Not sure what to say

brokensoul

Hi,

As many of you know im off drink (8 and a half months - yay!)

I am now starting to go back into social situations. For example i have a dinner party and a wedding coming up.

I am not anxious to go telling all and sundry that im an alcoholic. I feel that it is a personal matter.

Im just not sure what to tell people when they ask me why im not drinking.

Anyone got any tips on how to handle it? At the moment i just kinda say that i dont feel like a drink, which works ok but people keep assuming that im pregnant!

Might not seem like a big deal but it is an important PI to me.

Glowing

It's definitely a big deal!

Congrats for staying off the drink firstly!

I presume your close family and friends know? For everyone else, a simple "Thanks, but I don't drink" should be enough. They should know not to delve any further, and if they do you can tell them it's for health reasons. But really it's none of their business!

Overheal

Well me I'm more of a reactive thinker so I guess I'd start by asking them why they do?*

Most of the time people come up with the obvious answers like oh its great buzz blah blah blah/ Its easy enough to respond at that point with liver failure this car crash that. Irish stereotypes baddy bah blah.

*im told its rude to respond to a question with another question... but **** that

Velvet Vocals

Might not seem like a big deal but it is an important PI to me

Of course it's a big deal! I'm not an alcoholic but I often give up drink for long periods of time (just because it doesn't always suit me) and it's such a pain in the arse to have to constantly come up with excuses. No one ever accepts "I'm just off it for a while, don't feel like it"
Everyone seems to have this attitude of "ah go on!" or "sure one wont hurt"
I've tried everything, I've said I'm on antibiotics, I'm driving, I'm dieting, I just don't fancy one tonight.... but people will still try and buy you a drink.
I think at a dinner party though you should be ok, just say that you don't feel like having one. You could say that you gave it up for lent and felt great so your sticking with it for a while or something....
but until society realaises that it actually is a very personal thing and there could be deeper reasons for being off drink and that maybe they shouldn't pry so much... you may have to answer this question a lot!
Good luck! and well done for staying off it for so long!!!!

brokensoul

Glowing wrote: »

It's definitely a big deal!

Congrats for staying off the drink firstly!

I presume your close family and friends know? For everyone else, a simple "Thanks, but I don't drink" should be enough. They should know not to delve any further, and if they do you can tell them it's for health reasons. But really it's none of their business!

My family, my OHs family and one or two close friends know.

Apart from that nobody else does. I cant really say "i dont drink" in front of friends from college etc, as they all know that i used to drink ( though most of my serious drinking was done alone so they would be shocked to think i had a problem)

Health reasons is a good idea alright - i have no idea what kind of health problems require you to give up drink though!

chuckles30

Do you drive? If so, take the car and say that you're driving......although I've had one or two who won't always accept this when I am driving, but most will.

Another one I've heard pregnant people use before they've made it public, is to say that you're on antibiotics or some medication that says you can't drink.

You could just say that you made a new years resolution to live a healthier life and in this day and age people will accept that.

Congrats on getting this far and keep it up.

Dreamer 7

Antibiotics or on a detox week that week? I have come across alot of people who don't drink and when they say "No thanks i don't drink" I have the manners not to ask twenty questions! Also you could have to be up early the next morning for important work thing/ long drive etc

Well done OP

Overheal

Actually the best one for me is im broke, because usually thats true so I end up sobre for months at a time anyway - but brokensoul is a lovely lady and we all know that excuse never works for lovely ladies

Paracetemol is a good one: tell them you've had a migraine that day and taken a few pain pills.

And you know yourself if ever brave enough you can humbly admit to having overcome the drinking problem. Or Just tell them you don't like the person you are when you have drink on you. True enough, isn't it? And doesnt require getting into too many details.

brokensoul

Overheal wrote: »

Actually the best one for me is im broke, because usually thats true so I end up sobre for months at a time anyway - but brokensoul is a lovely lady and we all know that excuse never works for lovely ladies

Paracetemol is a good one: tell them you've had a migraine that day and taken a few pain pills.

And you know yourself if ever brave enough you can humbly admit to having overcome the drinking problem. Or Just tell them you don't like the person you are when you have drink on you. True enough, isn't it? And doesnt require getting into too many details.

It is funny, i have told one or two frineds and it has been far easier than i thought it would be. Met a good friend for lunch recently and told her. She didnt have a glass of wine with lunch either ( she usually would) and i was feeling guilty that i was putting her in an awkward position. Two weeks later she rang me to say that she was pregnant and was really worried about mreeting for lunch as she thought i would be questioning her about her not drinking!!

The situations i worry about are ones with people i know but dont know well enough to confide it. I go to alot of work functions ( in fact the wedding is a work associates rather than a friends) i certainly wouldnt tell those people i was an alcoholic. It could be damaging for promotion prospects etc, but i cant constantly tell them im on antibiotics. The new years resolution one is a good idea actually, as is saying that i just thought it didnt agree with me.

Thanks for the tips and encouragement. It is funny, at the start i thought that not drinking would be the hard part. Now i find dealing with the questions of others harder than the not drinking itself. It is progress i suppose!

marti101

Isnt it amazing how nosey people are like yoim off the drink cause im breastfeeding even when i was pregnant they were trying to buyy me drink.You could alwauys say its against your religion,or just tell people its for a personel reason and dont want to discuss it end of

Puffin

I worked with a woman who gave up drink and who said ‘no thanks… yeah, I stopped drinking a few months back and I must say, I feel so much healthier..’. The people around her then started talking about avoiding hangovers, being able to drive home, saving money etc

I though it worked well as it stated she had stopped drinking, without offering any explanation why (NOBODY should EVER feel they need to give an reason for quitting drinking) yet also started people thinking about the benefits of not drinking (ie made it easier for them to understand and empathise with her decision).


Ps CONGRADULATIONS.

cjmcork

antibiotics is a good one..........unless they get really bloody nosey and ask what the antibiotics are for - you should say 'I've actually got an STD I need to clear up' .............cue awkward silence, then hit them with the truth - that'll learn people to be so bloody nosey.........I wouldn't drink much and would completely abstain from time to time, just cos I don't feel like it and the grilling you have to endure is something shocking......tell them you're saving your money for cocaine..........make them feel awkward...........it's no one's business but your own..........good for you for staying off it so long - not an easy thing to do in this country

Susannahmia

Puffin wrote: »

I worked with a woman who gave up drink and who said ‘no thanks… yeah, I stopped drinking a few months back and I must say, I feel so much healthier..’. The people around her then started talking about avoiding hangovers, being able to drive home, saving money etc

I though it worked well as it stated she had stopped drinking, without offering any explanation why (NOBODY should EVER feel they need to give an reason for quitting drinking) yet also started people thinking about the benefits of not drinking (ie made it easier for them to understand and empathise with her decision).


Ps CONGRADULATIONS.

+1 I would go with that, great advice and it means that you dont have to come up with more excuses the next time you see them, you cant always be on antibiotics etc.

tbh

just say you are hypersensitive to alcohol - makes you vomit, gives you a rash etc. that's what happens when I drink anyway

Anti

Two options, either tell them the truth, or lie. And by lie i mean say your on medication and cant drink. But whats so srong with just saying "nah i dont drink" I socalise with quite a few people who dont drink at all, i dont look down on them.

brokensoul

Anti wrote: »

Two options, either tell them the truth, or lie. And by lie i mean say your on medication and cant drink. But whats so srong with just saying "nah i dont drink" I socalise with quite a few people who dont drink at all, i dont look down on them.

I have no problem with meeting new people and telling them that i dont drink. It is the people that already know me and know that i used to drink that i have difficulty dealing with.

LaVidaLoca

But whats so wrong with just saying "nah i dont drink"

This isnt America: Many Irish people will not accept that as an answer most of the time. They have to push it further. Being a non-drinker here is like being an atheist in Saudi Arabia.

Personally I just time my visits to the bar and order either:

(a) Non alcoholic Erdinger pint bottle. Pour it into a glass quick, no one's any the wiser.

(b) Becks non alcoholic bottle: Looks exactly the same except for the blue on the label instead of red. Nobody will notice.

Of course it's a pain in the arse to have to do this but if you want to avoid some gimp making a scene about it, thats the way to go.

But dont fer chrissakes tell 'em your an alcoholic. Just say you dont feel like it.

brokensoul

LaVidaLoca wrote: »

This isnt America: Many Irish people will not accept that as an answer most of the time. They have to push it further. Being a non-drinker here is like being an atheist in Saudi Arabia.

Personally I just time my visits to the bar and order either:

(a) Non alcoholic Erdinger pint bottle. Pour it into a glass quick, no one's any the wiser.

(b) Becks non alcoholic bottle: Looks exactly the same except for the blue on the label instead of red. Nobody will notice.

Of course it's a pain in the arse to have to do this but if you want to avoid some gimp making a scene about it, thats the way to go.

But dont fer chrissakes tell 'em your an alcoholic. Just say you dont feel like it.

I will drink erdinger if it is available. I dont really like becks.

I also dont really like decieving people. One night like i was out drinking erdinger n/a .. At the end of the night as i was leaving someone mentioned that i was driving home and one of the girls was horrified as to her mind i was after 5 or 6 erdinger.

Hrududu

I usually say "I'm not drinking tonight" or just "No thanks" when offered a drink. Usually this is followed by questions. So the last time someone asked me why I wasnt drinking i responded with "I'm just not" childish I know, but it got the message across that they were being a bit rude and that it was none of their business, without me having to say those things.

lolli

Op,

If I was you all I would give is a simple answer.

Sorry I don't drink anymore, I used to but i'm trying to improve my health. (for example i'm not drinking at the moment because my blood pressure is high and i'm trying to get it down)

Nobody needs to know your business, you dont have to explain yourself to anyway.

Well done, You should be so proud of yourself.

How Strange

OP, I'd just say 'no thanks, I'm not drinking' and leave it at that. If someone tries to draw you out on it and I'm sure lots will knowing our collective obsession with having a drink in our hands at every ocassion then just say it again 'I'm not drinking, thank you'.

I wouldn't make excuses for it or make up a story. Just look them in the eye and say you're not drinking today.

Be as outwardly proud of your sobriety as you are personally. If someone wants to make a deal about it then let them.

crotalus667

Dreamer 7 wrote: »

Antibiotics

+1 or just tell them you have a liver problum so your doc told you to stay away from the drink you dont have to tell them you are an aloholic

geminilady

Well done! Thats really great, ya could also have a look in the non drinkers forum too! what i usually say is i dont really feel like it. Usually , well with me anyway no one really keeps asking me but sometimes i make a joke saying like i prefer to use all my calories on chocolate instead! good luck! ya most likely wont be the only one drinking, i found aload of new people in uni that dont drink! good luck! and enjoy the wedding!

LaVidaLoca

I also dont really like decieving people

You're not decieving people, you're just excercising your right to privacy.

board om

first of all well done on staying sober. great job.

regarding what to tell people, why dont you throw them off balance completely. when they ask you why you arent drinking, just say its becuase your not thirsty. we always assume we have to have an alcoholic drink at these social occasions, but why does it have to be. in most other countries you go for a drink because you fancy a drink, not becuase you can.

Mighty_Mouse

To state the bleedin obvious:

"Thanks but I dont drink"

Creachadóir

I've decided to give up drink for a while. I lost a lot of weight recently, and now I just can't seem to handle it, so I've decided to try to put on some weight before I start drinking again. (1 glass of wine and I'm gone and I love wine!).

I was out with my friends the last night, and a friend of a friend tormented me for the night trying to get me to drinik. I swear, if she wasn't such a good friend of my friend I would have killed her. Plus she was so drunk that there wasn't any point.

I can have a good night out without drink, and I hate hangovers, and I hate the amount you can spend on drink a night. I wish that people just accepted it when you say you're not drinking! I think if someone said to me that they didn't drink, I'd take no notice. I know lots of people who don't drink.

How Strange

Creachadóir wrote: »

I've decided to give up drink for a while. I lost a lot of weight recently, and now I just can't seem to handle it, so I've decided to try to put on some weight before I start drinking again. (1 glass of wine and I'm gone and I love wine!).

I was out with my friends the last night, and a friend of a friend tormented me for the night trying to get me to drinik. I swear, if she wasn't such a good friend of my friend I would have killed her. Plus she was so drunk that there wasn't any point.

I can have a good night out without drink, and I hate hangovers, and I hate the amount you can spend on drink a night. I wish that people just accepted it when you say you're not drinking! I think if someone said to me that they didn't drink, I'd take no notice. I know lots of people who don't drink.

LOL, I've been going through a similar phase since Christmas. I went home to my parents for a weekend a few weeks ago. We were sitting in on a Saturday night and my mam asks if I'd like a glass of wine. I said no that I'd prefer a cup of tea. She almost fell off the chair and was a wee bit put out by it :eek:

My bf's mother gets in a strop if you don't have a 'proper' drink when you're in her place or out in her company. It's almost like an affront to drink water in her presence.

LaVidaLoca

6 months off.

With people I dont know it's not a problem. But with friends who are used to seeing me arsed and talking ****e, you can see the dissappointment in their faces when I say I'm not drinking tonight.

I never drank with my parents much anyways so I dont mind too much.

bp

I am a very occasional drinker (once a year ) - anyway when I first stopped drinking at 17 (liver problem) I used to get a 100 questions as to why I wasn't drinking...now if I get offered a drink people who dont know me and the the live situation just accept that I don't drink. It helps that I am the designated driver (so that is a good excuse) but people are becoming more accepting of people choosing not to drink. It is ok to order a soft drink when people are getting rounds in - or else or a 7-UP or something - no one will know if there is alcohol in the glass or not.

I see you have gone back to your old name - I think it might be time for a new one: you are no longer a broken soul (you beat it) and having fingers crossed (and toes) has paid off! Its time to scream your success among your fellow boards posters!

dudara

I quite often go off drinks for periods of time - when I do, it's as simple as "I'm not drinking". I don't offer any other reason.

You don't have to justify yourself in the slightest. You shouldn't be so concerned with how you think others perceive you.

Dizzyblonde

Brokensoul, you could say you've had an inner ear infection (labyrinthitis) which caused dizziness for a week or two and at the moment if you drink it brings the dizziness back. This is true for people who've had it.

suzy5978

yeah i get this all the time.its like when someone asks if i want a drink and i say"no i dont drink" i swear i can hear the tumble weed and then theres an arkward silence-its very uncomfortable!its mad that i actually feel guilty for NOT drinking!!still havnt found a fool proof way of just saying i dont drink and not getting that uncomfortable silence.so your not on your own op!

ps. well done for gettin away from the demon drink!