Girlfriend and communication

LegacyUser

how much patience should I have….

(background is complicated because she’s was just out of a long term thing when we started going, we had been friends before etc - I know it has the rebound alarm bells written all over it but that’s another story)

We had been away from one another for a month, get back, she’s obviously deeply preoccupied about something, half admits it has to do with me, but then refuses to talk and pretends everything is perfect. I also saw a text message I shouldn’t have seen from a friend of hers along the lines of ‘I hope you find the right time and words to talk to John [me]. If you need a long drink afterwards…’ which pretty much sums up what I felt was coming.

I sat her down last night, told her I was worried, told her I felt she was preoccupied, that if there was something I wish she’d tell me rather than postpone it… she goes back to things being perfect but and she’s working in her head to be more consistent with me….

I’m not sure how patient I should be before I start putting words in her mouth or just give up.

Kelly O'Malley

Zero patience!
She's stalling on having what she feels will be an unpleasant conversation.
If you have a guess at what's coming start the conversation by asking her if that's what's on her mind.
Be nice,sound sympathetic and reassure her that no matter what it is you care for her and you won't be cross.Pour her a drink or two.In vino veritas and all that.
Maybe it's not what you think and it's just that she's spent silly money at Brown and Thomas and is afraid to tell you!

Skadi

Just be upfront, tell her you saw the text message and you are confused.

Wibbs

I agree it could be anything, though it doesn't smell right. The rebound bit, rather than "another story", may have a lot to do with it. If it is then better to find out now rather than down the line. I've seen rebounds or inbetweeny parners last a good while. Years sometimes. Is the longterm ex still hovering around?

When you sat her down, she basically stalled you. She had the perfect chance to spill her guts but didn't. That maybe fear, or cynical old me might think she's hedging her bets. She's "confused". Bad mojo.

She may be thinking twice about being in a relationship just out of a long termer. She may want to be on her own for a while. She maybe thinking about the ex and giving that a go again. She may be looking for something less serious from you.

All this is conjecture though. As Kelly O'Malley wrote it could be someting cmpletely different o her mind. A stress that's pushing you out.

In the end you have to sit her down and ask her calmly and directly, what's the story?. If she avoids the question, don't push her, but back off and tell her you don't feel involved as her boyfriend if she leaves you out in the cold.

Miss Fluff

Yes it's all conjecture at this stage, and you are dreading this conversation but have no idea what's going on so you just need to get to the bottom of it once and for all. She could be pregnant/she may have met someone else/she may have decided to emigrate/she may want to disclose a dark secret - seriously OP, you can only deal with this when you know what the problem is. Tell her you saw the text and ask her to come clean.

Liam Byrne

My advice is to get it out there.....secrets fester and even if they eventually come out and are non-issues, the damage is often done before that by the way someone acts.....