slightly pushed into marriage

techtom

Hi I have a friend and I think he is being pushed into marriage. Every thing arranged for him. He is ever so reluctant. Should he just go along with it ?

sweetie

who is pushing you..sorry, your friend into it, their partner or their families?

techtom

SHe girlfriend is arranging every thing ... he is arranging nothing with one month to go.

hunnymonster

Quite often Brides are happy to do the organising and grooms are happy to let them (not all cases but often enough that it's not unusual). Is there something more that makes you think he is reluctant?

barbiegirl

Some guys just get lucky and don't have to organise anything, my oh avoids making decisions on wedding like the plague, he'll smile if he reads this as he knows my user name :-) to the point where I occasionally ask him if he's absolutely sure, though I know he is. He just doesn't like hassle, stress and decision making So I take on that side of things. Maybe your mate is like that too.
But if you're not sure talk to him, it's best to get out before you say I do rather than after. Marriage is serious and has to be entered into equally by both partners.

Abi

Have a chat with your friend. Tell him you have no qualms about him getting married whatsoever, but just want to sound him out. Ask him if he is happy/ok with it.

It really isnt uncommon for women to take the reigns because they've great organisational skills, plus guys dont want to disappoint.

My OH is really looking forward to it, and asks me all of the time for updates on things. He is probably feeling a little overwhelmed as often the bride and groom do, but Im sure he wouldnt be with her if he didnt want to go through with it.

At least I hope not Best have a heart to heart with him if its bugging you, but again, be careful how you phrase it.

JuncoPartner

techtom wrote: »

SHe girlfriend is arranging every thing ... he is arranging nothing with one month to go.

Sounds pretty normal to me..

I hope I can say the same when Ive only a month to go

Gillo

Mrs. Gillo is organising everything, the way she put it was "I'll do everyting you just turn up on the day" (I can well she her calling me constantly on the morning of the wedding).

TBH, if I was marrying me, I get someone else to organise everything because;
I'm not the most organised
I have a habit of forgetting stuff
Chances are I'd book the wrong thing
There is a certain element of laziness on my part

If most blokes are honest, chances are the above also apply to them.

As for your friend OP, talk to him but don't be surprised if you are wrong.

CJay

I'm organising everything for our wedding, my oh isn't organising anything, he doesn't even ask/want to know, he'll turn up for the suit fitting and turn up on the day, mainly because he feels if he doesn't know what's going on he won't get stressed and nervous.
He wouldn't have asked if he didn't want to get married though, I have absolute faith in that and I'm happy out with teh organising, what with being a control freak I'm having a ball! His current input is rubbing my feet while I look fro a band.

Gillo

Have any of the guys here seen Bridezilla?
(For the record, I've only seen it spending quality time with herself)

Is it just me or is there a little bit of that show in most of the posters here.

CJay

According to my cousin (she's married and has been bridesmaid loads of times) Brides go a bit mental when arranging a wedding, she warned me (and my oh) to be prepared for some craziness

Abi

Gillo wrote: »

Is it just me or is that a little bit of that show in most of the posters here.

Most maybe. Not me though. I've done nothing up to now, bar the official stuff - Book church, venue, marraige course done, registrar notified.

I've known about this since Oct 06, so with the OK from the OH Ive been working quietly on this on my own. Just taking a few business cards and prices etc.

For the exact purpose that I dont want to become a balling stressed out mess - there are only 41 people going to our do, and have been told to think small.

Only monday gone I looked at a dress- and took something off a peg in the first shop I saw. Today I gave money to flower shop, wedding car guy and thats it so far. Tomorrow I will go window shopping in town as I normally do, but I will make a pitstop at Marks & Spencer and pick up a pre-made cake.

You wouldnt believe the amount of money I've saved us by leaving out fussy costly details - and the OH thinks Im teh fab :pac:

But he would say that wouldnt he?

I want to enjoy the day, so I've taken it all in my stride.

Gillo

Twelve weeks to go and you're getting stuff done now, I'm impressed you seem so relaxed about everything.

We've got eight months and everything is sorted

Abi

Gillo wrote: »

Twelve weeks to go and you're getting stuff done now, I'm impressed you seem so relaxed about everything.

We've got eight months and everything is sorted

Congrats on your engagement btw. But as I was saying, we've had a longish engagement. During that time I gathered snippets of info. I've kept all services local to my town and bounced off each of them for prices till I got a fair deal out of them. E.g florists, wedding car, hair / makeup / tan.

I was really aiming for stress-free from the get go. We've been together a long time now, and share very similar tastes. So its been a breeze. The boys are all off to see about their suits on Saturday. Im just arranging final payment for anything I've deposited up to now at the moment. That will be all done then.

You get some really helpful checklists from mags etc., although some of them are a little OTT. But you can create your own, and it worked perfectly.