Bye Bye BF?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Okay here is the dealio - my boyfriend is going away for work for one year. He's going very far away so I'll only get to see him a few times over the course of the year.

Now I'm chuffed he got this opportunity - he deserves it and he's so excited about living there for a year.

We've only been going out for 4 months but we love each other. We are really good together and it feels different to any other relationship I've been in. He makes me so happy and I never thought anyone would be as kind to me as he has been. I'm going into my last year of college next year and he's finishing this year.

He wants us to stay together and I do too. I don't wanna lose him. But I'm scared...We've talked about it lots but he thinks it'd be ridiculous to breakup when we're this happy. I want to hear what other people think who might have been through something similar. Ye guys give good advice so I was wondering what ye might think.

I'm worried whether its a bad idea to stay together. I'm scared one or both of us could potentially regret it. Maybe it'll turn sour?

Most of all I'm scared once he comes back things will have changed and it'll end in tears.

He'll be coming home for a few days at a time 3 times during the course of the year. I'm planning to visit him before college in September and if I can save up enough at New Years. Once my exams finish next year I'd go over to him for an extended holiday after which he'll be returning with me home.

Advice please. I'm scared of losing what we have.

Nikster

I was going out with someone who went away like that too. Somehow we made it work while he was away, but the time apart changed both of us and it didn't last too long after he cam back. We had become 2 completely different people.
But just cos that's how it turned out for me doesn't mean the same will happen to you.

Best of luck

star-pants

I don't have any personal experience of it - but if ye feel strongly for each other - then you'll regret not giving it a shot. If it doesn't last, what's the harm, you would have ended it anyway?

I'd a friend who went away for 6month (I know a lot shorter than your bf) but his gf didn't get to visit him until 5&half wks had passed, she spent 3wks over there and they came home together.
If he's going to be coming back to see you, and you'll try and visit, and ye keep in contact via internet/txt/skype etc - you *could* be ok.

what does your heart tell you?

Tabnabs

I had a long distance relationship for many years, I was away with work for from between a week and up to 4 months. We were open and honest about the whole thing and above all else, were fateful. We're now married.

LegacyUser

That's what I'm scared of - that we'll change and won't be good with each other anymore. That'll be for nothing.

My heart thinks he's special. But my head says that a year is maybe too long. That too many things could go wrong. That he could get sick of me. He might regret staying with me when he could be free. That I could fcuk it up.

star-pants

But if it does work it will have been for everything.
You say that *he'd* get sick of you, the *he* might regret... he wouldn't suggest you guys staying together if he didn't want to. Why would you mess it up hun?

At the end of the day it's a decision only you and him can make. Even if it didn't work out, could you be happy not knowing what 'might' have happened?

4Xcut

If you try to stay together and fail then you will get hurt. This decision means you might get hurt.

If you break up now you will be hurt.

Smart money is on no one.

LegacyUser

Im in your boyfriends situation (but im the girl!) and my year is nearly over and has worked out really really well. and i am very very far away! The lows have been low but the highs brilliant and i trust and love him even more now. We werent going out the long before hand and all my friends thought i was a little nuts but could see that i was happy. the only good thing about the whole thing is that your in it together, when things are tough hes prob the only person who understands. and dont think about it as one big long year take it in chunks. i hope everything works out great!

SarahSassy

My friend was seeing a guy for about 2 months when he went to Oz for a year... They stayed in touch and she went on an extended visit to him. They are now married with three kids.. It can work but its not easy.

the_syco

Far away being Cork, or Oz? Also, a year isn't really a year, it's actually less, cos once you finish your exams, it'll probably less than a year.

LegacyUser

He'll be in Japan... If it were Cork I wouldn't pass a bit of remarks. Heck if he was going to England/France/Spain/Germany etc I wouldn't be as worried. But er, Japan is really far and expensive to get to...I'm gonna be working extra hours in the summer to save up some cash to visit him.


I get what yer saying about definite pain if we breakup before he goes as opposed to potential pain if it all goes to poop while he's there...


But my thinking is if we break up on good terms before he goes maybe there'll be a chance of getting back together when he comes back? If we breakup on bad terms while he's gone there'll be little chance of that...

Gah... I can't get it outta my head.

[WoW]

Hi,
Im going through the same thing as you, bf going to america for a year (or longer), me going into last year of college. we've been going out for a year and a half and we've talked about it but i think we are going to split up. i think it would be too hard as i wouldnt see him at all but in your case he's coming home three times and you might be going over twice so you'll roughly see him every 2 months which isn't that bad.
IMO if you really like him you should go for it and stay together and see how it goes!

chuci

if you really care for each other and think it will work then give it a go. its better than breaking up and wondering what if. i know a couple who got together when they were very young and she left for france when they were 19 for a year. they stayed together they are now married with three kids. it can work but you both must trust each other as it does get hard, but there is email, messengers, mobiles and mail.plenty of ways you can stay in touch.

jellie

im not going to advise you against it, im in a long distance relationship. but this is only from one side of the country to the other not the other side of the world. ill just make a few points..

- if you go ahead with it you need COMMUNICATION. skype for free calls, msn, txts, emails etc.
- it be hard to fully tell how someone is feeling over text, slightly easier on the phone, but it can be hard too.
- if you or the other person are feeling crap & all you want is a hug or a kiss, its the hardest thing to know you have someone who would give it to you but cant, or to want to make someone feel better with a hug but you cant.
- the time you do have together can be amazing
- the time you have together can be very intense (this can be good/bad)
- specific to you: time zones? not sure what the difference is between here & japan but it might make communicating a bit awkward?

im not saying any of this to put you off, just to try help you understand the reality. My bf lives 200 miles away, & i generally see him every 2/3 weeks, sometimes less sometimes more. but it is HARD. & the distance has almost broken us up a couple of times.

nevaeh-2die-4

being a male i find it hard and frustrating going without poontang form more than a day him been a way is going to be hard on him sexually u can only **** for so much without it getting boring.

a bit of food for thought, plus ur only with each other like 4months its hardly a long time.

LegacyUser

nevaeh-2die-4 wrote: »

being a male i find it hard and frustrating going without poontang form more than a day him been a way is going to be hard on him sexually u can only **** for so much without it getting boring.

a bit of food for thought, plus ur only with each other like 4months its hardly a long time.

I do know we've only been together 4 months. And I know It's not a long time. But we were friends beforehand and we love eachother and we're very close.

Tbh the sex thing will be alot harder for me than for him. I've a much higher sex drive.

Not all men find it frustrating going with sex or masturbating for one day so "being male" isn't the issue for you. Moreso you've a higher than average sex drive

do you love it?

i dont know, like does the possibility of either of you meeting someone new not come into play?a year is a long time!

LegacyUser

do you love it? wrote: »

i dont know, like does the possibility of either of you meeting someone new not come into play?a year is a long time!

That is something I've thought of too. Ugh...

do you love it?

like are you 100% in love???Cause lust can feel kinda the same!!!
i dont mean to sound rude....you just gotta look at all your options!!

LegacyUser

I wouldn't have said it unless I felt certain. It's not merely lust.

nevaeh-2die-4

ohdear wrote: »

I do know we've only been together 4 months. And I know It's not a long time. But we were friends beforehand and we love eachother and we're very close.

Tbh the sex thing will be alot harder for me than for him. I've a much higher sex drive.

Not all men find it frustrating going with sex or masturbating for one day so "being male" isn't the issue for you. Moreso you've a higher than average sex drive

i see it i want to pound it.

yes i have a really high sex drive

sharkie2008

you need to really think about what you want. if you don't give it a try will you regret it?

i'm in a long distance relationship, not as far as this but there have been times when we haven't seen each other for 2 months. it is hard but at the start we both agreed to be honest about how we felt and our fears about it not working out.

if you feel like you want to be with him then surely its worth giving it a try? it will be hard but communication is the key. you both need to decide together. it may not work out but as others have said some couples can make it work

LegacyUser

IMO if he loved you he'd wait until you were finished college. He can't be taking you and him being together that seriously...