To text or not to text??

LegacyUser

A few weeks ago I met a guy, a friend of a friend, and ended up going with (kissing) him. We were staying in his house for a night out, so I stayed in his bed but nothing happened. Anyway we got on really well, wasn't awkward at all the next day, and although I was drunk on the night, he wasn't. I definitely didn't regret going with him, and pretty sure he was keen as well.

When we all left his house, I wasn't too bothered that we hadn't swapped numbers as we have close mutual friends, and I thought if he wanted my number (as I was hoping) he could get it easily enough. Needless to say this hasn't happened!!

I hadn't really been thinking about it too much, but my mutual friend and her boyf (who is the guys close friend) are now telling me I should give him a text! He is very snowed under with work and a family situation as far as I know, so they seem to think he just wouldn't be thinking about romance etc and if I gave him a shout he would probably respond well. They know him a lot better than me and have said that he isn't the sort of guy who always has to pull on a night out, so it seems like he must have liked me.

However I basically have had no luck whatsoever with guys....EVER! I'm not totally boggin looking, am quite chilled out and funny, so I am pretty sure that my downfall is my complete lack of confidence, particularly with members of the opposite sex. So getting his number and texting him is a terrifying idea for me, I would be mortified if I got the brush off and my friends knew, also I know it would really knock my confidence!

I don't even know what I want anyone to tell me to do, to be honest I don'e think I could pluck up the courage to do it, but wanted to get it out in the open anyway, hopefully give someone a laugh at my tragic situation!! Ideally my friend could foist my number onto him, problem solved!! Why is nothing simple eh?!

Beruthiel

Texter?? wrote: »

Why is nothing simple eh?!

In fact, it's very simple.
Forget about texting. Call him, ask him out for a drink. You're making something simple very complicated.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Caoimhín

Beruthiel wrote: »

In fact, it's very simple.
Forget about texting. Call him, ask him out for a drink. You're making something simple very complicated.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Well said.

Sherifu

Beruthiel wrote: »

In fact, it's very simple.
Forget about texting. Call him, ask him out for a drink. You're making something simple very complicated.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

QFT

Jigsaw

Yeah Texter, do not be texting!!

I know of countless stories I've heard where people have texted and have misconstrued messages. The downfall of text is that it cannot convey emotion, whereas the spoken word can.

I agree with the above. It would do no harm to call him and talk to him and casually ask him out for a drink. If this is a bit daunting for you, if you have lots of mutual friends, why not do a bit of detective work and find out a night when a lot of your extended group of friends are all gonna be out somewhere and he will be there. You could go along to that and casually go up and chat to him - it fell less deliberate than a phonecall. But definitely not texting!!

milod

CALL HIM! Texting is bad and leads to misunderstandings. Texting is for times, dates, shopping lists, teenagers, etc - NOT for emotions.

Consider this example:

An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”

The women wrote: “Woman: Without her, man is nothing.”

Even the most carefully punctuated text can be misconstrued.

LegacyUser

Well my biggest fear would be shooting myself in the foot, I don't want to look too keen in that I went to the bother of getting his number etc, when it might just develop naturally on a night out. The ideal thing would be to get him on a night out, and get him right and drunk ha ha! Only joking, but I would rather let it happen that way than to be seen as some sort of desperate bunny boiler! I know I'm exagerating but you don't know how different people view your actions!

Also as for phoning him and asking him out, that would just never happen. I don't think I could physically get the words out, unless I was seriously drunk possibly! I am pretty shy and rejection (and the fear of!) would hit me hard. I realise it is completely sexist but I don't think I could ever ask a guy out, thanks god I was born female, or I'd prob still be a virgin!

Thanks for all the replies tho, I kind of knew what they would say, and I think I knew I could still never do it!

Oryx

However I basically have had no luck whatsoever with guys....EVER!

This is whats known as a self limiting belief. You dont think youll be successful, and so it follows that you never are. Yes, you need confidence, and until it comes naturally, youre going to have to pretend it!

Definitely pick up the phone and chat to the guy. Im sure hes not an ass, so the worst thing that could happen is that you get a gentle brush off. And the best that could happen is that hes delighted and you go out.

You wont regret the things you did, just the things you didnt.

Beruthiel

Texter?? wrote: »

I am pretty shy and rejection (and the fear of!) would hit me hard. I realise it is completely sexist but I don't think I could ever ask a guy out

You know, until you learn to live your life comfortably in your own skin, then you're only half living.
Considering that you get x amount of years on this planet, what are you at?
A bit of rejection has never killed anyone. However, sticking the chin out and giving it a go has gained many people things they would never have otherwise had.

Drift

OP I'm a guy in almost the exact position of this guy you met except I have no way of getting the girls number so I'm kicking myself - don't end up in the same situation as me!

I think you should contact him too, however for the initial contact I don't think the medium matters hugely .... text, phone, email, bebo - just establish a bit of contact. This way he can give you a polite brush off (which I doubt he will) if needs be. When you almost certainly get a positive type of reply - then you can have more confidence when you ring him and ask him out for a few drinks.

Also never be worried about your friends knowing you got turned down. Everyone has been turned down at some stage and those that say they haven't are lying. It's part of living life.

When people are on their death bed looking back, none of them ever regret the times they tried something new and it didn't work out. But they do regret the times they never tried at all!

wylo

my advice is text, theres nothing wrong with texting and it doesnt put him on the spot either. For people that think texting is for teenagers and doesnt convey emotion, alot of teenagers have grown up since the texting phase began and still use it as a nice way of talking if they dont know each other well. Id keep it nice and simple though, Id try not to mention the night ye had, i.e. "playing it cool"
Although I do like the idea of detective work, rememember if he likes you hes probably having a tough time thinking what to do as well.

OP ,rejection is tough but everyone goes through it, Ive seen the best looking most charming people get broken hearts, instant rejections, everything.
In the mean time you should start reading up on confidence, perhaps even hypnosis or medidation, you'd be surprised the results it achieves. Paul Mckenna has a good cd on it. It really does help believe me, ive been there myself.

LegacyUser

Yeah the most I would do, if anything, would be just to text and establish contact. However if you could get the number of the girl you met, you would do so, and clearly he hasn't, which is why I am inclined to leave it.

I completely agree with nothing ventured, nothing gained, and believe me since my friend mentioned it I have been weighing up my options non-stop (thank god I have a completely dossy job!) So I think I will consider it tonight & will update you all, if anyone is still interested!

Thanks for all the advice!

Texter??

Texter?? wrote: »

Well my biggest fear would be shooting myself in the foot, I don't want to look too keen in that I went to the bother of getting his number etc,

And what's he supposed to do?

Also as for phoning him and asking him out, that would just never happen.

Well then, welcome to dull single life.

I don't think I could physically get the words out, unless I was seriously drunk possibly! I am pretty shy and rejection (and the fear of!) would hit me hard. I realise it is completely sexist but I don't think I could ever ask a guy out, thanks god I was born female,

:rolleyes:
Work on your self confidence issues, stop expecting the rest of the world to cater to you, and get out there and live a little.
Sitting around going "im shy so I don't have to" will get you exactly nowhere.

This is turning a simple "ask him out" into a huge drama for nothing.

edit: just saw the above post; good luck

Oryx

Texter?? wrote: »

Yeah the most I would do, if anything, would be just to text and establish contact. However if you could get the number of the girl you met, you would do so, and clearly he hasn't, which is why I am inclined to leave it.

Or MAYBE hes like you and second guessing things? Or thinks youre not interested, or any of a dozen other scenarios. You wont know till you take a chance and talk to the guy!

I completely agree with nothing ventured, nothing gained, and believe me since my friend mentioned it I have been weighing up my options non-stop (thank god I have a completely dossy job!) So I think I will consider it tonight & will update you all, if anyone is still interested!

Course we are, we want to see you get the courage and get the guy.

allybhoy

Obviously OP the guy likes you otherwise he wouldnt have kissed you the first night, especially seeing as though you said he wasnt drunk. I bet he would be delighted to hear from you and is possibly as shy as you are. If you dont have the confidence to ring (best option) why dont you put pressure on your friend to have a chat with her b/f and put the feelers out on what he thought of you, and if he'd like your number. You said your friend's OH was good mates with him so he will tell him the truth and if he says he likes you then your mate's OH could tell him that you like him to but are too shy to text and maybe then he might ring or text you. BTW who made the first move on the night in question? Im guessing it was him as you said you were incredibly shy, so that shows you that he must like you and that in itself shud give you some confidence. Either way I hope it works out.....

sullivano

Don't call. It will freak him out. Send a text tho...