25 ways to impress a girl

sharkman

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say 'could be better' this
will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness
(or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she
cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you
are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over.
Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If
she is say 'you better be' , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning.
This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be
her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement,
and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when
she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because
jewellery is for p* ssy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When
she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words f** k you and grab the
other girls a*s e. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning
tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding
and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her
home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like
that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear '...because I
can.

9. Introduce her to your friends as 'some chick'. Women love those
special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket...
then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say 'if you
don't stop b*tch ing about the cold right now you're going to be
b*tchi ng about a black eye.' The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the
bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the
party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at
the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.
Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't
girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10
minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home
and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.


16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her
self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep
down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes,
earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the
pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt
and say 'No she's not hungry'. Make her watch you eat. Girls love a
guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a
spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell
on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm
talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her
no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her
material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is
that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present
she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just
whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know
she's coming over on a bin day ,leave the bin open and have the
present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like
this one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This
will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call
you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really
excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny

Don1

26. zzzziiiiip :cool:

Cathmandooo

Don1 wrote: »

26. zzzziiiiip :cool:

LOL

Jesus Wept

sharkman wrote: »

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When
she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words f** k you and grab the
other girls a*s e. Girls love competition.

Don1 wrote: »

26. zzzziiiiip

Cathooo wrote: »

LOL

:pac:

DJ_Spider

27. wear the t-shirt that says 'it aint gonna suck itself'

AlmightyCushion

26. Forward this email on to her.

trout

AlmightyCushion wrote: »

26. Forward this email on to her.

27. Forward this email to her, and say "Oh dear. Can you believe some people would find this funny ? It's a shocking indictment of juvenile hostility, bordering on misogyny ... for shame"

AlmightyCushion

trout wrote: »

27. Forward this email to her, and say "Oh dear. Can you believe some people would find this funny ? It's a shocking indictment of juvenile hostility, bordering on misogyny ... for shame"

Then go up and give her a pat on the arse and tell her to go make you a cup of tea and a fry up.

arybvtcw0eolkf

I thought the thread was about my 25inch's of lady pleasure!.

HAPPYGIRL

Mairt wrote: »

I thought the thread was about my 25inch's of lady pleasure!.

You forgot to put the decimal point between the 2 and the 5!

The Hill Billy

HAPPYGIRL wrote: »

You forgot to put the decimal point between the 2 and the 5!

Zing!

arybvtcw0eolkf

HAPPYGIRL wrote: »

You forgot to put the decimal point between the 2 and the 5!

Your thinking of my 2.5ltrs of juice :pac:

Don1

Which flavour Mairt?!

Rule No. 28
Disregard all of the above nonsense. You are a man and therefore all wimmins are naturally impressed.

DublinWriter

Rule 29....don't projectile vomit on her in public, repeat, do not projectile vomit on her in public.

trout

I say hurl. If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours.
If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be :rolleyes:

Jesus Wept

^ ^ ^

Live in the now!

LadyJ

sharkman wrote: »

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say 'could be better' this
will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

I once went out with someone who told me that I should never ask him how I look because, if I looked any better than usual, he'd tell me. Made me wet anyway!

Zaph

LadyJ wrote: »

I once went out with someone who told me that I should never ask him how I look because, if I looked any better than usual, he'd tell me. Made me wet anyway!

You peed yourself laughing?

LadyJ

No because it turned me on...

trout

LadyJ wrote: »

I once went out with someone who told me that I should never ask him how I look because, if I looked any better than usual, he'd tell me. Made me wet anyway!

:eek:

AlmightyCushion

LadyJ wrote: »

No because it turned me on...

What did? Pissing yourself?

:pac:

LadyJ

Yeah, but it was the crap that followed through after the pissing that really did it for me.

Havermeyer

I once went out with someone who told me that I should never ask him how I look because, if I looked any better than usual, he'd tell me. Made me wet anyway!

:eek:

I thought the reason you shouldn't over compliment your woman/girlfriend at certain times is because they would just come back at you with a reply like "what's wrong with the way I usually look?"

Double edged sword imo.

My advice. Either always or never compliment them.

Gary ITR

If I compliment my oh she just retorts with 'yea, and the state of you, you fat pig'

minidazzler

Deleted User wrote: »

Rule No. 28
Disregard all of the above nonsense. You are a man and therefore all wimmins are naturally impressed.

That is very true. I mean like we can pee standing up. We rule!!!!

I was actually out shooting the other Day and nature called and considering there were no Jackes for miles I decided on a nice Gorse bush.(She slapped me!!!) But really I was doing what we do and a buddy (Female and Sergeant[reserves]) shouted over "I know what your doin'" so I shouted back "Can't a dude have a nice Peaceful **** without people giving out?"

She gave me a long look and I couldnt finish the um...