Moody Cow

LegacyUser

Hi guys,
Just need some practical advice – I need to change my attitude, how is the best way to go about it? I'm quite moody, and it's v. obvious to other people when I get in a bad mood. I want to be able to shake off comments that (at the moment) affect me and get me in a bad mood. I want to be able to control being in a bad mood after a bad day at work (sometimes allowed!!) as I think I should be able to "shake it off" when I get home and have a nice evening with the bf. (he gets the brunt of it)

Basically I react too much; I hope that makes sense to some of you. Banter or jokes can easily turn on my poor bf depending on how I react. How can I control this (take deep breaths, take a few seconds to calm down, talk myself out of a bad mood e.g. realise it isn't that bad/shouldn't affect my life etc). Basically I can list "things to do" but the problem is when I am reacting (bad mood or anger) then these things don't work! Anybody the same? Any tips to help?

I'm not a crazy or anything, and I realise that sometimes I'm allowed a bad mood, but some of my bad moods are for stupid reasons/too much based on the initial problem.

Miss Fluff

You should think about taking up yoga.

Oryx

You recognise the pattern in your behaviour, and thats the biggest part of the battle. Do you think that you are affected because the comments you refer to hit you where it hurts? Are people unwittingly mentioning stuff you feel insecure about? If thats the case, then think of those things, and work out why they are such issues for you. Understanding your own thoughts and feelings is key to getting a handle on how you react to the comments of others.

Short term though, if you know you are becoming moody, find things that you know lift it, and do them. I dont know what your interests are, but you do, whether its a square of chocolate, some music, exercise, or a hug from your other half. If you feel like going off at him for something thats not his fault, just get yourself away from him for a bit, walk it off or something. (but be sure not to take that walk with grinding teeth, making yourself even more wound up.:))

And the breathing techniques of yoga are a good relaxation technique, as suggested.

LegacyUser

I'd say find a default way to distract yourself so you forget what you were angry about until the anger dissapates. Some people have meditative mantras (ie just repeating the samething over and over so it blocks out everything in your brain).

Personally, I have two approaches - I have a couple default daydreams (ie go to your happy place!) that I'll just snap into to take myself out of the moment for a little bit (and I'd say the more out there the better - be relaxing on the beach with martinis being brought over, or designing an awesome mansion, or fighting a dragon if you'd like).

Or I'll play video games or online games for a little bit and get immersed enough to forget about it.

I've never found breathing/talking myself out of it/etc to work - since I'm basically still thinking about it. Pushing it out of your mind for the moment works the best for me.

Eviledna

You could look into Cognative Behaviour Therapy, it is excellent when you need to change your attitude to something but have failed a few times in the trying. If you can't afford the therapy there may be some good books out there, search this site for similar posts.

I would suggest that you think about how you came to the conclusion that you are "moody".Is someone in your life constantly pointing it out? Do you have trouble keeping anger at bay? Sometimes these things are indicative of sheer unhappiness, and aren't necessarily an attitude problem. Again, have a look at your life and really think about what you do that makes you comfortable, relaxed. Are there situations where this moodiness never arises? Is there a pattern to your outbursts? Are you happy in your job, your relationship, your home? If you are anxious all the time and rarely relax, it is easy to be moody and over-react to things.

Also (assuming you are female) have you considered possible hormonal contributors? Are you on the pill? It could be having a negative effect on your stability, a side-effect that is often spoken about on boards like this but not ever mentioned in doctors offices!

I really recommend that you approach this problem holistically. Usually if a person is constantly moody, there is an underlying cause, and it is rarely an "attitude problem".

Best of luck!:)

neuro-praxis

It sounds to me like you might be angry about something else, something deep down, and this makes you angry a lot during the day.

It might be worth thinking about.

AARRRGH

Girls normally internalise things. Taking out your moods on others is unhealthy and nasty.

Get therapy and sort out your problems.

LegacyUser

As you can see from some responses, it's not only you that gets moody and takes it out on others!!

LegacyUser

Thanks for the help guys. Dublindude, not so much!

Eviledna, I think you've picked up on a few things, I'm in the process of changing jobs at the mo, currently not going anywhere/unhappy with my job. So one thing is going to change.

I've also been wondering about the pill (yep I'm on it) so have changed the brand recently, don't particularly want to come off it altogether, but it might come to that.

cafecolour I'm going to try your method of remembering nice things the next time something gets to me, see how it goes.

KtK - you get it! The whole "relax, deep breaths" just gives me time to get more and more affected by whatever set off the mood in the first place! I have realised that 1 or 2 issues are due to my insecurities (mainly relationship) so thats being worked on too! (damn I've a lot of work to do!)

Miss Fluff, just joined a yoga class on Monday!

Thanks everyone