no pleasure from sex

anony mouse

Hi all,

Not sure if you will be able to suggest anything but....

I am a girl in my mid 30's have been married 2 years and have never really gotten any pleasure out of sex.

My husband was the first person I slept with. I was not "saving" myself cause of any beliefs, it just kinda worked out that way.

Our sex life at the moment is very quiet. My husband knows that I don't get much pleasure from it, but knows that I do it for him. He would love if he could make me come, or something! I am beginning to think I don't have a G spot at all! I don't own a vibrator or anything.
I suppose I would be a little shy, and would not feel too comfortable doing a reverse cowgirl off the bottom of the bed, but I would be very willing to try and improve our sex life.

Anyone got any suggestions as to where I could start.

anony mouse

Sherifu

Have you ever had an orgasm?

jethro081

experimet like mad me thinks. take a night to yourself, find out what really does it for you an then get him to use your newfound knowledge ofyourself and see what happens.

oh and try loads of new things. if it's become stagnant then he'll probably be open to most things and even if you dont come or whatever it will probably be fun to explore each other in new and interesting ways.


if you look around the net you can find some good sex tips etc.

anony mouse

Sherifu wrote: »

Have you ever had an orgasm?

sadly no.

Sherifu

anony mouse wrote: »

sadly no.

What have you tried on your own?

Reku

Well those durex vibrating ring things seem to be gaining popularity so even if you are too shy to go into an adult store you can get these in some Boots stores and the odd supermarket.
Perhaps you should simply have an open discussion with your partner on the topic, are there any kinky things you've heard of and are curious about or think sound like you'd enjoy, any fantasies etc....
Perhaps it's just a matter of bringing more foreplay into the act as last I'd heard the majority of women will never climax from penetration alone.

LegacyUser

Never had an orgasm, wow. I suggest you indulge in some masturbation. If you cant get yourself off how is anyone else going to manage ? Focus on the clitoris!

Sam Vimes

jethro081 wrote: »

experimet like mad me thinks.

exactly

anony mouse wrote: »

I am beginning to think I don't have a G spot at all!

apparently some women don't. do you know how to look for it?

kayos

Woman pleasure thyself! If you think your dont have a G-Spot you really have not looked very hard for it.

Advice
1) Buy a vibe
2) Stock up on the right type of batteries
3) Stock up on lube
4) Kick your husband out of the house and lock the door. Send him to the pub for the night. This is time for you to find out about your body.
5) Find what gives you pleasure, if at first you dont find anything try again.
6) Repeat steps 2 to 5 until you know what works for you.
7) Sit down and till your husband exactly what you do and dont like. He will be more than happy to do anything to pleasure you.

Or just google yoni massage and try that if you want your partner to explore with you.

anony mouse

Sam Vimes, No not sure where its supposed to be! never looked.

Sherifu, I have tried nothing really.

Kayos, I think a trip to Ann Sumers or somewhere like that is what I will need to do.
Someone else PM'd me and said they use a rabbit (not a live one, ha ha) What would be good to Start out on. Do you think this would be ok.

Or if anyone cam recommend a shop I can go to (in Dublin city)

heavyheart

kayos wrote: »

Woman pleasure thyself! If you think your dont have a G-Spot you really have not looked very hard for it.

Advice
1) Buy a vibe
2) Stock up on the right type of batteries
3) Stock up on lube
4) Kick your husband out of the house and lock the door. Send him to the pub for the night. This is time for you to find out about your body.
5) Find what gives you pleasure, if at first you dont find anything try again.
6) Repeat steps 2 to 5 until you know what works for you.
7) Sit down and till your husband exactly what you do and dont like. He will be more than happy to do anything to pleasure you.

Or just google yoni massage and try that if you want your partner to explore with you.

+ 1 million !

You absolutely HAVE to find out what you like yourself first before you can expect to feel it from someone else ...
Lock yourself in the bed room and get exploring with a vib etc .. trust me , you wont regret it

Sherifu

anony mouse wrote: »

Sherifu, I have tried nothing really.

Think I found part of your problem.

Sam Vimes

anony mouse wrote: »

Sam Vimes, No not sure where its supposed to be! never looked.

http://ezinearticles.com/?G-Spot---Techniques-To-Find-It-and-Please-Your-Partner&id=159077

anony mouse

Hi Sam Vimes,

Thanks for the link, as I am in work now I better not click on it, don't want to get called up, having to explain that! I will have a look at that at home.

Oh, and to the rest of you, thanks very much for your replies so far.

thanks anony mouse

smash

sounds like a troll... if you're not then just go to Ann Summers, everyone knows where it is. pick up a book to educate yourself a bit more and get a toy!

Beruthiel

replytopost wrote: »

Never had an orgasm, wow. I suggest you indulge in some masturbation. If you cant get yourself off how is anyone else going to manage ? Focus on the clitoris!

Start there OP. Do it alone until you are comfortable.
Have you tried oral sex?

anony mouse

Steve 06. I am not a troll, why would you think that. Read the posting guidelines on this forum before you go accusing anyone of anything!!!

Beruthiel, Tried it once, was nervous so could not enjoy it tbh. I want to get to grips with things myself before I go down that road. I might be more confident then.

kayos

anony mouse wrote: »

Kayos, I think a trip to Ann Sumers or somewhere like that is what I will need to do.
Someone else PM'd me and said they use a rabbit (not a live one, ha ha) What would be good to Start out on. Do you think this would be ok.

A trip to Ann Summers, any sex shop or just do it from the comfort of your own home online. But be careful 10000000001 different vibes/dildos and all vary in size, function, speed etc. Start off small and see how it goes. Hell start off with your hand tonight if you can.

Once you know what you like get hubby to join in, if he gets it wrong tell him, if he gets it right tell him, if he does something that gives you any pleasure that you didnt know about tell him. Us men sometimes need directions and you know how we never like asking for them .

Reku

anony mouse wrote: »

Beruthiel, Tried it once, was nervous so could not enjoy it tbh. I want to get to grips with things myself before I go down that road. I might be more confident then.

This is clearly a problem as for women climaxing requires reaching a state of relaxation and allowing themselves to climax, if you're too uptight and wound up about it it won't happen, same if you are too focussed on achieving it so when you do get your exploratory gear just focus on what feels nice. If it puts you over the edge so much the better but if not at least it's something you can tell the OH you like.

anony mouse

Hey Farohar, I think you have hit the nail on the head there. I think I am now worrying why it's not happening or thinking, I don't want to do this. So I guess that is not such a good frame of mind to be in.

Kayos, PMSL at not asking for directions.... so true!

I reckon Ann summers would be the place to go, as it's probably more mainstream than the more specialised shops.

Oh, I've mentioned Ann Summers so many times at this stage... I don't have any affiliation to them btw

Marksie

Before toys, before self pleasuring, before even getting an idea of your genital roadmap.... comes the basic that you are confoartable with yourself and with your body and with your sexuality.

If you are those then you can self explore: i would not juts concentrate on the genitals but on the whole body if i were you. begin to learn your own ecstatic potential.
Then begin to look at your genital response, the clitoris of course but all the other external features of your genitals, the sensations and feelings of different types of touching and stroking.
I woudl also advice using your fingers, they are more sensitive, controllable and tactile than a vibrator. thus they can be used to explore speeds and pressures and very very minute shifts in location.
PLUS.. when you have that, your husband can use his fingers..which will of course mean that he gets the feeling that it is him as alover that is helping, and not a piece of plastic with batteries in that is the cause.

It will aslo help you both get more comfoartable.
Now as for this elusive g-spot, well believe it or now you can hit it at one time and its rio de ganero on mardigras night and a few hours later, Salt lake city on a sunday night.

But as for its location..having wporked to a knowledge of your extrenals, slide a finger in and about 1.5cm on the top wall of teh vagina is a slight roughened patch. thats it.
Stroke gently ane experiment but the best is a gentle come hither gesture with one or more fingers

vandermeyde

I wouldn't worry too much about Ann Summer's for now op...

you're mid-thirties, have never masturbated, only done the oral thing once, never orgasmed and have an unsatisfactory sex-life.

You need to learn to crawl before you can walk.

Leave the sextoys for now and just concentrate on getting comfortable with yourself, sex is as much mental as it is physical, learn to relax, touch yourself, be aware of your bodies reactions to touch, try and get to a position where you're absolutely comfortable with that.

then I'd suggest doing the same thing again but this time let your husband do the touching, you'll be in a position to guide him then as to what works and what doesn't. If you make it sensual and erotic it'll drive him wild.

Or...what Marksie said

She Devil

I never orgasm ed til i got my vibrator!
I'd suggest to you get one ... a small one ... and concentrate on your clitoris yourself ... do it while nobody is around .. you don't know what you are missing hun .. but i can totally emphasise with you. Us ladies are a lot harder to please!

anony mouse

Hi She Devil, thanks for the reply, it's good to know I am not alone!

Damomayo

trying to hard to achieve an orgasm is only putting more pressure on gettin a result. The main thing is to enjoy urself and experiment till u find what you/ye enjoy
IMO gels in Boots are great fun specially "tingle" and are easy to use rather than going straight for "top of the range" delux rabbit

have fun

Oryx

Hi anony mouse. All the best advice has already been given here, I second all thats been said about learning what you like, both with a vibe and without one. When buying a vibe, go for something simple, not a huge big pulsing thing that might only intimidate you! Youll most likely use it externally on your clit at first, and the hard shiny bullet shaped ones are good for that.Not much good internally tho, so you may end up with a collection!

Other than that, can I suggest that if you dont already, then get comfortable being naked. Im not saying become a naturist, but get naked sometimes.:) Its a refreshing thing to do, and will teach you more and get you more familiar with the sensations of your body. It may sound daft, but if you tend to be uptight, it can help.

She Devil

No prob ...
Those gels arent really good for stimulation Damomayo .. they are great for lube but i wouldnt find them a climaxer

derek27

Perhaps your husband just doesn't have what it takes to pleasure you - in size, stamina, consideration for you, or any combination of the three above. You wouldn't know if this is necessarily the case, as you've only ever been with him. Ask a lot of men "How do you give a woman an orgasm?", and a lot of them would reply, "Who cares?"... once they get their five minutes they don't care about their partner... this attitude can develop when the woman involved doesn't appear to be enjoying sex, and indeed, when they don't encourage their partner to be more adventurous or to last longer.

You can give yourself an orgasm through masturbation as many people have already pointed out to you in this thread, so that's probably the best place for you to start. Once you know what an orgasm does for you, in future when making love with your husband, you will react wildly when orgasm is approaching, and this in turn will encourage him to intensify the lovemaking, and both of you will enjoy it a whole lot more.

Pat McGhee

OP, there's hope. I turn 32 this year, last year was the first time a partner was able to bring me to orgasm & since the flood gates have been opened (pardon the pun ), I haven't stopped orgasming. On average, 80% of sessions will result in me having an orgasm.

What Kayos listed earlier is fantastic advice - get to know yourself AND your body. Don't focus on having an orgasm but focus on what feels good, I promise that the orgasm will happen naturally. Experiment every which way possible & let your imagination run wild - nothing is wrong or taboo in your own head.

Best of luck!!

smash

anony mouse wrote: »

Steve 06. I am not a troll, why would you think that. Read the posting guidelines on this forum before you go accusing anyone of anything!!!

Beruthiel, Tried it once, was nervous so could not enjoy it tbh. I want to get to grips with things myself before I go down that road. I might be more confident then.

Sorry I just find it hard that these days someone can be so uneducated about their own body. Didn't mean to offend!

Marksie

derek27 wrote: »

, you will react wildly when orgasm is approaching, .

The orgasmic and ectstaic response is as wide and varied as women are themselves.
to say that wild reaction is a part of it (it may very well be granted) is belying the fact that there are many types of orgasm. from the very subtle and gentle whole body, through to the electrifying and the real groundshakers

In saying that she will react wildly, you are effectively saying this and only this is the reaction you will get when approaching orgasm... simply not true

derek27 wrote: »

and this in turn will encourage him to intensify the lovemaking, and both of you will enjoy it a whole lot more.

you see, this is where it gets dodgy, if her husband doesnt see this "wild reaction" he will therefore not feel she is on orgasm.
She very well be in complete bliss and juts letting the energies play through.

Now as for the intensify part... there is a secret i will let you in on. When a woman says yes, there, thats it. There is no need for th male to intensify anything..she has given him the cues.. all that is requred is for him to do exactly what he was doing.

anony mouse

well you just did again with that sentence!!!

Marksie

anony mouse wrote: »

well you just did again with that sentence!!!

? i am sorry could you qualify this, it makes no sense in context of whats being said

anony mouse

that was for steve06. (forgot to use Quote) It's sorted now though.

Damomayo

She Devil wrote: »

Those gels arent really good for stimulation Damomayo .. they are great for lube but i wouldnt find them a climaxer

I was saying that it should be about enjoyment and having fun ...... more likly to get the result if she's enjoying herself, or it might happen naturally while having fun.
(sorry if I'm talkin about u as though u were an object anon mouse)

LegacyUser

even no orgasm from masturbation?OP,that sound like a news to me.

start from there,ask your friend (female)about masturbation .see how's thing goes.

anony mouse

Damomayo wrote: »

(sorry if I'm talkin about u as though u were an object anon mouse)

Thats grand Damomayo, I know what you mean!

StormWarrior

Count yoursef lucky. My libido is so out of control it is driving me to distraction.

UnregGirl

OP I can understand a bit of where you are coming from. Due to stuff that I went through in the past, I never really felt comfortable with exploring my own body like that. Still don't. I don't have trouble having an orgasm, but a lot of the time its through things my partner does other than penetration. I sort of go through phases where i can and can't through penetration, and i think its because they say the largest female sexual organ is the brain, and unless you're 100% relaxed and tuned in, it just won't happen. I too found myself stressing out over whether it would happen or not halfway through sex, and this is a surefire way for it not to happen!

One thing i'd recommend is this little clit stimulator thingy you can get in Ann Summers. Its a rubber band that the guy wears, with a little bullet shaped thing on top, this particular one has tiny soft rubber spikes, which vibrates and therefore stimulates the clitoris, which don't forget has over 8,000 nerve endings in itself, so there's a lot of pleasure to be got there! This little thing can also be used by yourself, its totally external, so i think its probably a little less daunting than the thoughts of using a vibrator to start off. Also, I prefer it, as its something that can be used together. Doesnt have to be everytime you have sex, but it definitly adds a little something to sex/foreplay or both.
Hope this helps.

LegacyUser

http://www.greatsexgames.com/podcast/

Listen to some of their earlier episodes...