Girlfriends depression issues.

Irishcrx

Hi guy's,

Just wanted to get some advice on what to do about my girlfriend cause I really have run out of idea's, she's been suffering from depression and differant issues for a while but she is too stubburn to accept any help, her anger gets lashed back at me all the time and I try me best but am on edge now, Saturday night she showed me her wrists and she's been cutting them for the past few weeks. I went a bit A-wall about this trying to tell her how dangerous this was, she said she does it to "Take away the pain" now I've never done this so I don't know but I don't think that's the answer, I've asked her loads of time to get help but she just disagree's with everything I say, I even said I'd go with her for support.

Last night she was saying she hates her body and wants to but on weight and was asking me how to, I told her she looks great the way she is and didn't know why she wanted to get fat, so I gave her a program to gain some weight but again she wouldn't take my advice and started disagreeing , when she drinks she can get out of hand aswell. She woke me up the other night and started a full blown arguement with me that woke the whole house up and got out of hand I ended up having to go sleep in the car to get away from it and explain to all my housemates. I dunno what to do anymore how can I help someone that won't take it, my head is melted with it. I'm 21 and she's 20 btw.

Burnt Toast

Isn't it obvious? Leave her.. she's a weirdo.

Neo#

Wow thats a bit harsh! Thats a really difficult situation. Youre just going to have to keep trying to make her get help. Every time she stars an argument you have to tell her its unacceptable. If after some time she keeps making your life a misery you have to leave her I think.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Ignore gob****e above (Burtn toast or whatever) for a start.

My advice would be to suggest going to counselling together. Maybe she'll be less hostile if you're theer with her? And it wounds like you could use a professional ear to help you cope with the situation, or how to deal with her when she's bad.

Good luck with it, anyway.

Keano

Burnt Toast wrote: »

Isn't it obvious? Leave her.. she's a weirdo.

A bit OTT ^^

Perhaps the OP should sit down and explain to her that she needs help and he will support her but if she can't do that then he really needs to think long and hard about whether she is the one for him

babyguinnessfan

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend - she sounds like a very unhappy girl. I have suffered with depression and know I drove my then boyfriend mad with it - mostly I think because he did not know what was happening or how to handle it.

Your girlfriend HAS HAS HAS to go and see firstly her GP and then a counsellor (her GP can refer if necessary). She showed you that she is harming herself and as cliched as it may sound, it really is a cry for help. She can't help herself being angry at you and at herself for absolutely anything and everything. You brain does not function normally when you are in the depths of depression!

If you feel you can, I would suggest making an appointment with her GP and then try driving her there despite the inevitable protests. I'm not saying drag her into the car or anything! but tell her that the ONLY way she is going to feel any better is to first go and get some medical help and that you are going to help her do that.

A book that I found great is Dr. Tony Bates, Coping with Depression (available from Easons I think?). It is good for people around the person who is depressed to understand depression and fantastic for the person who is depressed. Maybe buy that for her if she wont go to the doctor and try again a little later?

I wish you both the best of luck.

Burnt Toast

There's about 5 girls telling a poster to dump her boyfriend because he's over jealous and you people don't think this chick is nuts? Do you think a girl would stay with a guy if he was pulling this stuff?

I'm sorry, but if my girlfriend was needy, attention seeking and started arguments for no reason.. she'd be out the door.

You've tried to help her, she wants none of it..

dudara

Burnt Toast Consider yourself warned. Please post helpfully.

Elessar

^ I agree. Her problems are not your responsibility. There are many other girls out there who would make you feel happy and not sh*t like this girl, and make it acceptable because of her "problems". I would get out of there asap OP.

If she wont listen to you she wont listen to anyone. Tell her parents anyway about her suicidal/cutting behaviour and then look after yourself.

Burnt Toast

Tell her either she seeks help (with your support) or she's out the door. Thats my helpful advice.

Irishcrx

Well I've asked her plenty of times and offered to go etc but she tells me she's fine and the cutting helps her and won't talk to anyone about it, I've broken up with her before when I couldn't takle it but she begged and begged me for another chance and it went grand for a week and then back to normal, the reason I haven't ran is because I do love the person that went missing a year ago I just don't know if she's ever coming back and it really is starting to get to me, I have to trip on egg shells even about what I speak to her about in case i say the wrong thing and set her off...I don't even know if it's love or pitty I feel anymore I know if I left her it would crush her.

redfacedbear

While I wouldn't put it as bluntly as Burnt Toast, I think exiting the relationship is something you are going to have to consider.

Depression is a horrible horrible disease and if you decide to stick with your gf through this you are going to be on a long hard road (speaking from personal experience). Some people are able for it others are not, some people will think the relationship is worth the hard work others won't. Do not think badly of yourself if you decide you cannot go through this. It is something you have to weigh up yourself.

Having said all that, the situation cannot continue as it is. Your girlfriend needs to see that she needs help and takes at least the first steps towards getting better. If you cannot get through to her on your own then you have to seek help from her loved ones - parents, friends, siblings. She is self-harming, I would suggest that you do not delay in getting this help.

LegacyUser

My girlfriend has been suffering from it for a couple of years now and i dont think i can handle it much longer. Like she has gotten help..seeing psychiatrists and counsellors, shes had spells staying in St Vincents..but it doesnt seem to have done much for her. Ive met her doctor and he said to give the antidepressants a chance to kick in properly and she will get over this.
She had a bad childhood and i feel sorry for her about that but its so hard to live with somebody with such an illness. Like at times she seems grand but there will be days when she just wont leave the house or want to do anything and if we have a few drinks there is guaranteed to be a row...she just turns into this mentalist and goes off the nut. She has changed dramatically as a person since when we first started goin out years ago.

I feel that maybe if we werent together she cud sort herself out and be happy again.

OP ye have to get her to talk to a doctor about this..her GP wil point her in the right direction.

Wagon

Burnt Toast wrote: »

Isn't it obvious? Leave her.. she's a weirdo.

I can see where your coming from actually. Have a family member who's the same, needs help and won't take it. You help them and they laugh at you and when you don't they go mad, but that doesn't seem to be quite the case here.

OP your girlfriend seems nice but very mixed up and needs a kick up the hole to help her realise what's going on. She's depending on all these things she's doing and thinks she needs them to keep going, much like an alcoholic or a drug addict. It should be treated the same and sadly (as you already know) she must want to change in the first place. Have you told her family this stuff? Are there any friends she has you can ask for help? You'll have to tell her straight out that you can't take living with someone like her and you'll break up with her if she continues. Tell her it isn't fair on you either. Talk to your doctor about advice on looking after a sufferer of self harm etc... If she starts another argument with her, walk out and come back a while later when she's calmed down. Sorry I couldn't really say anything useful but I wish you both luck and hope this works out.

Irishcrx

It's no use talking to her family, Dad is seperated and doesn't pay any attention and her Mam is an alcholic and is probably at the root of her problems, I see the same type of behavier in her Mam as in her at times, I don't want to be mean but I grew up with my Mam drinking and fighting and it's the last thing I want in a long term girlfriend, she has friends but not many outside my mates and she'll only talk to me and says it's up to me to do this that and the other and make her happy.

r3nu4l

Irishcrx wrote: »

...and says it's up to me to do this that and the other and make her happy.

Obviously, you know this isn't true, it doesn't matter what you do, she will never be properly happy without some help. Unfortunately, she seems stuck in a pattern of self-destructive behaviour and her behaviour in the relationship towards you is a part of that.

She needs to understand that the problems are hers and that the only way to really deal with them is to tackle them head on. Convincing someone with depression to seek help is very, very difficult. However, you need to appeal to the part of her that wants to be helped. Ask her if she would rather temporary relief of the pain through cutting herself or a full release and freedom to live her life properly without cutting herself.

Don't facilitate her self-punishment by entering into arguments with her. I guarantee that if you sit back and react casually and without anger, agression or other emotion, she will keep attempting to escalate the situation. Don't give in, refuse to be drawn.

Keep coming back to her and asking if she really wants to be happy or if she wants to live in her pain-filled world eternally. Get some leaflets on depression from your GP or Aware. Read them with her or just give them to her and say, "your choice, stay trapped in depression, or help yourself, I'll be with you and it will get better!".

Above all, keep telling her that things will get better and the more she deals with each issue, the better things will get. Pills won't solve the deep-seated issues she has but talking might and anti-depressants can help alleviate things slightly at the same time.

Good luck.

Deadevil129

I think there's a certain point where you have to decide for your own sake that you can't help somebody anymore. It's up to you when you reach that point.

Depression does awful things to a person, you don't need me to tell you that, you're witnessing it first hand. Self harm is just as complex an issue and your girlfriend really seems to be on the war path with herself at the moment. Bear in mind she's out to get herself, not you. This is why she's self harming, possibly embarking on an unhealthy relationship with food and picking fights.

I'm actually scrabbeling out of a bout of depression at the moment. I also tended to pick fights with my poor boyfriend, out of nothing really, I was just dying to provoke a reaction. On that note, I also completely refused any sort of help. I couldn't honestly tell you why I was doing it, I came up with every excuse under the sun everytime my boyfriend suggested a trip to the GP. Now that I'm feeling a little better I can see I was only running around in circles with myself, I needed professional help quite badly. My bf is under strict instructions next time I start faffing around about not seeing a doctor to drag me kicking and screaming if needs be.

You're girlfriend needs to see a doctor, I don't know how you'll get her there, but you need to for her own sake. I don't know why she hasn't gone already, she might be afraid of being fobbed off with medication and nothing else, I know a few people that that's happened to. Or maybe she's just stubborn and thinks she can handle it herself. It might be a good idea for her to give drink a miss as well. When I drink, I'm a disaster zone, even one or two in a night will have me crying a few hours later. Now that I've been off it for a good while I'm a lot more positive, much less erratic and I've stopped calling my boyfriend in the middle of the night telling him what an asshole he is. Now that I'm feeling better, I'm allowing myself the odd drink when I'm in good spirits, and so far so good.

Best of luck with whatever you choose to do OP