of the most ignorant mis-informed statements i've ever heard.

what? that the more details a rapist leaves to be tracked is not a good move on the rapist's part? think about it, if it was a complete randomer, he might never get caught, from rapist view thats good right? not that i'm condoning it, i'm merely defending my point.

aoife000 wrote: »

it almost suggests that rapists are always someone who we dont' know, don't have their number, don't know where the live, and have never met for the first time.

in case you are not already aware, statistics say that 70% of rape victims actually know their rapists, and it is not a stranger.

and like dublindude said, most of the "blackout" cases are simply too much drink. if we're fighting with statistics, thats the strongest one there

aoife000 wrote: »

OP i am not trying to freak you out. i'm not saying that something untoward happened. the simple fact is that you don't know wether it did or not. the fact that all the men here are dismissing the possibility with no chance that anything might have happened, and putting all the blame on you and your drinking is bloody head wrecking. you don't know, and that's all there is to it.

you're right, she doesn't know. BUT there are a hell of alot of options she should go for first before accusing the guy of foul play and her drinking is top of the list. I wouldn't feel so strongly about this if i hadn't been in the situation where a girl accused ME of doing it and it is VERY hard to erase even a rumour of that. I apologise if this makes me appear hostile but i'm trying to throw in a bit of experience of what might happen if she does accuse this guy she has otherwise classed as funny and nice.

aoife000 wrote: »

and its annoying me that if something did happen (which although it probably didn't is still a possibility - even if just a small possibility - until you get ur memories back) its annoying me that its being so ignorantly dismissed by the men here, and is likely to be leaving you even more confused about it all.

ok, you're stereotyping men as being uncaring and thats unfair. if we didn't care, we wouldn't have responded in the first place. I don't wish any harm to the OP either but i'm doing what all us horrible men have done here and given an opinion based on what we know.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 4:52pm

RedXIV wrote: »

BUT there are a hell of alot of options she should go for first before accusing the guy of foul play and her drinking is top of the list. .

RedXIV i genuinely do understand where you are coming from ok.

but you miss my point that i never said she should accuse him of foul play. especially given that she doesn't remember, doesn't know and chances are it didn't happen. so she can't and shouldn't accuse him of something when she doesn't remember anything and doesn't know. i agree with you.

all i'm saying is that we shouldn't suggest to her that she rules out the possibility that it did happen, i didn't say she should go and accuse him or anything, that would be pure stupid (unless she remembers somethiing obviously) just that she keeps an open mind, and in the meantime that she keeps herself safe, by either not meeting him again, or that if she does have a sober date, that she keeps herself safe by not drinking at all, or by not leaving the soft drink in the hands of the man (which no woman or man shouldn do with any person she doesn't know well enough anyway).

i was just saying that she doesn't decide in her own head either that something did or didn't happen, but that she keeps an open mind, and takes precautions to keep herself safe, and so that if something did in fact happen then it won't or can't happen again. that's all.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2008 4:58pm

aoife000 wrote: »

REDXIV that is one of the most ignorant mis-informed statements i've ever heard........

OP i am not trying to freak you out. i'm not saying that something untoward happened. the simple fact is that you don't know wether it did or not. the fact that all the men here are dismissing the possibility with no chance that anything might have happened, and putting all the blame on you and your drinking is bloody head wrecking. you don't know, and that's all there is to it.

do you mind me asking OP what the other niggly things were that you weren't sure what to make of?

i hope to god for your sake that it didn't happen.

and its annoying me that if something did happen (which although it probably didn't is still a possibility - even if just a small possibility - until you get ur memories back) its annoying me that its being so ignorantly dismissed by the men here, and is likely to be leaving you even more confused about it all.

Thanks for the advice Aoife, it really means a lot. I do appreciate everyone elses comments too and can only conclude that men feel im attacking their gender therefore feel the need to defend. I understand the situation that happened to you before Red, that is NOT acceptable and one of the reasons i will not be talking to anybody about this.

I suppose i just needed to talk about it somewhere as its starting to affect me, im spending hours trying to piece things together and it just doesnt seem right. I think as a woman you know when you have had sex (as im sure men do too) but i do not recall it and the thought that he climbed on top of me while comatose is really the root of the ill feelings i suppose.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 5:30pm

Mortified! wrote: »

Thanks for the advice Aoife, it really means a lot. I do appreciate everyone elses comments too and can only conclude that men feel im attacking their gender therefore feel the need to defend. I understand the situation that happened to you before Red, that is NOT acceptable and one of the reasons i will not be talking to anybody about this.

I suppose i just needed to talk about it somewhere as its starting to affect me, im spending hours trying to piece things together and it just doesnt seem right. I think as a woman you know when you have had sex (as im sure men do too) but i do not recall it and the thought that he climbed on top of me while comatose is really the root of the ill feelings i suppose.

OP I know where you are coming from, and I hope that one way or another you get your memories back and realise what happened. cos i think that possibly its the not knowing that is the worst thing, and the think that would do your head in the most.

you don't have to say if you don't want to but do you mind me asking OP what the other things were that were niggling at you that you are not sure that way to take. and you don't need to say at all if you are not comfortable doing so.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 5:38pm

Mortified! wrote: »

Dont think my previous reply posted but i am a little taken aback by some of the replies! This has confirmed my title 'cant talk to anybody' because it is percieved that i am a woman crying wolf or an alcoholic!

.

OP because of the time delay when you posting un-reg I'm only after seeing this post when reading back over it. i'm sorry tht some of the posts made it seem like you were crying wolf or an alcoholic. that shouldn't be the case. remember as you said in your post to follow your own intuition, and you know yourself better than anyone else how you feel. please don't let what others say change that.

tbh and i'm sorry to say it but this post here made me think even more that something may have happened. you don't know though and that's the worst thing the not knowing. i'm glad to hear that you're not going to be seeing him again, to be on the safe side.

i hope things work themselves, and i hope that no matter how long it takes, that you do recover your memories,

oh and know that someone else said this, but you should make sure to get a pregnancy test and STD tests done also. all the best, x

AARRRGH · 05-05-2008 5:40pm

Mortified! wrote: »

I think as a woman you know when you have had sex (as im sure men do too) but i do not recall it and the thought that he climbed on top of me while comatose is really the root of the ill feelings i suppose.

I have woken up naked next to girls I met on a night out. I have no idea if I had sex with those girls. I probably did.

Part and parcel of getting drunk is the odd night where you can't recall anything.

I chose to do all that drinking. I accept responsibility for my drinking. I don't blame the girls or come remotely close to thinking they stripped me and raped me. I blame my excessive drinking.

Stop drinking so much and stop bringing home men you don't know. Problem solved.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 5:45pm

OP please try not to let the people who keep replying suggesting that it was drunkness which is the only possible explanation get to you.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2008 5:49pm

something similar happened to me last year. met this bloke one night and arranged to go out for a drink the following night. we went to my local with some of my family. then on to a local nightclub. now i can drink but didnt have much that night. woke up the next morning naked with him beside me and couldnt remember much after the nightclub. felt very strange the next morning. never seen him again(my choice). until a few weeks ago when he was in the paper for drugging and raping a girl. i think its best to go with your gut instinct op, cause i find mine is nearly always spot on.

The_Minister · 05-05-2008 6:06pm

Mortified! wrote: »

he also had an uncanny interest when i told him i donate blood asking about when did i donate last and any plans..... (obviously this didnt seem strange to me until i realised the extent of the situation).

Emmmmm. OK.
Another topic off my chat list.

OP if you told me that you donated blood, I would ask you about it, as it (and organ donation) are one of my little hobbyhorses. I am always interested in exactly what motivates people to donate, and why people who couldn't be bothered giving €2 for charity, will give up 40 minutes to donate.
Doesn't mean that I want to rape you.
Besides, you make back enough of the blood to negate any ill effects after a day or so, so he was probably just interested.

LegacyUser · 05-05-2008 6:10pm

Thanks for the comments Aoife, im unsure as to whether i will regain any memory to be honest but do hope that i can get over this at any rate

dublindude wrote: »

I have woken up naked next to girls I met on a night out. I have no idea if I had sex with those girls. I probably did.

Part and parcel of getting drunk is the odd night where you can't recall anything.

I chose to do all that drinking. I accept responsibility for my drinking. I don't blame the girls or come remotely close to thinking they stripped me and raped me. I blame my excessive drinking.

Stop drinking so much and stop bringing home men you don't know. Problem solved.

Dublindude, you are picking me up wrong. As i said in my origional post "I hope im thinking the worst and maybe just got really drunk and cant remember but theres too many things going on in my head and i fear something worse happened!" The point is i would prefer if this was the case, all of a sudden from being totally coherent i blackout fully. Not one even hazy memory. And i wake up with rearranged clothes, the sense there was some activity the night before, and some odd conversation topics the next day, all of this accompanied by an extremely sick stomach and almost falling over the next day, this is uncharacteristic of how i would be after any night out and the fact that all of this happened twice while out with him is suspect!

I think its impressive that you accept responsibility for your drinking and the actions it caused you to make, as i also said..... "I wouldnt be taking any action anyway because i cant remember and it was my choice to have a few drinks and go back but my head is really all over the place" I do take responsibility and if anything did happen and i was spiked it is my fault as i allowed this to happen hence my username...Mortified! Obvoiusly i'll never know but people are surprising!

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 6:14pm

The_Minister wrote: »

Emmmmm. OK.
Another topic off my chat list.

OP if you told me that you donated blood, I would ask you about it, as it (and organ donation) are one of my little hobbyhorses. I am always interested in exactly what motivates people to donate, and why people who couldn't be bothered giving €2 for charity, will give up 40 minutes to donate.
Doesn't mean that I want to rape you.
Besides, you make back enough of the blood to negate any ill effects after a day or so, so he was probably just interested.

i'm probably completely off the mark here, but what i took out of what the OP said was that if he was spiking her drink he may have been concerned that even if she didn't remember anything afterwards, that if she went to give blood the drug might show up in her blood.

like i said, i'm prob completely off the mark though and she prob meant something completely different....

AARRRGH · 05-05-2008 6:14pm

The_Minister wrote: »

Doesn't mean that I want to rape you.

We don't know for certain though!

Maybe you do want to rape her. All I am saying is she should be careful around you. Certainly she should never arrange to meet you again.

...

OP: You're being paranoid. Just relax. It really does sound like you're carrying some issues from your previous sexual assault. I'm not attacking you, it's just, as a male, it's terrifying to think someone might say I raped them, simply because they can't remember the night before.

spinandscribble · 05-05-2008 6:18pm

its not the only reason aoife but its as equally valid as the "drugging" one.

op i really wonder how you could be at his place with no memory of what happened (without a bra on btw) and not tell him you didnt remember and ask him if it did happen.
the amount of drinks you mentioned is far too much. i've experience with drink spiking and while i agree it does happen to girls drinking lightly or non at all (I've seen it happen) 9/10 if a girl drinks too many drinks a drug isn't needed to get them into bed.
while i dont agree he should have slept with you in that state (that was wrong) you're a grown woman and should have not gone back to his again.

yes you had as much alcohol as usual but painkillers highten the effects plus our bodies can do that to us somethings. my limits 4/5 before i really cant drink anymore but the ONE blackout i ever had was on 3 drinks. it was a fluke occurance but it CAN happen. you dont know if you had sex because you didnt ask. maybe you stripped off and fell into a heap noone knows except him. Ask him if its bothering you but if i was you i'd leave this as an experience to learn from. We can't rely on others to do the right thing by us when drink is involved and we need to look out for ourselves 1st and foremost.

He might have spiked you but it doesnt sound like he needed to and this is coming from a panoid enough female myself. you like him, he liked you ect. was he ever alone with your drinks? (if you do not know the answer to this then you can automatically take it you drank too much).

i dont believe you're crying wolf or a alco op, but you need to be logical. you drank enough to be suggestable and had painkillers. i think if your instints were right you wouldnt have gone out with him again. i do think you need to take account for your own actions in the future by being more careful about what you drink. i've never met anyone who was careful with their drinks (the amount and where they left them) that woke up in the situation you described. drink spiking is really awful i know someone that was gang raped because of it but even know she says she should have been more careful. it'll be ok op.

The_Minister · 05-05-2008 6:20pm

aoife000 wrote: »

i'm probably completely off the mark here, but what i took out of what the OP said was that if he was spiking her drink he may have been concerned that even if she didn't remember anything afterwards, that if she went to give blood the drug might show up in her blood.

like i said, i'm prob completely off the mark though and she prob meant something completely different....

Ah Ok, I never thought of that.
I thought that she feared that he might exploit her reduced blood level (or whatever), to maximise the effects of the drugs, I never thought that it might be to avoid detection. That makes alot more sense.

Although if he is that smart, then we are back to the questions that RedXIV raised.

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 6:29pm

dublindude wrote: »

as a male, it's terrifying to think someone might say I raped them, simply because they can't remember the night before.

correct me if i'm wrong, but the OP never actually said that the man raped her simply because she can't remember the night before.

1. here the OP has said that she is not and will not be accusing anyone of anything while she does not remember anything so she is NOT saying that he raped her, simeply because she can't remember the night before.

Mortified! wrote: »

I understand the situation that happened to you before Red, that is NOT acceptable and one of the reasons i will not be talking to anybody about this. .

Mortified! wrote: »

I wouldnt be taking any action anyway because i cant remember

Mortified! wrote: »

To dublindude & overheal, i see where it may see like i am making false accusations but i am using this board to voice my concerns,

2. The OP has said that (and I think this is perfectly understandable) that it's not knowing that is the worst thing, not knowing what happened either way, and that she never came on here to accuse anyone of raping her, or to claim that anyone raped her, but rather to get this out of her head because the not knowing is doing her head in.

Mortified! wrote: »

I but i do not recall it and the thought that he climbed on top of me while comatose is really the root of the ill feelings i suppose.

Mortified! wrote: »

i
i suppose what is really annoying me is that i cant find the conclusion and wont ever know for certain, i just seem to be replaying both events over in my head...and i feel a little sick.

AARRRGH · 05-05-2008 6:30pm

Come on, without saying those words, it's pretty clear the OP is saying he drugged and raped her at least twice.

Why else is she posting here?

spinandscribble · 05-05-2008 6:34pm

dublindude wrote: »

Come on, without saying those words, it's pretty clear the OP is saying he drugged and raped her at least twice.

Why else is she posting here?

she doesnt want to accept she has a part in what happened and wants to see if its alright to suggest something did happen based on thing he said (like the blood thing).
op the only advise we can give you is pop over to the gp (which is something you should have done the morning after the first night you spent with him) and request a test because you blacked out. then you'll have your answer

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 6:35pm

spinandscribble wrote: »

its not the only reason aoife but its as equally valid as the "drugging" one.

thx spinandscribble, and i'm sure you've seen that i've said akk along:

(a) that she doesn't know either way so can't rule out anything and to keep an open mind, until such time that she does hopefully recover some memories.

and

(b) that i've also tried to re-assure the OP that there's a good chance that nothing untoward happened, that anything could have happened, and i haven't been suggesting to her that she was definitely drugged or not drugged, whereas just that the general vibe from a lot of those responding seemed to be suggesting that she was definitely just drunken and paranoid, (which is possible, and even some might say likely) rather than acknowledging the fact that anything could've happened and that she should keep her options open

spinandscribble · 05-05-2008 6:39pm

i was also trying to reassure her probably nothing happened as it was a mix of bad effects of painkillers and binge drinking. As this is a forum of personal opinions the lads are merely terrifed about things like this i'd imagine from all the bad press and incidents of women willy nilly crying rape after one too many on a night out.
in my opinion the drugging one is not as likely to have happened, given the circumstances, but for her own reassurance the op needs to get a test done.

I'd also like to stress once again that spiking does occur and i've literally seen men spike drinks with my own eyes. as long as there are ppl like that out there we need to take responsibility for our own safety

AARRRGH · 05-05-2008 6:43pm

spinandscribble wrote: »

I'd also like to stress once again that spiking does occur and i've literally seen men spike drinks with my own eyes. as long as there are ppl like that out there we need to take responsibility for our own safety

Are you serious?

Did you call the police?

Were they arrested?

aoife000 · 05-05-2008 6:46pm

dublindude wrote: »

Come on, without saying those words, it's pretty clear the OP is saying he drugged and raped her at least twice.

Why else is she posting here?

only the OP can answer that, so hopefully she can clarify when she comes back, but I would make a guess at some of the following:

she is not saying that he definitely drugged and raped her at least twice, she is acknowledging the even remotest possibility that he did, and even if she knows it is just a remote possibility it is doing her head in knowing that it might have happened but at the same time not knowing, knowing someone might have raped her when she was comatose and not knowing, even if she is knows these are only the remotest possibilities, the not knowing what happened is doing her head in, and she is going over every piece of what she does remember in her head, and analysing everything that might possibly provide her with some answers, and she's going round in circles, because she feels so lost and confused, so she comes on here to hopefully get some of that confusion out of her head and possibly hoping that by doing so she can get some of the confusion and fear out of her head and feel a bit better, but i would say that chances are that she is now regretting after seeing this thread and the reactions from posters. could you imagine knowing that someone may have done someone to your body but not knowing, and wanting to know and trying so hard to remember and understand and clinging to even the tiniest memory that you might have but there's nothing, and you feel so used and dirty not because you've been raped but because there's a chance you might have been but you don't actually know. i know for me i'd rather be raped and know, than not be raped but suspect i was and never know, because seriously the not knowing and the fear is so much worse. so ya with all this in her head i would say that she needed to get some release, get some of it out of her head, and that may have been why she came on here.

just a guess, hopefully if she's back at some stage she can clarify

Can't talk to anybody

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