Can't seem to enjoy success and happiness

LegacyUser

Several months ago my life fell to pieces and just about everything went down the tubes – girlfriend, friends, job, home, social life, money, health. I found myself after Christmas having to move back in with my parents things had gotten so bad. So I made a resolve to get my life together and much to my surprise actually managed it, I’m now in 2 great jobs, have great hobbies and loads of friends, I’m also just starting to see a new girl.

However my problem is, I’m having trouble just enjoying it. I sit around at night staring at the TV and it’s almost like my default mode is to be miserable, I don’t know any other way of life. I seem to be pinning it on my ex, she was so amazing and perfect and everyone I’ve met since just hasn’t compared. I’m gonna give it a shot with this new girl ‘cos she’s pretty cool, I mean this wasn’t head over heels about each other after a second like it was with my ex but there’s little or no chance of my ex even talking to me again (nothing particularly bad happened she’s just not the type and she has a new boyfriend) and I don’t want to waste years pining after an unlikely situation.

I guess what I’m asking is has anyone else gone through this? Like being so used to being miserable that you can’t help it? I’m really freaked out that I’ll find some way of being miserable and sabotaging this and everything will go to crap again.

ModeSkeletor

Congrats on getting everything back on track mate, it ain't easy to do. Just a question - how long ago did you break up with your ex? It sounds like you aren't fully over her yet perhaps. Was your "default" mood to also be miserable when you were in the relationship with your ex?

b3t4

Our bodies and minds aren't keen on change. They kinda like to wallow in what they know. Give yourself time to adjust to your new circumstances. Try not be so hard on yourself either.

Because you are questioning you're current actions I would say you're well on the way to getting over this stage.

A

Overheal

confusedagain wrote: »

Several months ago my life fell to pieces and just about everything went down the tubes – girlfriend, friends, job, home, social life, money, health. I found myself after Christmas having to move back in with my parents things had gotten so bad. So I made a resolve to get my life together and much to my surprise actually managed it, I’m now in 2 great jobs, have great hobbies and loads of friends, I’m also just starting to see a new girl.

However my problem is, I’m having trouble just enjoying it. I sit around at night staring at the TV and it’s almost like my default mode is to be miserable, I don’t know any other way of life. I seem to be pinning it on my ex, she was so amazing and perfect and everyone I’ve met since just hasn’t compared. I’m gonna give it a shot with this new girl ‘cos she’s pretty cool, I mean this wasn’t head over heels about each other after a second like it was with my ex but there’s little or no chance of my ex even talking to me again (nothing particularly bad happened she’s just not the type and she has a new boyfriend) and I don’t want to waste years pining after an unlikely situation.

I guess what I’m asking is has anyone else gone through this? Like being so used to being miserable that you can’t help it? I’m really freaked out that I’ll find some way of being miserable and sabotaging this and everything will go to crap again.

Call it a long shot but it sounds like you aren't over the ex :pac:

I mean, in what order did things go badly? You mention the Girlfriend first. Did you let everything else fall to the floor because that happened?

I would normally tell someone in your position its probably too early to enter a new relationship. You're in one. So I can offer you two suggestions: take it slowly with the new girl, or leave her. Because it sounds like while you may have done a lot to put the mess you made on the floor back up on the shelves, you're still missing some spots; and I don't think you've changed the bed-sheets* or cleared your head from reading your post.

Go ahead and take some time to do this now - sort through your feelings about your ex - before they are left to rot and fester, and cause problems for you later.

*Warning: I Heart Metaphors.