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Can't talk to anybody

  • 05-05-2008 02:43PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi all, apologies firstly for the long rant......

    I really dont know where to start with this one!!!

    Met a guy a few weeks ago and he came back to mine, was drunk on the first occasion and kind of lost my memory! I had painkillers before i went out and just presumed the few drinks had gone to my head. It was only when he had gone i realised I was wearing no bra and different underwear! Felt like something had gone on but had a total blank! Also had the hangover of a century, (now i should mention at this point have not suffered black out with drinks before) So because he was so gorgeous, and funny I just pushed this to the back of my head, said to myself i was crazy for thinking this because he's such a nice guy (should also mention i was attacked before so this may be why i was a little paranoid)

    So texting away and meet up with him again and head back to his, we were fooling around in the morning but i slowly began to realise i had a blank again on how i got there and to bed! Another thing, my jewellery was off and it was arranged neatly on a locker the other side of the room, its not like me to do this and i obviously cant remember a thing!

    He's an attractive and quite cocky guy and came across as a really nice, he couldnt have been any nicer or sweet the day after too. Theres a few other things that he did / said that are now niggling me and i really dont know what to do!

    I feel stupid and cant say anything to my ladies because i was raving about how much i liked him and what a nice guy he was.... I hope im thinking the worst and maybe just got really drunk and cant remember but theres too many things going on in my head and i fear something worse happened! I wouldnt be taking any action anyway because i cant remember and it was my choice to have a few drinks and go back but my head is really all over the place!

    Thanks to everyone for reading this long post and any advice from anyone v.much appreciated!

    M


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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    How much did you actually drink on both occassions? By that I don't mean "a good bit" or "a few", how much in actual unit terms did you consume?

    Also what do you mean you were wearing different underwear?:eek:Was it your own???


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Do you ever notice girls who drink soft drinks never get their drinks spiked?

    You're drinking too much alcohol. Stop drinking so much and this problem will go away.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I cant say in unit form but i had 5 / 6 drinks on both occasions, a few glasses of wine and 2 vodkas.... the same as i would usually but ive never had as severe a reaction.

    And yes it was my underwear.....even typing this is a little difficult to be honest, i cannot remember a thing so im not too sure how that happened!

    This is really why i cant say anything to anybody, because it seems like i just got locked.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,683 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Next time you meet up be careful to 1) stay sober and 2) watch what you drink and eat.


  • Posts: 6,645 ✭✭✭ Mary Mammoth Leper


    Do you ever notice girls who drink soft drinks never get their drinks spiked?

    Are you suggesting this doesn't happen?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 643 ✭✭✭board om


    ^^^^^^^^ what he said. plus if you really like this guy and want to take it further then maybe a few sober dates might be nice as it will let you see what he is really like instead of just having drunken fumbles and waking up embarrassed after every date.

    and if you wake up with a black out after a date of non-alcoholic drinks then you know there is definielty something funny going on.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,481 ✭✭✭Fremen


    You need to drink a bit more sensibly. If you decide to see him and it happens again, go to your doctor the next day and get a drug test.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    [quote=[Deleted User];55845854]Are you suggesting this doesn't happen?[/QUOTE]

    I read an interview with a doctor who runs some sexual assault unit (or something like that) in Ireland. She said every single time someone has come in claiming they had their drink spiked, it has always turned out to be too much alcohol.

    I'm sure it can happen, but you'll always notice the victim had a lot to drink that night. People forget alcohol is a drug which makes you go unconscious and forget things...
    Post edited by Boards.ie: Mike on


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,276 ✭✭✭Alessandra


    Do you realy think you should continue seeing a man you are that suspicious of?


    So first date you had painkillers and alcohol-you already know bad idea.

    Second time maybe too much to drink?

    Who is to say whatever happened between you was consensual or not?

    I know it's disconcerting that you cannot actually remember but try not to jump to conclusions about the man in question unless you can substantiate them. This is dangerous territory. Talk to someone and get it off your chest.

    Limit your alcohol intake and try not to get yourself in situtuations where you are so vulnerable.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭aoife000


    OP I can't believe sone of the responses you're getting here tbh.

    Jumping down ur throat and automatically assuming that it was just too much drink and that there was no way ur drink was spiked, and the worst advice to have a few sober drinks together. Even though you said that this didn't happen when you were with anyone else, and that you have a few other niggly things that are bugging you about it.

    what alessandra said - DO NOT SEE HIM AGAIN. do not say ur gonna have a few sober dates together. it may be the case that ur drink wasn't spiked, and you had just had too much to drink. probably the case in fact. but then again it may not be the case that u just had too much to drink. you don't know. you have your doubts and suspcions. so why would you even think about meeting someone again who you have ur doubts and suspcions that they might have done something to you.

    anyway that's just what i think.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    I really think it's a bit unfair to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing.

    Why would he drug her twice in a row?

    It makes no sense.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 643 ✭✭✭board om


    dublindude wrote: »
    I really think it's a bit unfair to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing.

    Why would he drug her twice in a row?

    It makes no sense.

    yeah, sure by agreeing to go on the second date he can be pretty sure she likes him and i think spiking her would be a bit unneccessary. if it happened the first time and she never heard from him again i wold say run like hell. but keeping in touch with her and then going on a second date would kind of make you think that he doesnt have much to hide. unless he is planning to spike her on every date they go on.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭aoife000


    dublindude wrote: »
    I really think it's a bit unfair to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing.

    Why would he drug her twice in a row?

    It makes no sense.
    not much does make sense in this life unfortunately!

    as for why he would drug her twice in a row, the most likely explanation was if he knew he'd gotten away with it the first time, then he may have said feck it sure if i got away with it once then why not do it again.

    I'm not suggesting that the OP "to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing."

    the point is that she can't conclude that - unless she gets her memories back, either way she'll never know one way or the other.

    it likely did not happen, but if a woman thinks that a guy might have done this twice in a row to her, why would she even think about putting herself in a position where it may happen again.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,683 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    look look look... either he is a rapist or she is an alcoholic. Either way: situation comedy.

    In all fairness though you said yourself he's a nice guy. If you wanna have a go again, do. Just without any drink involved, would be my advice. Foul play was my first instinct too; but keep in mind you mixed painkillers with alcohol: thats a big no and another step on the road to liver failure.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    Mortified! wrote: »
    i was attacked before so this may be why i was a little paranoid

    TBH it sounds like you're not ready to be having sexual relations with someone.

    Chill out on the booze and maybe get some therapy. Making accusations that someone raped you is pretty ****ing serious.

    This is a pet peeve of mine, so apologies if I am ranting a bit.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 8,537 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    aoife000 wrote: »
    not much does make sense in this life unfortunately!

    as for why he would drug her twice in a row, the most likely explanation was if he knew he'd gotten away with it the first time, then he may have said feck it sure if i got away with it once then why not do it again.

    I'm not suggesting that the OP "to conclude that the guy is probably a rapist who serially spikes the drinks of the girl he's seeing."

    the point is that she can't conclude that - unless she gets her memories back, either way she'll never know one way or the other.

    it likely did not happen, but if a woman thinks that a guy might have done this twice in a row to her, why would she even think about putting herself in a position where it may happen again.

    Then she shouldn't go on another alcohol fuelled date. I 100% agree with dublindude on this because i was in a similar situation as the guy in this case. A girl i knew from college took a shine to me, got twisted and assumed the worst. I didn't even get a KISS! :mad: But i had to try and kill rumours of me drugging women for ages when in fact she turned out to have a drinking problem. If you like the guy, go on a sober date. THEN if you black out, blame him.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭aoife000


    Overheal wrote: »
    If you wanna have a go again, do. Just without any drink involved, would be my advice.

    yes not even soft drinks, and if ur drinking soft drinks, then don't let him buy them or have an opportunity to be alone with ur drink and have an opportunity to put something in it (e.g. if you are going to the toilet finish your soft drink first) and if you can help it don't be alone with him


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,683 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    dublindude wrote: »
    TBH it sounds like you're not ready to be having sexual relations with someone.

    Chill out on the booze and maybe get some therapy. Making accusations that someone raped you is pretty ****ing serious.

    This is a pet peeve of mine, so apologies if I am ranting a bit.
    The Dude lands on a good point.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 8,537 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    aoife000 wrote: »
    yes not even soft drinks, and if ur drinking soft drinks, then don't let him buy them or have an opportunity to be alone with ur drink and have an opportunity to put something in it (e.g. if you are going to the toilet finish your soft drink first) and if you can help it don't be alone with him

    You're only gonna push the paranoia issue through the rough with advice like that. If the guy is willing to meet up again and is as nice as the OP says, he's gonna cop on very fast to the idea she doesn't trust him and he's gonna split. I'd be hugely offended if a girl, on the THIRD time we hung out together, wouldn't even trust me with a drink.

    OP if your worried he's taking advantage, invite him for something with YOUR friends only. that way IF something happens, you have people looking out for ya.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭aoife000


    RedXIV wrote: »
    You're only gonna push the paranoia issue through the rough with advice like that. If the guy is willing to meet up again and is as nice as the OP says, he's gonna cop on very fast to the idea she doesn't trust him and he's gonna split. I'd be hugely offended if a girl, on the THIRD time we hung out together, wouldn't even trust me with a drink.

    OP if your worried he's taking advantage, invite him for something with YOUR friends only. that way IF something happens, you have people looking out for ya.

    i understand to a certain degree where you are coming from, but on the other hand i think who gives a **** if he cops on that she doesn't trust him. her number one and only priority needs to be keeping herself safe.

    yes the OP thought he was nice, but its not like all the people who are evil weirdos can be pinpointed as being such. they are among us and seem normal. just because he 'seemed' nice doesn't mean he actually was. chances are everything was genuine and nothing untoward happened but the OP can't take the chance until she trusts him

    Edited to say I know it might seem that I'm trying to make the OP even more paranoid but I'm actually just being realistic here. she's gotta keep herself safe and that's all there is to it.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,705 ✭✭✭Balmed Out


    OP has there been any other reason you might suddenly get a blackout from alcahol?, have you been ill, stressed, worried etc recently? Ive only ever not remembered stuff twice and both times were only a few weeks apart but at the time I was recovering from a serious illness with a lot of stress asssociated with it.
    I dont think its something that happens often and i would imagine a rapist would probably prefer different victims and not actually date the person. Doesnt make sense.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 36,184 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Is it rape if you wanted to but don't think you said yes?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 8,537 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    you've been texting, that means you have his number - not a good move for a rapist.
    You've been to his house so you know where he lives - not a good move for a rapist.
    You've met up on more than one occasion - not a good move for a rapist.

    I'm gonna go with the facts here lass and assume that if he's put enough thought into drugging you, he would probably have thought of all of the above.
    Just because you're not used to blacking out does not mean that it's definitly someone else's doing. You've made some stupid decisions but everyone does that. This situation does not have the feel of a guy trying to use and abuse, just try a sober date and see what happens


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 36,184 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    Maybe he's a closet transvestite and needs you to be fast asleep before he's comfortable trying on your clothes and jewellery? However daft a suggestion it's the only thing that would explain his suspected behaviour to me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Dont think my previous reply posted but i am a little taken aback by some of the replies! This has confirmed my title 'cant talk to anybody' because it is percieved that i am a woman crying wolf or an alcoholic!

    To dublindude & overheal, i see where it may see like i am making false accusations but i am using this board to voice my concerns, i have never suffered memory loss through drink and i have never woken up with no memory with different underwear on, and a feeling that ive had sex when i dont remember doing so! For this to happen twice is a little disconcerting!

    Thanks Alessandra and Aoife, i have no intentions of meeting this guy again and am really raging i went out the second time, note to self, must listen to instinct the next time!

    Things are just rolling around in my head trying to make sense of it, my clothes, my jewellery, sweats the next day and worst hangover, could only take a few steps in the morning without falling over, he also had an uncanny interest when i told him i donate blood asking about when did i donate last and any plans..... (obviously this didnt seem strange to me until i realised the extent of the situation).

    I am generally quite a logical person and i suppose what is really annoying me is that i cant find the conclusion and wont ever know for certain, i just seem to be replaying both events over in my head...and i feel a little sick.

    Thanks for everyone who took the time to reply.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,683 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Its also possible you suffered from epillepsy of some sort. I mean theres a hundred weird afflictions out there. In scrubs they highlighted one that makes you pass out when you take a poo - whats to say having an orgasm cant make you black out or something, in all seriousness?

    I'd visit a GP.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭aoife000


    RedXIV wrote: »
    you've been texting, that means you have his number - not a good move for a rapist.
    You've been to his house so you know where he lives - not a good move for a rapist.
    You've met up on more than one occasion - not a good move for a rapist.

    REDXIV that is one of the most ignorant mis-informed statements i've ever heard.

    it almost suggests that rapists are always someone who we dont' know, don't have their number, don't know where the live, and have never met for the first time.

    in case you are not already aware, statistics say that 70% of rape victims actually know their rapists, and it is not a stranger.

    here's one website that backs that up, we could find plenty more: http://www.mvwcs.com/typesrapist.html

    OP i am not trying to freak you out. i'm not saying that something untoward happened. the simple fact is that you don't know wether it did or not. the fact that all the men here are dismissing the possibility with no chance that anything might have happened, and putting all the blame on you and your drinking is bloody head wrecking. you don't know, and that's all there is to it.

    do you mind me asking OP what the other niggly things were that you weren't sure what to make of?

    i hope to god for your sake that it didn't happen.

    and its annoying me that if something did happen (which although it probably didn't is still a possibility - even if just a small possibility - until you get ur memories back) its annoying me that its being so ignorantly dismissed by the men here, and is likely to be leaving you even more confused about it all.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 589 ✭✭✭vincenzo1975


    get your blood tested by your GP and see if there are any traces of a drug in it. Then you will know.

    Also, get a pregnancy test.

    If you ever get a chance to have a look at this dudes phone, see if there are any hidden pictures on it he may have taken.

    Be very wary of him.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 150 ✭✭aoife000


    Overheal and vincenzo1975 thank you for having the decency and cop-on to provide some reasonable, sensible, practial advice for the OP. its good to see


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2, Paid Member Posts: 8,537 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    aoife000 wrote: »
    REDXIV that is one of the most ignorant mis-informed statements i've ever heard.

    what? that the more details a rapist leaves to be tracked is not a good move on the rapist's part? think about it, if it was a complete randomer, he might never get caught, from rapist view thats good right? not that i'm condoning it, i'm merely defending my point.

    aoife000 wrote: »
    it almost suggests that rapists are always someone who we dont' know, don't have their number, don't know where the live, and have never met for the first time.

    in case you are not already aware, statistics say that 70% of rape victims actually know their rapists, and it is not a stranger.

    and like dublindude said, most of the "blackout" cases are simply too much drink. if we're fighting with statistics, thats the strongest one there

    aoife000 wrote: »
    OP i am not trying to freak you out. i'm not saying that something untoward happened. the simple fact is that you don't know wether it did or not. the fact that all the men here are dismissing the possibility with no chance that anything might have happened, and putting all the blame on you and your drinking is bloody head wrecking. you don't know, and that's all there is to it.

    you're right, she doesn't know. BUT there are a hell of alot of options she should go for first before accusing the guy of foul play and her drinking is top of the list. I wouldn't feel so strongly about this if i hadn't been in the situation where a girl accused ME of doing it and it is VERY hard to erase even a rumour of that. I apologise if this makes me appear hostile but i'm trying to throw in a bit of experience of what might happen if she does accuse this guy she has otherwise classed as funny and nice.

    aoife000 wrote: »
    and its annoying me that if something did happen (which although it probably didn't is still a possibility - even if just a small possibility - until you get ur memories back) its annoying me that its being so ignorantly dismissed by the men here, and is likely to be leaving you even more confused about it all.
    ok, you're stereotyping men as being uncaring and thats unfair. if we didn't care, we wouldn't have responded in the first place. I don't wish any harm to the OP either but i'm doing what all us horrible men have done here and given an opinion based on what we know.


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