paid for sex and feeling strange!!!

LegacyUser

ok ive tried to write this a hundred times since eight this evening but kept deleting it!For the past six years ive been up and down the uk and ireland selling my company's products from monday to thursday most weeks for years whilst staying in hotels in probably every city and town thru out the same!but tonight i gave in to the boredom of staying in these places by ringing up a escort agency and yes they sent a girl half my age she was a Russian blonde with a body most blokes like me would probably die for!!so after a nervous introduction and chit chat we got down to the said business and yes it was nice very nice but cant help feeling like a ****ing idiot for doing it !is it time to give up this joke of a job even though it does pay the mortgage ,food,school fees etc or am i feeling guity!!!????

LeixlipRed

Are you married or in a relationship? If not then no big deal. It's up to yourself to decide whether you think it's "morally wrong" or not.

RedXIV

If you're not in a relationship, whats the problem? so you got bored? so you wanted a bit of fun, big deal? If you haven't cheated, don't worry about it

Kelly O'Malley

You're feeling guilty.Good.You're not a routine philanderer.Your wife however would kill you if she ever found out so keep your job and keep your mouth shut at home about this!
Paid sex is very different from having an affair IMO,and does not endanger a marriage - unless it's a regular thing which it isn't for you.
Your wife is unlikely to see it that way however so consider it a lesson well learned and no harm done.Assuming that is that you haven't brought home any nasty little infections...

milod

Why is the job a joke? especially since it pays the bills. It seems the problem is with your penis overruling your good sense.

I'm not being judgmental; You satisfied your 'boredom' in a discreet manner. Her age/nationality/shoe size etc are not relevant so long as she was an adult. Clearly, if you have a partner, and you are not satisfied, then that's something you should discuss with her, and perhaps satisfy the mid-week urge with a w**k.

If you want to wring your hands moralistically, you could consider the possibility that your escort was being coerced by a pimp, to pay off a loan for her 'visa' and transport to our lovely country.

seahorse

Kelly O'Malley wrote: »

Paid sex is very different from having an affair IMO,and does not endanger a marriage - unless it's a regular thing which it isn't for you.

It is very different in lots of ways Kelly O'Malley, but it's not true to say that it doesn’t endanger a marriage. Any form of infidelity creates emotional distance and for that reason is damaging to a relationship or marriage, even if it is never discovered by the partner who’s been cheated on.

OP, if I were you I'd be thinking about getting another job. Besides anything else, you are obviously finding this one boring and unfulfilling.

I'm assuming you're married with kids since you mentioned school fees. The problem with what you did is that the next time you are bored on the road you will start remembering, fantasising, and experience the same temptation and if you give in to it, it can quickly become habit forming, addictive even. Should you go down that route you'll be rolling the dice with your marriage; I think you're at a point where you need to decide what's more important to you.

bored and tired

op im glad you had trouble writing this, at least you have some morals left,
GET REAL lads. paying for sex is disgusting no matter what excuse you make,
it will destroy your marrage if your wife finds out.
your children will be horrified,
your parents would be mortified,

what are you going to do when you go home, have a std test and not have sex with your wife until the results are clear?? and dont fool yourself that i was wearing a condom, herpes is skin to skin transmitted, and condoms can fail, what if your wife gets a smear in a years time and finds out hello i have chlamydia, or gonnorhea or worse,

by all means keep your mouth shut and the job, it pays the mortgage and for your children to go to school, but the next time you are feeling bored, for f**k sake go and have a jog, go down to the hotels gym or swimming pool, better yet ring your wife and have phone sex, but dont risk your health, your wifes health and your marriage on 5minutes of penis brain.

SarahSassy

You sound like a total twat to me... There are plenty of people who can travel for years and stay in hotels for years who are equally as bored as you, they dont however, use it as a reason to two-time their wives and family and shag a Russian prostitute....

Cop on and grow up and accept your responsibilities.... I am disgusted by your actions and I am not even getting into the whole sex trade aspect of things.. Be ashamed of yourself - you should be.... Your wife and kids deserve better.

:mad::mad::mad: Whats also annoying is that you seem to be bragging that she had a great body.... What an insult to your partner....

Beruthiel

SarahSassy wrote: »

You sound like a total twat to me.

Anymore of that and I'll ban you.
Read the forum charter.
B

silvine

Paying for sex is hardly something you are going to run home and tell your parents or kids about. I wouldn't beat yourself up about paying for sex. You were hardly the first person to do it and certainly not the last. Chalk it up to a lesson learned.

It might be time to give up the job though. It sounds lonely and unfilling maybe that's why you cracked?

LegacyUser

Its amazing how quickly the stone casters jumped on the band wagon.

The OP never mentioned he was in a relationship. Why some people have to put words in hsi mouth, is beyond me.

To the person who said paying for sex is disgusting, you need to broaden your horizons a bit. If it is so awful, why is it the oldest profession in the world? Why is it legal in many countries?

I too have paid for company on occasion. Im not proud of it, but a guy has needs, and I am in a similar situation to the OP in that I have a very demanding job, and honestly do not have time to go on the pull. Try a job which involves late nights, alot of time to your self, multiple hotels, and early mornings and you find yourself to tired to do anything, but too bored to just go to bed.

OP you say you feel strange. I always do after an encounter, and while the empty feeling goes away for a while, you will find it comes back again much faster, and in the back of your mind will be a solution and you will go back to another one. Especially next time you are far from home, alone.

To be honest I would recommend switching jobs. Its not the only job out there, and while it may be paying the mortgage, I think you need something else.

As for the strange feeling you have regarding the session. Try and put it out of your mind. Concentrate on your career and where your going in life. And next time your a bit lonely in a hotel room, come onto boards and by all means open a thread saying you are lonely. You never know, there might be someone else in the same boat as you in the same city, and you can meet them for a drink and a chat.

Nevyn

So you are not happy with your life to the extent that you have now done something you are not morally happy with to alleviate the stresses you are under due to how your life is.

So what are you going to do to change you and your life so that you don't do something that you are unhappy with yourself afterwards ?

If you can't look yourself honestly in the mirror and be ok with yourself what is the point ?

Beruthiel

sillybugger wrote: »

cant help feeling like a ****ing idiot for doing it !is it time to give up this joke of a job even though it does pay the mortgage ,food,school fees etc or am i feeling guity!!!????

If your job is taking you away from your family to the extent that you are doing stuff you feel guilty about then it's time to make some big changes.

You can always find another job, you won't find another wife or family as easily.
What's more important to you?

justsomebloke

Thaedydal wrote: »

So you are not happy with your life to the extent that you have now done something you are not morally happy with to alleviate the stresses you are under due to how your life is.

So what are you going to do to change you and your life so that you don't do something that you are unhappy with yourself afterwards ?

If you can't look yourself honestly in the mirror and be ok with yourself what is the point ?

I think this is the main point. You are no longer happy and this is the problem. It is time for you to reevaluate what is important in your life and make the changes you need to

MIN2511

OP hasn't said he's married e.t.c. So lets not jump into conclusion... him paying fees also applies to single fathers/divorced fathers

OP if you are not married then i don't really see the issue; you succumbed to your desire...

AARRRGH

We don't know his situation. Maybe he is divorved.

Let's wait until he comes back with more information before jumping down his throat.

Wagon

If you're not married or anything then it's okay . But maybe you're feeling strange because you're afraid it'll become a regular habit? Just look for a new job so.

Nevyn

Look he did something which he now regrets, it could have been drugs, or a drinking binge or thrashing the hotel room bottom line is he has painted himself into a corner in his life that he is now acting out in a way that is making him feel ashamed of himself and he needs to make changes to himself and his life so he doesn't comprimise himself and his standards again.

AARRRGH

Thaedydal wrote: »

Look he did something which he now regrets, it could have been drugs, or a drinking binge or thrashing the hotel room bottom line is he has painted himself into a corner in his life that he is now acting out in a way that is making him feel ashamed of himself and he needs to make changes to himself and his life so he doesn't comprimise himself and his standards again.

I think it's a bit more complicated than that.

Does he feel guilty because

a. he associates sex with sin
b. he believes prostitution is wrong
c. he is married?

I've seen enough PI threads to know it could be any of the above.

I think we should wait to find out why he feels bad before we come to any conclusions.

all the stars

If your not in a relationship, then your not hurting anybody,
I would say just be really careful... look after your sexual health and all that- wouldn't be my way, just look after yourself.

However, if you are in a relatonship, you need to take a serious look at things.

Overheal

seahorse wrote: »

The problem with what you did is that the next time you are bored on the road you will start remembering, fantasising, and experience the same temptation and if you give in to it, it can quickly become habit forming, addictive even. Should you go down that route you'll be rolling the dice with your marriage; I think you're at a point where you need to decide what's more important to you.

I think that pretty much sums it up there. Especially the habit forming; especially when it involves travel, which is just a lot of repetition anyway. And I think that's your key concern here: sick of the back and forth routine. That and whatever other marital factors lead to hiring the escort.

You have lots of choices obviously. One of them is to quit the job; but that has a lot of issues attached. In the meantime why not just keep the job and find something less adulterous to do to kill time? Must be something else you can do where you're staying; if you can afford to hire an escort you can afford to see a movie or something. Or just keep a book, do some art, get a laptop and one of those mobile modems even, to keep yourself occupied.

astrofool

Slightly off topic, but it's funny the way we humans work.

If he did the (technically) illegal thing, but isn't in a relationship, then people are fine with it.

But, if he was in a relationship, people are baying for blood

AARRRGH

astrofool wrote: »

If he did the (technically) illegal thing, but isn't in a relationship, then people are fine with it.

Having sex with a prostitute you did not pick up on the street, and being a prostitute who does not work on the street, are both legal in Ireland. Irish anti-prostitution laws are only against street prostitution, brothel owners, and advertising prostitution.

I don't know what the law is in the UK though.

Irishcrx

I know Irish law at it's best again here, it's like cannabis seeds, they have big head shops buy loads of types of seeds but you can't grow them????...off topic but just a point.

chuci

op so you succumbed to desire or boredom or both. if you are not in a relationship then there really is no problem as far as i can see. you feel bad about it why? is it because you are in a relationship or because you think sex with a stranger is a bit odd? chalk it down to experience and draw a line under it, if your single. if your not then get tested and decide what is more important your relationship/ family or the job? as you said it pays the mortgage but could you ask the company if you could be a sales rep closer to where you live so you could commute?

Macha

I'm surprised how ready many posters are to brush off the fact that he slept with a prostitute if he were single. Prostitution may be legal in some forms but don't kid yourself into thinking that by getting involved in the industry you're not contributing to problems like human trafficking and slavery.

It's just wishful thinking to buy into the 'happy hooker' idea. I think some men actually talk themselves into believing they're actually doing the woman a favour.Madness

AARRRGH

taconnol wrote: »

don't kid yourself into thinking that by getting involved in the industry you're not contributing to problems like human trafficking and slavery.

I hate to ask for stats, but do you have any stats to back this up?

In particular, stats for Ireland. I don't think you'll be able to find any.

There's a religious organisation (Ruhama) who say "trafficking is a terrible problem in Ireland" but when pushed for proof they can't provide any.

Trafficking in Ireland is a myth.

taconnol wrote: »

It's just wishful thinking to buy into the 'happy hooker' idea. I think some men actually talk themselves into believing they're actually doing the woman a favour.Madness

I know lots of prostitutes*. They choose to do their job. Most of them don't like it, but they are still choosing to do it, and they make about 5k per week.

*Clarification: Because I own an Irish adult website

Marksie

All of which, while interesting is moving this off topic once again.

Deal with the OP issues if you would please folks

AngryBadger

First off I have to say the majority of the posts by females in this thread show the typical lack of understand and presumptive attitude of many women towards men and sex.

Men and women often view sex with completely different perspectives. Some guys think it's fine to pay for sex, and to be blunt considering the amount a lot of guys probably wind up spending ona girl between drinks/taxis/so on during a "date" which leads to sex, who's to say they're wrong as long as the women involved isn't being co-erced into the situaiton against her will.

Furthermore the OP has presented himself as someone who engaged a prostitue FOR THE FIRST TIME, and naturally you've all assumed he's the worst serial sex customer on the planet. Well done ladies, very informed of you, very progessive.

That out of the way...

OP, as a guy who doesn't see the point of paying for sex, I'd imaging you're feeling like you've cheapened yourself to some extent.

In an abstract sense paying for sex with a women choosing that line of work seems like a victimless crime. She makes some money, you get some much needed relief and sexual gratification.

However, paying for sex automatically removes a huge part of the personal intimacy inherent to good sex. Whether you're having a casual encounter with a regular partner, a one-night stand, or making love to the partner you've spent your life searching for, there's always a level of trust and intimacy involved which enhances the experience beyond the physical.

this doesn't exist when you pay for sex. The woman in question is permitting you access to her body in exchange for cash...I can think of very few things I'd consider less intimate to be honest, she's not sleeping with you because she finds you attractive in any way, she's doing it because you have cold hard cash.

And that deminishes the act, and your own self-respect since it doesn't resonate with her at all because there's no real personal respect involved.

My advice; don't use prostitutes again,a nd get yourself checked out to make sure you didn't catch anything.

Lessone learned, you're not a sexual deviant, you just amde one bad call. learn from it and move on.

Hope this helps.

ozchick

Kelly O'Malley wrote: »

Paid sex is very different from having an affair IMO,and does not endanger a marriage - unless it's a regular thing which it isn't for you.
Your wife is unlikely to see it that way however so consider it a lesson well learned and no harm done.Assuming that is that you haven't brought home any nasty little infections...

You have to be joking?!!:eek: How is it different? Cos you aren't 'emotionally involved'? It's a business transaction?

I'm sure his wife wouldn't see it that way..she's been cheated on and trust is broken.

Macha

Dublindude - you must be joking. Just because there isn't a law against human trafficking in Ireland, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

http://www.independent.ie/national-news/ireland-named-as-major-route-for-child-trafficking-1070794.html

AngryBadger - why are you jumping on the women? A lot of women pay for sex: we're not as different as some men like to think. We are well aware its his first time thanks.

OP - you're obviously doing this to compensate for some void or unhappiness in your life. I can imagine it gets very lonely travelling all the time. Prostitutes may provide temporary company but they're not really going to give you what you want. You have to ask yourself if you job is worth it, and see if you're willin to change jobs. Sales jobs always seem to be advertised so it may be one of the easier professions in which to make a change.

AARRRGH

Last time I go off topic on this:

The Migrant Rights Centre of Ireland get their facts from Ruhama (I've asked them where they get their facts - they told me Ruhama.) Ruhama are known for making up figures. They are run by a bunch of nuns who are anti-womens rights, anti-sex.

The gardai have said there is no problem in Ireland. Of course there will be the odd exception, but you are fooling yourself if you think having sex with a prostitute has anything to do with human trafficking. Find me a single conviction for human trafficking/forced prostitution in Ireland.

If you want to make a topic in humanties we can discuss this there.

Marksie

I think that would be a good idea to start a humanities thread.

Its obvious that people dont read what the moderator says about off topic posting. If we can keep it to the OP issue, final warning.

WindSock

ozchick wrote: »

You have to be joking?!!:eek: How is it different? Cos you aren't 'emotionally involved'? It's a business transaction?

Well, yes. There is a difference with paying for someone anonymous to have sex with you for 30 mins-1hr, than it is to woo someone you fancy into the bed, and possibly have more passion with. And she would probably have your phone number too, possibly even have kids. That's more seedy imo.


On topic, to the OP- What is it that makes you feel strange? I think you were probably curious and now you have the curiosity satisfied. Like it's been said before on this thread, you are in danger of it now becoming a habit and should really look at why you are doing it in the first place.

Marksie

Windsock: You are here long enough to know about ignoring moderator warnings about off topic posting.

all the stars

AngryBadger wrote: »

First off I have to say the majority of the posts by females in this thread show the typical lack of understand and presumptive attitude of many women towards men and sex.

Men and women often view sex with completely different perspectives. Some guys think it's fine to pay for sex, and to be blunt considering the amount a lot of guys probably wind up spending ona girl between drinks/taxis/so on during a "date" which leads to sex, who's to say they're wrong as long as the women involved isn't being co-erced into the situaiton against her will.

Furthermore the OP has presented himself as someone who engaged a prostitue FOR THE FIRST TIME, and naturally you've all assumed he's the worst serial sex customer on the planet. Well done ladies, very informed of you, very progessive.

Just want to say - im female, and dont tar us all with the one brush - clearly you didn't read my post -

all the stars wrote: »

If your not in a relationship, then your not hurting anybody,
I would say just be really careful... look after your sexual health and all that- wouldn't be my way, just look after yourself.

However, if you are in a relatonship, you need to take a serious look at things.

AngryBadger

all the stars wrote: »

Just want to say - im female, and dont tar us all with the one brush - clearly you didn't read my post -

And clearly you didn't read my post, I referred to "the majority" of responses by females to this thread. So unless you represent the majority of the women posting in this thread then you're part of the minority to which my statement didn't apply.

AngryBadger

taconnol wrote: »

AngryBadger - why are you jumping on the women? A lot of women pay for sex: we're not as different as some men like to think. We are well aware its his first time thanks.

I'm "jumping" (good choice of words there) on the women attacking the OP as though he's some kind of convicted sexual predator.

Frankly most of the replies don't reflect ANY awareness that this was the OPs first time and that he seems to regret his poor decision.

all the stars

AngryBadger wrote: »

And clearly you didn't read my post, I referred to "the majority" of responses by females to this thread. So unless you represent the majority of the women posting in this thread then you're part of the minority to which my statement didn't apply.

Right - still no need to be so mean

AngryBadger

all the stars wrote: »

Right - still no need to be so mean

I think a lot of the response referred to are mean to the OP, I have an issue with that, and so I'll respond in kind.

Anyway, I'm not interested in courting a ban by veering off-topic.

muffen

OP: I think it was good you managed to post it in the end.

Many things have been said already, and I agree with a lot of it.

First off, I can say that I have never paid for sex. However, my job is not much different from yours in the sense that I travel a lot, and I can tell you that there are definitely times I've been tempted to use an escort service. I have however met women in hotel bars on numerous occasions (yes I was single at the time), as you tend to meet a lot of people in a similar situation in hotel bars.
The thing is, and your post got me thinking about it, I don't think it's that much different. It may be that I didn't pay for the sex, but on almost every occasion I've taken someone with me from the hotel bar we knew this would most likely be the first and last time we'd meet. Also, there wasn't really any feelings involved, it was pretty much just about sex. So, from that perspective, the only difference between what I did and what you did is the paying part.

As for the "paying for sex" part, I personally don't have any moral problems with it as long as it's all done by free will. My problems is however that I can never know if the woman is there by free will or not, which is why I have never paid for sex... plus now I am in a relationship and I do like to consider myself being an honest person, so I would never cheat on my partner.

In any case, I think it's good you are feeling a little guilty, but don't let it be a weight on your shoulders. What's done is done, and obviously the bad feeling afterwards is much worse then the short time of pleasure you got while being with her. Therefore, disregarding everything else, maybe you should leave this be the only time you pay for sex.

calahans

There is no big deal about paying for sex. Its not really that much different than a guy going out with a girl, listening to her boring chatter, buying her drinks just for a sh*g ... maybe just more honest?

Velvet Vocals

Do you think the OP has been scared off? No sign of him posting back? Maybe if he is married and now he's afraid to admit that for fear of getting roasted??

look op, I think you need to just really think about what made you do this? Could it be more then just boredom with the job? Married/in a relationship or not you obviously feel like you've done something wrong and really the only person that can reconcile that is you. We all have our own moral compass, some will think that it's no big deal to be with an escort regardless of relationship status, some will think it's reprehensible if you're in a relationship and so on. But what you have to do now is accept that its done. Figure out what drove you to it. Maybe some life changes?
Possible speaking to a close friend or even a counselor for a few sessions (I'm not saying that you need it because of the escort or anything! but maybe just for some general "where am I going with life" stuff)

Hope it all works out man!
VV.x

Velvet Vocals

calahans wrote: »

There is no big deal about paying for sex. Its not really that much different than a guy going out with a girl, listening to her boring chatter, buying her drinks just for a sh*g ... maybe just more honest?

Am I the only one that finds this a little sad? I mean don't get me wrong calahans, I'm not giving you s*it for having this attitude. Its very honest of you,but I just think that it's very sad that you feel this way. and really if you felt that someone was boring and that you had to spend money on them why would you even want to sleep with them?

AngryBadger

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

Am I the only one that finds this a little sad? I mean don't get me wrong calahans, I'm not giving you s*it for having this attitude. Its very honest of you,but I just think that it's very sad that you feel this way. and really if you felt that someone was boring and that you had to spend money on them why would you even want to sleep with them?

I agree in principle with what you're saying, but I have to point out that there are instances where men and women have very different attitudes to sex. My own experience is that in most cases, (NOTE: most NOT all), anytime I've bedded a young lady in what I understand to be a casual context, she's assumed there was an emotional connection that for me simply didn't exist.

This didn't mean I in any way lacked respect for the lady, I simply wasn't attracted to her in any romantic capacity.

So, while I have no interest in sex as a commodity myself, I can understand how some guys justify it in their heads. You will wind up paying through the nose on a date, (not always I grant you, but most of the time), and then you'll get a guilt trip when she realises you're not actually attracted to her in any romantic capacity, even if you've told her beforehand that you're NOT looking for a relationship.

Velvet Vocals

AngryBadger wrote: »

I agree in principle with what you're saying, but I have to point out that there are instances where men and women have very different attitudes to sex. My own experience is that in most cases, (NOTE: most NOT all), anytime I've bedded a young lady in what I understand to be a casual context, she's assumed there was an emotional connection that for me simply didn't exist.

This didn't mean I in any way lacked respect for the lady, I simply wasn't attracted to her in any romantic capacity.

So, while I have no interest in sex as a commodity myself, I can understand how some guys justify it in their heads. You will wind up paying through the nose on a date, (not always I grant you, but most of the time), and then you'll get a guilt trip when she realises you're not actually attracted to her in any romantic capacity, even if you've told her beforehand that you're NOT looking for a relationship.

well thats happened to me too with guys (and girls actually coz I'm bi...but thats totally another story) and I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who've had the same experience. You have sex with someone (yes I said have sex rather then "bedded" coz thats just a little to creepy for my liking;)) on what you assume is a one night stand and then you realise that they were hoping for it to be more then just that and it's awkward. But thats the responsibility we face when we have sex, coz we're human beings and human beings have emotions and they're usually hightened when we have sex. So yes I do see where the paying for it factor can take that out of the equation and there is some appeal there. But my point was that its sad that someone has had what must have been several negative experiences in order to make him sound so defeated. And I do mean defeated, that poster sounded like he'd given up on looking to make a genuine connection with someone and was resigned to the fact that he'd have to listen to innate chatter & fork out loads of cash on booze and food in order to have sex with someone that he'd never want to see again.
But I think we're getting away from the OP so we should probably have this debate thread......

AngryBadger

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

well thats happened to me too with guys (and girls actually coz I'm bi...but thats totally another story) and I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who've had the same experience. You have sex with someone (yes I said have sex rather then "bedded" coz thats just a little to creepy for my liking;)) on what you assume is a one night stand and then you realise that they were hoping for it to be more then just that and it's awkward. But thats the responsibility we face when we have sex, coz we're human beings and human beings have emotions and they're usually hightened when we have sex. So yes I do see where the paying for it factor can take that out of the equation and there is some appeal there. But my point was that its sad that someone has had what must have been several negative experiences in order to make him sound so defeated. And I do mean defeated, that poster sounded like he'd given up on looking to make a genuine connection with someone and was resigned to the fact that he'd have to listen to innate chatter & fork out loads of cash on booze and food in order to have sex with someone that he'd never want to see again.
But I think we're getting away from the OP so we should probably have this debate thread......

Oh right fine, so you're great jsut 'cause you can have your pick of the guys AND the girls

Yeah, I agree with what you're saying, and that is sad. But everybody has negative experiences, and there's only so much help/advice/support you can give people. If someone reaches a point where they really, truly believe that's the only conclusion, well I'm afraid there's nothing anyone else can do.

Marksie

OK..four pages in and no response from the Op .

If he wants it reopened he can post unregged