my flatmate is stink

estar

as in he doesnt wash. ive never seen him have a shower and neither
has my other flatmate and hes here two months now
he posesses no showering cream or shampoo in the shared bathroom

he has never washed an item of clothing

i just today pointedly showed him how to use the washing machine

however he doesnt appear to posess washing powder

the smell of him first hits when you open the door. it isnt a normal
body odour but is pungent and unpleasant

if he sits in a room the smell of unwashed hair is often over powering
to the extent that my boyfriend who is not blessed with a very
sensitive nose has commented on it.

do i wait until rent day and give him a months notice

or do i say it to him as hes quite a nice person excepr for this

ive tried putting those spray every 30 minutes deoderisers in
every room but they dont really work

the only that that does work is opening all the windows
all the time

ive never experienced this before and have shared with
loads of people for twelve years

is he a lost cause?

mikemac

Are you the owner?
Because if he's just a flatmate why do you get to give him notice?

Sherifu

Not sure this is really a PI.

estar wrote: »

is he a lost cause?

Probably.

Gazza22

A dirty person like that will never change, a very disgusting habit that has manifested into a way of life for him now!

You could say it to him and give him a chance to change but if you want a clean home again, give him a months notice

estar

as its been on my mind for weeks

how to approach it, would he be offended, would i hurt his feelings
what to say if i give him notice for no apparent reason

if you dont think its a PI then just ignore it.

anyway yes i am the owner. so yes i do get to give him notice.

Sherifu

estar wrote: »

as its been on my mind for weeks

how to approach it, would he be offended, would i hurt his feelings
what to say if i give him notice for no apparent reason

if you dont think its a PI then just ignore it.

anyway yes i am the owner. so yes i do get to give him notice.

Just tell him the truth.

kowloon

If you think i'm scruffy just tell me to my face

Confrontation might be better for him than a months notice, but he would probably take it badly and you're stuck with a house mate that will at the very least be pissed off at you.

greengreengrass

My sister had the exact same problem first time she moved out! Was sharing with a few people, and one guy (and this one had dreadlocks!) stank the place out.
She said the same thing, no wash stuff, and nothing belonging to him in the bathroom. Never, ever showered. And once in a blue moon (like once every couple of months) when he would actually wash himself, he used to use their stuff!
She told us that the management where he worked actually said it to him, and he came home that day fuming and said it to my sister, in complete disbelief, as in he couldn't believe where they were coming from, and just thought they had it in for him!
I could never understand how a person would get like that, but if its anything like smelly dreads, you might as well say it to him, because let's face it, you're being cruel to be kind, and it anyone can let themselves get that bad they can probably handle it being said to them. If he doesn't have any of it, then give him his months notice.
(Dreads actually cleaned himself up, because a girlfriend came on the scene, but not really sure how that happened either...)

wylo

Unfortunately there are people like this that just dont seem to get it. Ive a friend I lived with that never cleaned, never washed and absolutely stank. He would leave a place looking like it just got trashed and robbed. He fell out with nearly every one he has lived with, he has good friends now but lives alone and is happy doing so.
I dunno where he got it from, his family are clean, all his friends are clean and hes 28 so the whole being a student thing isnt the issue
I see your situation op because whenever he was called up on his dirtyness he went off in a huff, really took it badly and would tell you off.


You shouldnt have to live like this and if you have power to kick him out do, if not tell him, if it doesnt improve which I can nearly promise you, tell your landlord. If not unfortunately youll have to move

Amzie

I totally agree that you should just tell him! Its your place and have the right to have a hygenic place to live in! It may hurt his feelings but he has to be told either start washing himself and his clothes or move out. You have every right:)

the_syco

Parents rented out the room to someone before. She was a chef, and by god, she stank. She'd come home, stinking, not take a shower. She was gotten rid of after a month or two. Parents aren't ever going to rent again, I'd say.

Viscosity

I'm having the exact same problem with my own housemate. He doesn't shower all week and the smell off him and his room is sickening. To make matters worse he's never cooked anything but microwaveable dinners that smell and look rancid, it puts the rest of us off using the kitchen.

We discussed giving him the boot earlier in the year but decided against it on the basis that he seemed pretty harmless. Its now 5 months on and we really can't believe how unbearable its become. My parents are coming to visit the weekend and I'm mortified by the smell he'll have left behind when he's gone home for the weekend for his bath with mammy.

Its pointless to have to sit a grown adult down and give them some hygiene tips, you're best giving them the boot as quickly as possible. It will impact on every other part of your life, having a friend or partner into your house with a bad BO smell around is humiliating.

Don't have any sympathy for them, its their problem. Throw them out NOW!

I've only another 2 weeks left in this house, god help whoever takes his room when he leaves....eeewww....

anthony4335

I can only imagine how hard this is to live with ,I get annoyed with the a dirty kitchen, and that is easy to sort out. The best thing is to tell him and if he has a problem with it you can then ask him to leave, as there is no point in the whole house suffering for his lasy ass. Be up front much harder at the start buy it is honest.

Overheal

Its embarrassing to be lectured/given out to sure but when youre at fault youre at fault. I dont like being told to wash my dishes but what can i say when i havent washed anything and there isnt a clean plate in the house? I have to apologize and do my washing up.

Hygeines a doozy of course. Had a nice sad spell there a few weeks ago and let myself go a bit so it wasnt great hearing You Smell from your flatmates but its a wakeup call too, to hear it from someone else.

Just tell him; a little humble embarrassment is good for a person every now and then.

chuckles30

It's your house, so it's up to you to decide who lives with you & it sounds like a pretty desperate situation at the moment.
Just a couple of things though - what is his personality like? Does he work, have friends etc? I'm just wondering if he's sufferring from depression? I know that sometimes people who suffer from depression let their personal hygiene slip as they just don't see the point. If you suspect this, then you may need to tackle it in a sensitive way.

biko

estar wrote: »

how to approach it, would he be offended, would i hurt his feelings

We don't care about his feelings, if he can't act like normal people then he need to change his ways.
Sometimes you need to be blunt. Tell him the not cleaning himself is an issue for you and that the smell is unpleasant. Does he have a reason for not washing?

You know when sometimes you have food on your face? You prefer people telling you it's there than not telling you.

Loopy

Yuk, thats disgusting.

I would say it to him because I couldn't live like that - no-one should have to. Its a hard thing to say but maybe he will take it on board and you will be doing him a favour.

Teddi

resounding what chuckles said...


If he doesnt socialise much, or go out much, it is known for people suffering from depression to place hygiene to the side and not seeing the point in it.

Personally If this is the situation I know how he feels, although I'm not this kind of person myself, I do know how one can think regarding this sort of thing.

You need to approach this with an open mind OP.

Albeit, if it is pure negligence and laziness, warn him to ship up or ship out as thats plainly just wrong..

Mazeire

Wow. Well estar I suppose you do have the right to give him the boot. Then hopefully you'll get someone who messes you around on rent and bills has mad parties and has total nut jobs for friends. THen maybe you'll get a wee bit of a reality check and stop being so precious and find something more important to worry your mind with other than the frequency with which someone washes their clothes. THis person has been helping you pay your mortgage and it sounds like he has been putting up with living with a whispering campaign going on between you the other people that live there and your boyfriend.
This guy has every right to get on to threshold and if/when they contact you and ask you why you put someone who was never behind on their bills and kept himself to himself out on the road, you may need to come up with something better than "he smells funny and i dont see and toiletries belonging to him in the bathroom".

Velvet Vocals

In my last job I was a manager and it fell to me to be the one to say it this guy who was very nice but he really smelt bad. Never, ever changed this really old smelly jumper that he wore and his hair was so greasy and smelly. But like your flat mate, apart from that he was a nice guy. But no one wanted to sit near him and if he was in on any of our meetings all the windows would be open and I'd always try to place him near the door so he'd be really far away from me.
So I approached it from the "you're a very nice and and have a lot going for you but your personal hygiene needs to be brought up the same level as everyone else's"... now I know thats management speak, and thank god I don't do a job like that anymore so I don't have to talk like that. But this house is yours and what you can say is that you and the other flatmate require a level of personal hygiene from everyone living there and that you feel that it's something he needs to think about. And then if he doesn't give him notice. It might do him some good, I mean he can't have a partner or anything can he.... who could cope with that!

Susannahmia

Mazeire wrote: »

Wow. Well estar I suppose you do have the right to give him the boot. Then hopefully you'll get someone who messes you around on rent and bills has mad parties and has total nut jobs for friends. THen maybe you'll get a wee bit of a reality check and stop being so precious and find something more important to worry your mind with other than the frequency with which someone washes their clothes. THis person has been helping you pay your mortgage and it sounds like he has been putting up with living with a whispering campaign going on between you the other people that live there and your boyfriend.
This guy has every right to get on to threshold and if/when they contact you and ask you why you put someone who was never behind on their bills and kept himself to himself out on the road, you may need to come up with something better than "he smells funny and i dont see and toiletries belonging to him in the bathroom".

Obviously Mazeire you have never lived with someone with a serious BO problem. I lived with one last summer and it was hell, unlivable. I cannot describe how badly he smelled, it used to turn my stomach. This is not just smelling a bit funny. I couldn't even stay in the same room as him and had to open all the windows when he was around.

He did not keep himself to himself, his smell was everywhere and got on everything!

I think I would have rathered he hadn't payed the bills, actually I would probably have preferred to pay them if in return he washed!

Thankfully it was only for two months but I would have moved out if it had been a longer arrangement.

Mazeire

Susannahmia wrote: »

Obviously Mazeire you have never lived with someone with a serious BO problem. I lived with one last summer and it was hell, unlivable. I cannot describe how badly he smelled, it used to turn my stomach. This is not just smelling a bit funny. I couldn't even stay in the same room as him and had to open all the windows when he was around.

He did not keep himself to himself, his smell was everywhere and got on everything!

I think I would have rathered he hadn't payed the bills, actually I would probably have preferred to pay them if in return he washed!

Thankfully it was only for two months but I would have moved out if it had been a longer arrangement.

No you're right. I lived with two people who stinked. But they were both lovely honest and trust worthy and were there for me through some crap times and i'm still great friends with both of them and yes they still reek.
To me someones character is what makes them a good flatmate not their hygiene. Its also worth remembering that people come in all forms, some wash some pick their noses watch crap TV have apalling taste in music etc.
If someone is that picky about people they sould either rent on their own or buy somewhere that they can afford to pay the mortgage on their own without having to get tennants in.

Susannahmia

Mazeire wrote: »

No you're right. I lived with two people who stinked. But they were both lovely honest and trust worthy and were there for me through some crap times and i'm still great friends with both of them and yes they still reek.
To me someones character is what makes them a good flatmate not their hygiene. Its also worth remembering that people come in all forms, some wash some pick their noses watch crap TV have apalling taste in music etc.
If someone is that picky about people they sould either rent on their own or buy somewhere that they can afford to pay the mortgage on their own without having to get tennants in.

Ah now its hardly that picky to expect someone to not smell so bad that it is unbearable for others to live with them! And its difficult to get to know someones character if you find it hard to stay in a room with him without resorting to breathing equipment. Just think you were being a bit harsh on the op.

Mazeire

Susannahmia wrote: »

Ah now its hardly that picky to expect someone to not smell so bad that it is unbearable for others to live with them! And its hard to get to know someones character if you find it hard to stay in a room with him without resorting to breathing equipment. Just think you were being a bit harsh on the op.

However if you strap on your snorkel and do get to know them, you may find that there are reasons behind it, like a medical problem (as was the case with one of the bloked I lived with) or depression.
THere is no point going softly softly with the OP when she hasn't had the stones to say it to his face and has just gosspied behind his back about it with the other people that live there and could get in touble for dumping him out on the street with no good reason.

Susannahmia

Mazeire wrote: »

However if you strap on your snorkel and do get to know them, you may find that there are reasons behind it, like a medical problem (as was the case with one of the bloked I lived with) or depression.
THere is no point going softly softly with the OP when she hasn't had the stones to say it to his face and has just gosspied behind his back about it with the other people that live there and could get in touble for dumping him out on the street with no good reason.

Yeah the dude I lived with was depressed and a cumpulsive gambler, he really had a lot of issues but was a nice guy underneath.. Yeah he was a nice guy but whatever excuse I still expect a person to have some consideration for others. He robbed from my friend also to feed his addiction, should she have just accepted that too because of all his issues? Its the same thing as the BO he was inconsiderate because of his problem, it doesnt mean we should just ignore it and let him do as he pleases.

I agree she should try and tell him first before kicking him out. However I am doubtful it will work tbh. Its really hard to tell someone that, I did try to tell this guy but he seemed to think I was joking . :rolleyes: I just gave up and stuck it out.:o

pebblesjm

my oh my some of ye are very tough on the OP, all ye are giving is excuses and presuming that its down to depression , well let me be devils advocate.....................maybe he's just a lazy git with no consideration for others, it's a plausable as it he had a mental illness

OP you should get him to watch this
www.channel4.com/life/microsites/T/too_posh_to_wash/index.html

it shows that being that unhygenic can be very harmful, you do not need his bugs breeding in your house!!!!!!!!!!!

get rid of him, tell him the reason, but don't take him on as a makeover case, not worth it!

wylo

Mazeire wrote: »

No you're right. I lived with two people who stinked. But they were both lovely honest and trust worthy and were there for me through some crap times and i'm still great friends with both of them and yes they still reek.
To me someones character is what makes them a good flatmate not their hygiene. Its also worth remembering that people come in all forms, some wash some pick their noses watch crap TV have apalling taste in music etc.
If someone is that picky about people they sould either rent on their own or buy somewhere that they can afford to pay the mortgage on their own without having to get tennants in.

Mazeire, there is more to being a good tennant or good flat mate than paying the bills and being a good character. It is horrible living with someone that never washes themeselves, you have to put up with it, you have to smell them every day, look at their mess every day, you have to invite friends over and explain to them why your OWN HOME absolutely stinks. Your calling the OP picky, i really disagree, it is very very tough living with someone like that, whether they are depressed or not.

board om

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

In my last job I was a manager and it fell to me to be the one to say it this guy who was very nice but he really smelt bad. Never, ever changed this really old smelly jumper that he wore and his hair was so greasy and smelly. But like your flat mate, apart from that he was a nice guy. But no one wanted to sit near him and if he was in on any of our meetings all the windows would be open and I'd always try to place him near the door so he'd be really far away from me.
So I approached it from the "you're a very nice and and have a lot going for you but your personal hygiene needs to be brought up the same level as everyone else's"... now I know thats management speak, and thank god I don't do a job like that anymore so I don't have to talk like that. But this house is yours and what you can say is that you and the other flatmate require a level of personal hygiene from everyone living there and that you feel that it's something he needs to think about. And then if he doesn't give him notice. It might do him some good, I mean he can't have a partner or anything can he.... who could cope with that!

i am sorry but i have to ask, what was the employee's reaction? the reason i ask is on one hand i thought it might be that bit easier to approach him as you dont live with him and you are not really friends with him so you have that personal distance thing that might make it a bit easier. but then on the other hand you presumably had to face him everyday in work after saying it which obviously wouldnt be easy either.

board om

Mazeire wrote: »

Wow. Well estar I suppose you do have the right to give him the boot. Then hopefully you'll get someone who messes you around on rent and bills has mad parties and has total nut jobs for friends. THen maybe you'll get a wee bit of a reality check and stop being so precious and find something more important to worry your mind with other than the frequency with which someone washes their clothes. THis person has been helping you pay your mortgage and it sounds like he has been putting up with living with a whispering campaign going on between you the other people that live there and your boyfriend.
This guy has every right to get on to threshold and if/when they contact you and ask you why you put someone who was never behind on their bills and kept himself to himself out on the road, you may need to come up with something better than "he smells funny and i dont see and toiletries belonging to him in the bathroom".

washing yourself and not smelling is a basic requirement in this day and age. when advertising the room to rent you put things on the Ad that are required like how much rent, is rent is weekly or monthly, are bills inclusive of rent, etc. you put these on the Ad becuase they are a requirment that a potential tenant might not already know. you dont put washing yourself and keeping the house clean becuase that is expected of you as an adult and a human. you shouldnt have to explain this to people. if you are sharing a house with someone then you have to keep yourself clean and smell free to a standard that keeps the other tenants happy. that isnt asking too much from someone. its not as if the OP is asking the tenant to wear rose petals around his neck, or wear a specific type of deodorant. she is just asking him to do what is expected of him, not stink the house out. if he wants to live like that then he should live on his own and not subject others to his poor hygiene. they shouldnt have to suffer his laziness. and it isnt very fair to put someone in the awkward position of having to say it to him.

The_Conductor

estar wrote:

as its been on my mind for weeks

how to approach it, would he be offended, would i hurt his feelings
what to say if i give him notice for no apparent reason

if you dont think its a PI then just ignore it.

anyway yes i am the owner. so yes i do get to give him notice.

As the owner- I assume you are letting the room under the "Rent-a-Room" Scheme. As such he is living with you "under licence". You can ask him to leave at any time, without giving notice (though it would normally be good manners to give notice). Personally I would approach the situation akin to the manager who insisted that everyone have personal hygiene to at least a minimal level. If that doesn't work- I'd have him out immediately. He has no tenancy rights in your house. You deserve to be able to live to a reasonable standard in your own house, without noise or odour pollution.

board om

smccarrick wrote: »

You deserve to be able to live to a reasonable standard in your own house, without noise or odour pollution.

very true actually. if the tenant was causing noise polution by having the TV turned up full blast and playing loud music alll the time, you wouldnt even have to think twice aout it, he would be gone. its just that it is a 'personal' issue and therefore more difficult to approach. but it puts you out just as much, if not more, than a noisey tenant would.

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this. When i was growing up, the house I lived in was filthy. I was the eldest of six, The house was very old and damp and I think Mum just couldn't cope. I tried to help, but any bit of cleaning or tidying I did was fruitless, as it would be back to the way it was within minutes - so I couldn't be bothered. I grew up being called useless the whole time, while my friends were "good to their mothers" - but there was more organisation in their houses which was encouragement for them to help.

Anyway, we had an old bath. Sometimes, Mum would have it full of clothes soaking for days on end - if I was to have a bath I'd have to spend ages wringing out the clothes and finding a place to put them so they wouldn't leave floods around the house (and mum and dad shouting at me). And there was rarely hot water. Also, the bathroom was full of slugs which I had (and still have) a fear of! Therefore, when I was at primary school and up to second year at secondary school I never had a bath. I recall girls I sat near constantly talking about baths and showers, and asking how often I had one. I pretended I washed often. A girl in my class was scribbling on us with a marker one day when she marked me on the neck. Two weeks later, the mark was still there, and the girls ganged up on me and said I must never wash myself. I was so upset!

Then somebody came to our house with a shampoo spray attachment, and that was the change. I just attached the rubber tubing to the taps and could have a shower - while standing on the clothes that were soaking!

When i look back I must have stank the place out but I never noticed any bad smell of myself! If anybody had told me I stank, I would have been upset but i would have done something about it - even poured buckets of cold water over myself!

BTW, I'm a much cleaner person nowadays and I ensure my children wash regularly. I never pay much attention to reports about things you find in swabs taken from keyboards, because I think about the filth I grew up in and survived!

I think you need to say it to your flatmate. He obviously doesn't know he stinks, and telling him could be the best thing that ever happens to him.

Viscosity

I've already outlined how I have a similar problem with our housemate in an earlier post, its reached breaking point.

He hasn't showered since the 17th April and is gone hom for the weekend. My parents are coming to visit tomorrow so I spent a few hours cleaning the house, using a can of air freshner to mask the stench coming from his bedroom.

Imagine how I felt when the fat skunk sends me a text telling that if my parents bring their dog that its my responsibility to make sure that his bedroom door is closed. I replied with a text telling him the dog wouldn't be able to handle the stink and wouldn't go near his room. I can't wait for him to come back Sunday so I can let him know what I've been thinking for the past few months.

My advice to the op is to nip this in the bud as soon as possible because you'll inevitably have to deal with it further down the line. Tell them they have a serious hygiene problem and that you'd like them to leave as soon as possible. They have no defence.

estar

mazeire - you are quite the aggressive poster and also love the old jump
to assumptions. i am a very caring landlady. it was concern on how to
raise the issue with the person without totally devastating or embarrasing that made me ask peoples opinions. if i was a nasty old b*tch then it wouldnt be bothering me. hygiene is a basic common courtesy and believe me, its
better that i tell him than his manager in work.

i did actually get the stones - so eloquently put mazeire- to raise the subject with him, and focused on first of all his positives as a flatmate which are many, and then asked him about his situation. i gave him a few goals that
he should incorporate into his daily routine - a shower a day - washing his clothes and helped him put a wash on. i just think he hasnt been shown how to establish a routine of caring for himself. he took it very well, and has
already started the change.

i wasnt willing to lose my other really good flatmate over this, and to be honest i asked my other housemate to make sure that it wasnt just me
and my opinion before i raised something so serious with someone else.

so thanks guys for the encouragement. he really is a lovely guy and
im glad i said it now, as he deserved to be giving the nod - but he was
wearing the same tracksuit pants around the house for 2 months.
they have now gone in the bin, but they were practically walking around on their own.

i dont think not wanting to live with that is precious. i think its a fundamental
right of mine. its not like we have to walk five miles with a bucket on our
heads to get water. there really is no acceptable excuse for poor hygiene.

phew thats that over with now

thanks for the support

estar

Viscosity wrote: »

I've already outlined how I have a similar problem with our housemate in an earlier post, its reached breaking point.

He hasn't showered since the 17th April and is gone hom for the weekend. My parents are coming to visit tomorrow so I spent a few hours cleaning the house, using a can of air freshner to mask the stench coming from his bedroom.

Imagine how I felt when the fat skunk sends me a text telling that if my parents bring their dog that its my responsibility to make sure that his bedroom door is closed. I replied with a text telling him the dog wouldn't be able to handle the stink and wouldn't go near his room. I can't wait for him to come back Sunday so I can let him know what I've been thinking for the past few months.

My advice to the op is to nip this in the bud as soon as possible because you'll inevitably have to deal with it further down the line. Tell them they have a serious hygiene problem and that you'd like them to leave as soon as possible. They have no defence.

as i said be polite, positive and firm

i was able to do it because i imagined what i would say to one of the people
i manage in work. dont get insulting or nasty handle it like a professional
and he might listen and the message wont get lost in a row.

The_Conductor

Well done estar- you did good!

4Xcut

estar wrote: »

as its been on my mind for weeks

how to approach it, would he be offended, would i hurt his feelings
what to say if i give him notice for no apparent reason

if you dont think its a PI then just ignore it.

anyway yes i am the owner. so yes i do get to give him notice.

He has been ride to you, be it intentionally or unintentionally, by making your home unpleasent to be in. Actually say that to yourself when you go to talk to him: he made your home unpleasent.

Just say at the start that you mean no offense but list all that's is wrong and give him writtne notice. Get him to sign a copy of it. the reason is that i doubt he has much of a job(i am basing this on the fact that most jobs would not keep someone like this on) and may not wish to leave.

Its disgusting, its probably not particularly healthy, and it's rude, kick him out, ASAP

4Xcut

smccarrick wrote: »

As the owner- I assume you are letting the room under the "Rent-a-Room" Scheme. As such he is living with you "under licence". You can ask him to leave at any time, without giving notice (though it would normally be good manners to give notice). Personally I would approach the situation akin to the manager who insisted that everyone have personal hygiene to at least a minimal level. If that doesn't work- I'd have him out immediately. He has no tenancy rights in your house. You deserve to be able to live to a reasonable standard in your own house, without noise or odour pollution.

Sorry for the double post, but only read this bit now.

If you can do this, have him out within 24 hours. 48 if you feel like being nice. Seriously, no warnings, no help, just get out now!!!

ztoical

4Xcut wrote: »

Sorry for the double post, but only read this bit now.

If you can do this, have him out within 24 hours. 48 if you feel like being nice. Seriously, no warnings, no help, just get out now!!!

if you glance up a few posts you'll see the OP sorted out the issue by sitting down and talking to said smelly flatmate.

mawk

like most problems in life, homestarrunner has already touched on the issue.

id say this should be shown once a week in schools. just in case.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail176.html

,mnb

Why don't you say it in a jokey way...Then say it again. Maybe the point will drive home.

Ciara2008

Glad you got it sorted Estar.....I can't believe some of the negative posts with people defending this dirty guy.

I think it is seriously disrespectful to move in to somebodys elses home where they live and go around unwashed and stinking.

If anything the OP was very sensitive and considerate to approach this forum before telling the guy that he could stay on condition he washed - which is what i would have done TBH